I Hurt Myself Today, To See If I still Feel
I Focus on the Pain, The Only Thing That's Real
The Needle Tears a Hole, The Old Familiar Sting
Try to Kill It all Away, But I Remember Everything
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His slender fingers softly caressed the wrinkled clipping of newspaper, a low moan filled with agony escaped his chapped lips. Duo Maxwell felt the warm water escape from his eyes and trickle down the side of his face. Splattering on to the article below. The thin tattered piece of paper absorbed his tears instantly. saturating the black and white picture of Trowa Barton. Duo Maxwell didn't want to believe the printed words strung together on the piece of paper he held within his hands, he would give anything for it not to be true. But the Bold Ominous Print would never Change. ' Uprising Performing Artist Brutally Killed Last Night' The details still swirled in his head, how is sexual organs ripped out and fed to the Lions, How his sister, Cathrine, discovered Trowa's body crushed and disfigured within a trunk. The small intestine hanging over the side lead her to her dead brother. Duo neatly folded the article with care, and staggered absently to the book case. He slowly reached to the top shelf and retrieved a small ebony leather clad book. With his trembling fingers he tenderly brushed over the gold embedded letters reading: Holy Bible. He leafed through the pages, yellowed with age, In till he found the other two clipped pages of newspaper so folded a like to the article he held gently in his palm. Each worn piece of paper corroded black ink blots were so similar, all resulting in death of his former comrades.
Duo stared at the petite leather book with apathetic eyes, while he fought back the approaching memories of all his lost war companions, his cherished friends. The reserved Trowa Barton allowing only glimpse of who he really was behind his barrier of disobedient locks of hair. His hand crafted stage mask, was not only a prop but rather an image of who he was, only concealing half of his face, making it so difficult to see who the man was truly behind that mask. Quatre always so complaisant, his limbs were as fragile as glass yet still able to compose a melody that could linger in you mind days after a performance. Yet his small timid frame was still managed to pilot a Gundam, machines of death, to perfection. Even with all the tainted blood on his desecrated hands, the crimson was never able to seep on the aura of soul. Chang Wufei's bold outlook on life, the traditional Chinese ways of his clan were embedded into his being. Wufei was such a graceful warrior, not once did Duo see his pure white outfit stained with deep scarlet. As Duo threw himself down on the battered couch, he wondered how he'd be remembered after he was deposed of. He grimaced to think that people would recall his foolhardiness, His brazen composure. Duo carelessly placed his feet upon the coffee table and whispered, " If only they knew...." Duo thought his unseemly demeanor was enough. That people would put two and two together, and realize this guy was only acting happy, that he was burden with issues of the past. Duo desperately hoped and prayed someone would reach out to him, that someone would guide him, love him, accept him. But that never happened. The war was over, and the Gundam Pilots were becoming an endangered species. Duo could foresee his death was awaiting on the horizon, but he would not run rather embrace his death with arms wide open.
Duo felt helpless as he clutched onto his bible, with the constant thought that stung his mind, His life was an utter waste, as he dully stared up at the ceiling, while he waited for his assailant. He morbidly wonder how he'd die. For Wufei, It was a cowardly hit and run. Quatre, his pale skin was slashed, leaving a gapping trail of missing flesh upon his neck. Duo still couldn't imagine Quatre's eyes without the luster of his innocence. Duo knew he was easy prey, with no battles to be fought, there was no reason to train, his strength had long faded. After the numbing news of Wufei's death, He'd stopped eating, and that was weeks ago. Duo was a mere skeleton, he had became a recluse long before the killings started, So no one noticed his sunk in eyes, or the extreme loss of weight. He never left his haven in colony L 2. His apartment loft was nestled high above the city streets. He began to prepare himself for an invitation to Wufei's funeral and readjusting to people. It never came, and He watched Quatre's memorial service on the television, not one of his dignified family members had the decency to call. He assumed that the God of Death was not wanted at an Angel's grave site. The taping of raindrops on the window began to soothe his ravaged nerves, and beckon him to a dreamless slumber, his eyelids grew heavy, as sleep's arms enraptured Duo, he thought of the one boy who he had yearned for all this time, though he tried to deny it, his emotions paid no heed to his will.
