The first time I met Mitchie Torres I never expected to be head over heels for her. There was something about her that was so captivating, it made you want to sit beside her and watch her as she describes her dreams, passions and past with the words the flew out of her lips and figures she drew with her hands. Her big, warm smile always making you mirror one as well to her, her obnoxious, contagious laugh made you want to listen to it again and again and her in general. She made you wonder if you wanted to do her, or wanted to be her. So bubby and funny, like a naïve innocent kid who had no clue of the ugly in the world. For the time I was with her I forgot about the ugliness that surrounded us and focused on her beautiful self. Maybe I was just another person whipped to her. Who wouldn't be? I could never understand why a girl so pretty and smart would be with an asshole like Shane Grey, the gay lord of his faggot squad as I would tell her and she'd laugh to my nickname for him. We'd stay up until four a.m. as I washed her pain away as I held her in my arms once I snuck her in- for he had once hurt her again. We possibly spent every minute talking, video chatting and texting because our bond was that strong. We'd type until she'd fall asleep or skype with her screen sideways as I laughed because she'd be half asleep and I'm up on my laptop, or when she needed extra support I'd cheer her on at her soccer games. I was so glued to her, I was attached. Screwed you can say, because I swore to myself to never get attached to anyone, especially a girl as loved her as. Everyone knew Mitchie, and I didn't understand why everyone liked this Mitchie girl so much until we got paired in 10th grade Astronomy together as seat partners as she greets me with a soft giggle from previously laughing at something else and with a "hi, I'm Mitchie". That's all it took, I remember standing there with a dazed look on the inside and in the outside I seemed as cold as ever, I could barely choke up "I'm Alex" before her smile softens a bit and she scoots her seat over to make room for mine. As time went by, I continued talking to her and being her friend- eventually I let her in where I thought no one else would be not even my best friend Harper whom I've known for years now, my dark past that haunted me. She listened patiently that night, squinting her eyes attempting to understand my twisted words as I spoke them, about things that have bugged me and why I was the way I am. At the end she didn't pretend to act as if she felt me or knew where I was coming from, instead she kissed me lightly on the lips and promised to never leave me. I remember that kiss, it was so strong to me. That was the first time I had kissed a girl, and even better yet a girl I was absolutely in love with, my heart sped up feeling energy sparks go through me as if I was electrified, my body full of ecstasy wanting to jump up and down of happiness flowing in me. The kiss was gentle, I loved it because it was nothing like other girls described it. Her hands didn't roam my body, instead they held my face gently as our lips moved in sync before one hand landed on her shoulder and the other on her hip. I knew her story, now she knew mine. I was absolutely sure we'd be together. The beauty of Shane Grey being an asshole is they'd break up and now that they had I wanted to be there to catch Mitchie before anyone could. I'd do anything for that paramore-loving-singing brunette. And that's what I was about to do.
I sat on the subway ready to head to waverly, it was a Tyler, the Creator type of night. I shut my eyes bringing my knees up to my chest, as my heart felt like it would pump out of it any second now, my breathing hitched knowing what I was about to ask her. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted to show her more than to lying and cheating like he had once taught her. The subway stops making me shift forward a bit before I bite my lip out of nervousness, my body was filled with it. I stand up feeling as if my feelings would eventually shut me into numbness but I was so happy I had the chance, nothing could stop me. I walk a bit my face down tapping my iPod to change the song before I trip over something and I managed to look up. At first I didn't recognize the couple kissing in front of me, I knew the brown cardigan was similar and her jet black straight hair but I didn't want to believe it was her.
My heart immediately stops, and this time my breathing changes for a different reason. Her lips pressed against his as he runs his hands up and down her sides. I feel my feelings shift for a different reason, and I cuss under my breath before running the other way to the stations bathroom, I run into it letting the tears and screams I held fall out. My arm muffling my screams and the tears weren't stopping any time soon, I stand up and look at my reflection wanting to shout at it thinking I was the dumbest bitch in New York for ever thinking I had a chance with Mitchie Torres.
The rest of the night was blurry, all I could remember was walking home with tears streaming down my face. I didn't ever want to talk to Mitchie Torres, ever again in my life. I cried myself to sleep straight for a week, torturing myself by looking on her facebook page to find out they got back together.
It's been two months now, and I haven't dared speaking to her. She asked, and texted and attempted chatting me and what not, even followed me once in the hallway but I never ever spoke I acted as if she wasn't there. I knew that must have hit her some-where, her depression was never easy on her and she even once told me she was so scared everyone would leave her. But I didn't let that stop me, she had kissed me and had gotten my hopes up to crash them down, I just kept reminding myself to let her feel my pain. I was possibly over reacting but at the time all I could focus on was my emotions and how hard they had hit me.
Sometimes I'd read her tweets and statuses to torture myself even more, maybe it was her presence I missed so much. Her laughter that filled silences and her smile that brightened my day, her voice that lulled me into complete oblivion of the world and just knowing her, knowing her favorite singers and bands- because music was her second boyfriend as she said, and that she adores when people dedicate songs to her- not that Shane ever has. She loves her pepper colored kitten called Primadonna that we chose at the pet store and sometimes when I'd read a tweet, I knew exactly who she was talking about.
I kept my mouth shut instead, as for now I stared deeply at my ceiling attempting to draw some figures with my imagination.
-x-
WOW i'm sorry this sucked. happy Miguel? I uploaded it.
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