It's Always Been You

Summary/Authors note: Sam and Emily get pregnant, crushing Leah further. However, it comes as a huge shock when Emily loses the baby due to a weak cervix; a normal, human pregnancy complication. The shock is heightened through-out the elders considering their belief that imprinting is for fertility reasons; to carry on their genes. If imprinting is for fertility reasons, and for some reason, there's a fault in Emily's, what happens between Sam and Emily when they lose the baby? Will Leah Clearwater be there for her cousin and ex-boyfriend, or will her independence and pain cause her to recoil further? Post-Breaking Dawn, including every aspect, a.k.a Renesmee, however there's no direct mention to her. Jacob imprinted on her, that's the extent of her involvement.

Leah's point of view. (Flashback)

We all waited in the hospital, all curious and anticipant of the sudden turn of events. It was mind blowing, really. Emily and Sam had gotten pregnant nineteen weeks ago. Nineteen long, horrendous weeks. Patrolling with Sam had been further complicated and painful since the unplanned pregnancy. Actually, just breathing; living within a distance of him was even more painful. Sam and Emily had everything I wanted pre-baby and when they'd gotten pregnant, my own infertility heightened the hurt. It was a double slap in the face.

However, as we sat in the hospital lobby, Emily's mom ringing her hands together nervously, and Sam's, too calm to register what was going on, I knew even if it hurt; even if it hurt like hell, I wouldn't want this: Emily to lose the baby.

To say I hated Emily was far-fetched; she was my blood and she and I once shared the same goals in life. We both understood the other and loved each other the same once upon a time. It wasn't easy to forget. Would I ever forgive her? No. Not fully. Not even if I wanted to, which a part of me always would. Not only did I lose the love of my life in our break-up, but I lost my best friend, too. No matter how many ways I could think back and look at it, there was no other outcome. No outcome suitable or less painful than this. Emily and Sam chose their lives and I chose to not be involved in it anymore than I had to be already. It was how things were.

But I still didn't wish this.

The doctors said Emily was going to have a late miscarriage due to cervical incompetence. Translation: She was going to lose the baby, more than likely. As we awaited the fate of the child, I could only think about everything I had missed; everything Emily and I couldn't be a part of in the others life due to her relationship with Sam. If things had went as planned, I would of been in there holding her hand, telling her everything would be okay while Sam held mine, her baby's father on the other side of the bed. Some nice, tall man who cared about her and kissed her forehead to soothe her. Not Sam. He was mine.

The fact that I felt envious and selfish was confirmation that I really was heartless considering Emily and Sam were currently in turmoil over the possible loss of their unborn child, but I couldn't help it. I would rather be the one losing the child as long as I had Sam. And Emily, too, I guess, by my side. I would take her fate over my own any day.

Then, Sam emerged from the swinging double doors, pinching the bridge of his nose as he went over to his mother, prohibiting eye contact with anyone else. She stood immediately, taking her son into her arms and then, Sam whispered the words we all hoped he wasn't going to say, but we all knew deep down were coming.

"He's gone."

His voice was quiet and he, ultimately seemed detached. I could relate to his tone. Every day. Though, I knew this pain, no worse, nor better, was still pain, and different from that of mine. I still wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be okay, though the other half of me felt repulsed at the idea of trying to console him and show him any emotion when he caused what I dealt with every day. Maybe the latter was selfish and horrible, but I couldn't find it in me to stop my pain just because he, too, was hurting. If I could stop my pain, I would of found an excuse to long ago. On the same thought, though, I loved Sam more than words would ever begin to capture and I wanted to be there for him so badly considering our history.

The confliction glued me to my seat, as I knew it would, and I sat there, watching everything unfold.

Leah's point of view. (Present)

That was two months ago.

Emily and Sam exiled themselves to their home and only shouts late at night while the rest of us patrolled under Jacob's order told me there was any life left in the house. No one really saw them anymore. Both of their moms and Emily's dad dropped by occasionally and sometimes my mom would call over to make sure things were okay, but other than that, I hadn't saw or heard from Sam or Emily since that day in the hospital. It seemed like a life time ago, really.

They were both dealing with the loss of a child; A son, Sam said. I understood their reclusive lifestyle. I didn't have to see them every day. Maybe it was unspeakable, but their pain allowed mine to diminish slightly.