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What Have I Become, My Sweetest Friend
Everyone I Know, Goes Away in the End
You Could Have It All, My Empire of Dirt
I Will Let You Down, I Will Make You Hurt
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As Duo lay upon the couch in a seemingly peaceful state, shivering from the icy draft. As a car creeped up the empty street, and pulled in the alley adjacent to Duo's apartment complex. The car's windows were fogged from the drivers warm breath mixing with the brisk night air. The driver turned the key, and the humming engine became silent. The headlights went out, leaving the alley pitch black, The rain was coming down in sheets, crashing unmercifully into the roof of the car. There was a delay in the driver exiting the car, but no one was present to become suspicious. Thundered rumbled though the city shaking the glass of windows. The door swung open on the Driver's side, then slammed shut. The man's footsteps were splashes, barely audible, in the huge puddles the storm caused. Lighting flashed through the sky, giving an effect of a strobe light. The car was alone, and silhouette of the driver was ascending the several steps, and about to enter the apartment complex.
The man left a trail of water droplets on the floor through out the lobby and up the stairs. His footsteps echoed through the narrow stair well. His pace did not slow up the seventeen flights of stairs, he didn't have any trouble navigating through the dark. The raging storm outside the walls of the complex was so intense it had knocked out the power off, the wind was so swift it was now prying shingles of the roofs of homes. The shadowed figured had stopped, just foot steps before Duo's door. His hand clenched the cold metal of the door knob. Suddenly, Duo sat up awakening from the dead of sleep, his eyes went straight to the slow turning door knob. Duo went rigid. He placed his bare feet on the cold hard wood, and slowly stood up. Duo had a change of heart, and desired to have the upper hand in this game, so he used a familiar tacit, The element of surprise. With his arms drawn close to his side with every stride, he walked to the back of the couch, sitting upon it's back, directly in front of the door that was several yards away. " Fear cannot touch me..." Duo whispered. His stricken face twisted into a smug grin, and he defiantly crossed his thin arms. Duo's eyes were locked upon the door, as he waited for his intruder's entrance.
A thin plastic card slid easily between the door and the door jam, Duo raised his eyebrows perplexed by the other's choice of tool to gain entrance. Click. The door went slightly ajar. Duo's heart was racing with adrenaline, which it pumped through all his limbs preparing for the worst. Four callused fingers reached through the crack, and clamped down on the door, pulling it open meticulously. In the Doorway Duo saw a shadowed figured of a tall man, But Duo blended in with the distorted silhouettes, his slender figure was lost among the cloak of Darkness that settled in the apartment. The man entered with caution, Duo knew the intruder was vulnerable while his eyes adjusted to the absence of light. Duo felt a shiver run down his spine, as he observed the intruder intently, signaling that the unmerciful God of Death was about to recoil inside him. Duo extended his arm out. His hand firmly set on the back of the book case. While smugly grinning Duo muttered, "... Help Me..." In a weaken tone of a wounded soul. The man spun around instantly and faced Duo, clearly intrigued by the sound, and took a few rushed steps blindly in Duo's Direction unaware of the peril he was putting himself in. Hunter is was being hunted, and Duo's prey just walked into his trap. Duo lunged his upper body forward, his hand projecting forward, with a low creak the bookcase went over on its side, at gravity's will. Before he knew want was happening the book case came toppling over, he made his best attempt to dodge it. But it was too late, the polished wood mass landed upon the intruder's left ankle. The crushing bone snap made Duo burst out in malicious laughter. Duo stared down at the entrapped, and spat, " That's what you get for not knocking, Sir, " Sarcasm evident in his tone.
Duo paced around the man in an empowered fashion, slightly disappointed he wasn't trying to squirm free. He abruptly reached forward and violently grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt, feeling the man's warm breathe caress his cold hands. "Are you the one who killed them?!" yelled with a strained voice. There was no response, except for the man irregular breathing rate. "Answer Me! Damnit!" Duo's arm pulled back, he clenched his fist, and just before Duo was about to strike him,
" Duo..." Duo's spine went rigid, his grip on Heero Yui's shirt collar slowly released as he stumbled back.
