Holy fuck, holy fuck. I don't know what to do with myself. I hover over Mare like any moment the weight of this will crush her. I want to touch her, but having never gone this far with anyone, how much is too much too fast? What's the buildup protocol? What is the gameplan?

I've read about sex in the Old World novels before. Father never touched the subject with us, but Elara did—and awkwardly. I'd read about it though. Heard fellow soldiers and Reds in the taverns talk candidly and raucously about it. I know how it should work. I feel better that Mare is also just as new to this as I am… and maybe even more, since she surely hasn't had as much exposure to the subject as I have. But beneath me she looks incredulously calmer and more confident than I do.

Get it together, Calore. Underneath me, Mare arches her back enough to slip her hands underneath and deftly unclasp her bra. In one smooth and mesmerizing movement, she's maneuvered her arm from one strap and tosses it off to the side through the other strap. She's half-naked beneath me, but all I can look at is her rosy face. Her cheeks burn crimson, and her bottom lip gets pulled between her teeth as she lies there in a bundle of short-firing nerves. So she is nervous.

I release a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and feel the tension melt away from my body. I realize she's waiting for me to make a move, but I want to memorize this moment between us. I want to photograph the memory of Mare underneath me, her breasts only a whisper away, and rising with each breath. She's beautiful, from the depths of brown in her eyes to the way her eyelashes frame them and flutter against my puffs of air.

Finally, Mare breaks the silence and pulls me from the trance where I've taken up residence. "Cal…?"

I blink a few times, realizing my quiet staring is probably making her uncomfortable right after she's undressed half of herself. "Sorry, I just—you are breathtaking."

She gets impossibly redder and averts her eyes from me, but I take her chin to pull her back. My face hovers over hers, relishing her warm pants into my mouth like she's breathing life back into me. I crash my lips against hers and immediately suck her bottom lip in between mine. The vibration of her moan travels south to its only destination; the cotton does little to hide the evidence of my arousal that I rub against her thigh to get the slightest bit of friction for any kind of relief. I learn quickly it only makes the desire that much stronger.

Finally, fucking finally, I get the nerve to make my way down to her breasts. They rise and fall with every raspy lungful of air Mare draws in, but unlike before, I'm sure and confident in what I'm about to do next. My brain has switched off, and I've stopped overthinking and overworrying about what to do, so I can give myself xompletely to her.

I ghost my lips over the swell of her breast; it's a touch as light as a feather and Mare arches under me to bring me where she really wants me. I resist, though, and lift my head a fraction above her skin. My nose brushes along the curves, and I switch to her other breast to do the same. I know it's driving her crazy, these light touches, but she's beautiful to watch this way. Wanting and needing me, letting go of her thoughts and allowing her body to chase her desire. It has unforeseen effects on me, however, because Mare writhes her lower body against mine in a bid for attention, and when I drop my hips between her legs, Mare immediately pulls her knees up to my waist and wraps her legs around the backs of mine. I have a feeling Mare and I will develop this game of who can out-tease whom. But for now, I want her too badly to compete. I latch my mouth onto her nipple and swirl my tongue around it, and my god the sounds she makes! Her hand fumbles to find my arm until her hand grips mine. I mean to interlock my fingers with hers, but she's moved my hand to her other breast and squeezes her hand over mine. My mouth never stops its ministrations over her, and though she's got a series of gasps and 'mmmm's tumbling off her lips, I want to hear that one sound she makes again. And again. And again.

I graze my bottom teeth underneath her nipple until my lips once again close into a perfect 'o'—and there it is, her crying out, the quiver in her voice, and the whimper that follows. I switch sides with a loud 'pop!' as I break suction, picking up where my fingers left off. Between my fingers I roll her hard peak and she cries out again. This time on the tail end is a muffled "fuck", which I've only ever heard her use twice before and it's never been sexier than it is now.

"Cal," she whines, "please."

I get her need, I feel it too, but I want to savor all of this. I don't know how long these things are supposed to last, and I imagine I won't last long once I'm inside her. I feel like I'm about to go off right now with her squirming underneath and against me. Every movement she makes forces me to adjust my position on her to alleviate the throbbing. She keeps writhing anyway, not that I can blame her, though I suspect it's intentional. There's no way she doesn't feel how hard I am.

