Summary: Growing up, Merlin wasn't the most popular kid. He was often made fun of because he was overweight. Now, as an adult, he's fit, successful, and has a great group of friends. What happens when someone from his past rings him up to apologise?
Thanks to 5leggedcricket and josephinestone for the beta, and IMERA for the beautiful art that inspired this story.
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
"He doesn't deserve you." Arthur scowled while he pretended to read a magazine and was lounging about in Merlin's sitting room. Merlin had called him earlier that day about what had happened, and Arthur had decided to come over right away and give him a piece of his mind.
"So they keep telling me." Merlin shook his head and offered Arthur a cup of coffee. Arthur had wanted scotch, but Merlin wasn't drinking before he went out with Mordred for their meeting—or whatever it was. Because it was most certainly not a date.
"I still can't believe that you're going to go out with him." Arthur sipped his coffee and gave Merlin a once-over as if he was assessing Merlin's choice in outfit.
"It's not like it's a date. He just asked me for coffee, because he wants to apologise for—"
"For what? Being a total arse when we were young and now that you're slimmer, famous, rich, he wants a chance with you."
Merlin was neither famous nor rich. Sure he'd lost a bit of weight since their schooldays, but all he did now was own an art gallery and teach art history at a nearby night school. He was just somewhat known in the industry, because he'd helped discover a few of the local artists. But, besides that, it was no big deal, really. Arthur and Leon were just always going on about it.
"He doesn't want a chance with me. We don't even know if he's gay." Sure, Merlin had thought about the option, but he'd be damned if he'd confess it. He wasn't a complete idiot, no matter what Arthur thought.
"But you've thought about it," Arthur said. Damn him.
"I haven't," Merlin insisted. He was going to stand his ground.
"Don't lie to me, Merlin. I was always there to pick up the pieces when he—"
Merlin really did have enough of it. "He claims to have changed. Haven't you changed, Arthur?"
Arthur grumbled something that Merlin didn't quite hear.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Merlin said when Arthur also refused to make eye contact with him. Arthur hadn't been a bully like Mordred, but he had been cold and calculating towards everyone he'd dated. He'd vowed to never settle down with a bloke in a million years. He was the epitome of casual only relationships. That was until he'd met Leon, and it was like everything in the world had gone upside down.
"I still don't trust him," Arthur said.
"Good, you shouldn't. So if I come home pining—"
"I'll have every right to say I told you so."
Merlin rolled his eyes and swatted the back of Arthur's head. "Don't you have a husband to get home to?"
"Leon's working late today," Arthur said. "So I can stay here up until Mordred comes to pick you up."
Merlin's eyes widened at first, then he scowled with annoyance. "You're going to scare the poor bloke, and he's already having a rough time as it is..."
"See, there you go!" Arthur said, almost in triumph. "You're taking his side already, and you haven't even kissed him yet."
"I'm not going to kiss him," Merlin said, annoyed. "It's just bloody coffee."
"What do you suppose he wants?" Arthur said after taking another sip of his coffee. "Do you think he wants to shag or maybe he wants a job."
"Why would he come to me for a job?" Merlin said, frowning. He hadn't thought about that. Mordred had sounded worried on the phone, and he said that he wanted just a chance to talk. He'd laid out his whole life story to Merlin on the phone. He was just out of rehab, and he was looking to make amends. He'd lost everything because of his addiction. His home, his friends, his job... Shit. What if he did ask for a job? Could Merlin say no?
"You're thinking about it now."
"I'm only thinking about it because you brought it up!" Merlin said. "I just thought he was going to want to do the whole twelve step thing. Apologise to those that he hurt. He did say that he was kind of down in the dumps..."
"Tell him you're all full up," Arthur said. "No budget to hire another man for the gallery. He probably doesn't even know anything about art!"
"You didn't know anything about art when you worked at the gallery. Still, I gave you a job."