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I Wear this Crown of Shit, Upon my Liar's Chair
Full of Broken Thoughts, I Cannot Repair
Beneath the Stain of Time, The Feeling Disappears
You are Someone Else, I am still Right Here
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" Heero..." Duo was gripped in pain, how could the one he'd admired most be the assassin of his beloved friends. " Heero, How... How could you! How could you have killed them!" His voice cracked, " You were going to kill me too..."
" Duo... I didn't kill them" Heero paused, " I know it may look as if I... but believe me, I didn't kill them."
Heero's voiced trailed off, as he tried to mask the pain he was enduring. Duo stared on in disbelieve,
"Then why are you here?!" Though Duo wasn't able to see Heero look away, he did hear the change of tone in his voice.
" I... I wanted to make sure you were alright..." Even if Heero was lying, Duo would still want to believe it. Duo rushed forward and placed his hands under the bookcase now soiled in crimson, and lifted it long enough for Heero to withdraw his wounded leg from its grasp. When Duo set it back down he noticed that his hands were covered in Heero's sticky blood still warm. Duo clenched his hands closed, then stared in Heero's direction, attempting to make out the familiar facial features he had longed to see. The air was thick with questions.
"Hold on for one-second, let me go find a flash light or something..." Duo said hushed. Heero nodded, but realized Duo wouldn't be able to see his response, so he softly replied, " ... All right"
Duo jumped to his feet and ran to kitchen, Heero couldn't help but smile as he heard Duo fumbling around in the dark. And at that moment his emotions were more potent then the throbbing pain, though his thoughts of Pilot Maxwell were interrupted with the loud crash echoed through the apartment,
"Fuck!" Duo exclaimed then laughed meekly, " I guess I didn't need that..." Heero tried not to chuckle when Duo called out from the kitchen, "I could only find some candles."
Heero heard Duo's footsteps enter the living room again, and with a couple attempts the lighter ignited. As Duo lit the candles one by one, the darkness was repelled back further and further, in till finally revealing every detail of Duo Maxwell. While Duo was busy lighting the fourth candle, Heero was
direly concerned with what he saw. " Oh God, Duo..." Duo stopped immediately. The dull candle light allowed Duo's ghostly figure to be seen, his black cotton sleeping pants could easily fit two of him, his gray tank top hung off his chest. Heero impatiently waited for an explanation, but Duo merely shook his head and proceed to light the last wick. "Duo ... What's going on...?" Duo carelessly tossed the lighter upon the coffee table, moved his long messy braid of chestnut brown locks off his shoulder. Then solemnly walked over to the bleeding Heero. "Duo...?" Heero pleaded once more, as Duo crouched down beside him, and slid an arm around his back and under Heero's arm, hinting at no emotion on his features. Heero was reluctant to place his arm around Duo's fragile body but finally did so when Duo finally gestured him so. Heero couldn't take his eyes off the silent Duo as they rose together and slowly walked in sync over to the couch. Duo affectionally placed Heero upon the couch and sat directly in front of him upon the coffee table. For a brief moment they just stared at one another, so many questions to be asked, but both lacking the nerve to peruse their desired answers.
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I Swear, I Just Found Everything I Need
The Sweat in Your Eyes the Blood in Your Veins are Listening to Me
Well I Want to Drink it Up and Swim in it until I Drown
My Moral Standing is Lying Down
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Duo finally broke the intense stare, by bowing his head, and motioning his arm towards Heero's leg.
" How bad is it? Are you in a lot of pain...? " Duo's tone saturated with concern. Emotions stirred in Heero, an extreme weight was lifted off Heero's chest when he Discovered Duo, for he spent many sleepless nights worrying over the pilot's safety. Now after all this time, the two just seemed to click considering the circumstances, when Duo's expression contorted he realized he had taken to long to answer, but then again, it wasn't completely his fault, Duo was a great distraction.
" It's nothing, I'll be fine" Heero said with hints of a smile drawn on his lips. But the hints where too fine and Duo wasn't able to pick them up in the flickering candlelight.
