This takes place in the 2nd Avengers movie, right after they have acquired Loki's scepter but before Ultron has revealed himself.
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His nose itched as droplets of rain began to fall on his face, rinsing the blood and sweat off his forehead and into his eyes, making them sting. He wished he could wipe the rain, and the sweat and blood and the fear away from his eyes, but he couldn't move at all. He was frozen in place, paralyzed where they had left him, broken and bleeding on the ground in the sticking alleyway next to the garbage cans. Naked, and ashamed. He could see where they had haphazardly thrown his clothes; they were in a pile by the garbage. He could see the empty needle that had injected him with the drug that paralyzed him a few inches away from his frozen hand.
Get up. He urged himself, get up, put on your clothes and get out of here.
But his body refused to cooperate. The drug was still in his system, and he couldn't move a muscle. The drug had not numbed out the pain though, he could still feel every punch, and every stick they had hit him with. He could still feel where they had penetrated—
No. No. Don't think about it. If you don't think about it than it didn't happen.
What had happened to him, what they had done, he had only heard about it—usually in the news, followed by words like "murder" and "violated". And never would he had thought of it happening to him. Captain America.
They had thought it too. They had laughed and jibed at him, proud of themselves for being the ones to finally tarnish his shield. That's what they had said, tarnish. Degrade. Humiliate.
And he had been unable to stop them. Unable to move at all as they hurt him and now, even as he though about he felt the shame creep up into his face and make it burn. He didn't want to think about the word. The thing they did to him. It was too ugly.
He winced noiselessly as electric shoots of pain traveled up and down his back. The drug had also paralyzed his voice. He couldn't make a sound. He knew he needed to move soon, he will his body to get up, to stand up and get out of here. But nothing happened.
He turned his thoughts away from the pain, and to what he was going to tell the others when he finally made it back to headquarters. They were sure to be worried about him, it wasn't like him to stay out all night like this. What would they say when they found out what happened? What would they do?
Tony would be sure to flip out. He would punch the wall, drink a lot of whiskey and then order Jarvis to do an internet sweep to see if he could find the guys that did this. He wouldn't stop until they were found. He would drink, and punch, and pace and obsess and wouldn't stop.
Thor….Thor would be confused. Things like this, things like rape were not a concrete concept in Asgard. He would begin to ask questions. Questions after questions until he finally understood, and then he would want to take revenge. And revenge never ends well.
On the surface, Natasha would offer comfort; soup, donuts, blankets, hugs, someone to listen to. She would offer comfort until he was sick of it, while underneath she would be blaming herself for not watching out for him. The guilt would over take her and she would self destruct.
And Bruce…..Bruce would go green and destroy everything he and Natasha had been working on. They would be reduced back to ruins.
And it would all be his fault.
Telling them was out of the question, it was too dangerous. He would not let his friends destroy themselves for his sake.
Finally, as the sun began to rise, Steve felt his fingers begin to twitch, and then to move. Slowly, he was able to move them, and then his arms, and then his legs. He pushed himself up into the sitting position and winced as his entire body ached from the hellish nightmare he had just gone through.
He stood up dizzily, and walked the few paces to where the remains of his clothes were. He pulled them on, not caring if that his shirt was inside out, or that his jeans were stained with mud and blood. They had taken his jacket. He shivered in the cold morning light as he limped his way back to Stark Towers. Every step sent a blinding pain up his back, causing spots to appear in his vision.
Somehow, he made it to the tower and was able to buzz himself in. they had not taken his wallet, for some reason but his phone was still missing. Everyone was still asleep, the receptionist hadn't come in yet and the lobby was still and quiet.
He limped over to the elevator, and hit the call button. It was there in a matter of seconds.
"Good morning, Mr. Rogers. Welcome back to headquarters, may I be of any assistance?"
Steve jumped at the voice of Jarvis. He tried to summon up the words No, I'm fine. Thank you. But he couldn't. When he reached down to try to retrieve them he found that his voice was frozen, an after effect of the drug, perhaps.
He shook his head.
"Very good sir, please let me know if you need anything." Jarvis replied.
The elevator took him up to the top floor, to where the headquarters of the Avengers were and to where he was bunking until he was able to find a place of his own in Brooklyn.
To Steve's surprise, the living room of their headquarters was not empty like he thought it would be, instead it was occupied by Tony, Natasha, Bruce and Thor. All sitting on the couch, all looking quite concerned as they stared at him.
Suddenly Steve felt like he couldn't breathe. This was too much. He did not want to face them, to tell them what happened. All he wanted was to go to sleep and hope that this all was a terrible, terrible nightmare.
He stared at them, and they stared at him. Before either of them could say anything, Steve pointed in the direction of his bunk and took off before they had a chance to question him. He opened his bedroom door and slammed it shut, looking it from the inside. Here he was safe, here he could finally rest.
On autopilot, he undressed, showers, pulled pajamas on and fell into bed.
Finally, he was safe.
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Three days went by, and he knows by now that the others are worried about him. Bitter experience taught them that he didn't want to be touched, that loud noises made him jump and shake. He hears them whispering in the hallways outside his bedroom door. They have never seen him like this before, it takes a lot to beat down Captain America.