Well, not their pain, as such, but the fact that I wasn't faced with the man who took my virginity, and still held my heart day in, day out, wasn't something bad. I hardly saw Emily as it was, as long as I could help it, though Sam was kind of a requirement considering we were both wolves.

Two months of grieving, and fighting between the otherwise 'happy', 'perfect' soul mates. It was strange, and the elders were more confused than ever at first. Now, they seemed... at ease, mainly. My mom knew something I didn't, though. She always had an edge since a week after Emily's miscarriage; when she had dropped by to see Sam and Emily on her way home from work. Whatever it was, I tried to push to the back of my mind. I couldn't find it in me to give them solace or comfort. I couldn't do it for myself, so I wouldn't be much good to anyone else.

You have to practice what you preach for it to mean something. Telling them it would be okay and their pain would get better when I hadn't found a cure for my own pain, - though, admittedly, it wasn't the same - was hypocritical. That, and I couldn't empathize to their situation. I sympathized to an extent, but I couldn't empathize and that's what they needed, I assumed. Someone who had been through the same thing and could honestly tell them it gets better.

Whatever was going on, it was pretty irrelevant to me, I convinced myself. I had responsibilities to the pack, and since the miscarriage, I had changed. At least in wolf form. I didn't constantly nag and tease. I mostly kept to myself. There was no need to block out my pain with rage if the source wasn't around; if the source was grieving himself. Right?

Maybe I was just turning soft. Or.. harder. Whatever the case, I was okay right now. As okay as I had been in a long time. It still hurt and stung and nagged at me; the pain, but it held off for longer and I was able to do things without being constantly reminded of Sam. It was a horrible way to have gotten space, though it was space nonetheless.

I got up, off my bed, and headed over to Jacob's, where everyone met for patrol, now. The night was just taking precedence, overriding the suns dominance in the sky as the clouds darkened, the moon gaining on the sun. It wasn't raining; damp, but not raining. Yet, at least.

I took a breath in as I turned the knob on Jacob's house, entering as per usual, and going into the tiny living room. It was big enough for Billy and Jacob, but for pack meetings... Not so much. I was practically invisible to them all, now, though, considering my lack of pettiness; nagging, in wolf form and human. Keeping to myself furthered my standing in the pack's mind, I knew, but I really had no intentions of trying to do anything. All the horrible thoughts just kind of... stopped. I wasn't hostile. I was envious and hurt, but not hostile. Not right now. Not with Sam's absence; his thoughts about he and Emily torturing me no longer. It was easier; nicer taking orders from Jacob, even with his obsessive thoughts about the half-breed he imprinted on. But still, easier. Sam asked him to take over for a little while. Little did he know, that meant two months in counting.

As I entered the living room, I was shocked, or rather, surprised, to see Sam standing in front of the others; not Jacob. Jacob was sat down on the arm of the couch, waiting for Sam to start. I leaned in the door frame for the duration of the usually short stay. Jacob gave orders; a perimeter and outline and then, we'd all pair up somewhat and disperse. Something told me this meeting would be longer. Sam's eyes met mine instantly as I walked in. Something burned within them, but I couldn't determine what it was. I didn't keep eye contact long enough. My heart sank when I had walked in. Jacob was easier to be around, and seeing Sam again... I felt everything return; hostility included.

"I'm back," Sam stated, his eyes staying on me, though talking to the group.

I dropped his gaze, feeling his eyes leave me before I looked back up.

He took a deep breath in and then, as though this was completely normal, he gave everyone directions, as though he hadn't missed a beat the last two months. I suspected Jacob filled him in.

I was the first to leave, the guys following as we exited the back door, accumulating in the yard before getting ready to phase, quickly sharing a word or two with whoever we were supposed to stay close to. Mine was Embry. As easy-going as he was lately, it was still hard to be close to the guys in any way.

"Leah," I heard the familiar voice behind me murmur as I nodded to Embry.

I turned, looking up slightly to meet Sam's eyes. "Yeah?" My voice wasn't as snippy and flippant as it usually was. Maybe I was being sensitive to Sam's loss, or maybe, I really had changed a little. The pain only worsened, though, as I gazed into his large, chocolate eyes.