"May I take a look at it? It's still bleeding pretty bad, Heero..." Duo said with the candle light reflecting in his deep blue eyes. Heero simply nodded, and watched Duo's every move as he bent forward, closer to him, noticing everything, from the caution he displayed, to the chestnut locks of hair that were misplaced. Duo tenderly picked up Heero's left leg, and delicately placed Heero's heel on the coffee table. Heero Tensed, Duo assumed it was because he caused Heero pain and muttered an apology, but in reality Heero's reaction was sparked but where his foot was, between Duo's spread legs. Heero would have swore his foot was engulfed in the body heat radiantly from Duo's skin, but perhaps, he thought, he was hoping for too much. While Duo, seemingly innocent, hunched over Heero's leg, He was slightly taken back by how much he was yearning for the wound to be bad enough that Heero's denim pants would have to be removed for it to be properly treated. Duo didn't bother to ask permission for his hands to travel lightly upon Heero's flesh, just above the wound that was still tricking warm crimson. Heero had not taken his intrigued eyes off of the ex pilot. Duo slowly rolled back the blood soaked denim, so that the wound was fully exposed. Duo briefly glanced up, and met Heero's gaze. Waiting for any type of small gesture that Heero was ready to continue examination.
Heero was dumbfounded, and just merely blinked. For the first time in Heero eighteen years of life he felt a tinge of lust. His emotions in chaos belittled his pain. Duo raised his eyebrows at Heero's blank expression, and snickered while continuing on Heero's leg. Heero, on the other hand, didn't known if he should be hurt by Duo's laughter. Did Duo know what he was doing to him, more importantly did he think it was a game? Heero lost in thought was quickly snapped out of it by the sound of the cotton fibers ripping apart. In an attempt to stop the bleeding, Duo made use of the material of his gray tank top, and before Heero could even comment on this event, Duo was already dressing Heero's wound with it. Duo leaned back and admired his work with a smile. " That should hold ya for tonight, but I'm pretty sure you'll have to get stitches, buddy boy." No, Heero thought, He's doing he again, rasing his shield, hiding who he truly is. Heero already had taste of the real Duo Maxwell, and He wanted more.
"No, Duo, Don't start this again" Heero stated with urgency. Duo didn't see that one coming as he glanced at Heero, slightly puzzled, then it hit him. Heero Yui was slowly assembling the pieces of Duo Maxwell, but for some reason it was bittersweet, he always wanted someone to care enough to notice, but yet, Duo remained cloaked in mystery his whole life. Duo suddenly rose to his feet, disengaged contact with Heero, and walked to the window. Heero longed Duo's warmth. In Frustration Heero leaned forward, bringing his hands up to his face, and began to half heatedly rub his temples in a circular motion. For some reason, Heero thought this would be easier, He stared at Duo's back, who was doing his best to ignore Heero by aimlessly staring out the window. "Duo..." No Reply. " Duo, Talk to me" Icy Silence. "Damnit Duo, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't stand you masking who you really are, coming off as a loud mouth idiotic fool! I know you are better than that Duo-" Heero was abruptly cut off. Duo stared at his own haunting reflection as he spoke.
"Who are you to talk?! Mister Fucking Perfect! Who is too busy enraptured in missions, to make interactions with any other Soul!" Heero attempted to defend himself, but was allowed no room to speak. " You left!" Duo spat. Heero looked down. "After the War, After your job was complete, You simply left, just abruptly as you entered my life, Yui! Do you hate me so? So much your only purpose is to torment me?! You didn't even Say Good-" Duo was cut off.
While Duo was vocalizing all his pain and suffering from years part, Heero stood up wearily, and walked with a painful limp over to where Duo stood. Duo had no idea that Heero was approaching from behind, so he was completely caught off guard when Heero encircled him with his arms so tightly. "I'm sorry..." Heero whispered over, and over as he rested his chin on the arch of Duo's shoulder. Duo eyes immediately soften, his anger subsided, his cold skin now warmed by Heero's embrace sent Duo's emotions into a momentary bliss. Duo placed his hands upon Heero's slightly parted fingers, that were rested upon Duo's abdomen, then slowly leaned his head to the side, in till it finally brushed against Heero's. Duo closed his eyes, then grinned warmly. " You Don't know what you are getting into Mr. Yui" Duo softly offered.
"To lead a good life, Duo, We must act upon our emotions, and as of right now ... there is nothing I want more," He paused to turn his head and finished by whispering in Duo's ear. " Than you..."
Without Heero's support, Duo would have surely fallen over. The other man's remark he believed would be recited to him only in his dreams. But Duo desperately tried to keep his composure steady.