Natasha brought him soup on the second day. She sat silently on his bed as he pretended to be asleep. She touched his hand, and whispered comforting words before leaving. A few hours later she came back to collect the untouched soup. He was awake that time, and didn't have enough time to feign sleep. She had smiled sadly at him, but didn't pressure him to speak, or tell her what happened. His silence didn't seem to bother her.
Tony came in on the third day, equipped with some fancy machine that was supposed to check to see if he was okay. Steve sat silently as the machine did it's job, reporting half healed fractures, bruises and cuts. It detected traces of the paralyzing drug and It said his voice was fine, that all traces of the drug had left his system. When Tony asked him questions he answered with short, clinical answers. He still couldn't bring himself to speak freely though. If he did, he was afraid he just blurt out what happened to him and he couldn't allow that. Then it wouldn't be a nightmare anymore, it would be real.
It was the fourth day since had had been attacked and this time he didn't want Natasha to bring him food. He wanted to go down to dinner, get back into the normal routine and just forget that this ever happened. He didn't want his friends to think he was abandoning them, or that he was mad at them. He just wanted things to go back to normal.
They smiled at him as he entered the kitchen, tentatively though like they weren't sure what to do.
"Hey Cap, you hungry?" Tony asked
Steve forced a smile, "Yeah."
"Great, come grab a plate. Pizzas still hot. You like pizza, right? They had it back in your time?"
"Yeah, pizza is fine." He answered, grabbing a plate and walking over the open boxes. He grabbed a slice, and then walked over to the table. Natasha and Bruce shifted over so he could have a seat next to them.
"You doing okay?" Bruce asked
Steve shrugged his shoulders.
Somewhere, something beeped loudly and Steve felt himself jump at the loud noise.
He watched them as they exchanged worried glances with each other. They ate with a brittle tension floating over them. The conversation rises back up again, and Steve tried to focus on what they are saying, tried to stay present, but it was hard when his brain kept firing flashes after flashes of that night. He felt his hands shaking as the fear started creeping back, and suddenly the sense of vulnerability was too strong and they are too close to him, talking too loud, reminding him of their voices all around him as he lay helpless….
"Cap? Cap? Steve? Are you okay?"
Steve was brought back by Tony's sharp brown eyes looking into his, he touched his shoulder lightly.
"Just breathe. You are safe here with us. You are okay. You are safe."
Steve flinched away from his touch, and broke his gaze away from him. He stood up and took a few steps away from the table, feeling his whole body shaking as they stared at him.
The overwhelming sense of fear and vulnerability was too much, his hands were shaking too hard, he could catch his breath and then he was falling into darkness.
Then, nothing.
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Voices, there were voices fading in and out around him. Murmuring, they tuned in and out like a weak radio signal
"…..let him take the lead; if he wants to talk, let him talk, if he wants to stay silent, allow him to do so. Give him time to heal."
"But-."
"They hurt him, badly. Jarvis was able to do a full examination and he found signs of sexual assault and battery-."
"What does that mean? Was he-."
"Yes."
"I want to know who did this, -."
"I know. I know. Me too. But we cant do anything until he tells us. He needs to know that he can trust us."
Two voices. A man and a woman. Whispering to each other. Where was he? He wasn't in his room, and he wasn't in his bed. They came in clearer as the fog lifted. Finally Steve opened his eyes and looked up at the silver ceiling. A silver ceiling he knew all too well, it was the ceiling of the medical ward at headquarters. Panic started to rise in his chest; if he was in the medical ward, then they were able to do tests, and the tests were able to tell them what had happened to him. They knew. They knew exactly what happened to him. And suddenly the panic turned to shame. They knew. How was he going to get through this, how was he going to look any of them in the eye again?
They know. Oh god help me.
A shadow appeared out of the corner of his eye and he looked to his right to see Tony Stark sitting next to him with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Hey Cap. How are you feeling?" he asked
Steve shrugged
"Do you want to sit up?"
He nodded.
Tony pressed a button and Steve felt the bed move up a sitting position.
"You fainted. I think that was the first time in the whole history of Captain America." Tony said, with a small smile.
Steve nodded, staring at his hands. He not want to look at Tony, afraid of the pity he will see in his eyes.
"You've been through a lot, haven't you?" Tony asked
Steve nodded.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, man. I don't care about what they did to you, you were drugged and it was out of your control. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It was not your fault, and I will never think less of you. I'm your friend and I will always be there for you." Tony said softly.
He reached over, and his hand hovered over Steve's hand. Steve realized that he wanted to take it, and was waiting for his permission before he touched him. This small gesture was enough for the walls to go down, just a little bit. Steve nodded and Tony gave him a smile before he took it in his.
"It was not your fault, what happened to you. It was not your fault. Can you repeat that for me?" he asked
Steve paused, and closed his eyes.
"It was not my fault." He said in a thin voice.
Tony nodded, "Good. That was good."
He squeezed his hand tightly.
"Don't ever forgot that, okay?"
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So I know it's not perfect, but please tell me what you think. It's my first time writing in this fandom, so please be nice. This is the first half, I'm still working on the second half.