Just a weird idea that came to me late at night while listening to Radiohead. My first attempt at femslash, please be kind.

It was never Lucas. Not for me. He was never the one that I wanted.

But she wanted him.

And by some bizarre twist of fate, whatever she wanted, I wanted too.

If she ever wanted to do something, I would always change my mind at some point and we would do it, no matter how much I didn't want to be apart of it in the first place.

I wanted her. She was the only one I ever saw, none of the guys ever made an imprint on my memory.

We were best friends for years and for the longest time that's all it ever was.

But then, something changed.

We've slept in the same bed, had long talks in our underwear and stripped off, side by side without batting an eyelid; as if we were simply tying our shoelaces.

But I can't do any of that anymore.

I can't bring myself to look at her unless she is falling apart, because otherwise she is just too perfect.

Lying in a bed beside her, used to be no big deal, there was always an ocean between us; the bed was so large. But now I feel like, if I move at all I'm going to brush against her and all of my walls will come crashing down. I touch her once in the dark of night and I won't be able to stop myself from crying out how beautiful she truly is.

I used to be able to glance at her as she got dressed and smile, nothing going on there, just making sure my best friends boobs aren't better than mine, (they always were.) But now, one look at her perfect body and the burning begins.

The pit of my stomach down to my thighs is engulfed in flames and I have to force myself to look elsewhere.

I want her perfect body.

I want to have control.

But I'm a creep and if she ever knew...

So I pushed it away, focused on what she wanted, and made it what I wanted too. Or rather, who I wanted.

It was never Lucas. Not for me.

But I needed a way to distance myself and breaking Brooke's heart, although, almost unimaginable to me, something that would break mine in the process, was the only thing I could do.

I never wanted Lucas.

It was never him that I needed.