"Mare," I grit out between clenched teeth when I can't take it anymore. "You're going to finish this much quicker than either of us want if you keep doing that."

She raises her arms over her head and bunches her hair into her fists. With her eyes closed, she forces herself to breathe slower to calm down; little whimpers escape with each breath. With her like this, flushed and almost comically exasperated in a position I've seen her sleep in a dozen times and have had dreams about two dozen more, I let go of the nervousness that has been holding me back. Forget slow and steady. All I want is to feel her. With my hands running over her hips, my fingertips dip into her waistband and I watch her eyes fly open. She lifts her hips, the silent gesture assuring me to keep going, and I hook into the lace of her underwear and pull them lower with her pants—over her slender calves, past the arches of her feet until the fabric is discarded somewhere on the floor.

To keep myself from coming right then and there, I move her leg in between mine so her thigh is firmly pressed against me. I lean all my body weight into this one spot so the pressure is enough to hold me off. What I don't expect is to feel a wet heat on my own cotton-clad thigh. Because I'm a masochist who wants to embarrass himself, I risk a glance down at her now fully naked body. I see dark spot on my otherwise light grey pants and just a couple inches from that is Mare's sex, glistening in the dim lamplight.

My voice catches in my throat and hundred swears play on repeat in my head. "You're beautiful," I murmur. And she is. I had absolutely no expectations but fuck, she looks breathtaking.

I look up at her and say it again so she knows I mean it, and I watch her swallow anxiously. I don't know shit about sex outside of crude gossip, but I figure it probably doesn't work with one of us naked. Mare is also done with being the only physically vulnerable one here, so with nimble fingers she pulls on the tie at my waist. It doesn't do much since the pants fit me perfectly anyway, but Mare boldly wraps them around her hand once and pulls me toward her. With my body flush against hers, I marvel at how soft and gentle she feels against the hardened planes of my chest and muscular thighs. Her body is feminine and plush, but there's a lean strength to her legs from all her running. It's with those legs that she wraps around my waist and curls her toes into my waistband. Her thighs grip my middle firmly at the same time she leans her head up to kiss me. I slip my hand underneath her and grab her ass and fuck me if that yelp she makes has me smirking against her lip.

Mare makes quick and haphazard work of getting my pants down, so I finish off the rest by kicking them off my feet to the foot of my bed. Now that I am completely naked above her, I think it hits both of us that what we're about to do is going to change everything for us.

(/MARE)

Is it normal to shake this much? I wonder if he can feel it or if it's just everything inside me going crazy over what is really happening right now. He sets his knee between my legs, where I am so wet it's a little humiliating. Cal doesn't seem to mind; in fact, it was like he was even more turned on by it, though how he could be more turned on than he is now, I don't know. With him now kneeling in front of me, my eyes grow wide as I finally see what's been digging into my thigh for the last however long. Of course I have nothing to compare this to, but it's certainly nothing short of impressive. I'm so busy gawking that I don't notice Cal is taking off his bracelets until he sets them down onto the bedside table. With my attention back on his face, I see Cal looking as vulnerable as he must feel, although, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with his clothes being somewhere on the bed. No, this exposure is because his biggest security measure is sitting an arm's reach from him. His bracelets, what gives his ability life and what gives this man his power beyond the ability, look like harmless trinkets without Cal's wrists occupying them. I'm physically no match for Cal. I know this, and he knows this, but for the first time in our awakened state, the balance shifts in favor of the girl who can make lightning in the void with no artificial assistance.

"I won't hurt you," I whisper to him, repeating back the words he said to me only moments ago.

He nods, whether to reassure himself or because he believes me, I don't know. But before I can insist it, he lies down over me, ready. My hands shake, and I don't know where to place them with the threat of sparks at my fingertips, so he intertwines our fingers and raises my hands above my head. He lets go for a moment to reach down and positions himself at my opening. I shut my eyes tightly as my desperately-needy body betrays its own lust by tensing in self-interest. I feel the tip of his erection graze against me, easily gliding along the seam of my sex. I purse my lips to stifle my moan into a pathetic 'mmmm' and damn, I'm so glad this room is far from the occupied others.

