This is me on an angsty night. A very angsty night. Be kind, but honest.
1Lilly has never been intimate with anyone in her life. Oh sure, maybe she's physically had sex, had boyfriends, been engaged. But she's never been intimate– never shared the deepest part of herself with anyone. She doesn't share her secrets, she keeps them to herself. Because when it comes down to it, that's what she's good at. Hiding is the one art her mother helped her perfect.
Until now. Until she was trapped in that house by George, and traumitized by the pain of "little Lilly" The girl who she has done her best to distance herself from. The girl who foists herself into adult Lilly's dreams. The girl who never got any attention back then, and refuses to do without it any longer.
The rest of the squad knows something has happened– they watch her with haunted eyes filled with worry, as she tries to squash their concerns with little mutters of "I'm fine." They aren't fooled, and Lilly knows it. But what do they want her to say? Today, I had a nice little chat about my rape with a serial killer, and you guys?
What haunts her the most is that he understands better than any of her friends what she went through. That this man who got off on killing and violence and everything that she works against started out as a little boy also wronged by his mother. That George was as much of a victim as she was in that respect.
And she wonders what causes the difference—what has caused her to become a crusader for justice against people who hurt others, and what caused him to become one who inflicts the pain. She thinks about this when she lays awake at night, taking in the silence, and forcing down the pain within her that no one else understands. Because Lilly doesn't appreciate Pity Parties. She firmly believes that what is done is done— that no excuses, no pass traumas can cause people to hurt others. She would know. She had gone through one of the worst horrors of the world by ten years old. She likes to pretend that what happened to George doesn't affect her, but when she reflects during sleepless night after sleepless night, she can't help but think that Little Lilly and Little George were not all that different, and that some how, the two of them will always be connected.