"That's because I'm your best friend. Mordred is just some wanker—"
The doorbell rang, and Merlin was glad that Arthur had stopped talking. He didn't want Mordred to accidentally hear the end of that sentence.
"I'll get it," Arthur said, jumping up and making his way to the door before Merlin could even think about protesting. "Hello!" Arthur shouted as he opened the door and then yelled over his shoulder. "Merlin, your date is here. And he brought flowers."
Merlin glowered at Arthur as he walked up to the door and was happy to see that Mordred had, in fact, not brought flowers. "You're an arse, Arthur," he said, and opened the door all the way to let Mordred in. "Hi. Don't mind him. He was just leaving."
"I haven't finished my coffee," Arthur said, sounding put out.
"I'll call you later," Merlin said, and all but pushed Arthur out the door. Arthur was still protesting when Merlin closed the door on him, and he hoped that Arthur would be gone by the time he and Mordred would be leaving.
"Nice place," Mordred said, looking around the hall and into the sitting room. "Do you live alone?"
"Yeah. I just bought it six months ago."
"That's brilliant. It must be nice to own your own place," Mordred said, and Merlin couldn't place his tone. His expression was also rather impassive.
"It is. Except when the plumbing's out and you can't just call the landlord; you have to either fix it yourself or pay an arm and leg for something — Never mind that. Sorry, I just start rambling sometimes and can't stop. Bad habit from work, I suppose."
"Right, as a professor," Mordred said, and for the first time that night, smiled. "Was that your boyfriend—"
"Arthur? God, no. He's married to a friend of mine. Well they're both friends of mine. Arthur and Leon."
"Wow. Married. And to a man? I couldn't imagine being married. I mean, not at this stage of my life."
"Yeah, it was sort of a surprise for all of us too. Arthur wasn't the type to settle down, but I guess there's just something about Leon that convinced him." They were still standing awkwardly in the hallway, and since they'd started chatting right away Merlin had nearly forgot his manners. "I'm sorry. Do you want something to drink or do you want to go—"
"Yeah. Sure," Mordred said, but didn't move.
"Okay. Which one, then?" Merlin smiled, and Mordred chuckled. Merlin saw his face flush slightly, and he was glad to know that he wasn't the only one feeling rather awkward.
"Let's go. I parked right up the street, and I know a place," Mordred said, and made his way towards the door.
"Brilliant," Merlin said, and he grabbed his jacket right before following Mordred.
*0-0-0*
Mordred opened the car door for Merlin, and Merlin started to feel like perhaps it really was a date. They drove in silence for a while as Merlin thought of conversation topics, but he couldn't settle on a decent one. He'd always been intimidated by Mordred, ever since he was a child, and now to sit in a car with him, just inches away was surreal.
"Do you know that place Thinking Cup?" Mordred asked, yanking Merlin out of his thoughts.
"Yeah. I've seen it. It's new, but I haven't been there yet," Merlin answered, nearly staggering over his words. "Is that where we're going?"
"Yeah. That alright with you?"
"Of course," Merlin said, and turned to stare out the window. From what Merlin had heard about the place, it was rather a swanky coffee shop with modern art displayed and a latte costing nearly three times as much as in any other place. He thought Mordred had said that he'd lost everything. How could he afford to take Merlin to a place like that?
When they walked in, some people seemed to recognise Mordred. They looked at Merlin and politely smiled before looking away. They couldn't be people that Merlin and Mordred went to school with. Merlin didn't know any of them. He was thoroughly confused and was about to ask a question when Mordred place a hand on the small of Merlin's back and slightly pushed him into the café.
"Do you want to sit over here?" Mordred asked, and guided Merlin to the corner table.
"How do you know all the people here?" Merlin asked. He always had a bit of a habit of just coming right out and asking a question rather than try to sugar coat it or be more diplomatic.
Mordred laughed. "I'd told them to be more subtle," he said. "I work here. I get half off all the cakes and drink the coffee for free."
Oh. That's how he could have afforded the place, Merlin realised.
