Steven Hyde was not a "family man". He did not like commitments, he did not like promises. The promise he despised the most was that of marriage. Not only did it require a lot of work, because he was never the one to work, but it was just a flimsy idea implanted by the government into the brains of clingy boyfriends to make money from huge diamond rings and other crap like that. He would never be the kinda guy who surprised his girlfriend with flowers every once and a while. And Steven Hyde most certainly did not favor the idea of having a bunch of snot-nosed rugrats running around the house.
No, Steven was more of a guy that surprised a girl by leaving her in the cheap motel they had booked the night before. He was more of a guy that would scare a three-year-old off for touching his prized El Camino.
Until he met a girl named Jackie Burkhart.
Here Steven sat comfortably in the Forman's living room, nursing a beer, and watching his girlfriend play with his best friend's daughter, Betsy.
She lifted the baby high in the air and brought her back down, touching the baby's nose with her own.
"You're such a cute baby! You're Auntie Jackie's little girl aren't you? Aren't you?" Jackie said, in a sing-songy voice.
As Steven, Eric, and Donna watched Jackie coo to the baby, Steven couldn't help but think about how sexy it was when Jackie acted like such a good mother.
'No!' Steven thought. 'What the hell are you thinking?'
Now, let's get something straight: Steven Hyde was not whipped, despite the frequent remarks from Eric, Kelso, and Fez. He just enjoyed Jackie's company and would probably lay down and die for her. But that was all.
But, he just loved the way she played with the baby. He could tell that she would be such a great mother. And, when it came to Betsy, Steven could sense a certain kind of love she didn't have for anyone else. The baby humbled her.
Sure, Jackie was still vain and spoiled the baby, buying her matching outfits and painting her nails stupid colors like Ballerina Pink, but when she held the baby in her arms, there was a light in Jackie's eyes. She automatically forgot about her newest issue of Cosmo and how her hair looked. All she would focus on was the baby.
As Steven watched Jackie play with the baby, images of having a family with his girlfriend filled his thoughts. He imagined seeing Jackie give birth to the baby; he imagined watching the baby grow. But he imagined something else, no, desired something else, which scared him. He imagined waking up to Jackie every day in a home and calling her his wife.
Okay, maybe he was whipped.
Steven got off the couch and sat next to Jackie on the floor, crossing his legs Indian-style.
"Hey, can I see her?"
Jackie looked up. "Sure. But make sure you give her back to her aunt."
Steven Hyde timidly took the baby from Jackie's arms and stared at her. She was adorable, with huge cheeks, and big curious brown eyes, something she probably acquired from Brooke. He grinned as the baby began to drool, and he daintily wiped it from her chin.
"Aww, look at little Hyde, he's such a Mother Goose now!"
"Forman, if you don't shut your mouth, the baby's going to be traumatized from all the blood in the room."
Eric opened his mouth, trying to find something to say, but let out a little squeak and closed his mouth.
For a split second, Hyde tried to imagine that the baby was his and Jackie's.
And it sent shivers down his spine.
He wanted to kiss the baby on each cheek really badly, but the gang would think he was a fucking wimp, and he didn't want them to think that.
So he handed the baby back to Jackie.
"Steven!" she said. "The baby loves you so much! Aw, she just loves her Uncle Hyde. Don't you, baby?" She tickled the baby and giggled.
"The kid was just scared after I threatened Forman so she got on her best behavior. Touché', kid."
"Great job, Hyde! Teach the kid about violence before she can speak. I applaud you." Eric began to clap his hands.
Hyde rolled his eyes and got back on the couch. Jackie grabbed his wrist with her tiny hand. He bent over so he could be at her level.
Jackie beckoned him to come closer so she could tell him something.
He got close enough, smelling his girlfriend's hair which was saturated in strawberry milkshake conditioner.
"You're going be such a great father one day." Jackie said, as a smile played on her lips.
Hyde adjusted his sunglasses. "Yeah, I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that." He started to get up from his bent stance.
"No Steven, deep inside, I know you have a lot of love in your heart."
"Jackie, our kids are going to be running around the house worrying about their frizzy hair and complaining about government conspiracies." As soon as it came out of his mouth, Hyde closed his eyes. 'Oh, God.'
"Oh my God, Steven! You just said our kids! That means we're going have kids one day! That means we're going to get married one day!"
"I did not say that." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yes you did!"
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did, now be quiet before I beat you with Betsy's new flats."
Hyde got up. "Jackie, how did you know what I wanted for Christmas?" He said sarcastically.
As he sat down on the couch, Steven realized something. He loved Betsy, because it was Kelso's kid, but the reason he wanted kids with Jackie wasn't exactly because he was good with kids.
No, it was because of love. It was because he wanted to have kids with the girl he loved. Because he wanted to be the father of the kids the girl he loved had.
As Hyde bounced Betsy up and down on his lap, he smiled. He wouldn't mind becoming a "family-man"
Hey, maybe he would 'forget' to remind Jackie of her birth-control tonight.