A few reasons why I hate Dexter Griff. Nort to self: give this to Donut, he seems to need convincing of this...

1) He eats all of the food. And I mean all of it. The rest of us survive on bread and fruit, because they're the only foods Grif won't eat. I can understand that. He's as unhealthy as they get, and the bread is pretty disgusting...

2) He plays his guitar too loudly. It isn't as if he's bad at playing it, because he isn't! You can't help but admire how fast his fingers move... And he can actually sing! But, playing at 11pm is not okay. Especially Bon Jovi. Not good.

3) He calls me "Kissass". I am not a kissass just because I respect our leader!

4) He doesn't respect our leader.

5) When I'm trying to read, he'll whine and poke me until I read aloud to him. (Grif doesn't always do that though. Sometimes he'll sit quietly next to me and watch me laugh or cry, depending on the story.)

6) He is really untidy! He leaves his dirty clothes all about our room and expects me to clear up!

7) I don't think he knows how to use the washing machine. Well, when we had one that is. Sarge used some of the parts to make me...

8) He has most of my internal organs. AND HE STILL FUCKING SMOKES!

9) He's stupid enough to smoke.

10) He goes through periods of being completely thick but will then say something intelligent and thoughtful. The other day, he asked me if Nigeria was in Egypt but then gave me a fully reasoned out argument as to why mummies exist. With a diagram.

11) He makes me watch horror films with him just so he can laugh at me when I get scare and hide in his shoulder.

12) He constantly argues with everything I say, even when he knows I'm right.

Especially when he knows I'm right.

13) My bed is closest to the door, so when it's dark and he stumbles in to our room (more often drunk than not) he'll crash into my bed and land on top of me, winding me in the process.

It's even more annoying when he passes out there and I have to choose to lug him over to his own bed or just put up with it.

14) He drinks without offering me any.

15) He found Donut's "slash fanfiction" notebook, and (I don't even know why Donut writes this!) started reading a "Grif/Simmons" story to me. He then proceeded to be offended when I ran from the room... we'll, I'm sorry Donut, but I'm not going to listen to a story about me "moaning from sheer pleasure around Grif's dick." *shudders*

16) He's either a complete asshole or the kindest man you will ever meet. And I have no way of knowing which he'll be today.

Okay, I feel like this one needs explaining. Just to myself, when I add to this list.

As I mentioned earlier, I gave him my organs, flesh, bits of skin etc. he needed it to stay alive. So, to keep me alive, Sarge turned me into a Cyborg. It's not as cool as it sounds. Which is where Grif comes in.

I thought he'd tease me about it, you know, "tin man", that kind of thing? Nothing. Just a "thanks, man" and an offer to help me. I shit you not, he offered to help me cope, getting used to my new parts and, hell, he fixes things when shit goes wrong. Not Sarge. Grif.

Then, of course, he's a freaking prick and everything is normal.

17) He made me fall in love with him, that bastard.

Thanks for reading, guys! This has been revised and checked, in response to a comment, but let me know if anything else is wrong.

I'm typing on my iPad and sometimes it messes with spellings. It took me 5 tries just to type that last sentence!

Anyway, I've been trying to write a Grimmons fic for a while, and this popped up. I hope you I enjoyed reading it! It was supposed to be 50 things, but I ran out. I'll add more if I think of any. Suggestions a welcome!

Shazza.