"Don't do that," Cal mumbles against my mouth. "I want to hear you. I want to see you."

I slowly open my heavy eyelids to see his warm amber eyes only a couple inches from mine. His are filled with determination and anticipation. I wonder what he sees in me. Cal slowly starts to kiss me; his tongue teases mine in a similar way to how he's teasing me below. With my legs wrapped firmly around his lower back, I bring myself up and Cal slips inside me at least an inch, taking us both by glorious—sweet gods is it glorious—surprise. He doesn't move any farther but instead kisses me as if his life depended on it. I didn't think anything could distract me from what it feels like to have him inside me, but this kiss is something else, unlike any other kiss we've ever shared. Everything falls away except his lips against mine, his tongue coaxing and pushing, his teeth nipping, and the pressure starts to build deep in my belly, when—

"OH!" My moan is loud and thankfully muffled by Cal's mouth over mine. He's sheathed himself what feels like as far as he can go, and my fingertips come to life with sparks that I quickly clench away in my fist. His forehead pressed to mine, he waits quietly and patiently for me to nod when I'm okay. I blink a few times to get rid of whatever moisture has seeped into my eyes and nod again when I'm sure it's passed. "I'm okay," I whisper.

Cal remains still to watch me carefully, so it's up to me to move against him to get things going again. When he's finally convinced I'm not going to shatter beneath him, he starts to move haphazardly at first, then establishes a rhythm that proves to be in synch with mine. He swells inside me, and that trembling low in my belly starts rising faster than I can keep up with. Should I tell him I'm almost there? Does he somehow already know by his pace quickening? In between our moans, we steal whatever breath we have from one another with kisses alternating between tender and passionate. Cal shifts his weight so every move thrusts harder against me; it's like a light switch furiously switching on and off with every thrust. When his hips pull back it's a split second of noticeable absence and anticipation, but when his body hits mine, it's a tiny explosion of the most incredible feeling. When he moves faster, I can't distinguish between the breaks anymore.

My whole body goes tense and rigid under him as the build becomes nearly unbearable but he's relentless with it and doesn't falter one bit. "Oh god, oh, fu-Cal!" I say his name again and again between a series of oh's and mm's. Cal grabs my wrists and keeps them pinned above me as I ride out this exquisite release. Suddenly I'm empty and Cal himself grunts loudly against my neck at the same time I feel hot liquid on top of my thigh. Next time we definitely need to have provisions for this sort of thing.

Next time. Holy shit. I can't believe we just—and will there be a next time? Did Cal…? I mean I guess he enjoyed it because the evidence is dripping down the side of my thigh, but is that a guarantee?

"Mare," Cal mumbles in a raspy groan against my chest where his sweaty head rests. My heart races beneath his cheek as I prepare myself for whatever it is he's about to tell me. "Yeah?" I answer quietly. Even to me, my voice sounds small.

"You're thinking too hard."

I chuckle softly and run my fingers through his hair as the rise and fall of my chest returns to normal, albeit it's a little hard with Cal's extra weight. I feel myself drifting to sleep, and somewhere between the space of sleep and awake, Cal moves us underneath the luxuriously soft blankets. He holds me to him, my back to his chest as we've done every night together, but now it means something. It's not just the two of us sharing a bed for ambiguous and unspoken reasons. Now this has meaning, tangible and undeniable meaning. Just before I'm out, I gather all my will and strength to turn myself over and face him, chest to chest. If he's surprised, he doesn't show it. Instead, Cal kisses the top of my head before resting his chin on it, and the last thing I hear before I'm asleep is the hum of a familiar love song.

A/N - A massive thank you to Chloe Benson, author of Red as the Dawn and Silver as the Sword, for being my beta on this. She was invaluable in her commentary and support. If you haven't read her work, I cannot recommend it enough.

*Note: My author pen name changed prior to the posting of this one-shot. If you are currently reading Silhouettes, it's still me! Just a proper pen name!