A/N : I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think?
Disclaimer - I don't owns Skins...
" I don't have custody of the kids." The ex husband say tiredly.
" You know what? It has been an insane pathetic joke what I've had to go through..." The ex wife tries, but is talked over again by her ex.
" But right now she doesn't even know where the kids are." he says, matter of factly, which serves to stir angry in the women.
" Do not talk about me as a mother!"
" At home?" he asks
" I am so sick and tired of you talking about me as a mother, and what I've done... "
" At your sister's? They're probably setting the house on fire somewhere.. "
They continue to talk over each other, not really listening to what the other is really saying.
"Do not talk to me about that, I am sick of you accusing me of not being a good mother!" She yells
" Are they home? " he asks, calmly again, making her more angry.
" 7 Years I've been a good mother."
" Where are they now?"
"Don't you fucking talk about me being a bad mother, I hate you!" She yells harshly, pointing her finger at her ex.
" Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you just kiss my left nut." he says, calmly.
" I told you this was a bad idea." Her lawyer leans in to her to say, shaking his head at the way things play out.
" You know what Ken, the bad idea would be to let your client walk out of here today, and drag this thing out for another year." Cook informed, looking between both parties, calmly. " Wasting more time and more money." He continues. " The only good idea is to let Naomi and I do our job, and mediate this thing right here." He points down to the case files, containing the case of the lawyers clients.
" And you wanna hear the crazy thing? I know it doesn't feel like it, but we're making progress." Naomi jumps in, calmy. Cook nods in agreement. She continues. " We settled the deal with the car, let see that takes us to frequent flyer miles, we're flying!" she exclaim, looking down at her file.
" Those are mine " The ex husband claims.
" I want them " The ex wife argues.
" You know what we're going to do, we're going to split them right down the middle." Naomi suggests, then looks over to the ex husband on her right. " How does that sound, Mr. Kerger." She asks, eyebrows raised
" It would be not good at all." Mr. Kerger says, in disbelief. Looking between his lawyer and Naomi. " I earned those miles!" He looks at his ex wife. She scoffs.
"Yeah, you earned them flying to Denver to meet your whore." She said, confidently.
" Oh lord. " Naomi said softly, dropping her pen.
" Well she's not afraid to express herself sexually, if that's what you mean." Mr Kerger said, smugly.
" She's a stripper for gods sake!" She shouts, angrily.
" She is not! " He shouts back, just as angrily.
" Her name is Chastity, and she's white trash!" She yells, veins popping in her head a bit." Same as you, Hillbilly!" She finishes, grabbing her bag and rifling through it, grabbing a bottle of pills.
" That's it." He says, smugly. " Go comatous for me baby." he winks.
" You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" She shouts, not making much sense in her anger.
Cook narrow his eyes at her, while Naomi scrunches hers shut, shaking her head, both seemingly confused at the women sentence.
" Hold it, this is getting confusing. " Naomi speaks first, looks between the ex's. " You didn't always hate each other. There had to be some nice moments, during the courtship maybe?." She looks at the ex wife. " Or the wedding? " She tries.
" The wedding had to be fun! " Cook jumps in. " You got your friends together " he points out.
" The decorations, family coming together.." Naomi adds, both her and Cook looking between the two. " That's a nice moment, What'd you have to eat?" She directs this question at the ex wife.
" Crab cakes." She said, unamused.
" Crab cakes?!" Cook jumps a little in excitement." Are you kidding me? How could you not have a good time eating crab cakes?" he looks over at the ex husband.
" Crab cakes, I love Crab cakes. " Naomi informs during Cooks excited rant.
" I love em " Cook finishes pointing to himself, giving Naomi a chance to ask her next question.
" Did you have a band? " Again Naomi directs this question at the ex wife.
" Yeah. " The wife says softly looking down.
" Good or bad? " Naomi ask, knowing she's getting somewhere.
" Who gives a shit!" Cook shouts before she has a chance to answer . " It's a great band, it's a shit band... It's like pizza, man... It's good no matter what.. There's music in the air.." He throws his hands up in the air, Naomi nodding along.
" That's true. " Naomi says, happily.
" Get them playing shout!" Cooks says.
Naomi and Cook start singing along together, get smiling confused looks from the lawyers and clients.
" It's a good time, ya know? Rubbing up against each other, Just a couple of kids who like to fuck trying to make it honest, I get it! " Cook continues, getting carried away. While Naomi mutters a low agreement.
" Guys the real enemy here is the institution of marriage." Cook continues his rant barely having time to take a breathe. " It's not realistic, it's crazy." He says to each of the clients as they look at each other for the first time calm and understanding. " Don't do this for the other person, it's about saying yes to yourself, and say yes to your future.
" Say yes. " Naomi says, nodding along for Cook to continue as it seems to be working.
" ..And have some opportunities for yourself, I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some latin guy that can dance." He directs it towards the ex wife, who's listening intently. Cook continue " Let him grind up on you, make you feel dangerous, but also safe." He winks at her and then turns to the Ex husband. " And how bout you? Don't you wanna get inside Chastity without having to worry if anyone is going to find out?
