DISCLAIMER: I am not Veronica Roth. I am simply borrowing a short extract of her work and her characters.
"You think a hug would give away too much?" He says.
"You know," I say, "I really don't care."
I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.
It is the best moment of my life.
–Divergent, 2011, Veronica Roth
I pull away as I sense Christina's eyes boring a hole through the back of my head and I turn to face her. Her face reads surprised and mildly glad at the unexpected display of affection, as if she's happy for me, but I can see the neglect and hurt in her eyes. She thinks I've been hiding things from her, like I can't be trusted, like I'm withholding information from her. I find it slightly strange that she knows when someone is lying just by watching and learning their nervous habits but doesn't find the words I clearly avoid and don't say at all suspicious. I think about this and then realise that she left Candor for a reason.
For a moment, I ignore her and steal a glance at Tobias, eyes softened and lips curled in a triumphant smile and he pulls me into a hug, my feet almost leaving the ground. I laugh as Uriah wolf whistles in the background and Tobias releases me, grinning but wary of the surrounding Dauntless staring. He leans in close to my ear.
"Tris, I need to go dismiss you all. Technically," he adds with a smirk, "I'm still your instructor."
I give him a slight smile and he disappears into the clamour of initiates. Someone taps my shoulder and I spin around to find Will with a hungry stare for information, one that only a former Erudite could possess.
"Are you going to explain when that happened?" He asks. "Or are you going to leave us hanging?"
I can't hide it from them any longer. "He kissed me at Al's funeral," I say. When you put it like that, it seems like his timing could not have been worse; remembering your friend's death with your first kiss. "As much as I wanted to tell you, I couldn't, in case people thought the rankings were biased. And what about Peter? He couldn't find out about us– he's handing with a knife."
Christina raises her eyebrows and shakes her head in disbelief, a smile playing at her lips and Will's cheeks dimple. They seem to have forgotten about how I failed to provide them with something to quench their curiosity, maybe even stop Christina's seemingly incessant chatter of love and Will and everything that comes with it.
"When I think about it," she says, "it's hard to believe I missed it."
Will's eyebrows crease. "Because you're – were – a Candor?"
"Was I the only one who noticed how Four shrugged off the fact Tris absent-mindedly slapped him across the face?" She says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. "If I did that, he'd probably retaliate and kill me!" Christina's hand gestures are wild and uncontrolled, arms flailing about, knowingly exaggerating the point. Will scoffs and hits Christina's shoulder, gently, but hard enough to show some importance. He mumbles something I can't hear from where I'm stood and she laughs lightly, pausing only to another screech from the microphone.
Lauren and Tobias perch on the edge of the table Eric was stood on just a minute ago when he showed us the final initiation rankings.
"Welcome to Dauntless." I am engulfed in painfully loud roars as the words leave Lauren's mouth, echoing throughout the whole compound, cheers reverberating off the walls, projecting voices and I can't help but grin and join in, howls contagious and unstoppable. The noise eventually dies down and Lauren taps the microphone several times to regain attention. She reads out the Dauntless Manifesto and mentions something about choosing jobs but I can't differentiate her voice from the ringing in my ears.
The microphone screams and I zone back in again as it is passed to Tobias, who gives her a look that she sniggers at. His eyes flit helplessly around the room, and unable to think of anything to say he blurts out, "Go, I guess." Causing ripples of yells of joy and in some cases, laughter - from those who noticed Tobias's hesitance in what to say - but in a matter of seconds everyone is thrown into a pandemonium. If I were still in Abnegation, I would frown upon the inconsiderate noise and unorganised rabble struggling to the exit but until you are part of the movement, you'd never understand it.
Tobias tosses the microphone to Lauren and hops precariously down from the table into a small clearing, toppling onto Zeke as he loses his balance. Tossing Tobias off his back roughly, Zeke laughs and I jog over to them, pushing against the flow of the crowd, a fish swimming upstream.
"And you call me clumsy." I offer a hand to Tobias and pull him onto his feet.
"I don't make a habit of stumbling around," he says, "but at least I don't almost fall off Ferris wheels." I roll my eyes at him and he puts and arm around my waist. I tense slightly. I can tell that this feels strange for him, too. The way he stiffens at my touch, his loose grip. Admittedly, it's rather awkward but, trying to incorporate some Dauntless into my life style, I ignore it, shaking the shiver that runs down my spine.
"Beatrice?"
"Today isn't that special," I quickly remind him, wincing at my full name. "Besides, it doesn't suit me; it suits a plain stiff, and as of a few minutes ago, I am now officially Dauntless."
He smiles. "Tris?"
"Better."
"Do you want to come back to my apartment or do you need to go to your dormitory?" he says.
"I don't need to be anywhere," I say, "but I should probably talk to Christina about some things." He looks a little disheartened but it barely shows through. He takes my hand and we walk back to the dorms, comfortable quietness hanging in the air.
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Christina and Will are chatting amiably when I arrive back at the dormitory, sat side by side and leaning into each other. All conversation abruptly ceases when I enter the room and I am certain my cheeks are flushed a rosy shade of pink.
What's to be embarrassed about? I think to myself. I just ranked first. I beat the Dauntless-borns, and raise my chin, as if an epiphany granted me an aura of confidence. I plonk down on the bed opposite Christina and Will and untie my left combat boot. Christina wrinkles her nose in disapproval and I scrunch my face, confused.
"What have I done?" I joke, tugging at my shoe forcibly, only to Christina's further disgust.
