WARNING: Taiora hints, Angst, Sadness, and fluff. There is no plot to this whatsoever… I think… (Sorry in advance for the quality of this fic…) I wouldn't read this if you were depressed cuz it kinda makes you think of how shitty your life can be… Oh yeah there's a bit of swearing too.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon. If I did, a lot of characters would die and there would be numerous love triangles, lots of angst and a lot more Yamato! But since there's really none of that, I don't own Digimon… My time will come… I swear it…
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whenever it's in italics that's Sora thinking to herself okay? Don't get confused and stuff and flame me for that . And the * * * Is some time passing, as in when I'm to lazy to type in the details of what's happening. Well that's about it. Read my fic okay? Even crappy fic's deserve to be read…
Dear Diary
Today was the worst day of my life… I can't believe I thought my friends actually liked me… God I'm an idiot…
They don't understand how much it actually hurts… I guess I don't show them much either…
I… I just feel so ignored… And it hurts…
Lots of girls think I'm lucky, for being such good friends with Taichi and Yamato…
But that's all I am, a friend… I'm to ugly to get a boyfriend…
Taichi said something to me today that made me think … He told me he was glad he had someone like me to talk to, someone that understood him like 'one of the guys'… I guess that's all they think of me as… One of the guys, not a girl… Not anything but someone to lay all your problems on… I have enough problems, I don't need everyone else's…
That's all I have to say right now, I'll write more later.
Love Sora
Sora closed her diary before the tears threatening to come could hit the pages, staining them with even more of her pain.
That really is all they see me as… Someone to lay all their problems on… No more… than that…
Sora shut her eyes tight to stop the hot tears trying escape her crimson eyes from streaming down her pale face. It took all that she had in here to hold them in, but slowly the feeling passed away, allowing her to reopen her eyes and lay them upon her diary. She reached out and picked up the precious book, running her hand across the blue cover. So many of her thoughts and feelings where written down in that book. She thought she might die if anyone ever read it. Sora walked over to her dresser and placed the diary under some clothes, so her mother wouldn't find it. Sora lifted her head, only to be greeted with a reflection of herself staring right back at her. Slowly she brought a hand to her face, touching her cheek lightly and letting her hand linger there for a few moments, before letting it drop back to her side. One thought crept to her mind, planting itself in her brain so it was the centre of her thoughts.
Oh god I'm ugly…
Her mind drifted from that thought to another.
And I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend… and Mimi always does… and when she doesn't, every guy is all over her…
Sora didn't even bother to stop the hot tears from streaming down her cheeks. The only ting Sora was glad of in the world right now was the fact that she was home alone. She didn't want her mother to get herself involved with this. Sora walked over to her bed and let herself fall onto the soft mess of blankets.
"What's wrong with me? Why do I have to live with this everyday…" Sora buried her face in her pillow and silently sobbed herself to sleep. The door slamming and the sudden thumping of footsteps coming closer towards her room awakened her.
"SORA!" Sora quickly lifted her head from her pillow and rubbed her eyes, sitting up to face the angry woman that burst through her door.
"Mm hmm?" Sora murmured, still not really awake.
"DO NOT 'MM HMM ME! WHERE WERE YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE FLOWER SHOP AN HOUR AGO!" Sora sat up straight and looked at the clock. 8:00. She must have been sleeping for a couple of hours…
"I'm sorry… I must have fallen asleep…"
Oh goody here it comes…
"Well sorry isn't good enough this time. Do you realize how much I need your help? DO YOU? Sora you know better! YOU KNOW BETTER…" Sora mentally blocked her mother's long lecture out. "YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Whoa. That caught her attention.
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me, you are grounded for the rest of the week. No T.V., no music, no friends and most importantly, no tennis!"
But if I miss one more practice…
"I can't miss tennis Mama! I really can't! The coach will kick me off if I miss one more-"
"JUST SHUTUP ALREADY! I AM SICK OF YOUR COMPLAINING! DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT OUR FAMILY? DO YOU NOT WANT TO HELP MAKE A LIVING? YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH SORA-"
Oh god how I'm sick of listening to her bitching. I think I'll black her out again… la la la la la…
"HOW DID I RAISE SUCH A CHILD? GET OUT SORA, GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" Sora's mother crossed her arms, giving her a superior look, and stared down at Sora, as if expecting a great big reaction to let her know that she had won.
"Fine. I don't want to stay with someone who can't understand me anyways." Mrs. Takenouchi looked somewhat shocked as Sora merely stood up and left the small room to who knows where. She turned and looked out the window to see an incredibly calm Sora walking down the street. Mrs. Takenouchi crumpled onto the floor beneath her into a sobbing heap.
"Oh god Sora… Why can't you understand me…"
* * *
Sora wandered down a catwalk and into the park, to deep in thought to notice anyone else.
