AN: I do not own twilight, and this is my very first Twilight fic. Very OCC. All human.
Chapter 1
The bright, neon flashes of light slipped by the window so fluidly, the world seemed like it was blurring together. Loud music blared from the speakers and the base was so heavy she could feel her thoughts suffocating. Or maybe that was just the THC seeping into her brain. Same difference. Same desired effect. Same shit. Still, this was the part of her night that she actively went out and searched for. After swallowing all of the stimulants, and downers and everything in-between, after all of the cold hands and sharp fingers stabbing and grasping at her body with painful longing, this is what made it all worth it. These sweet moments, whether minuets or hours, it never mattered. She needed the release.
Bella Swan continued to watch the lights from Seattle swirl, as the car sped on, leaving nothing but unwanted memories in their wake. Her friends didn't really have a destination, but there was something magical about driving while high off your ass. "Are you okay?" Jessica asked, throwing a mascara covered glance towards her from the front passenger seat. Unlike Bella, Jessica had tagged along more for the drugs than the ride. The obscenely attractive and tattooed boy manning the wheel was just an added bonus.
"I'm fine Jess, just zoning out." Bella replied, turning her attention back to the side window of the car."Getting a little tired though, maybe we should stop somewhere so I can get a drink." Bella met Jessica's gaze in the little mirror attached to the passenger visor, meant for submissive wives to apply their makeup as the big strong man drives.
"Sure!" Jess said enthusiastically. "I'm out of smokes too. We can get coffee. Besides I'm cutting it close to my curfew..." She trailed off, casting a meaningful look at Bella through the tiny glass, so as not to catch Tattooed-Guys' attention. Jessica wanted to ditch him. This wasn't something new. Jessica was the most popular girl at Forks High school, and she was never at a loss for something to do, or a cute boy to smoke them up and hang with until she got bored. She was infamous, mostly for things that no one would ever want to be infamous for. The tricks she pulled may have been crass, but at the end of the night they always had about 90 dollars worth of illegal substances in their systems without ever paying a dime.
"Okay. Dude, pull over up ahead." Bella said to the driver. She mixed authority with the slightest hint of bitchiness as she spoke to him and Jess blew her a kiss in the mirror.
He turned the wheel and pulled into a run down looking 7-11.
Jessica couldn't get out of the car fast enough and tottered in heels over to the entrance. Yup, Tattooed-Guy was obviously not her speed. Bella noticed the slightly hurt look on his face as he watched Jessica saunter off. Her heart stung for him, but only for a second. After all, he knew what he was getting into when he wanted to spend the night with two self proclaimed, beautiful fuck ups. He had to have seen in the swing of her hips, the curl of her hair, the provocative clothes that were meant to hide so much more than her body, that this was never going to be more than a one time event. She wouldn't even remember his name after all of the blunts she hit before she hit up him. They had slept together at some point during the party almost an hour ago, and the bubbly high Jessica felt was starting to fade. Although, apparently he thought she was attracted to something more than the beer and weed, because during the entire ride home, he had been listening to her every whim and trying to make plans for the next day.
Pathetic. How dare he want anything more from her, from the both of them? How presumptuous to think for one second, that he could understand how strange and convoluted their lives actually were, that he was worthy of knowing anything else about them besides the fact that they were barely legal and nice to look at? Because he cared? Because he saw something more? Bella knew he couldn't feel as much as he wanted to believe he did.
They were not damsels in distress. They were not looking for Prince Charming, or even sympathy. They were the rulers of their own little section in hell, and dictated how everyone else s self-inflicted torture went down. They were like the thorns on a rose stem, needing to be properly pruned in order to view a pretty flower. Only they weren't. They were like two fucking briar patches, full of nothing but twisting vines and sharp pricks. But that was fine. After all, what are thorns? They are a self-defense mechanism, used by plants to keep from getting hurt. They may have not been plants, but they had too much to lose, not enough left, to risk anyone seeing anything except poison thorns.
Inside the brightly lit gas station, Bella could feel the high starting to seep out of her system. "Jess, I actually am kind of tired. I better go home. Ask him to drop me off?" She called as she scanned the aisles looking for an energy drink. "Really? But it's still early!" Jessica pouted as she watched Bella peruse drinks. Jess hardly ever ate or drank anything. She mostly sustained herself off of pills and liquor, which made her look rock-star thin. Bella chose caffeine and nicotine, as walking around trashed 24/7, appealing as it was, wasn't exactly a realistic option. She had to at last act normal. Bella cast Jess a look and gestured to herself.
Her long brown hair had been straightened earlier, but had given in to the humidity long ago and was now a wild mane, thick with waves, frizz and curls. The eyeliner so carefully applied was smudged and her white blouse had a couple of burns in it.
She felt greasy and gross and was not up for attending another 'banger'. Jess rolled her eyes, but quickly took out her phone and shot a text out to their designated driver. "Okay. I kind of need a shower too. But we're shopping later. And we're going to my house. I can find someone to come over."