"We need to talk."

"About?" My brow furrowed. What could he possibly want?

Sam tried to take my hand, but I pulled it back before he got the chance. I was still me: Leah. I still cringed thinking about his hands touch me, either now, or when he held me in bed. I was still hurt and I was still trying, and obviously failing, to heal. Why did he always do this?

But there was something in his large, chocolate eyes. Something I was incompetent to read.

The pack fell silent and I could feel their eyes. They all knew whatever he was going to say, I realized. Everyone did. And this is what my mom knew a month and a half ago. How they kept it from me, I don't know, but whatever it was had my palms sweating and a lump rising in my throat.

"What?" I repeated.

"The imprint..."

I fought back the urge to cringe; especially with all the eyes on us. I decided to retrace back to my old habits. "What about it?" I snapped slightly. "Just spit it out, God."

I could almost hear the exasperation filling the guys at my old ways.

Sam's eyes didn't drop my gaze and I saw him struggling for words.

"It's broken."

It's broken.

What was?

Broken.

"Leah?" Sam said gently, trying to get my attention through the daze. "The imprint broke: Mine and Emily's."

My body felt heavy, but light at the same time. My whole body, wrists especially were warm and tingling. I felt disconnected with my body, my mind filling with thoughts, yet completely blank at the same time as I dropped his gaze. The imprint broke. That was impossible. What fucking game was he playing? Rage suddenly entered my blood.

"That's impossible." I stated harshly. "What are you playing at? Fuck off, Sam. Seriously..." I can't do this. That was what I wanted to say. I couldn't take it. Games and lies and bullshit. But I couldn't admit that; I couldn't show him any weakness. I was Leah Clearwater; a compassionless shrew. I was the girl who didn't take shit. I only gave it. I was Leah Clearwater; broken, numb and hurt. Hiding.

"The elders were right," he said gently, trying to push away my harshness. "Imprinting was for fertility. When Emily lost the baby... It broke." There was little attachment in his voice. It took me back slightly. "All we do is fight; argue. As soon as it happened, everything changed."

Something came over me, then. Was he looking for pity? "Poor you. Is that what you want? Someone to tell you they're sorry that you and Ms. Perfect aren't the same now?"

"Leah," Jacob scolded.

Sam sighed, frowning. I could only imagine how he still felt about losing his son, but whatever the fuck he was playing at wasn't worth my time or energy and it hurt more than I could take. I was getting better. I was moving on. Progress, right? Life was finally going on.

"You're so beautiful," Sam blurted. "God Leah, you're the most beautiful, amazing girl I've ever laid eyes on."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't open my mouth, or meet his piercing gaze anymore. I would break. I would crack. I couldn't do that. He couldn't make me do this.

"Leah," I heard Emily's voice from the back door of Jacob's house, Billy behind her in his wheel chair, watching everything unfold. "It's true. Sam and I..." She shook her head. She was hurt, I could see, but she wasn't devastated; empty. She wasn't me. "We're not engaged anymore."

I looked to he when she spoke, and when she stopped, I looked to Sam, then everyone else. "Alright, all of you can fuck off. Seriously. Where's the joke? It's not funny." Tears accumulated in my eyes. I couldn't help it. My whole body was trying to tremble, but I held it back, balling my hands into fists. "It's not funny." My tone was defeated; empty; laced with exhaustion.

"Lee-Lee.."

I reached up, un-balling one of my fists, only to slap Sam across the face so hard his head snapped to the side. He was so close; only a step away. The closest he had been to me since the break-up and as my hand made contact with his face, it shook and I hesitated to bring it back to my side as his eyes turned to me. I expected him to phase, but he was calm. He expected this reaction; prepared for it.

"It's not a joke, Leah," Emily said gently. "You're getting your life back. Your old life." There wasn't much hostility; sarcasm in her tone. She was trying to be genuine, but me gaining everything back was still a slap in the face to her. Especially after losing a child.

"I'm getting my life back?" I almost laughed, unable to look at Sam as I looked around at the guys. I was a ticking time bomb; it was written on everyone's face. They had no idea what I'd do next. As unpredictable and unforgettable as I was, I loved it. My eyes were still damp, but the burning had temporarily subsided.

