Author's Note:
This isn't exactly my first fanfic but it's the first one I've been brave enough to publish. Thanks, PrincessRachel, for giving me the nudge.
I 've been playing with this tale, in some form or another, for years. it's a classic "missing moment" story, taking place during ESB; on the way to Bespin.
It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: George owns it all. I own nothing.
Chapter 1. Not my Fault
Han Solo didn't think he was asking for much. He knew better than to expect compliments on his piloting skills from Chewie, and he certainly didn't expect Her High-and-Mighty-ness to acknowledge his brilliance.
But was it too much to expect just a little gratitude, maybe, for saving everyone's life? Twice?
Apparently so.
All he'd gotten from the Falcon's passenger was a reluctant admission that his completely brilliant hidden-in-plain-sight maneuver was "not bad," and a very hasty peck on the cheek. Which was, admittedly, more than he'd expected.
What he hadn't counted on was back talk from Chewie on his decision to head for Bespin to hole up for repairs.
["Bespin? After everything that happened, you want to go to Lando, for help?"]
Han swallowed his own misgivings about Calrissian and put on an unconcerned face. "Yeah, that's where we're going. Bespin. Gimme a hand with the trajectory, will you?" The Wookie folded his massive arms and scowled. "What? You don't approve?"
["I just don't think it's much of a plan."]
Nothing like a Wookie for telling it like he saw it. "Well, that's my plan. Who's the captain around here, anyway?"
Expecting a smart remark from another quarter, he turned around to realize the Princess had left the cockpit at some point.
Hmmph. It was just as well she wasn't here to witness, or worse, participate in, this conversation. It was bad enough having to defend his decisions to Chewie. To do so in her presence would have undermined what little credibility he had in her eyes. It certainly wouldn't do to have her think his copilot was in the habit of questioning his orders. She already had taken to objecting any time he made a decision without consulting her.
He hoped he'd placated Miss "I am not a committee" by letting her think she'd had some say in the choice of Bespin as a destination, but if she caught on that there was a chance Calrissian might not greet them with open arms? He'd have a full-fledged mutiny on his hands.
The less she knew about their history with Lando, the better off he'd be.
"You got another suggestion, I'm happy to hear it."
["If you'd like, I can scan the nearby systems. Perhaps something else will occur to me."]
The innocent tone didn't fool Han for a minute. "Have at it," he snapped back. "You know damned well there's nothing else for parsecs. We're in the middle of nowhere. We got a hold full of scrap metal where there's supposed to be a hyperdrive, and to top it off, we got the half the blasted Imperial Navy on our tail. I'm doin' the best I can."
["I never said you weren't."] The Wookie was silent a long moment, considering. ["I just don't like it. Are you sure you can trust Calrissian?"]
Han gave a snort of disgust. "Who says Calrissian can trust me?" Chewbacca glaced over in surprise and Han rolled his eyes. "Of course I can't trust him, it's Lando. What do you take me for?"
["And yet you're going to ask him for help?"]
"In case you haven't been paying attention, we don't have much choice. Anywhere else we go, we wouldn't have any idea what we were walking into. At least with Lando we know what we're getting."
["A man who doesn't trust you."]
"Credits talk, buddy."
The Wookie heaved a large sigh. ["Yes, and with Lando, credits have a way of talking their way right into his pocket and out of yours."]
"Mine?"
["In this case, ours,"] Chewie went on, determinedly. ["Repairing the hyperdrive is going to cost many credits as it is."]
Subtle, pal. Real subtle. Han had a feeling he knew where this was going. He studied a gauge to his left, turning his back to his copilot. "Yeah, I know the repairs won't be cheap. What's your point?"
["What makes you think you'll get a fair price from Calrissian? How do you plan to pay off the Hutt if you use up all of our credits again?"]
"Enough with 'again', huh?" Han swiveled the chair back to glare at Chewie. "Could you stop blaming me for that? That wasn't my fault."
["That reward was supposed to take care of what we owed Jabba. Instead he's been stewing all this time. And what about all those supply runs we've been making, that barely break even? Or that bottle of wine in your cabin, that cost half our proceeds from the trip to Ord Mandell?"]
"Those supply runs do better than break even, and you know it." It wasn't the first time they'd had this argument, and Solo was not in the mood for it today. Particularly since he suspected that Chewie had a point. "Besides which," he added, defensively, "that bottle of wine didn't come out of our proceeds, it came out of my savings. It's my business how much it cost, not yours." He cast a quick glance at the hatch, as if expecting the Princess to return, and then lowered his voice. "It was expensive because it came from Alderaan, and you knew why I bought it, so you can stop your nagging."
["I know why you bought it. What I want to know is, what are you going to do with it?]
"I'm gonna drink it," Solo growled, losing patience. "And maybe by the time I get to the bottom of the bottle, I'll forget about why I bought it." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice and he knew it was a mistake to let Chewie see how badly he wanted to avoid this topic.
