A/N - This is a five times story: five times Kurt has wished for someone, and one time that someone was there. The song it's inspired by, "Daydreamer" by Adele, means a lot to me... so rather than rush this story and post it all up as a one shot, I'm trying to take it slow and work through it and make it the best I can make it. Therefore, it might not be regularly updated; I apologize in advance. But I want this story to mean as much to me as the song it's inspired by. Hopefully that doesn't deter you from reading. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, nor do I own any of the characters mentioned in the story from this point forward. I do not own the song "Daydreamer" by Adele, whose lyrics are shown throughout the course of the story. The plot is entirely my own work and ideas.
/
You can find him sitting on your doorstep
Waiting for a surprise
And he will feel like he's been there for hours
And you can tell that he'll be there for life
/
The first time he realizes that it could be a problem, Kurt is all alone in a scary hospital filled with horrible memories from his childhood, and as welcome as it is, it leaves him feeling more empty than he was before.
It wasn't a conscious decision, this "let's imagine that there's a boy here, a boy who loves me more than anything else in the world and hates seeing me sad and will do anything to make me smile" daydream. It's just that sometimes, when the locker shoves get to be too much, or when Finn and Rachel are following each other around the choir room, Kurt imagines a boy with bright, eager eyes and a charming smile holding his hand and whispering into his ear, telling him that he's perfect, and that there's nothing wrong with him, that he's loved.
He figures there's no harm in it, that people imagine that sort of thing all the time, that he's not a desperate loser for wanting to be cherished. Because doesn't everyone want that? Doesn't everyone want to be on the receiving end of a look that says "you are my whole life," doesn't everyone want to feel like they matter to someone else? It's not his fault that he lives in conservative Ohio, where boys are called "fuckin' fags" for crying over a sports-related injury. It's no one's fault that he has yet to encounter another gay male who can sympathize with the torture he goes through on a daily basis, from being ridiculed for his sexual preference to having to endure happy couples walking joyfully through the hallways with their hands intertwined while he's still terrified of even smiling at another boy.
It's not anyone's fault that he has to go it alone for the remainder of his high school years. It's just… the way it is.
So Kurt daydreams. When he got his first solo in Glee Club, he imagined a boy pulling him into a kiss filled with pride and happiness. When he joined the Cheerios, he imagined a boy positively drooling over how good he looked in the uniform (he's a boy, sue him). And when Kurt was sent to the principal's office for his mini freak out on Mr. Schue's disdain for Britney Spears, he imagined a boy storming to Mr. Schue's office and shaming him for yelling at Kurt for "disrespect to an authority figure" instead of yelling at the football players who make Kurt's life a living hell.
So when his father - his father, the only person he has left, the person that he loves more than anyone else in the world - is in the hospital, in a coma, possibly dying, it makes sense the the only thing that is able to get Kurt through those agonizing six days is his daydreaming.
He can't help it; he doesn't have anyone. He spends his days hidden away in the corner of his father's room, watching visitors come and go. Carole is always a constant, and while she makes sure that Kurt is eating and showering and not wearing himself out, she is there for Burt, not for him. Finn comes to visit often, as well, and Kurt knows that it must be wearing him out too, because Burt has become the father figure that Finn never had. But there's no denying the fact that Finn has it easier. He's not Burt's real son. And besides, he has Rachel there with him to comfort and console.
And that makes Kurt angry. It makes him so unbelievably pissed off that whatever higher being is out there could do this to him, that this "God" would take away his mother before he's even old enough to understand death, that "He" would make him gay and stick him in suburban Ohio, that "He" would threaten to take away the most important person in his life and then refuse to give him someone else to lean on and hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright. If he wasn't an atheist, he would be yelling at God for putting him through this, because wasn't God not supposed to put more on one person than that person could handle? Kurt can't understand why God would do this to him.
So Kurt daydreams. When Carole is out of the room getting dinner for the two of them, Kurt closes his eyes and lets his mind wander.
/
"How is he doing today?" the boy asks, dragging a chair over from the other side of the room and setting it down next to Kurt.
"The same as yesterday," Kurt breathes out quietly, refusing to take his concentration off of his father for one second in case he misses something.
He's startled out of his gaze by a warm hand taking hold of his cold one. "Hey," the boy whispers. "Look at me."
Kurt shakes his head slightly, his eyes still trained on his father's unmoving figure.
"Kurt, please look at me."
"I can't," Kurt forces out. "I can't, because then that means that I have to look away from dad, and then he won't feel how much I need him to wake up for me." Because if Kurt stares at his father long enough, and hard enough, maybe his unconscious mind will understand that he can't die, that he needs to come back, has to, because Kurt can't do life without him. He doesn't want to do life without him.
"Baby, I know that you need him to wake up. I know. But you haven't been sleeping. You haven't smiled in days. I'm… I'm really worried about you." The boy pauses, and Kurt can tell he's watching him intently, but he doesn't do anything. "Your dad wouldn't be happy to see you like this. Please, just… just look at me."
Kurt closes his eyes and lets out a shaky exhale. He turns his head to the right and, slowly, opens his eyes.
His jaw drops, and before he knows it he's letting out peals of laughter, squeezing the boy's hand tighter as he attempts to calm himself down.
The boy - dressed head to toe as a puppy, complete with a drawn on nose and whiskers (and oh my god, is that a tail peeping out from where he's sitting?) - smiles a triumphant smile, his eyes twinkling with happiness. "You like it?"
"What were you thinking?" Kurt manages to say in between raucous giggles. "They let you into the hospital wearing that?"
"Trust me, Kurt, those nurses and doctors have seen weirder things in these halls." The boy grips Kurt's hand tighter, chuckling a little. "I just… I wanted to see you laugh. I wanted to hear it. I missed it."
Kurt settles down, smiling at the boy for a long moment, forgetting the world around him and the circumstances he is in as he studies the boy's face, memorizing the hazel eyes brimming with love (so much freaking love, and Kurt cannot believe that this boy dressed up as a puppy to get him to laugh). "I am so in love with you."
/
Kurt is shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of an exceptionally squeaky stretcher passing by the open doorway. He stares at his father's machines, closely monitoring them for any change that might have happened. Everything is the same.
He sighs, pushing his chair a little closer to his father's bed, and squeezes his hand tighter.
/
Read and review.