Why does she do this to me? As if I need anything else going wrong in my f*cked up life… Yeesh… Maybe she's just ashamed of having such an ugly daughter… Even if that's it… She still doesn't need to treat me the way she does…
"SORA! HEY SORA!" The loud yell of a certain brunette's voice shook her from her thoughts. Sora turned around to see a smiling Taichi running up behind her.
Oh great… Here comes MORE good news… I bet he's just here to tell me everything wrong with him so that I'll solve their problems or tell me how hot his new girlfriend is… Like I care… Why doesn't he know how much he hurts me?
Sora plastered a very fake smile on her face to favour her 'friend' with. Taichi returned the smile, only wholeheartedly.
"Hey Taichi… What's up?" Sora started walking faster, Taichi just caught up though.
"Nothin' much, just saw ya and wondered if you were comin' to Yamato's concert tonight." He said, ever-quickening his pace to keep up with Sora's.
Why can't he just leave me alone?
"I don't know if I can… My mom's being a bitch and she probably won't let me." Taichi's face seemed to fall.
"Aw… Come on, we REALLY want you to come Sora… I bet I could convince your mom for you…" Sora stopped for a moment, and thought of the fight she and her mom had just had… She glanced at Taichi's hopeful expression and quickly changed her mind.
I can't go back to that hellhole…
"I… I'll go… What time is it at?" Taichi smiled brightly.
"It's at 9:00." Sora glanced at her watch… It was 8:45.
"That's in fifteen minutes Taichi…" Taichi smacked his forehead.
"Shit! I was supposed to help Yamato set up! Come on lets go now."
He grabbed Sora's arm and started running towards the school, where Yamato usually held his small concerts.
Now he's going to expect me to help…
Taichi literally dragged Sora down the hallways of the school, the ones near the Gym already crowded with girls, all just waiting to see the 'famous' Yamato… After about pushing their way through all those girls, Sora and Taichi made it into the gym, hardly in one piece. Sora leaned against a wall and waited for Yamato to appear. A sudden burst of smoke at her side sent her jumping back. From that came a grinning Yamato.
"Pretty cool huh?"
"Don't scare me like that!" Yamato laughed.
"Ha ha, sorry. Didn't think you'd show up, you don't usually." Sora stared at her feet.
"Yea well stuff happened and I decided to come."
Don't let him ask me…
"What kinda stuff?"
What kinda stuff…
"I just decided to come alright?"
"Whoa, okay, just asking."
Yeesh, now HE won't get off my back…
"Okay…"
"Well anyways, I saved ya a seat just in case. You get front row with Taichi, good enough for you?"
I don't deserve to die in front of a guy. Why should I get a front row seat, I'm sure he's just buying me off or something… I mean there are TONS of pretty girls he could have gushing over him during the concert…
"Sure, thanks." Yamato grinned.
"No problem, now if you don't mind, I've got to go yell at Taichi." Yamato proceeded to walk off to find Taichi, who had run off and hidden somewhere…
Sora sat in her seat in the front row, and (after a few muffled screams backstage, and some loud thumps) Yamato let the mob in. The gym proceeded to fill with girls, all of them giggling and squealing over how adorable Yamato was. Taichi sat down beside Sora in the front row. Some girl leaned over to talk to Taichi.
"Hey cutie, How about you get your friend to switch seats with me so we can watch the concert together huh?" She batted her eyelashes and Taichi sweat dropped.
"Uh, no thanks, I like where I am and stuff and…"
Why isn't he accepting her offer, I'm sure he'd love to get away from me as soon as he can… Maybe Yamato made him sit next to me to pay for Taichi coming late… That's got to be it…
"Oh come on, please?" She leaned closer to Taichi, he simply pushed her away.
"No! Now leave me alone! Yeesh…" He ignored the now pouting girl and turned to face the stage again. Sora sighed and Taichi looked over at her.
"Sora is something wrong? You don't seem yourself lately…"
Does it really show that much?
"No Taichi, I'm fine."
"Okay…" Sora leaned back in her chair, letting the music carry her mind into another world…
* * *
"THANK YOU EVERYBODY AND GOODNIGHT!" Sora sighed in relief. Finally over.
Finally… Now I can get away from Taichi and Yamato and go home and…
Sora winced. How she didn't want to go home. Home. Where more of her problems where. She sat back in her seat, trying to go into deep thought again…
"Sora are you okay?" There it was. Taichi again, voicing his "concern" for Sora. Like she fell for it.
"I'm fine Taichi. Really."
"Okay…" He then walked away, to help Yamato clean up some. Sora stayed in her seat and let her mind wander again.
Great… Now what do I do… Do I go home? Home, where I'll be yelled at and cursed at? Told I'm useless, irresponsible and a horrible child? Or do I stay here… Here with Taichi and Yamato, where I'm just an object, an icon, a thing to be used… Someone to tell all your problems too so that they don't have to deal with them anymore… Where I'm totally ignored because I'm so damn ugly…
"Hey Sora, we're going out for pizza, wanna come with?" Taichi smiled at his friend, hoping she would agree and go with them. Sora suddenly felt sort of… lightened by his smile. She returned his with her own fake smile. Quickly making up her mind.