" Heero... I have many secrets... " Duo said with almost a pained tone. Heero fingers traced along Duo's bare flesh, where the materiel was absent, and now present on his wounded leg, Heero grinned.
" As do I, or anyone for that matter, but fear not, Duo that won't scare me off, for you see I can be very persistent at times..." Duo smiled briefly, then lowered his head.
" I don't deserve you, Heero..." he trailed off.
"Nonsense! You are exactly what I need...," Heero exhaled loudly, " I've wanted you for the longest time ... but I was frighten..."
" The Perfect Soldier? Scared?" Duo asked playfully. Heero briefly tighten his embrace on Duo, and smiled.
" You can be very intimidating..." Heero Kissed Duo's neck. " And very desirable...." A few moments had past before Duo pushed forward, and spun around and stared at the young man. Heero assumed he did something terribly wrong, and averted his eyes to the ground. Duo crossed his arms and took a step closer to Heero.
" You Won't leave me, Will you? Promise me ... you won't go..." Heero looked up with a faint smile, and shook his head from side to side.
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If He Says Come Inside I'll Come Inside For Him
If He Says Give it all I'll Give Everything to Him
I am Justified, I am Purified
I am Sanctified, Inside You....
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" No Duo, I promise." Duo merely smiled and nodded once, then gestured toward the bedroom. Heero was slightly taken back, color warmed his cheeks, now his composure had changed greatly, it reflected one of a school boy, as he eagerly walked to the room. When Heero entered he turned around expecting to see Duo right behind him, but his presence was omitted "Duo...?"
"I'll be there in a second" His voice called out from the living room. As the first minute passed, Heero grew nervous. He wasn't exactly experienced. He hoped Duo lacked it as well. For he dare not think of Duo in the arms of another. But Heero wasn't completely clueless, Doctor J's training did include a seduction tacit, but the other was dead before anything really could come from it. The lights went out in the other room, and Duo's footsteps drew closer, Heero strained to see Duo enter the room, He heard his breathing, but saw no figure. Suddenly, warmth encircled Heero, Heero spun around to feel Duo's presence inches away from his body, he was amazed that his soon to be lover came so close without detection. Heero was about to speak, but Duo firmly placed his hands on Heero's shoulder's and drew him close, pressing his lips against Heero's. After getting over the shock of Duo's insistence, Heero quickly caught on, allowing his hands to freely roam Duo's fragile body. Duo broke away, Heero stared blankly at Duo, Duo smirked then lunged forward, and violently pushed Heero to the Bed, then pounced upon Heero, like an animal and it's prey. But you see both were hungry for each other. Their clothes were walls that were soon destroyed, Their hands sought out there desired destination. Their mouths vocalized and engaged. As if it was already decided, most likely decided when the two soldiers first met, the were engaged battle ... just of a different sort.
With their naked limbs intertwined under stained sheets. Heero indulged in the guilty pleasure of wearing his lover out, who was now sleeping soundly upon Heero's bare chest. Heero wrapped a protective arm around Duo, and began to replay the nights events. It made him want more, but it also made him wish that he's come earlier as planned. Heero was sore, which made him worry about his fragile Duo, he tried his best to be gentle, but both were being blindly lead by their raw emotions. With his middle and index finger, Heero began to twirl Duo's long hair silky hair. He intently admired his sleeping beloved. " God of Death...," Heero whispered, " a name given to you on the battle field. Yet I Don't Understand why... surely I've killed more than you... My Duo, My Angel of Death." Heero then leaned close to Duo, and kissed him lightly upon his forehead, and with a soft tone, " I love you Duo Maxwell..." Heero couldn't resist kissing him again before finally drawing the warm covers around them and wait to be delivered into the arms of sleep.
