I always wondered why I felt the need to protect her. Why my eyes, no matter what I ordered them to do, always wandered in her direction. My hand which struck her cheek, only wanted to cup it tenderly.
Loud and overly pretentious until the last second. Her eyes glowed with confidence as a grin formed against her lips permanently.
It may have been a coincidence, but I always thought it was directed solely at me. As if she tried to convey a last message to me in her final moments.
"It'll be alright. We'll all make back. Promise."
I always wondered why I reached and even attempted to launch myself towards her in those final seconds we spent in the same moment. Restrained by others I was unable to reach her.
"I promise."
I always wondered why it hurt me the most when she broke that promise.
"You should smile more often, Sunshine."
I always wondered why even though her words irritated the hell out of me. Now more than ever I wish to hear them, even as a whisper.
"C'mon now, dont be shy."
I always wondered why only she managed to make my cheeks flush in a heat that no other had ever made appear. I always wondered why I even allowed her to set her eyes upon my mark. A mark no one else came to witness.
Why her? Why can't I stop thinking about her? Why do I close my eyes, only to have an image of her appear? I daydream about her, dream about her and how she returns to me. Only to wake up with her still watching over me.
I dont want you watching over me and I never meant to seem as if I looked down on you..
I only want you by my side. . .
Because. . .
Because though it may be too late, I realized, I love you. . . Oerba Yun Fang.