"Sure, I'd love to." Sora looked down, mentally kicking herself in the head, remembering something.
Dammit. I don't have any money, and all I'll be is ignored anyways… Why did I agree so suddenly?
Sora looked at Taichi's smiling face again. His smile tended to make Sora feel like she was somewhat floating on air.
Oh yeah… That's why… I guess he is pretty cute…
Taichi grabbed Sora's arm and pulled her up.
"Come on, it'll only be me you and Yamato."
"I… can't…" He looked confused, and his face fell.
"Why not, you just said okay a second ago…"
"I just remembered I don't have any money." Taichi's expression brightened again.
"That's okay, I'll pay!" Sora smiled, not as fake this time.
"Thanks a lot, I owe you."
* * *
"See ya guys! I'm gunna head home now!" Yamato waved and began walking away.
"Bye Yamato! See ya tomorrow!" Taichi yelled. Even his voice was beginning to make Sora weak at the knees.
Oh god I'm going to live through this torture forever… He could never like me back…
Taichi looked at his watch, and put on a disappointed expression.
"I gotta go Sora… See ya tomorrow?" He asked hopefully. Sora didn't even notice how sad her expression went. She almost felt like
she was going to cry.
No… I don't want to leave… I was… actually having somewhat of a good time… I don't want it to end so soon…
"Sora? Is something wrong?"
"No… I'm fine…"
I can't do the same thing to him that they do to me… I can't give my problems to him… I've got to figure them out for myself…
"Sora please, I know something's wrong…"
He's been asking me all night… Maybe I should tell him…
"I…"
"Yea?"
"I…"
"Sora come on, you can trust me, I swear, I won't tell a soul!"
"Taichi I… can't… can't…"
"Sora please… Please just tell me… You haven't been yourself lately, and I need to know what's wrong… Please Sora… Please tell me… It tears me up inside when I know something's wrong with one of my friends… You can trust me… I swear it Sora…" Sora looked him in the eyes and didn't know what it was… whether it was his words, his pleading, the concern in his voice, or the look that his chocolate eyes held but she it tore her stomach up, it almost got to her…
"Taichi I can't say… I… just can't…" With that Sora sat on the edge of the sidewalk and burst into tears. Taichi sat beside the sobbing girl, unaware of what was wrong and why she was crying, but still, he stayed.
"Sora… Come on… Say it… Please… Before I…" Taichi's voice cracked, and Sora looked up to see his eyes filled with tears, a few of which where streaming down his own face. He tried to desperately wipe them away before she saw but it was too late. A sudden realization hit Sora.
He's crying… for me… he doesn't know what's wrong… but he's crying for me… He… cares…
Sora only stared at him for a few moments longer before feeling the guilt and shame rush upon her. She started sobbing silently again, for a different reason.
How could I be so blind as to see that they really did care… and I just shoved them away…
"Sora… Oh god Sora what is wrong with you? Please, oh god Sora please…"
"Taichi…" Sora turned and threw her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. Taichi only hugged the crying girl back. It was the only thing he could think to do.
"Taichi… I'm sorry… Please… I'll tell you everything… I'm sorry Taichi!" Sora said between sobs. Taichi rested his head on hers.
"Don't be sorry Sora… Please… All I want is to know what's wrong… We can get through this okay? We can get through this together…" Sora looked up at him, her eyes still shining with tears. She smiled. Not her fake smile, but a real one this time. Taichi could tell, because he smiled back too. Sora pulled back form his grasp and looked him in the eye.
"Taichi… Please… Just promise me one thing before I tell you…"
"Anything."
"You'll never tell anyone… and you won't… hate me?"
"I promise Sora… I could never hate you… Ever…" Sora leaned against Taichi's shoulder… Ready to tell him everything that she had kept bottled up over the years…
Maybe things will be okay after all…
END NOTE: Okay, so I don't really include a lot of stuff about Sora's problems, as in I didn't really give examples of what happened (IE, when she thinks that Taichi and Yamato just give all their problems to her to solve them, I didn't really write anything about Yamato and Taichi telling her their problems…) And I also didn't actually say I was going to make all her problems fixed yet did I? So sue me. It's 5:00 am (Don't even ask why I'm still up) and I'm tired and I don't feel like writing anymore and stuff… I know this sucked and if you bothered reading it, it was probably just a waste of time. Anyways, I know you MUST be thinking SOMETHING, so please, REVIEW THIS!! I like reviews. Reviews are good, even if their flames (yes flame me if you must, hell why not, then I know what I need to improve on…)
Well hope ya somewhat enjoyed!
-Keewin