Chapter#1: I'm a leper
The elevator shaft pulls the floor down, like a Leviathan captivating a hold of the unsuspected shipman on a Greek tragedy, only this is not a Greek tragedy, it's my catastrophe. By now the whole city might now about the death of Harvey Dent, the demise of the White Knight… the story was too big to cover up, the damage to great, the fall too high.
"Beautiful. Unethical. DANGEROUS" Those were the word use by Lucius; I can hear them just as clear… He tried to stop me; I know that now… he tried to tell me that I was far off, that I was becoming a monster in order to stop that maniac… hopefully his insanity would be the only shield we are going to have against the true. But Gordon played it right, he did the right thing.
-Ouch- I tell myself while getting off the suit… many scars had followed me since I devoted myself to this unattainable task….I look around trying to piece myself together and it happens every time… the fear, the panic that comes when I'm not the Batman or Bruce Wayne…when I'm trapped in the middle, I lose myself….I close my eyes and concentrated on the damage in my hands, the forearms show significant damage and the bullet was stopped by the suit but a bluish spot in the belly is causing significant pain, those a reminder of what had percolate tonight…. Won't take painkillers, I earn my pain….and right now is the only thing that keeping me company.
"Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper!" The words of the Joker echoes in my head, I can't get his voice out of head… "Iike a leper he said" it haunts me to know that the clown got it right; little did I know how right the clown turn out to be.
He takes the mask off and drops himself next to a couch….he can't breathe; not because of pain, but because of sadness, pure unadulterated sadness, he looks back at the life of Harvey and Rachel, the maniacal laugh of the joker, the despair in Gordon's wife when they told her he died, how she screamed at me…acknowledging that my existence was the cause of her husband demise….that the thrust he put on me only got him a wooden box…. I remember what I felt that night, the cold grip of despair…and I felt it again when Rachel passed away…but never like this, never like now.
A teacher once told me that we must never abandon the rule of law in struggling against the forces of lawlessness. In fighting monsters, we must be careful not to become monsters… Am I a monster? Did I brought this up onto to the people I swore to protect? I don't know and I think I would never know.
He walks toward the computer and turns it on…. He takes some mild pain medication and goes to the shower room…he wishes the water would not only cleanse his body but his soul, he knew better…he knew that it would never go away, that there was not turning back but the good thing about crying while being in the shower is that they can't see you cry.
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