["But what about the Princess?"]
"What about her?"
["Does she know?"]
"No, she doesn't know." Han purposefully misunderstood the question. "Last I checked, the bottle was still in my cabin, and unlike you," he went on, dripping sarcasm, "she doesn't appear to be the type to go digging around in other people's things."
["I didn't mean, does she know about the bottle of wine,"] Chewie knew exactly what topic Solo was avoiding. ["I meant, does she know we're leaving for good this time?"]
Since she never shut up about the topic, Han figured the Wookie knew the answer to that just as well as he did. "Yes, she knows. Why do you think she's been so damn annoyed at me? I got our clearance to go this morning. She ought to be happy we stuck around long enough to get her ass out of there."
["And does she know we could have taken off with the first batch of transports that cleared the shield and been halfway to Tatooine by now? Does she know I sat in that frozen hellhole for another two hours, because you heard the command center was hit and decided to go see if she was still there?"]
"I had a feeling, all right?"
["She doesn't know, does she?"]
"No," snapped Han, irritably, losing patience. "She doesn't know, and even if she did, she wouldn't believe it. Why would she believe I'd go back for her? She thinks I'm leaving because I don't care. About her, about her damn rebellion, or about anything. She thinks I'm in this for the money."
["She thinks that because it's what you tell her. Why are you so angry at her for believing you?"]
"And I should tell her, what, exactly, Chewie? That I want to join up? 'cuz you know better than anyone how well that worked out last time I tried it."
["That was different. You left the Imperial Navy because of the things the Rebellion is fighting to end. Corruption, cruelty..."]
"I left the Imperial Navy," Han cut in, "because they kicked me out." Han's voice was colder than the icy planet they'd left behind and it had the desired effect on his copilot. The Wookie knew full well that saving his life was what had gotten Han court-martialed. "I doubt I'd do any better at taking orders just cuz I was wearing a different uniform. "
Chewbacca got the hint and changed the subject. ["She wasn't going to leave, was she?"]
"No, she wasn't." Han had sworn he was not going to talk about the Princess with Chewie again, but he couldn't seem to help himself. "She's so damned stubborn, she'd have been there till the roof caved in on her."
["She'd be dead if you hadn't gone back for her. Don't you think she knows that?"]
"Yeah, she knows. And she's pissed at me for preventing her from making the ultimate sacrifice for the cause."
Chewie clearly hadn't thought of this possibility. ["You're serious?"]
Solo sighed deeply. "I'm not sure she knows that's why she's mad. But it is."
["Then you were right to worry."]
"Yeah, I was. And it wasn't just me, if you remember. Don't pretend you had any intention of leaving after you heard Rieeken say she wasn't on her transport yet."
["Why do you think Rieeken called you in the first place?"]
Han scowled, having figured this out already for himself. He hadn't decided if he was annoyed at the General for manipulating him into doing his dirty work, or at himself for letting it happen. "I don't know, Chewie. Maybe because she ignored his comm calls just like she was ignoring mine?"
["Maybe because he knows her well enough to know she'd have to be dragged out of there, kicking and screaming?"]
"I know where you're going with this..."
["...and he knows that you love to fight with her."]
"No, I don't."
["You do."]
"Well, maybe a little," Han conceded.
The Wookie chuckled. ["Maybe?"]
"I said," Solo indicated with his thumb and forefinger, "a little."
["Maybe,"] Chewie speculated, ["he called you because you don't care if she's mad at you, and he does."]
"You got that much right. She's always mad at me. What's one more thing?"
["Why not tell her the truth? Perhaps, she would think better of you if she knew."]
"Perhaps I don't care what she thinks?"
["You do care, Solo. Or you would have left a long time ago."]
Han was silent for a long while. "Maybe," he said at last, realizing, reluctantly, that he wasn't being fair to his partner. "I just don't know anymore, Chewie... " he sighed. "I know we gotta do somethin' about Jabba, and I think I'm doing the right thing, leaving... but..." he broke off, at a loss for words.
["But... staying feels right, too?"]
Han heard the challenge in the Wookie's tone but didn't have the energy to be offended. "Yeah, exactly." He blew out his breath slowly and rubbed at his temples, as if he had a headache. "Just seems like no matter what I do, she's gonna hate me for it, Chewie."
["I don't think she hates you at all. It certainly didn't look that way down in the service corridor."]
Han glared at his copilot, immediately on the defensive again. Between Threepio showing up at exactly the wrong moment and Chewie watching the whole thing from the overhead compartment, his private chat with the Princess hadn't turned out to be very private. "She sure ran off awful fast," he said, sourly.
["Perhaps she had second thoughts?"]
Han didn't like the sound of that comment. "About what?"