"Do you want to sit or are we going to continue standing here?" Mordred asked, but he wasn't being mean, or sarcastic, nor did he have a teasing tone to his voice. He sounded almost...concerned. As if he was afraid that Merlin would want to leave.
"Right. Sorry," Merlin said, and walked up to the table that Mordred was earlier guiding him to. He quickly reached his chair and sat down, worried that Mordred was going to pull it out for him and make it more into an awkward date as opposed to someone who was just following a twelve step programme.
"I'll get us something to drink. Do you want anything specific?" Mordred asked, and Merlin looked up at the counter.
"I'll have whatever you're having," Merlin said, and smiled. He hoped that he sounded carefree and not anxious. He'd nearly forgotten the word for 'coffee' itself, and he couldn't think of what to order.
"Very well," Mordred said, and left Merlin alone at the table.
Merlin watched him go, and he was glad that Mordred's jacket wasn't too long; he didn't miss how his jeans cupped his arse just so perfectly. Shit, now he was staring. He abruptly looked away and noticed that a girl from across the room, who was cleaning the table, was watching him.
He felt his ears burn, and he was sure as hell that his cheeks flushed. He looked out the window and just stared at the empty road. Hopefully, she really hadn't noticed what he was doing and wouldn't actually tell Mordred.
A minute later, Mordred and the girl that had been across the room, were walking toward Merlin. Mordred was holding two coffee mugs, and the girl was holding two plates. "Here we are," Mordred said, and placed the mugs on the table. He then turned to face the girl and grabbed the plates out of her hands. "Thanks a lot, Jennie."
"Well..." she said, tapping her foot.
Merlin saw Mordred shake his head before he made the introductions. "Merlin, this is my co-worker Jennie, Jennie, this is my...uh...friend Merlin."
Jennie offered her hand to Merlin and Merlin shook it. "Nice to meet you, friend Merlin."
"It's just Merlin," Merlin said, and smiled at her. "And likewise, Jennie."
She leaned towards Mordred, and even though she looked like she was going to whisper something, she said, loudly enough for the entire coffee shop to hear, "He's cute."
"Don't you have work to do?" Mordred asked, and he turned to face Merlin, and Merlin saw a flush rising on Mordred's cheeks.
Jennie immediately left after that, and Mordred took the seat across from Merlin. "Sorry about that, if I'd known that this would be so embarrassing, I would have picked somewhere else for us to go."
"It's fine," Merlin said with his hand in the air as if he was dismissing the entire ordeal. "It's free coffee. Nothing wrong with a side of mortification. You saw how Arthur was earlier tonight."
"Yeah. When he'd opened the door and looked at me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do. At first, I thought he was going to punch me. I'm glad he didn't."
"Me too," Merlin said. "I'd rather be getting coffee here than at the hospital café." He took a sip of his drink and finally looked at the sugary goodness Mordred had brought with him. "That's a banana nut muffin..."
"Yeah," Mordred said, sounding nervous.
"I love banana nut muffins!" Merlin said, excited, realising that perhaps he should have not been as loud. "God, I haven't had one in three weeks."
"You love them and you haven't had one in three weeks?"
"Yeah. I...uh..." Merlin hesitated. "Cakes were really the reason I was rather overweight in our school years. I'm sure you remember..." He patted his now flat stomach and took in a deep breath. He looked over at Mordred, who looked as though Merlin had just kicked his puppy. "What's wrong?"
Mordred ran a hand through his hair and grabbed his coffee mug with both hands. "Yeah. How could I have forgot..." He seemed to be whispering to himself.
"Yeah. I used to be really fat," Merlin said teasingly, hoping to lighten the mood.
"I...um... Merlin," Mordred said, straightening up. "I wanted to apologise about everything. I mean, that's why I called you, right? When I got out of the rehabilitation clinic, the first thing I did was look you up. I just... I never forgave myself for the way I acted when we were kids. I was having trouble at home... I mean..." He sighed, and his fingers twitched, and Merlin felt Mordred's knee constantly bumping the table.
