AN: - A dedication to GreenGoo, my best fan.
No, I was joking, that's the right link: GreenGoo
It is a commonplace that mistakes help us to grow up. As Samuel Beckett said: "Ever tried. Ever fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better". But we all know these are bullshit. Nobody ever learn from their mistakes the first time. We carry on doing them, knowing we're wrong, knowing nothing good will ever comes out from them. We're recidivist. And the only time we learn something, is when these fucking mistakes hurt us.
You are pretty sure about that. You know that your weekly hook-up with Rachel will never end well. But still, you are the one who goes to New York city every Friday, spending two night doing sex with her. And what a sex. You know, those breathtaking moments that will remain printed in your mind forever. Those moments in which all you are able to think is about those spread legs in front of you and how damn she smells good. Those moments when she whispers dirty things in your ear and, if you were just a little more sober and she wasn't Rachel, you would have slapped that face with force and would run away, instead of shiver with uncontrolled desire.
You know this is no good, that sooner or later one of you will get hurt because, every time you see each other, you add another mistake to the list. Your moral responsibility tries to warn you about the danger position in which your heart is; tries to stop you from having that "immoral and inhuman" relationship with a woman; reminds you the fact that Rachel is your high-schoolmate, the ex-girlfriend of your ex-boyfriend as well as the freak of all Lima. You thank God every day to let you move away from that place.
The fact is that you aren't minimally bothered by all those reasonable conclusions. You've decided last year, after the car accident, to only listen to what you think is better, not what the other think it is. That's why you found yourself in front of Rachel's apartment with a bottle of vodka and a great desire to feel her naked body under yours. You ring the bell and after a few seconds of wait, the door is open and in front of your eyes it is presented one of the most beautiful vision of your life.
"You're gorgeous tonight", you heard Rachel say, while in your mind is running the same thought. You just shrug your shoulder and walk in the apartment, "I know."
"Still the same humble person of ever, I see" comments Rachel following you in the living room and collapsing on her sofa. You arch a brow and place the bottle on the table next to you. "God, please, shut the fuck up, Berry" are the only words coming out of your mouth before attaching it on hers. She tastes good today, like every other time and this thing really annoys you because you're still trying to find a motivation to end this sex-buddies situation but you can't. You really can't. All you want to do now is explore her skin with your hands, touch her, bite her, suck her and make her scream with your tongue all night long. But your mind is so fucked up that when she pushed you away softly and repositioned herself with her head on your knees, you simply smile and run your fingers through her hair.
"I need to talk to you", she says and your hand stops immediately, "I can't do this anymore".
"What?"
"I don't know how to say it" she tries, but you think you know what she means with "this". You know that sooner or later this moment would have come but still you're panicking because you just realize that you don't want it to end.
"Just say it Rachel" you prompt her.
"I-I can't be the bottom every time. I wanna stay on top."
"Wait, what?", and you suddenly realize. You start laughing so hard that your abs are aching and you're crying. Rachel is sitting beside you, head bowed down and hand clasped together between her thighs. Now your smile is sweet, you want to reassure her but you're not good with words. Words are Rachel's prerogative, yours is actions. That's why you grab her hoodie and you pull her towards you. You lie down on your back so that she's completely on top of you and you start to kiss her again. You have all these feelings at the pit of your stomach but you ignore them like every other time. You just want to focus on your burning desire for Rachel, that now is slowly removing her shirt, showing inches after inches of her golden skin. Her toned breasts are just in front of your face and her smile is just mischievous as hell while she throws away your own shirt.
"Fuck!" you growl under your breath before grabbing her waist and start sucking on her nipple. Hard, as you know she likes. She moans in pleasure while scratching your back with her nails. As she knows you like.
This is the first time you and her start assaulting each other without even being drunk. You notice this but you're to busy biting her neck to think properly about it. Rachel is sitting on your pelvis and you can feel how hot she is down there, even from this position. You try to move yourself but she always stops you; you know it is impossible to fight Rachel's stubborness so you just lay there and touch her everywhere you can.
"How can you be so hot, Quinn?" she asks you. Her hands are on your pants waistband and are pulling it down. The hunger look on her eyes sends a shiver down your spine and maybe she could read your mind, could she? Because if it is, she could see how much you crave her, how much you want her to be yours.
You're usually a person who never begs anyone but right now you could never stop the words that are escaping from your mouth, "Fuck me, Rachel. Please, fuck me. Or make love with me or whatever you want to call it. Just do it"
She stops herself for a moment and smirks at you "Love, uh? Who said anything about love?". You're pretty sure that you're face has turned completely white right now because you just have pronounced that word. The word you really didn't have to pronounce.
"I-I don't mean t-tha-I mean.. I.."
"Shut up, Fabray. You just have revealed a feeling different from lust, let me just tease you for a while" she said with her arms crossed in front of her breast and one of her biggest smile plastered on her face.
"So, tell me Quinn. Since when do you have those feelings?"
"What feelings, Berry?"
"Don'tBerryme right now. You precisely know what I mean. Those "love" feelings."
"I don't know what you're talking about", you insist trying, to escape from her. Uselessly.
"Quinn."
"Berry."
"Don't.Berry. Me."
"Fine,Rachel."
"Tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"What you feel, about me."
"You're hot and I am too and we would be having great sex right now if someone would have just learned how to keep her mouth shut!"
"Quinn, don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Close yourself up."
"I'm not doing it."
"You're doing it right now."
"Rachel. Stop."
"Quinn, c'mon, talk to me. Say it." she pauses and sends a hurt look to you, who were yourself on the verge of crying. "Please".
"Fine, Rachel. Fine. I love you. I said it. Are you happy now?" you ask sarcastically because you can see that she is saying no with her head and she put her hands on her mouth suffocating a chocking sob. You raise yourself to be sit beside her and you envelope her in your arms while kissing the top of her head.
"What's wrong? Rachel now is your turn to talk. What's wrong?"
"You ask me if I am happy now but how can I be if you're not going to stay with me?"
"Who said it?"
"You didn't say it but, tell me Quinn, what are you going to do if I say to you that I'm in love with you for years?", she finally asks you the crucial question.
You take some time to think about it but, in the deep of your heart, you know that there's only one answer.
You kiss her lips in a soft touch. You slowly open your eyes and you said, "I will kiss you and I'll say to you that I'm in love with you too and that I am a fool to have realized it just now. I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what? Being in love with me?"
"For have understood it later, you idiot."
"I love you Quinn"
"I love you too, Rachel"
"Can we go back to when we were about to have sex?"
"Quinn!"
"Berry?"
"Don't. We will have sex only if I can be the top again"
"Nope. The last time you were on top of me, that it was three hours ago, you ended up asking me out. I'm not ready to marry you yet."
"You dork."
"You love me."
"I love you."
AN2: I'm sorry. English is not my native language but I know this is not an excuse for making mistakes. So, any error found here should be blamed on me!
Have a nice day/night.
Charlie.