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What Have I Become, My Sweetest Friend
Everyone I Know, Goes Away in the End
You Could Have It All, My Empire of Dirt
I Will Let You Down, I Will Make You Hurt
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Duo awoke with cold air caressing his bare flesh, he sat up, feeling out of place. The living room had been just as the night before, the book case was upright, no candles upon the coffee, and not one trace of Heero's blood, Heero's essence. Duo tried to gather his thoughts while running his fingers through his un braided hair, and noticed his Bible is his lap. " Was last night a dream...?" he said softly in despair. He looked out the window, still overcast. Could his yearning for Heero be so badly, it caused him to go into delusions? Duo hunched over and buried his face into his hands. "Wake Up," Duo Thought desperately, "wake up, and your be in Heero's arms" But no such thing happened, reality was slowly sinking in. But Duo didn't want to give up hope just yet, He rose to his feet, and solemnly walked down the hall, Duo stopped at the threshold, the bed was neatly made, everything was in place. There was no sign of activities with Heero he has longed for. Duo groaned out of agony and then collided with the floor, and curled into the fetal position upon his bedroom carpet. Pictures of Heero flashed in his head, but now they brought no comfort, only a bitter reminder how empty his life was. " Heero..." He called out to the empty room. " I love you..." A single tear rolled down his cheek, and tumbled upon the floor, Duo clutched his bible to his chest and closed his eyes.
Two Days Later. Lights of Red and Blue of the police car cut through the air, and illuminated the alley way. The older officer shared glances with the rookie cop, before opening the car doors. Both were uneasy, the report they received unhinged their nerves. "Is That it?" The rookie cop, called out while pointing to a seemingly normal dumpster. The older man nodded. The younger man, awkwardly approached the dumptser while clenching his flash light. Not wanting to taint the crime scene, he positioned the flash light under the covering that hung over the walls of structure. And with a fluid motion, he pushed the lid up wards, allowing it to fall back on the brick wall. He held his hand close to his nostrils, trying to block the stench of Death. The younger man, stood on his tip toes and cautiously peered into the dumpster. "Mother of God! " The man screeched as he fell back onto the pavement. The older man expected that reaction, and gave a smug grin while he walked past the man on all fours vomiting up his dinner. The older officer, shined his light source within the walls of the dumpster, and turned ghostly pale, he spun around and ran back to the car. The man fumbled in the darken cab, but finally got a hold of the radio.
" This is Davis here," He paused to gather himself. " It's confirmed, young male dead..." The voice on the other side replied.
"You all right, boss? You sound pretty shaken up?"
" It's not every day you see a man with his heart thorn out..."
The television screen lit up Duo Maxwell's living room, " Heero Yui, Gundam Pilot of Wing Zero. Was Found Dead Today, Details are not being released as of now, But ... Government officials say all murders of the other Gundam pilots are related..." The Words stop making sense to Duo, his vision was blurred by tears, This was too much for him, He was destined to be next, that should be him. He should be Dead! He begin to stand up, but his legs gave in, and he came crashing to the floor. When Duo fell, his body slammed against the couch, repelling it back. Duo slowly turned his head having his chin rub against the floor in the process. Something caught his attention... Duo trembling hand reached for the foreign object hidden under the couch. His hand grasped around the silky white material, as he slowly pulled it closer to him, he realized that the bundled material contained more objects that Duo had no knowledge of. Duo sat up, sitting upon his knees. He placed bundle of white fabric before him, and slowly removed it's first layer, and noticed tails of dried scarlet became, more and more evident. Duo's body began to tremble, as his hand brushed against the Chinese pattern upon the white piece of clothing tainted with blood and mud. With care Duo flatten out the clothing and blankly stared at what it held inside. A cracked piece of a porcelain mask, a violin bow, snapped in two. Duo's unsteady finger tips traced over them all, He slowly pushed aside a shard of Trowa's mask, to reveal a blood soaked piece of gray material, it's tattered seams told a story. As Duo tenderly picked it up, a shiver ran down Duo's rigid spine. And the voice of Heero's voice proclaiming his love for him echoed through the distorted plain of his mind. Duo shaking was uncontrollable now, his pupils where large, his mouth partly open. And he understood. " Jesus!? What Have I Done?! " Duo's scream echoed through the apartment complex.
The End...
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What Have I Become, My Sweetest Friend
Everyone I Know, Goes Away in the End
You Could Have It All, My Empire of Dirt
I Will Let You Down, I Will Make You Hurt
I If could Start Again, A Million Miles Away
I Would Keep Myself, I Would Find a Way
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Lyrics To 'Hurt', 'Sanctified' and 'The Only Time' © Nine Inch Nails
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