Merlin remained quiet. This is what they were here for. This wasn't a date. No matter how everyone else around them seemed to act like it. Mordred had called Merlin because he needed to clear his conscious. That's all. Merlin had gotten over all the bullying he'd received as a child; he'd worked hard to better himself both physically and emotionally and now he was in a good place. He was over it.
He just hated at how hot he still thought Mordred was. He'd had a crush on Mordred from the age of twelve, and Mordred had basically made his life a living hell between twelve and eighteen before he'd moved away and Merlin never heard from him. Now here he was, seven years later.
"It's not about that," Mordred said, abruptly.
"About what?" Merlin asked in a whisper. He was afraid that Mordred was going to lose it.
"My home life. I was an arsehole to you. You were a nice bloke. Smart. Sweet, even, and it was just easy for me to pick on you. You always had your shit together. I mean you were so funny, and you made these really on-point jokes and it pissed everyone else off and it was easy for me to lash out at you and I shouldn't have—"
"You thought I was funny?" Merlin asked, and his voice squeaked slightly.
"Yeah..." Mordred said, looking up at Merlin. Their eyes met and Merlin saw something raw there. He couldn't place what it was though. "You were always hanging around with Arthur, and I was just so jealous..."
"Of course," Merlin said, almost instinctively. Everyone was jealous of the fat kid because he had the hot bloke's attention. "Arthur was...still is...hot. Everyone wanted him back then, and they still do. You should see how Leon has to fight—"
"No. I wasn't jealous because Arthur..." Mordred took a deep breath again. "I was jealous of Arthur. How easy it was for him to be friends with you. You two were inseparable, and I just..."
"You were jealous of Arthur?" Merlin said, drawling out the words. He just wanted to be sure he heard right.
"Yeah, and Gwen, Percival, Freya, Will...the whole lot."
"Because they all hung out with me?" Merlin asked, then added, "The fat kid."
Mordred didn't say anything. He bit his lip and then looked down at his coffee.
"You realise that you shoved my face in the toilet, and I was sent to either the headmaster's office, home, or the clinic, nearly every day for three months when I was sixteen."
"I know. I know—"
"All because you thought I was funny and you were jealous of my friends. The only people in our school of over five thousand kids who didn't make fun of me. Or at least to my face."
Mordred nodded, and he continued to hold his tight grip on the coffee mug.
"Well. Water under bridge, innit?"
"What?" Mordred's head shot up, and he looked bewildered. Merlin had a sneaky suspicion that if he'd continued talking about their past, Mordred would have started to cry. He was glad that that had been avoided.
"So you made fun of me when I was growing up. I mean, sure, it was awful. But it also made me strong and resilient. I still fought back, every time."
"Sometimes I wished that you didn't," Mordred said. "My friends were the meanest group of people I ever met, and they beat you because you continued to insult them. I'd always wished that you'd just stop talking so they could move on, but you just...never gave up, did you?" He chuckled lightly, looking afraid that he might have crossed a line.
"I know, it's part of my charm," Merlin said. "I never knew why you were friends with them. I mean, if you'd just come and hung out with us, we wouldn't have turned you down."
"I couldn't. Not after what we did. Also, I didn't really want to be friends with them, but they were just always there. After school we'd go over to Helios's place and drink beer and pass out. Eventually, Cenred managed to get us blaze and it was all we did. Smoke and drink. Until we got caught, and then I ran away—"
"Is that what happened?" Merlin asked, eager. "I always wondered where'd you gone to. I went to Camelot U with Arthur and Gwen. I always thought you'd turn up somewhere, but—"
"Yeah. My dad was useless, he used to beat my mum. Eventually, one time he went too far, and she couldn't hide the bruises. I always felt guilty that I wasn't strong enough to stop him. I've also been told that it could also be the reason why I was the way I was in school. I wasn't in control at home so I took control of someone I could prey on."