After being unceremoniously dumped at Jessica's house, Bella stumbled up the stairs to the bedroom she was staying in. The house was decently sized, and Jessica and Bella practically shared a room due to the massive amounts of sleepovers they've acquired over the past year.
After they tore off their tight, stained clothes and changed into comfier shorts, Jessica lit a goodnight bowl and started puffing sweet-smelling smoke out the window.
Perched on the tiny white twin bed, Bella grabbed some covers and twisted herself into a cocoon. Jess graciously held the bowl out and Bella angled her head towards it so she didn't have to leave the warmth of the covers. With the spout positioned on her lips, she breathed in the smoke like she was sucking through a straw. Lingering in her mouth for only a moment, she inhaled and held it in her lungs like a pro. Finally, she exhaled a white, billowing stream and sighed as she felt everything start to slip away.
She loved their "sleepovers", which barely consisted of sleep. She would have to leave in a couple of hours anyway, it was already starting to break dawn, and she settled in for at least an hour or two of dark, dreamless, exhaustion induced sleep.
Groaning, cracking an eyelid, Bella roused herself. Early morning sunshine filtered in through childhood blinds, and she found herself wishing she could set fire to the pretty lace.
She had always been a light sleeper. The subtlest movement jerking her out of a would-be coma.
It was strange.
Throughout all of the changes she had undergone, it would seem like she would forever be a morning person. It was worth the exhaustion to view the night transform itself into day, watch everything hidden reveal itself in a pale, ethereal glow, and to see all the monsters crawl back into their hiding places underneath the shadows.
Nothing gold can stay. Not the sunrise, and not who she once was.
The commute to work was boring enough. With a lit cigarette dangling from her lips, she had to use both hands to turn the massive steering wheel of her ancient Chevy. It was freezing, 'what else is new, and she was only now noticing that she could actually clutch the fabric of her shirt and pull it closer for warmth. The cuff of the sleeve flopped around her bone thin wrist, and she had had to tie the hem with a rubber band so the garb didn't drown her. The amount of weight she lost must have been insane.
"Shit." She muttered to herself as she pulled into the parking lot. She spied Mike Newtons new car parked precisely at the forefront of the lot. Dealing with Newton, heir to Newtons Sporting Goods was not how she was expecting to spend her 8 hour shift. It wasn't that he was a complete troll, he just reminded her of an advertisement. He was a magazine ad for "small-town-all-star". He played center for the ridiculously diminutive Forks Basketball Team, maintained a straight 4.0 average, and she was pretty sure he spent at least a half an hour on his hairstyle every morning. These minor annoyances went exactly enough to truly put her off though, the anger came from the way Mike treated her after she, as he put it, "lost it."
"Hey Mike." Bella said as she breezed inside. Mike was already heading the register and gave her a cold, analyzing look before resuming his transaction, not acknowledging that she had spoken. 'Whatever. Fuck you too, I guess.' Bella thought with a slight scowl. Dropping the friendly pretense, she shouldered past him and scurried faster than normal to the back room where they kept stock and employee lockers.
She swung open the door, and after yanking off her worn denim jacket, she headed towards the bathroom. Once inside, she locked the door and flicked on the overhead light. She could hear the tiny jolts of electricity whirring to life and charging through the glass. Turning around, her reflection stared back at her through dust and animal looking scratches. The bathroom was dingy, and dirty. There wasn't enough light and no windows. In fact, it had probably not been renovated in years and there were cleaning utensils encrusted with age and cobwebs lying in the corner. No wonder she spent so much time in here.
Suddenly, it all became too much. Mikes reaction, her dismal surroundings and finally her skinny and pallid reflection. Did she always look like this? With dark bruises under her eyes, chapped lips and pale skin that looked more frightening than alluring? Maybe. Maybe not. It didn't matter. What mattered was that this was the reality of what she was doing. The price that came with not caring. She belonged in here, among the grime and the wet cement with their eerie yellow light. She couldn't be here anymore.
Thrusting her hand into her purse, she grabbed her wallet and opened the tiny zipper compartment on the side. There, not even with a sheet of cellophane around them, were two tiny orange pills. So tiny, they were the size of tic-tacs when you had been licking the sugar off with your tongue. She gathered spit in her mouth and proceeded to dry-swallow both at the same time.
Tilting her head back and exposing the slender, concave column of her throat, she could feel the tiny nubs of chemicals traveling down her esophagus.
Here we go. She smiled.
Slowly, her image started to change, and she started to feel disconnected to everything around her. Sounds were muffled. Distorted. Suddenly, her reflection didn't look quite as disturbing as it did five minuets ago. In fact, she looked beautiful... 'I should probably take up photography again.' She though randomly. Her ideas ran together like watercolors, and a warm glow spread throughout her body, inciting a dopey grin to stretch across her face.
Yes.
Still smiling, she took an appreciative last look at her sickly visage, flicked the lights off and practicality floated out of the door. "Who cares about stupid Newton and his stupid car and stupid hair, stupid, stupid, stupid. That's what he is. That's all anybody is."