Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters…. etc, etc. If I did, then the Akatsuki would be more of a big player in the story!
Well, I hope people don't think this is a "bad influence." Ahaha… well, I gotta admit, this chapter's idea is inspired by the first Indiana Jones movie, which I watched last weekend. Anyone who's seen it will know what I'm talking about…
Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 08: Are You Sure That's Water?
Hidan, Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and I decided to go. By the time we got to the town, the stars and moon were already hanging in the sky. The night was hot and mildly smuggy, and mutual agreement in our group prompted us all to henge in to forms wearing light, loose clothing.
I've never really gotten used to them when they henge. It's odd not seeing a big orange mask when I look at Tobi, or not seeing Deidara's blonde hair. Or seeing Kisame with regular skin (Oh, the horror!).
Of course, when we got there, the other four dumped me. We were to meet at ten thirty where we separated. They were on (quote-quote) "official business." What I really didn't get was that since Tobi was a trainee like me, why the heck did he get to go with them? I certainly don't think he was more mature than me, but I didn't really mind…
Before they left, Deidara gave me a poke in the stomach and reminded me to get candy. I grumbled under my breath, "How could I forget?"
For god's sake, the candy-shop owner already knew me. I was the only one of the Akatsuki who did not henge in public. Since it wasn't like anyone knew I was with them anyways… it was considered safe for me not to have to henge.
The bell hanging on the shop door rang cheerfully as I left the shop, carrying five pounds worth of candy and feeling like I'd left behind five pounds worth of money. And we're talking paper money here, folks. Really, I can't believe he asks me to buy candy. At least it's not overtly expensive, but that only applies when it's bought in small amounts. In this case, well, it doesn't really apply…
It was around ten thirty when I finished a meal of good spicy-pork ramen in the local ramen shop. I headed to the place we'd arranged on earlier.
Half an hour later, I was carrying a boatload's worth of questions in my head. The Akatsuki members had a habit of being very punctual. Where the heck were they?
Let's tackle this question logically: Where could a group of four young, confident men be on a weekday night with too much money and a fair amount of time, having dumped the one relatively responsible person with them, that would cause them to lose enough of their wits to forget their usually most observed habits?
I had a bad hunch. I walked faster.
The local bar was crowded, even though it was really big. People bunched near the entrance like flies on meat. I asked one very tall man politely if he could see what was going on inside.
He replied, "Oh, man, this is awesome! There's these couple dudes inside having a drinking contest! Man, they've already got, like, a gazillion cups down…."
Needless to say, my bad feeling intensified. A lot.
I didn't even want to hear what I thought I was going to hear if I asked how they looked. Using my elbows liberally, I squirmed my way through the crowd until I got to the middle.
Not that I had a mirror or anything, but I think I must have twitched so hard that it utilized all my face muscles and some others, too. I was hoping that I wouldn't see what I thought I would see, but I saw what I was hoping that I wouldn't see…
All four of them had slipped out of their henged forms. Because Tobi was wearing a mask, I couldn't tell whether he was awake or asleep, or knocked out. He was slumped in a position that would have been really awkward to hold if conscious, so I assumed he was out.
Kisame was taken out for sure. He was lying face down on the floor, giant sword squashing down on his back.
Sure, I could deal with those two later, but the problem were the two concentrated centers of bad decision/idiocy/pig-headedness (prime example of 20-ish aged men with too much pent-up male anger) that were sitting on opposite sides of the table.
Hidan, in all his silver-haired, silver-eyed gloriousness was leaning back in his chair hazardously, feet propped on table and scythe dangerously close to hand. His face was pale as ever, but I could tell from that gleam in his eyes that he was totally drunk. Upon closer inspection, I silently thanked God. There was no blood in sight. He was sneering widely, running a hand arrogantly through his hair.
On the other side sat Deidara, who looked in considerably worse shape. His hair was drooping all over his eyes, but I could just see him glaring at Hidan. He was propping his chin up with both his hands, and his elbows were sitting on the table. There were no marks of explosions anywhere, so I assumed he'd held his temper, too.
It was so loud I almost couldn't think. Everyone was screaming and cheering, and I think most of the watchers were, if not drunk, then crazy as if they were drunk.
Deidara raked the hair out of his eyes, and sneered at Hidan. He tilted his head, grabbed a small cup of some amber/clear-ish liquid, and downed it one big gulp. Then he banged the cup down on to the table in front of Hidan.
Someone came and poured it full of some probably totally alcoholic substance. Hidan licked his lips and drank the entire thing.
I sighed loudly. There was no way in Hell even Itachi could get those two manly-men to stop. And by the looks of it, Tobi and Kisame weren't going to be any help, as manly and menly as they were...
So I sat back and grinned. Might as well enjoy the show!
Some half an hour or so later, I was feeling slightly odd as well. I had asked someone for some water, but it had tasted odd. Shoot, what was in there?
Whatever. More importantly, who cared?
It was Deidara's turn. The gleaming alcohol was poured. Deidara lifted it, and I thought: Look at him. He can't stand another cup.
Sure enough, that was the end of the contest. Deidara was on his knees, throwing up what looked to be the contents of his entire stomach.
Deidara hadn't drunk that cup. However, now it was Hidan's turn to try. He drank it successfully, but the hand that put down the cup was shaking badly. He was even with Deidara, but now to beat him…
Short story: Hidan did. Eventually, sip by sip. I drank another glass of water… it tasted really funny… was I doing something wrong?
Everyone moved out of the bar, eventually leaving the five of us behind. I was giggling now. For some reason, everything kept moving around in circles, and it was hilarious.
Hidan was laughing too, and when he saw me, we both started laughing even harder. The floor seemed to tilt up to meet me, and Hidan was suddenly sitting on the floor (when did that happen...?), fingering his scythe.
"Ah, haha, Azu-chan," he said. "I feel sorta funny righ' abou' now…"
"You eejit," I slurred, laughing. "You sound all weird, weirdo…"
"Don' call me a weirdo, you're the one thas lookin strange…hahaha, you have three eyes…" He trailed off happily, his head thumping in to the floor.
Everything felt warm and somewhat fuzzy. The floor felt a good a place as anywhere to sleep. For a moment, I remembered something hazily: A pair of red glaring eyes, and a faint voice saying something about something midnight back something something…
Then I felt the darkness rising up to claim me, and the last thing I remembered was the smell of alcohol strong around me.