Has it only been 10 hours since Smurf had appeared from the stairwell of the flats?
We'd had a good laugh booking the trip to Vegas, with me, Mum and Dad taking the piss out of him needing glasses. Roaming around London on buses, taxis and then taking the riverbus had been great, back with my best mate Smurf.
When we got to Upton Park it all went to shit. I couldn't do anything. Sitting in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I felt an epic fail. I'd failed Smurf, I'm a bloody medic and I couldn't help him.
When the doctor came out of the cubicle, I knew. Smurf was gone. I just sat there and cried, the tears silently rolling down my face. I must have sat there for an hour, numb with the shock.
I texted the Boss, it's the only way I can think of him at the moment, technically he's still our CO. Straight away he called me back. Did I want him there? What's the point, there's nothing he can do. The hospital had informed Smurf's Mum and she'd asked if anyone was with him. They'd told her I was and she'd passed a message to call her when I felt up to it, whatever the time.
I left it for about an hour, trying to get myself together. I'd seen dead bodies in Afghanistan, apart from Rolex boy and a few others at the mountain cp, I hadn't known any of them. This was different. This was Smurf.
When I called Candy, Mrs Smurf, I was trying so hard not to cry. She said he'd been where he wanted to be, with me. At that, my heart broke, and I sobbed down the phone. I don't think either of us spoke for a few minutes, as we dealt with our grief and tears.
When we could talk, and be understood over the sobs, she invited me to Newport. I told her I would be there soon. To me, it was the right thing to do. I had lost my best mate and she had lost her only other son.
Walking into Mum and Dad's was rotten. They were wondering where Smurf was, thinking we'd had a row. As I collapsed in the hallway crying, Mum pulled me to her in a big hug. Dad was great, taking over from Mum as she went to pack a bag for me as I told them what had happened. They'd seen the ambulance arrive but, not realising it was for Smurf.
Being as it was so late, Mum took my phone and called Candy, telling her they'd put me on the train, first thing in the morning. Dad even carried me upstairs and put me to bed. He hasn't done that since I was little.