"Those shoes!" She exclaims. Feigning a distraught look, she adds, "Have I taught you nothing?" At which Will and I snort unintelligibly. I yank the other boot off my foot and taunt her with it, waving the shoe in front of her nose. She presses her face into Will's shoulder and blindly pushes it away.
"What do you have against Tris's shoes?" asks Will, twiddling the lace of his own boots between his fingers.
"Treat your shoes with respect, Tris, and they will serve you a lifetime." I probably wouldn't have guffawed at this if Christina didn't look so serious, as if concerned for the well being of my shoes. Will grins and walks over to his own bed, and I do the same thing.
There is a black bag tucked neatly under my bed frame and I crouch down to pull it out. It is labelled Tris Prior – R1, which I can only guess stands for Rank 1. I slide my few personal items into the provided bag and perch on the edge of the bed, lips tugging up at the corners of my mouth, curving into a lopsided smile. I'm Dauntless now. It has only just sunk in and in a moment of realisation, I can't stifle the laughs. This is my home now, it's where I belong.
My smile fades. "Stiff." That cold voice came 5th in the rankings, and I presume he wants to know how I did it.
"If anything," I say, "I'm more Dauntless than you are." I smirk a little and lean back, propped up on one elbow.
"How did you do it?" He asks, striding over towards me. "How did you cheat?"
I look him straight in the eye. "I didn't."
"Come on, Stiff. I'm not stupid." From where I'm sat, only I can see the cruelness of his small, patronising smile, masked by the innocence of his voice.
"For an Erudite, you could be smarter," I scoff, "No wonder you left." The way he stalks off is a worse sign than if he simply threw a punch at me; it means he is plotting. I shudder, knowing that the repercussions from whatever he does will be more permanent than what Molly did. The consequence for outranking him in the simulations could have been death.
"Tris." Christina bats at my shoulder and I turn to face her. "I thought we'd lost you then. Will and I were just about to head off for dinner. Coming?"
I nod and stuff my bag under my bed and start to walk to the dining hall.
As Will and Christina giddily sprint ahead, I hang behind, dawdling, so I can mull some things over. Tomorrow, I need to choose a job, something that I will be doing for the rest of my life and I must enjoy it. I told Christina before we discovered our rankings that I wanted to be a Dauntless Ambassador but because I ranked first, I can be anything. Training transfers with Four would be fun, as would working with Tori. I could even be a Dauntless Leader.
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I'm dragging my feet along the floor slowly when someone grabs me roughly from behind, pulling me off my feet and squeezing me tightly, thrusting the air from my lungs. I thrash about and elbow them hard in the face, in the nose, making the attacker yell. Who could it be? Peter wouldn't attack me here, I haven't provoked Molly or Drew, Al's dead. I wince at the morbid thought. I stomp on a foot, crushing my heel into their instep. As their pain reflexes kick in, their grip loosens and I break free from their grasp, spinning quickly around to see them, pacing backwards, shielding my face with my fists, knuckles white and poised strategically in front of me. I lower them immediately when I see who it is.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I run up to Uriah who is rubbing his nose and stalling blood with his sleeve. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he mumbles. "I just wasn't expecting that."
"Neither," I say, guiltily, staring at the floor.
Uriah chuckles. "I'm Dauntless, this happens all the time. You don't have to look so worried!"
I smile gratefully. "I'll get used to it eventually." I pause, trying to think of words to say while Uriah wipes blood off his upper lip. "Why did you jump on me anyway?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," he says, "obviously it doesn't look as great now."
A laugh hitches up my throat and comes out as more of a happy pant than anything else.
"Another question," I say, "how do you walk so quietly?" Uriah is by no means small, yet he managed to make only muffled pads on the stone floor, that I ignored, presuming they were my own.
"I was hardly quiet," he snorts, grinning, "you were just thinking too hard."
I consider this for a moment and have to admit he's right. I wonder how he can tell that I was deep in thought. We stand in near silence for a few minutes, the quietude only broken when Uriah sniffs blood back up his nose.
"I'm hungry," Uriah blurts out urgently, "do you mind if we crack onward to the dining hall? Presuming that is where you are going."
"Yeah," I say, "That was where I was headed. Let's go."
"What took you guys so long?" Christina jumps out of her seat and trots over to us.
"We had a little," I search for the right word and glance at Uriah. "Incident."
I clamber onto the bench beside Will, opposite Tobias and snatch a bread roll off the tray of food in front of me. I tear a chunk off and pop it into my mouth.
"Hey brother," Zeke calls from the other side of the table, "what happened to your face?" Uriah points at me and I blush sheepishly.
"Tris hit me," he whines, jokingly. Tobias's head whips around.
"Did you really hit Uriah in the face?"
"I didn't mean to," I object, "I just wasn't expecting someone to creep up on me and jump on my back without announcing their presence." I glare at Uriah and he shrugs, popping a crumb of cake into his mouth.
"That's kind of your fault," Zeke declares, "little brother."
"Why am I now little brother, Ezekiel?" Uriah remarks, harmlessly. Zeke gets the wrong idea, however, reaches over the table and smacks his brother sharply on the ear.
"Don't call me that," he orders, sitting back down. "My name is Zeke."
Uriah tentatively touches his hand to his ear. "Why is everyone hitting me today? Does anyone else want to hit me?"
"I'd like to," chirps Lynn cheerfully. She stands up and bats him around the head. Plonking back down onto the bench, she simpers and Uriah chokes back fake tears.
Paying no attention to Uriah's fake snivels, I decide to join in the conversation. "So what job are you guys going to choose?"