Disclaimer; I don't own Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go.

Just revisiting childhood, and remembering I'm obsessed with the show! u

'Stupid. Just stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!' Thrashing down face first on his bed, venting his long awaited frustrations with a hard groan in the sheets. 'I'm so tired of always feeling like the dumb monkey. I'm no Gibson but I can prove my worth. I know I'm capable, so why can't they trust me? No... it's not that they can't, they won't. And why not? Have I not proved my self worth to them yet? What more can they ask of me when I'm already doing all I can to be better. Where does it end? Is there ever a point of true acceptance, or will I be forced to live this merry-go-round forever?

Why is it the cheery ones are put to shame on making use of their unhappy side as well? Having a continual and steady supply of happiness is that found to be only in a dream. I should be allowed to have a hard time, a bad day. But to keep the peace I continue to walk on the tight rope given to me. Can they not see how it kills me inside? The ones that should care the most become the most oblivious. I've become invisible to the ones I love as well. I want to say something, but I've no words. I find myself unable to open freely among my closest ones. How can I anyway? They'd never understand. Who would believe the happy-go-lucky jokester could be falling apart inside.

I cannot keep going on like this. It tears me apart, I desperately want things to change, to be seen, to be heard, to be appreciated, to be trusted, to be understood. But I'm to gutless to do anything on my own. I can't quit, and I can't end. My selfish desire to be with the ones I love, to do things for the ones I love and to feel good doing it. I can't quit trying. My life cannot end for the same self centered reasons, I fear leaving everyone behind. If I were to end my life, I could never be there physically with them again, not to be part of their jokes, their fun their battles, their love and protection. No, leaving this world was simply not an option I could bear either. Now what to do? Having exhausted all options, but things needed to change, I wanted them to change. These feelings... are something of no desire to keep around. Just wanting to shed them off, never to return. But it couldn't be that easy, nothing was ever easy.

I'm tired of feeling a failure, a nuisance, in the way with no real purpose They laugh, they tease, all in innocent fun but they'll never know the true unintended hurt they cause. And maybe it's better to keep it as such. They'll never understand why. They'll never see how someone that is so happy and care free to outward appearance can be left to flame the innermost struggles of self war. So I'll keep on pretending. I'll keep faking just to see their smiles, their happiness. The very essence of my pain. I'll smile, I'll laugh, I'll play, I'll tear, I'll break, I'll hide. For them, those that I care for the most.

I know I can't do more for them, though they silently plead. Are they mocking me now? Am I being paranoid? They say it to my face and show it differently to my heart. The soul of my being cries out in over extended agony. This kind of feeling, it doesn't just build up over the days of time, but in the years. It's finally wearing on me and I can't prepare the minute I can no longer hold on. Each joke, every tease, my heart is weighed down in disrespect and drowning in self pity. I often find myself asking is it real? Am I seeing things as they really are? Am I over exaggerating? Misunderstanding? Perhaps I'll never 's become easier to keep those questions to myself.

Antauri believes in talking out your problems, but what good does it do to fall on deaf ears? It doesn't. There's no good in it at all. There never was. Nothing ever changed because I so called complain. My hurt is their complaint. For my actions are never enough and my words never piercing. I was never good enough. I was never worthy of being looked at as though I had value. I had allowed myself to live a blissful lie. A beautiful lie clothed in what I once that was pure love. Pure love for me, that I now know is tainted with what lies beyond mere words. Words that are suppose to be good, words that are suppose to help, to free, to bring life. But the actions hidden beneath those words reveal what their voices hide. Words are fake and in the end, I'll simply never be good enough. The more I do, the better I do, the harder I try only exhaust any remaining resources I have left until I'm left clueless about what to do.

I've heard everything I'm incapable of, and in the rare occasion I hear I am, I no longer believe them. I've long since lost the ability to see any good within myself. Having learned more of what not to say then what to say just to protect my own pathetic emotional status. Feelings of regret and guilt always linger like an unwelcome friend. They always seem to be my go to, no matter how much I'd like to push them away. My problems are my own. And so it shall remain. But I've decided I'll never fully break. To break would be pitiful weakness, to break would be to make them unhappy. And I simply cannot live with that. Their joy is whats left to fuel my life, if even at my own cost.

So I'll suffer alone. I won't share them in my pit of boiling negativity. I'll protect them from that simply by blocking them out. I build my walls, higher and higher locked away inside the deepest sanctum. Sometimes I wish someone cared enough to grab a wrecking ball and smash them down. Just to let me know they really care. That it's real and genuine. To save me from myself.

I found himself sniffling at the unexpected knock at my door. "Otto, may I come in?" Immediately recognizing the voice belonging to the team's only female member. "Umm..." Trying to gather myself, to hide behind my mask the best I could before she saw me. "Yeah...? The air separated with a smooth whoosh as she opened the door to enter. "Otto, are you ok? You haven't been yourself for a while." She knelt down next to her green companion, placing one of her metallic hands on my shoulder and I couldn't hold back.

My tears fell, my sister wrapped her arms around me and I rested on her. We sat there for several minutes, I tried to recollect myself. Before I could fully contain my spirit, another knock was placed on my door, "Come in..." Sounding so weak and pathetic, but I already had one monkey see me break down, what's one more? Antauri calmly approached, he always carried that aura with him. "Otto, what troubles you?" I didn't want to face my superiors. But I knew I had no choice, defying them was simply not an option. Especially Nova. She had a... natural way of getting us to listen to her. I sighed. In a very vague description, I told them what I've been feeling. That I felt that they considered me to be dumb, incapable, and that I lacked purpose.

"I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way Otto..." The owner of the voice, Gibson, looked surprisingly sad. I jumped slightly, startled by the unexpected entrance of the remaining Hyperforce team. I shifted, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the attention. Nova sat still, never moving her loving arms away from me. "Yeah, Gibson here just can't help himself." Nova shot him a glare before speaking to me. "We don't want you feeling this way ever again. We care about you" "Yeah, we're a team, we help each other in times of need." The lone child of the team could be rather smart for his age and typically had an encouraging effect on all of us. "More than that, we're family Otto. Family looks out for one another." Antauri's simple words sounded so wise.

Stunned, they all gathered close to me. They each apologized in their own way, but in the end... It was still my fault. I could've said something and maybe I should've... but I could never bring myself to. They all assured me that I could talk to them about anything, now... I just have to believe them.

Ok, so I hope that's not as bad as I feel it might be...

My aim was to avoid giving away the monkey right away. Though I figured you's would guess it be either Sprx or Otto... Which I was fine with lol

Also, sorry about how stupid the ending sounds lol

I feel it sounds so rushed and forced and probably really cheesy... I guess I just had a rough idea of how to end it, but not really how to execute it... yeah...

I had fun with it though, I enjoyed getting into the mental part of things. And I feel the title fits this (even if it could've been somewhat misleading in a way, which might have been another aim? lol)

But we all have those inward battles with ourselves, and we all deal with those struggles in different ways. I'm one of those that doesn't see the need to talk about them. I feel like even people who are more open about their problems keep some of it to theirselves.

Point is, is you never know how your words or actions are going to effect someone. You can't see the feelings going on inside each other. I believe in "people loving people" where we learn to respect and love rather then hate and bash each other for being different. Differences are a good thing and should be respected even if we don't agree. What works for one person, won't work for another. It's what keeps the world going, those differences.

I love thoughts and reviews, if you want to that is ^.^

Thanks for reading!