Random oneshot written at my grandparent's house for the lulz. Exaggeration used cuz I can. 'Nuff said.
I don't own LoZ.
YEEEESSS. Kiwi was just about ready to jump up in triumph. It turns out that using the internetz to find and mark all of the tear locations helps one clear Silent Realms a lot easier.
But then again, it's really not that hard unless you have a heart attack every time the Guardians wake up.
Right now she was one tear away for clearing Din's Silent Realm, and she was rather enthusiastic about getting them done once and for all. (1)
According to her map, the last one was somewhere at the right branch of the slide. So, with spirits high, she moved her character over to the slide and slid down to the right path…
…to find nothing.
Where is it? It says it was right there…maybe I missed it?
So, she casually makes another lap. Nope…hm…where is it? Kiwi was rather puzzled. She admitted that she was normally pretty bad at finding things, from hidden items to switches right next to her, but seriously?
So, she went and continued another lap. Except this time…
PING! The bluish tint of the realm had suddenly turned a hellish red, and the statues jerked awake, ready to attack.
Crap! Waking Water! OH WHY DID THAT HAVE TO BE THERE?
Unfortunately, our dear author had slid straight into Waking Water. And remember what I said about the type of people who find the Silent Realm really hard?
Well, sadly enough, Kiwi was just one of those people.
Cue heart attack.
AW CRAP AW CRAP AW SHNIZZLEBERRY MUFFINZ! Kiwi quickly tried to get her character out of the slide as fast as she could, fully aware of the Guardian at the top of the slide.
…Just to come into a little rock island with those stupid, stupidly fast Guardians. (2)
She stood frozen for a while, wondering if she could get past it. He's at the left edge of path, so if I stick to the right, I should just make it.
Quickly and recklessly, she started making her character sprint as far away from the Guardian as possible, as fast as she could…
…barely past the Guardian.
Oh Godly God, did I just survive that? But Kiwi didn't bother to stop and think. She slowed her character down to the normal jogging speed in order to conserve stamina. After all, you never know when you need it.
Okay, she thought, get yourself together Kiwi. You can make it. Up the steam vent, right..
SHING. Oh yeah. Guardian. Great. I guess I should be glad it's slower than me…okay, I won't have a panic attack today.
She had Link sprint around the Guardian and quickly hopped down the slide again, to no avail.
Luckily, the second time around, she had an easier time running around the Guardian again, as they couldn't jump, as she had just learned. Soon enough, she came to the top again.
Wait…where's the-OH CRAZZLE THERE IT IS.
The Guardian had just floated through the wall with its sword raised, ready to strike Link's spirit down.
Thinking quickly, she veered Link to the left, and hopped down the slide once more. During this, she suddenly realized she was standing up out of adrenaline. (3)
But, alas, no tear.
So, the cycle continued. In total, Kiwi had made not 2, not 3, but six laps around that slide, not getting hit by the Guardians once.
And… No. Flipping. Tear.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I GONE AROUND THIS? At this point, Kiwi was mentally screaming and muttering to herself out loud, with her little sister giving a look of concern.
At this point, she had her route practically memorized, and was about to do it again…
…only to realize that this time, the Guardian was right in the middle of the path.
Crap. Now what? She really had no other choice at this point other than just burst through and hope she makes it out alive.
But, Din had decided that six laps was enough, as the Guardian managed to draw close enough to strike her character down, into the fiery lava below.
…Huh. So that's what it's like to die. (4) TRY AGAIN.
However, Kiwi has had enough of a heart attack for the average teen, so she went straight to YouTube to find a walkthrough.
Okay, so….there's a path of steam vents that lead over to the tear…wait, didn't I pass those, like, 5 times?
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU…..
Er…let's skip to her second try. She had collected all of the tears except one, which was, unfortunately, on the other whopping side of the realm.
Myeeeeh. Down the slide, across the lava n' tunnel, we know the drill!
"Aha! There ya are, bishie!"
With a little dance of triumph, she collected the last tear of Din's Silent Realm. Once again, she felt a protective, relaxing aura surround her…almost as if something had come to say 'It's okay. You can do this.'
She confidently had Link sprint across the large sandy hill, lopping around the-
DING-A-LING-A-DING!
You have got to be kidding me. She couldn't help but stare in horror as the sentry rang its bell, jerking the Guardians awake in an instant. Stupid Sentries!
Kiwi made Link sprint as fast as he could across the hill, considering the fact that there was a Guardian right behind her, the clanking of its armor echoing though her brain in her panic.
Hopping across the lava path, she sprinted out of the cave…
…to see a Guardian floating right towards her.
At this point, our dear author was in full panic mode. Some of the thoughts echoing in her brain at this point were…
OMFG WAT DA FUCKFUCKITYFUCK I'M GONNA DIE! AND I JUST GOT MY LAST TEAR TOO! D':
WHY ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS, GUARDIAN?
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
And a tiny voice in the very corner of her brain, its voice barely above a whisper.
Don't worry. Keep going. You'll make it.
Kiwi stubbornly continued on, despite all of the crazy voices in her head screaming against it, despite the dizzy feeling she felt from her panic attack.
As she passed by the Guardian, she fell to her knees, and breathed a sigh of relief. All of a sudden, she was very glad that that Guardian was one of the slower types of enemies. (5)
As her character received the Fire Earrings, she could've sworn that she heard a quiet voice, whispering…
Well done. Your spirit has truly grown to match the Legendary Hero…
…Wow. Just wow. 3 straight pages of words. That's way longer than any of my stories.
1-This was the first time I'm playing SS (and LoZ in my own house), so yeah, I had no clue about the Goddess' Silent Realm at this point.
2-There are two types of Guardians. The ones I'm talking about here are the ones with da big ass swords. They can keep up with you even when you're sprinting, but luckily they can't jump.
3-I tend to play better when I'm standing up. Don't ask why. I just do.
4-Never died at all until this point. Considering this is my first LoZ game, I feel pretty accomplished at this.
5-The second type of Guardian is that ghost thing with the dual swords. They're not as fast as their grounded counterparts, but they can float through walls. Gawd, I hate that. :/
I feel that I definitely improved in writing ever since that super hiatus. Or maybe it's just because I'm actually writing a serious story for once.
So much sorrynezz if you wanted something stuffed to the brim with crackyness. My oneshots seem to be pretty serious, for some reason.
But once again, I'm truly sorry for the hiatus. Mixing laziness with lack of internet isn't fun at all. Ironically enough, though, I'm writing this during a power outage. Why Hurricane Sandy, why? -.-
Feel free to critique if you want, and hopefully my newer chapters will be just as great as this one!
Oh, and try to guess the owner of the voice at the end! I'm taking three answers, two from actual LoZ games, and one of them one of my OCs. Awesomeness points to whoever can guess all three answers!
~Kiwi