The Wookie hesitated, clearly not wanting to offend his friend and captain. After a moment's thought, he made a careful suggestion. ["She knows we're leaving. Perhaps she thinks you are merely toying with her."]
Solo's tone, while still defensive, softened a notch. "I'm not toying with her. Not like you mean, at least."
["I know that,"] Chewie said, gently, ["but you said yourself, she knows only that you are leaving, and she may jump to the wrong conclusion about your intentions."]
"Her Highness, jump to the wrong conclusion? Really?" Han's tone was light, but Chewie seemed to take his comment seriously.
["It seems to me that she does that frequently, especially where you are concerned."]
"Yeah," Han said flatly, "she does."
["Perhaps you need to take a different approach.]
"Such as?"
["Tell her about Jabba. Tell her everything. Tell her the truth."]
"I'm not telling her lies."
["You're not telling her the truth, either."]
"It wouldn't matter. We're leaving, remember? You know how likely it is that we'll catch Jabba in a good mood?"
["You don't expect to come back?"]
"Do you?"
There was a long pause before Chewie stated firmly, ["I trust that what is destined to be, will be."]
"Now you're talking like the kid. You really believe in all that destiny crap?"
["Your destiny may be crap, Solo, but mine is not"]
"Destiny's what you make of it, pal."
["Then make something of yours,"] countered the Wookie. Han spun his chair away and became very interested in the coolant levels. Chewie ventured, carefully, ["I could talk to her, if it would help."]
At this, Solo's chair spun around and he aimed a finger at his partner. "Don't you dare. That's an order."
Chewie saw the look in his friend's eyes and fell silent at once.
Left to his own thoughts, Han was disconcerted to find them returning to the Princess.
Was it possible that Chewie was right? Truth was, he really did prefer to beleive that she didn't hate him. He found himself irrationally pleased with the idea.
He'd grown so used to arguing with her that he'd almost convinced himself that they fought because they didn't like each other. But he remembered the look in her eyes when he'd teased her a little while ago, hinting that she liked him because he was a scoundrel. The antagonism he'd grown used to was missing, and he wondered just how accurate his assessment had been. Maybe she really did like him. And maybe that was exactly why.
The mood had definitely changed between them, just since yesterday, when she'd sputtered at him in fury and indignation, calling him a "scruffy-looking nerfherder." Han smiled to himself at the memory. So much had happened since they'd left Hoth, it didn't seem possible that it had been less than one standard day ago that they'd stood in Luke's room in the medcenter.
Hmmph. Luke. Wonder what Chewie thought about Luke and the princess? Nope. Not going there.
Maybe she really did have a thing for the kid. The kid sure had a thing for her. But no... he'd never gotten any hint that she returned Luke's affections in anything but a friendly way. He was pretty sure she'd kissed Luke just to make him jealous, but it was always possible he'd missed the mark completely.
He thought maybe she felt differently about him.
He couldn't be sure, because that damn droid had barged in just when things were getting interesting. But there'd been something new in her eyes, for a moment. Provoking her into an argument had always been the best way to get a reaction from her, but kissing her had worked out quite well, too. Perhaps he was growing on her, after all. Before today he'd have guessed Hoth was more likely to warm up than she was.
["Han?"] Chewie's gentle growl interrupted Solo's thoughts.
"Yeah?"
["The lights are on, in the forward cargo hold."] Chewie pointed to a display to his right. ["I think that might be where the Princess is."]
"You got a point, or are you just really bored?"
["She's been gone a long time."]
Solo looked around, as if he'd just noticed this. "And?"
["And, I am wondering why, that's all."]
"Who knows why she does anything?"
Taking a different tactic, the Wookie added, casually, ["The course to Bespin is set. It will be a long journey, at sublight. Over three standard weeks."] A pause. ["The princess will not be pleased to be delayed for so long."]
Han sighed "No, she most certainly will not. Ought to be a fun trip for everyone."
["You could try improving her mood instead of antagonizing her.]
Han cast a suspicious look at his partner. "And how do you suggest I do that?"
["A peace offering, perhaps? It's pretty cold down in the cargo hold. Maybe she'd like some kaffe?"]
Han chuckled at the Wookie's innocent tone. "You're playing matchmaker."
["I'm playing peacemaker,"] Chewie corrected. ["It will be a long trip indeed for me if you two are arguing the entire time"]
Solo gave a snort of amusement. "Didn't you just tell me, arguing is what we do best?"
["Fine. Just don't drag me into it again."]
"All right, you win. I'll go talk to her." Han got up. "But if she slaps me, I'm holding you responsible."
["If you can't keep your hands to yourself, Solo, you deserve to be slapped."]
The Wookie's laughter followed him as he headed for the galley to see if there was any kaffe left.
He wasn't at all sure this was a good idea, but he figured Chewie was right about one thing.
Three weeks was a long time.