" God, wouldn't that be sweet? " Naomi ask, softly, smiling at the man.
" Wouldn't that be nice? " Cook says, calming down from his big speech. Turning back to the ex wife again for finishing touches ." Having some latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand.. Needing you, wanting you, taking you." He finishes, still looking at her having worked himself up. Naomi turns to the ex husband, to take this thing home.
" All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second." She says, calmly, looking between the two." Let's finish this and let's move on." She says.
" Get out there and get some strange arse." Cook says, shaking his head, resting back on his chair..After a moment the ex husband speaks..
" Can you give her a glass of water so she can take that." He says, kindly, point to the pills in front of his ex wife.
Naomi reaches over grabbing the glass and carton, pouring the ex wife a glass of water, than handing it to her.
" Hey Naomi, that's weird, that glass looks half full to me. " He says in a fake voice.
" Wow, now that you mention it, it is half full." Naomi matches his voice, looking at the ex husband, Cook following her lead.
The ex husband turns to his ex wife, as the she speaks.
" He can have the miles." She says, softly, taking a sip of her water.
Naomi and Cook smile and nod, happy they're finally ready to be fair with each other. Looking back at the husband when he speaks.
" Nah sweety, you take the miles." He says, looking down.
" Great! Great, lets sign the paperwork and we are done." Naomi says, writing something down on a file.
" This is just syntactics, if you two wanna throw some miles our way, we'll take a couple." he says, scratching his head looking down at his sheets. " The big thing is that we're all moving on." He finishes, turning a page on his file. While Naomi continues to fill something out on the papers in front of her, ignoring Cook.
" Can you two just not talk any more?" Mr Karger says, calmly.
Cook is sitting in his office filling out some files when his assistant enters his office with a sleeping bag in her hands. He looks up and drops his pen when he sees her.
" Oh good, ya got me sleeping bag!" he smilings, toothily at her, grabbing the sleeping bag to inspect it. " It's cotton right, that polyester shit makes me skin itch like you wouldn't fucking believe." He says, as he looks at the tag on the sleeper.
" Yes " she says, simply. " Why do you need this? " she asks. Cook looks up handing it back to her to put by his door in his office so he can grab it on the way out tonight.
" I sleep over Naomi's house every year for her birthday." He says, nonchalantly.
" Okayyy, that's not creepy. " She say, bitchly, causing Cook to become irritated.
" I guess it is a little creepy, when a young women, who happens to be an only child, loses both of her parents in a tragic accident one month before her birthday." He looks her right in the eyes, as he see she's getting upset and embarrassed. "...And then has a best friend make a vow, that she will never spend her birthday alone again." He pause for a moment and then continues." Yeah, maybe that would fall under the category of " Creepy "". He does the air quotes as he finishes his little speech.
" Oh my god, I'm so sorry." she sighs, realizing how harsh she was. Cook shakes his head, putting up his hands.
" That's okay " He half smiles.
" No, you're really sweet, I'm sorry." She continues, smiling apologetic. " I have someone perfect for you that I could set you up with." She says, excitedly.
" No thanks, babe, I don't date. " He says, chuckling. " Unless she up for just a willy waggle." He throws out there. She sigh disgusted, turning to leave the room. " Hey could you leave that where she can't see it? " He says, referring to the sleeping bag." Thanks babe." He winks as she leaves.
He presses a button on his conference phone, connecting him to Naomi.
" Nai?"
" Yeah"
" I gotta see you right away, it's important."
A few minutes later Naomi come entering into Cook's office holding a small cup of water, fixing her suit jacket a bit.
" What's going on? " She asks, curiously as she approaches his desk. Sitting down on the chair across from him, taking a sip of her water.
" We have three really big weeks ahead of us." He starts off calmly, then starts clapping excitedly. " It's wedding season, kid! " He shouts excitedly. Naomi slams her water down on the ground in excitement.
" You wanking son of a bitch. " she says, in pure delight and excitement, getting pumped up.
" I got us down for 17 of them already." Cook says, seriously, getting to business. Naomi nods.
" Okay, so how many of them are cash bars? " She asks, just as serious, she not made of money but she wants to have a good time and a couple of drinks are part of that deal. She'd rather not be bankrupt by her third wedding. Cook points at her.
" Great question, love where you're heads at Naoms. And two of them actually are." He says, matter of factly, reaching in to his draw at his desk, pulling out a hard box. " But I got us covered." He says, opening the box in his hand revealing metal badges. " Purple hearts." He winks, placing the box in front of Naomi. " We won't have to pay for a drink all night. " He smiles proud of himself. Naomi grins.
" Oh yeah, perfect!" She says, impressed, then looks up as Cook continues talking.
" We are going to have tons and tons of opportunities to meet fit birds, who are just so aroused by the thought of marriage, that they'll throw their inhibition to the wind." he finishes.
" And who's going to be there to catch them? "Naomi's asks, smiling widely.
