The elevator stopped in front of Kurt and its doors slid open with a load 'ding'. He stepped inside and pushed the 'up' button over and over.
How dared he? Kurt knew that Sebastian wasn't exactly an expert when it came down to relationships but he had thought that Sebastian at least had the decency of admitting his own feelings.
Well at least Kurt thought that Sebastian had feelings for him. He always thought they acted like a couple just without the kissing and the sex. Though, considering the night only three days ago Kurt would say that they are a couple, now that they actually had sex.
And even without the sex – they were together all the time. Going out for dinner together. Sleeping at each other place's. Meeting up for coffee every day. They even cuddled when they were watching TV for Christ's sake!
But instead of telling Kurt how he really felt Sebastian pushed him away like he was afraid of how Kurt might react to his confession. Like he was afraid of being with someone he actually liked. Like he was afraid of being in love.
Kurt was furious after that night and was determined to not talk to Sebastian ever again. That didn't work out very well though because the day after that unfortunate night he woke up and the only thing he could think about was Sebastian.
He missed Sebastian even after what he'd said to Kurt. God, he always fell in love with total jerks. But he refused to believe that Sebastian was the same person he had been back then in high school. If he were, Kurt wouldn't even become friends with Sebastian in the first place.
That was why he tried to call Sebastian. He knew that Sebastian didn't want to hurt Kurt and even if he didn't want to be together with Kurt, he wanted to make sure that he and Sebastian were still friends.
Though when Sebastian still refused to answer the phone he figured that he had enough. He understood that Sebastian needed some time to sort things out but to keep avoiding Kurt was just totally uncalled for. After all Sebastian was the one who suggested to get out clubbing. Sebastian was the one who wanted so dance and Sebastian was the one who initiated the kiss, not him. Of course Kurt knew that it wasn't Sebastian's fault they slept together and he certainly didn't regret sleeping with Sebastian. He just wished that Sebastian would stop ignoring him.
The elevator stopped and the doors slid open again. He turned left and stomped over to Sebastian's apartment and hesitated for a moment. The past few days he was angry at Sebastian for not answering his phone. Now that he came over to finally confront Sebastian and call him out in his behavior the other night, he wasn't that sure anymore if he really wanted to know why Sebastian did say what he'd said.
What if he'd thought himself into something that didn't even exist in the first place? What if he just imagined Sebastian's affections towards him? It wouldn't be the first time after all.
He stood in the hallway a little longer with his fist hovering over Sebastian's door. And suddenly he was even more angry. He was angry at Sebastian for acting like a child. He was angry at Sebastian for kissing. him He was angry at himself for liking Sebastian. He was angry at Sebastian for being so damn handsome and lovable. He was angry at himself for storming put on Sebastian. He was angry just because he was allowed to be angry at anything he'd liked to.
He finally knocked at the door and waited. A few seconds passed and nothing happened. He was just about to knock a second time. When he heard soft footsteps at the other side of the door before the lock clicked and the door opened and showed a tired looking Sebastian.
Sebastian's eyes widened slightly as he saw Kurt. For a moment he thought there was something like joy in Sebastian's eyes though the moment passed and his green eyes didn't sparkle like they usually did when Sebastian looked at Kurt but were sad before they became hard and not at all Sebastian like.
He knew Sebastian wouldn't bid Kurt inside so he just pushed Sebastian out of the way and headed straight for the living room. Sebastian's armchair was pushed towards one of the large windows and a rumbled blanket was on the floor in front of the chair. His gaze flew to the door across the room that lead to Sebastian's bedroom. Tears were threatening to roll down his cheek. He wiped them away and turned to look at Sebastian, who'd just entered the room.
He waited for Sebastian to say something because fuck, didn't he mean anything to him? And even though he was the one that came over to talk about the other night he wanted Sebastian to start talking, wanted Sebastian to acknowledge that there was something between them.
But while he looked at Kurt he saw that Sebastian avoided to look at him although he noticed that Kurt was watching him. He heard Sebastian sighed, a small gesture of defeat and finally saying something.
"What do you want?" Sebastian's voice sounded hoarse like he'd cried the past tree day and there was something else in there. Like Sebastian wanted Kurt to leave as soon as possible, not just from his apartment but from his life as well. Kurt was still angry at Sebastian for being Sebastian and he was now even more angry at him because, no, that couldn't be the same man he had fallen in love over the past few months.
"What I want? WHAT I WANT? Sebastian are you kidding me? You know exactly what I want." He raised his voice because he wanted to knock some sense in Sebastian. How could one person be so stubborn like Sebastian was? And he wanted Sebastian to finally look at Kurt. He wanted to see his green eyes without the wall of defense, he wanted to see them sparkle with joy and laughter and fuck, he wanted to see his Sebastian.
He could see Sebastian flinching at load voice but he didn't care. Sebastian deserved being shouted at for once."No, I don't." he mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
Kurt glared at Sebastian and rubbed at his forehead. "I am here to talk about the other night!" he clarified like it wasn't obvious what he wanted to talk about. Damn stubborn meerkat.
"I don't know what you mean." Sebastian said and kept staring out of the window. And that was when Kurt finally had enough because even though Kurt knew that Sebastian was new to this whole feeling thing he couldn't possibly mean that he didn't care at all about the whole thing. "Wha – Sebastian! We had sex!" Kurt said in an even more high pitched voice than he usually had.
