"edward where do you want to go shopping?" asked jasper "lets go to justice." he stated happily "what?" jasper asked slightly laughing "hey you never know how hard it is to find pants that fit my girlish legs."

"but why justice?" he asked "i thought all emo vampires shopped at justice." "no only stupid emo vampires do." "hey i'm not stupid." "you dress like a HOMO!" "hey i like the way he dresses." bella stated "well
obviously edward needs a style change." alice stated

"NO YOU ARE NOT DRESSING EDWARD!" bella said "i was just going to take him to hollister." "NO HOLLISTER!" "why?" "that place smells like a flower
garden on steroids!"

"I'll take him for a style change." "really jasper i can't believe you would do that for edward." "well he needs to learn how to dress less effeminate." "fine but i'm only going to buy pants from justice!" "fine." they all walked into justice and edward ran straight towards the piles of jeans at the back of the store jasper stated as edward picked up a pair of jeans with sparkly details all over them "no sparkly details!"

"but they compliment my sparkliness." "no you don't need to compliment your sparkliness. i hate being sparkly." a young lady of around 20 walks over to them "what are you looking for today." "jeans in a size 7." "oh you must be shopping for a little cousin then." "nope were shopping for this one here." jasper points at edward "really?" she tries to retain he laughter. "hey don't make fun of me i like the way they fit on my girlish legs!"

A/N all of these characters are owned by stephenie meyer

meanwhile Bath and Body works

"alice do you like this lotion midnight path?" "yeah it smells really good." two girls walked into the store "are you bella swan?" "yes why? "did you know that your fiancee i a blood thisty my little pony." "i've never heard that description of Edward before." "yeah sparkling vampires suck except Alice, jasper, rosalie, carlisle, esme,and emmet... oh yeah and the volturi too." "so basically every sparkly vampire rocks except edward." jane, aro and alex walk in "bella swan you're not a vampire yet." "no she isn't yet but we are going to make her look like one." "alice jups excitedly "YAY MAKEOVER!" "yes YAY MAKEOVER." bella starts freaking out "NO NO NO ALICE A MILLON TIMES NO THESE GIRLS ARE GOING TO MAKE ME OVER NOT YOU..." "okay all that we need is some body glitter and red colored contacts..." they put body glitter all over bella and then we went to lense crafters and bought her some red colored contacts "wow this look was easy." so they all went up to justice and when edward saw bella he freaked out "bella when did you become a vampire." one of the girls interrupted. "aro changed her and now theyre together so its over between you two." jasper was actually in on the joke so all of us were laughin at edwards reaction "what why bella i love you how could you." Ashton kutcher pops out of nowhere "you've just been punk'd." "yeah edward i just have body glitter on and red colored contacts oh and Aro just was in on this too." "grr... he gritted his teeth." "whats with the pants?" Aro asked "He likes the fit."

they all laughed and they all lived happily never faster!

Plz review i will not write anymore twilight oneshot parodies.