"Grab that net, and catch that beautiful butterfly, mate." Cook jokes. " What do you like more, Christmas or wedding season?" Cook asks, smiling goofily, raising his own hand. Naomi plays along and calls on him.
" Mr Cook " She points at him, as if picking him in a group of kids.
" Um, Yes.. The answer would be.. Um , Wedding season." He says, then shakes excitedly in his chair, unable to keep still.
" Bingo! " Naomi says, getting just excited. " I'm gonna go get my dress.. Oh and who are we this time?"
Naomi and Cook walk up the stairs of the nice looking temple, that awaits their first of many wedding events that they will be attending, as they walk in, they put on their confident attitude, the same one they've been using for years now. Naomi introduces them to the man at the door.
" Hello, I'm Jody silverstein. " She introduces herself using her fake name which seems fitting as this is a jewish wedding. She nod to Cook. " I like you to meet a real mensch, Chuck Abraham." They both smile, confidently. Cook feigns blush.
" Oh stop. " he says, nudging her.
They take their seats as the ceremony begins.
" And as we carry on the tradition of thousand of years, we honor the eternal bond that stretches through the ages." The rabbi says to the couple on the alter.
Though Naomi is too busy stalking her prey to be paying any attention. Naomi is looking around when she see a beautiful brunette turn to her, and their eyes meet. The girl smiles shyly and then looks away blushing. Naomi takes this opportunity to drip eye drops in to her eyes to make it look like she is touch by the ceremony. She looks straight ahead for the rest of the ceremony but can feel the eyes of the girl on her as she feigns being moved by the couple.
She leans back after a while when she's sure she's bagged the brunette for later and whispers to Cook " Okay." and then just like that it's Cook who is searching the crowd for his prey. It's always been like this, they take turns, otherwise it looks too obvious, this way it natural.
Cook sees a nice fit blonde who turn back as if feeling his eyes on her and smiles. Perfect timing as the Rabbi is just finishing up.
" I now pronounce you husband and wife." The Rabbi smiles, the now husband smashes the glass in the rag.
Naomi and Cook cheer happily shouting "Mazal tov" at the top of their lungs, as the couple kiss. Cook leans over Naomi and grabs an old jewish man, kissing the top of his head in his excitement.
" Mazal tov, baby." he shouts. " From my family to yours." He says, happily. Naomi cracking up at the site.
At the reception, the traditional jewish music flows through the room as the band happily plays on their instrument. On the dance floor almost everyone is in one big huddle, dancing around the room in circles, including Cook and Naomi, who are basic leading the group, shouting out the lyrics to a one of the songs in hebrew. Laughing the whole time.
They make their way around the room after that, charming the arse off of every single person in the room. As a team they could charm the pants off a fucking nun.
They end up being on either side of the bride, as they hoist her up in the chair, singing hebrew, bouncing her up and down having the time of their life, having knock back a few already.
At one point Cook is showing some kids from the wedding a magic trick that one of their old friend had taught him, then they were eating some cake, which Cook kept stealing some of Naomi's, she couldn't even be mad at him because he's such a beast when it comes to food. They even ended up being part of the wedding when Naomi had a bit more than she should have and decide Cook and her should make a speech.
" You both looked beautiful up there today, especially Debbie in that white dress. " Naomi looks at the bride and smiles. " Enjoy it, after tommorow don't think you'll be able to get away with wearing a white anymore." Everyone laughs, including the bride and the groom.
They get on with the party. Dancing with random guest, women, men, old women, old men, kids. Anyone who was willing, just having a good time.
At one point in the party, Cook was dancing with an old women, trying to get the blonde from earlier to notice his sweet side, which was working if the way she was looking at him was anything to go by. It was only a matter of time before he made his move.
As for Naomi she was sat at a table, a fair bit away from the brunette back at temple, who's had her eyes on Naomi ever since. Naomi folded up a piece of paper that she had scribbled a little note on it and called over a little girl sitting in the table near by. She handed the little girl the paper.
" I want you to take this note and bring it to that brunette girl over there." Naomi whisper to her. " And hurry because I'm going to time you." she says jokingly, getting the girl to hustle.
The little girl ran to the brunette, handing to her. The brunette smile at the little girl and then after opening the note with read ' Do you want to dance?' ask the little girl who gave the note to her. The little girl pointed over to Naomi, who smiled and wave at the women sweetly causing the brunette to blush.
They end up slow dancing for a while, until the brunette decided to break the silence.
" You know I saw you at the wedding. " She says, shyly.
" And? " the blonde asks, feigning confusion.
" You were crying." She said, softly. Naomi sighed.
" Oh bollocks, you weren't suppose to see that, now you probably think I'm a big baby. " Naomi says putting on an act, looking away, pulling out of her grasp a little.
" No, you were so sweet, come here. " Sarah says, pulling Naomi in closer, kissing her.
Next to Naomi, Cook was dancing with his girl, bragging about being a bull rider or whatever. She was eating out of his hand. There was no doubt where this night was ending, for the both of them. Naomi and Cook caught each others eye and winked. This was going to be great wedding season, they both thought.