He saw Sebastian closing his eyes and he desperately wished that Sebastian would just look at him. But he didn't and instead of looking at Kurt Sebastian spoke again. "Yeah so? No big deal. "
It felt like his whole world begun to shatter around him. His chest tightened with a pain that only a broken heart could cause. He could feel the tears filling his eyes again and he drew in a sharp breath and he wrapped his arms around himself to keep himself from falling apart completely.
"You don't mean that. You can't mean that." It couldn't be. He couldn't love a person who didn't care for him. He would fuck him and dump him afterward. This couldn't be the same Sebastian that would held him close when he had broken up with Blaine. This couldn't be the same Sebastian that would cook with him, joke with him, go out with him, laugh with him. This wasn't his Sebastian. It couldn't be. "Please tell me you didn't mean that."
That made Sebastian finally open his eyes and look at Kurt though this time it was Kurt who refused to look at Sebastian. He kept his eyes on the ground in front of his feet because he couldn't bear the thought of losing his Sebastian and he was afraid that if he'd look at Sebastian now he wouldn't see his Sebastian but the Sebastian from high school. The Sebastian that was cruel and wanted to see Kurt hurt. He knew he'd tell Sebastian the truth about his feelings eventually. It was inevitably not to and even though he was afraid he'd never see his Sebastian again he knew it was the only way to find out if there was someone like his Sebastian at all.
"I just – I thought it meant something when we slept together, at least to me it did and it hurts to know that apparently I was just a good fuck to you. But I can deal with you having no feelings towards me, I do, it's just – we're still friends, aren't we?"
He ended and waited for Sebastian to answer. "I - ." Sebastian started but stopped again, like he didn't know what he was supposed to answer and even though Kurt was still afraid of what he might see when he looked at Sebastian right know, he lifted his gaze and looked straight at Sebastian.
He saw Sebastian staring at him. Confusing and desperation shinning in his eyes, like he didn't even thought of the possibility that Kurt might have feelings for him and that Kurt's confession was something that shouldn't even happened in the first place. But Sebastian's silence was answer enough and Kurt knew it was time for him to leave.
His arms fall to his sides lifelessly "All right" Kurt mumbled "I'll just go now." he said and started to walk towards the apartment door. He loved Sebastian with all his heart but he couldn't stand being with him in the same room right now. Not now at least.
Just as he was passing Sebastian he felt long fingers that wrapped themselves around his wrist, pulling him close before a pair of soft lips sealed itself over his.
And it was everything that it had been the other night and so much more because now he was kissing Sebastian without being drunk and he could taste a hint of coffee on Sebastian's lips, though mostly he could taste something that was entirely Sebastian.
And when he felt Sebastian pulling away he threw his arms around Sebastian's neck and pressed himself closer to Sebastian because he didn't know why Sebastian was kissing him all of a sudden but he did know that he didn't want Sebastian to stop. A noise of surprise escaped Sebastian before he slipped his arms around Kurt's waist and pulled him even closer while their lips never stopped moving against each other.
They needed to pull away from each other eventually in order to breathe again. Kurt could feel Sebastian resting his forehead against his – he loved that Sebastian was a few inches tall than him – and he looked in Sebastian's eyes and he was looking at his Sebastian.
"I love you."
Sebastian voice was a soft whisper but Kurt could still hear every bit of it. And he begun to smile like he never did before. A joy, the joy of being in love with someone rushed through his body and he kept on smiling. He stroked his thumb at Sebastian's hairline and stood up on his toes and kissed Sebastian again and even though he made it pretty clear before he pulled away again and said: "I love you, too."
Sebastian looked shocked "But I – I thought you were still in love with Blaine..." he mumbled and blushed slightly. Kurt frowned at him "Blaine? Why the hell would you think I was still in love with Blaine? Sebastian, we slept together! Didn't that gave you a clue about my feelings towards you?" Kurt and stared at a very confused – looking Sebastian. He knew Sebastian wasn't that experienced when it came down to relationships but he thought Sebastian had listened to him when he was talking about the other night. When he didn't get an answer he sighed softly and now Kurt finally knew why Sebastian had behaved like a total jerk. He was afraid that Kurt didn't love him back. That the first time Sebastian was in love with someone they didn't love him back. And yes, Sebastian was no Blaine and he wouldn't ever be Blaine but that was okay, because he didn't want Blaine, he wanted Sebastian.
He took Sebastian's face in his hands and forced him to look into Kurt's eyes.
"I love you, Sebastian and I have for a while now. I don't know how I could fall for you because let's face it, you are a real jerk sometimes but that doesn't change that you're an amazing person. You've changed so much these past few months and even though you don't let anybody but me see your soft side, it's still there. And I love you regardless of what other might think about you."
He didn't tell Sebastian that he thought of him as 'his' Sebastian because it was pretty obvious by now anyway. He looked at Sebastian and he saw the other boy staring at him. His green eyes sparkled and he seemed stunned for a moment before he begun to laugh. And he swept Kurt up in his arms and spun them around and kept laughing and Sebastian looked so happy and content and Kurt couldn't help himself and started laughing, too.
Sebastian seated them on the coach and pulled Kurt onto his lap and stroked his thumb over Kurt cheekbone before he kissed Kurt softly.
I love you." Sebastian whispered against his lips. Kurt smiled against Sebastian's lips and he already knew he wouldn't get tired of Sebastian telling Kurt he loved him. He kissed Sebastian back. "I love you too, you idiot." he mumbled because Sebastian was an idiot after all, but now he was Kurt's idiot and that was okay. And just because he was allowed to kiss Sebastian now, he kissed Sebastian again.
A/N: so this is Kurt's point of view from the events of 'confessions' ;) I hope you guys liked it!