I took a long moment as everyone stayed silent to digest everything. Sam expected me to take him back, I realized quickly. Right here, right now; immediately.

"And you think that you can just waltz back into my life?" I asked, speculatively.

"I'm willing to make it up to you," he said quickly. "Leah, please, let me try. I know I've hurt you, but I want to try. We can go back to what we were. Everything can go back."

His words were too real; to attainable. I shook my head, the burning in my eyes returning as my bottom lip noticeably quivered. "It's not that easy," I choked out. "You left me. You promised you would never leave me." My words were forced, my throat filled with a lump the size of a baseball, but as I met his eyes, I couldn't take mine away.

"I'm the way I am because of you! Everyone hates me because of you!" I almost screamed, through clenched teeth as my fists balled up again. I suspected everyone expected me to hit him again, but I couldn't. My limbs were too much like Jell-O for my to get a good hit. I didn't want to hit him anymore.

I didn't want to hurt anymore.

The pain and hurt was written so plainly on my face, the thought made me want to cringe. I squeezed my eyes shut. Everything I had masked so well was surfacing; all the pain.

I felt Sam's arms engulf me so tight I struggled to breathe at first. And then, the tears started flowing from my eyes and down my cheeks.

"The imprint had a force over me," Sam said, his hands rubbing up and down my back, trying to soothe me as my frame shook, my face buried into his chest... Oh God, his chest. I inhaled his all too familiar scent. He smelt the same; felt the same. But it wasn't that easy. Things would never be as they were before. But that doesn't mean that they couldn't be better... Right? "But Leah.." He pulled back slightly and waiting until I looked up at him. I had to blink to get the tears out of my eyes; to focus on every feature I had pointedly tried to block out, including his smouldering eyes. "You were my first, and you are my true love. God, Leah, it's always been you." He paused, reaching up and wiping my cheeks dry as more tears fell in their place. "I love you, so much. It's always been you. Please, give me another chance. One more chance. I know it sounds crazy and I have no right to ask, but Lee-Lee, please... I promise you with everything I am to make this up to you. Every tear. I know I've broken you. But let me fix it: Fix you."

Some part of me told me that it could be as it was: Now that they weren't together anymore, I could heal. I could avoid them, and heal.

But I laughed at that part mentally. That would never happen. Sam held everything I was. He was everything to me and even through the pain and the hurt, I wanted to give him another chance. He had a lot of making up to do. He had a lot of damage to undo, or make right. But he had me. He always had me. My heart.

I reached up automatically, wrapping my arms around his neck as sobs shook my frame. "Don't leave me. Not again. Not ever, ever again. I need you," I said between sobs, and my voice hitching. "Sam..."

"Lee-Lee," he murmured, his tone telling me there were tears on his cheeks. I cried harder, unable to help it. "I promise I won't," he breathed. "I'm so, so sorry."

It was in front of everyone; my break down and our... reunion, if you wanted to call it that. Sam would have to regain trust. There was no way that he could just come back as though nothing happened, however, I love him, and I need him, and I knew that that was all it took to allow him to try. I always told myself he hurt me too much to be ever let in. Though that was bitterness; my mask. I tried to show everyone my bitter side to hide the hurt I held within; the hurt that came out as tears at night when I was alone.

But this... He was mine. He was my everything. He was back, and as I clung to him, his arms tightly wrapped around my waist, I knew he was all I ever had needed, and the pain and hurt... It was gone, relief filling my mind; body. Actually, relief didn't begin to explain it, but it was a start. This was a new start. I pulled back, and both of our lips yearningly found the others in a passionate and desperate kiss. It was a private moment, but it was on display for everyone to see. Though, I didn't care. That faded; everything but him did.

This had to be a dream, surely. It just had to be.

Though the livening feel of his lips on mine assured me it was far from such.

His hands and his body and his scent; his everything.

And he was my everything.

Authors Note:

So! I hope you all enjoyed this! It randomly popped into my head tonight and basically wrote itself! I really like what I've got written, and this was supposed to be a one-shot, however, if you want to explore Leah and Sam rebuilding their relationship, let me know in your reviews! If you think it should be short and sweet the way it is, include that, or if you want to explore them, tell me! It's completely up to the feedback I get and I'm open to either option.

So don't forget!
Review! ;D

- Dramaticfield