Do You Ever Wonder?
McRaider
Summary: Carol has a surprising question for Daryl; one that Daryl isn't entirely certain how to answer.
Author's notes: Set during the nine months between Seasons 2 and 3. This is Caryl; if you don't like it don't read it.
Rated: PG
Carol watched him from afar, taking in his body language, despite what others thought at times, there was more to Daryl than he'd ever admit. They'd been jumping from place to place for several weeks now, this time they'd found a small building, it looks like an old restaurant of some kind, and they were hiding out in it. Daryl was currently standing his watch outside, having just had dinner. She got up, exiting the conversation currently going on and headed outside to join him.
Daryl glanced over his shoulder at her as she opened the door and joined him on the front step. He didn't greet her, just gave her a brief nod before scooting over and allowing her to join him. Carol couldn't help but smile, he wasn't a man of many words, but he was a man to listen to when he did speak. She learned over the past several weeks and months that while he didn't carry most normal signs of affection, that he had little ones. A glance here, a smirk there, if he wanted someone to join him, he'd find a way to make room for them beside him, if he didn't move he wasn't interested in company. His body language was one of his best signs of defense, and most often it was how Carol knew something was wrong with him.
She sat there in silence for a few minutes, enjoying just being around him. It was rapidly turning into fall, the cool Georgia breeze turning chilly some nights. On nights like tonight, it reminded her why she loved this state; it would occasionally rustle the leaves on the trees, and give her a respite from the muggy days.
She looked over at her companion, his eyes were watching out on the street, as if waiting for a walker to just jump out at him. A poncho he'd found a few days ago was wrapped around his slim and built shoulders to ward off the chill of the air. "Do you ever wonder, what life would've been like, if we'd met before all of this happened?"
He glanced over at her finally, his blue eyes confused, "All o' what?"
He wasn't stupid, despite what he thought, a redneck sure, but definitely not stupid. He was, in his own way, smarter than anyone here. "The plague, the walkers, Sophia," he flinched slightly at her name. He'd been avoiding conversation about her since the barn. Carol had thought at first he was trying to spare her feelings, but when she was occasionally mentioned, Carol realized he was trying to spare his own feelings as well. His eyes were still filled with confusion, she chuckled and sighed. "Sorry, I'm just wondering if we'd met before this how life would've been different." How do you tell a man who is otherwise completely clueless about basic human emotions, that you are care for him? And she did care for him, perhaps they were both slow to admit it, but Carol felt helpless for what she felt towards him these days. Every day they spent in each other's company it became clearer to her that he felt at least a little bit the same.
"I always assumed you'd have avoided me," he finally spoke, surprising her. She'd assumed she'd be leading the majority of this thought process.
"Why would I avoid you?"
"Roughneck redneck like me? Woulda' looked no different than Ed."
She smiled slightly, Daryl occasionally compared himself to Ed or Merle, but Carol knew him to be completely different. "I would've noticed. You're a decent man, Daryl, don't ever stop believing that." He only grunted in acknowledgement. They lapsed into silence again, before she spoke, "You think we could've had something?"
"Like what?"
He wasn't catching onto her conversation like she'd hoped, "I don't know, love, marriage a life together?"
"No," he answered honestly. She'd tried not to let her heart sink, then he finished his train of thought and she understood. "Merle an' Ed woulda' made sure of that. Its better this way," he replied quietly.
She looked at him, surprised by his honesty, "I met Ed right out of high school. I wish I'd seen then what he was like before I'd married him."
He looked over at her, surprising her when he reached out and gently squeezed her hand, before withdrawing his back under his poncho to rest against his crossbow. "Only ever had one girl, before this. She didn't last long once she met Merle. He was of the understandin' what's mine was his."
"Oh Daryl, I'm sorry."
He glanced over at her and smiled, a real smile, one he only ever shared with her. "S'okay, sides he ain't here now to mess up nothin'."
"But you miss him?"
"He's my brother, he wasn't nothin' more."
Carol knew that much was true. The little Daryl had told her about his life, she could tell he'd longed for love and affection for quite some time before finally realizing he wasn't ever going to get any from his brother. It must have been a terrible way to grow up. She'd never had a son, but she'd seen Carl, and imagined that Daryl hadn't been much different at that age, in need of reassurance and love occasionally. It's what all humans needed. Daryl was only incapable of those emotions because he'd been deprived of them for so long.
She looked back out at the street with him, smirking when he scooted a little closer, like a teenager to a cute girl, searching for reassurance that it was okay, she squeezed his knee before clasping her hands in front of her. "Sophia always liked you; she used to say you seemed like fun when you weren't around Merle."
"She was a nice girl."
"Thank you, Daryl, for all that you did for her."
He didn't reply, but she could tell he appreciated the thanks. She left it at that, letting the night wear on as they sat in companionable silence together.