How could he do this to him? After all that they had been through together. Everything was ruined after she came. The Woman. John wondered if Sherlock even knew how much he had hurt him with those two simple words. But of course not. Sherlock had proved that he didn't need him over and over again. Sometimes he wondered why he still put up with all the things Sherlock has put him through. Hell there were too many to count.
But still John thought about whether Sherlock knew that he had come up the stairs right then. If Sherlock had heard the sobs he was forced to keep down as he rushed to his room. Highly possible but at the same time Sherlock seemed to be lost in his own world filled with thoughts of Irene Adler, the only woman no the only person other than Moriarty that was able to keep up with him. God knew that he always tried to be there for Sherlock even if he was going to be made fun of.
All of this was processing through John's mind as he sat back on his bed. Why did his heart clench at the thought that Sherlock cared about her? Why does he now feel like he lied when he said that Sherlock was ok and that he wouldn't care if he wasn't able to see her? Were they right when they said he must be in love with him?
If so it was such a cold bittersweet love. Being insulted almost every day. Having Sherlock ruin any chance of having a normal relationship and forgetting him. Cold because that is what Sherlock is. And bittersweet since he is Sherlock's one friend yet knowing that it is all he will ever be. The blogger. The friend. The follower. All that Sherlock will acknowledge him as. Never an equal, always in the background doing the heavy lifting. Not worth noticing unless needed.
Why is it now that he feels so used? Is it the general lack of appriciation for him. Or is it the fact that he is so easily forgotten and put to the side. The fact that he didn't know if Sherlock would actually be lost without his blogger. But he knows that he will never leave if he can help it. Because he can't live without Sherlock and the world that he sees.
Don't kill me! This is my first fanfiction and was sort of spur of the moment.