Harry sighed. This just has not been his day. First Voldemort tried to kill him again [doesn't that thing get old?], and now these sparkly things came here...so tedious. He flexed his wand arm and practised his sparks.
"Bella, my love," murmured
Edward, his chagrined face devoid of a chuckle. "Be safe, for I
cannot live without you!
"Um. Yes." Said Bella under her
breath. After getting knocked up on her Honeymoon and her previous
stalker [though not her current husband – the sexual harasser] now
lusting after her daughter, she felt pretty pissed off. How she
wished she didn't choose a vampiric life forever for her first,
high school boyfriend, and instead went to college and...achieved
something. Besides her adorable child, of course.
"Rosalie." Said Emmett, looking
annoyed. "Will you please stop being angry that Edward doesn't
like you? He's a homophobe, you know that."
"What?"
"Well...what's
the word for liking humans?"
"Homosapien...liker." Emmett's
chagrined face showed deep embarrassment.
"Er...?"
"I
don't know! The author is lazy! Whatever. Edward is such a loser.
How evil of him, how dare he not like me!"
Rosalie crouched and
practised lunging at marble statues of Edward [she couldn't tell
which was the real one].
Snape hissed angrily. How terrible. Usually there are 2 sides in a story...now both stories are against each other, all enmity left in order to prove which is better. And who was I to fight? The old guy, that's who! The one who was supposedly a 'vampire' but had a career as a doctor, frequently working with blood! "Ughh," he muttered angrily over the potion he was brewing. He was brewing at least 10 potions at the moment, in order to fight off the vampires with enough to go around. Because the stupid vampires are – vampires – the potions must be those that do not need to be swallowed. It was damningly annoying. His only consolation was that he could fight with his wife, Kay. Snape stirred silently.
To be continued by Anne Mouse