"So where did you go after you got caught?"
Mordred shrugged. "Lived on the streets for a while. I was a fully functioning alcoholic by eighteen. I picked up odd jobs until I could buy a bottle. I'd find someone, hole up with him for some time then move on, and it sort of went on like that for maybe...I don't know, four or five years." He picked up his coffee mug and took a large sip from it.
Merlin did the same. "Then what happened?" He also realised that he'd waited long enough and his hand involuntarily hovered over the muffin until he broke off a piece for himself.
Mordred watched him and smiled. "I was with this man. He was older than me." When Merlin raised an eyebrow, Mordred laughed. "He was forty. He was rich, and he wanted to take care of me. He knew I liked to drink, and he was always ready with one. We'd always get drunk or high together. There were a few mornings when I woke up and didn't remember the night before at all. I also started to wake up in bed with strange men..." He paused and sighed.
Merlin didn't say anything. He just let him talk.
"It was bad. I had no idea, Charles, that was his name... I had no idea Charles was drugging me and making business deals with these men so they could fuck me. It was my fault, really—"
"Business deals?" Merlin asked, unable to stop his curiosity.
"Yeah. He was in construction. I was in Chelmsford at the time. That's how I'd met him. I got a job at one of his construction sites, and he asked me out and we started dating. I thought we were getting serious. Anyway, I found out that his business partners, the gay ones, at least, would offer him discount on supplies or manpower or whatever if they could—"
"That's disgusting."
"Yeah, well. I'd made myself a whore for hire," Mordred said.
"So what did you do?"
"Well, I got the hell out of C as fast as I could." Mordred laughed again. He looked scared again, and Merlin was bracing himself for the severer news. "I found a free clinic in Mercia. I was tested. Negative, thankfully."
Merlin released a sigh of relief for Mordred.
"I was recommended a rehabilitation facility. I couldn't afford anything, so I worked in the kitchen or did janitorial work and lived there. I was there the first year as a patient, then I continued on to another year as an employee, but I still attended the meetings. And well, now I'm here."
"So, you're sober?" Merlin asked. He was now glad that he hadn't offered Mordred a drink back at his flat.
"Two years," Mordred said, sounding proud.
Merlin smiled at him but didn't say anything else. That was quite the story he'd just heard, and he was afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"Merlin, I need you to know that I am very sorry for the way I treated you. I know we were kids and sometimes as children we don't really have control over our behaviours or know what we're doing or why—I can see that you are strong, and you didn't let what happened to you dictate your life. Still, I need you to understand. I'm ashamed of what I did, of who I was, and—"
"Hey." Merlin leaned forward, reached over the table and placed his hand on top of Mordred. "It's okay. Really. It is. Sure, I had no idea why you or your friends were picking on me of all the people and yeah, it wasn't fun. I had nightmares about going to school—"
"I'm so sorr—"
"I know. And I'm telling you that it's okay." Merlin smiled, and he looked down at their joined hands at the table. Merlin thumb was gently caressing the top of Mordred's hand. Mordred hadn't even made a move, and Merlin wondered if he knew what Merlin was doing. He pulled his hand back and placed it in his lap. "I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you reached out to me to apologise, and it must not have been so easy for you to tell me all that stuff. So...thank you."
Mordred looked down at his hand which was now sans Merlin's and then lifted it off the table and placed it in his own lap. "Right, so can I get you another round of coffee?" he asked.
"Sure," Merlin said, and handed his cup to Mordred.
When Mordred walked away, Merlin didn't stare at his arse this time. Instead, he looked down at crumbled up banana nut muffin and started to eat it again. He thought that it was just so totally weird that Mordred had ordered him his favourite muffin.
"Did you know that I like banana nut muffins?" Merlin asked as soon as Mordred sat in front of him.
Mordred looked sheepish.
"How did you know?" Merlin asked, not waiting for Mordred to admit it. It was so obvious.
"I...maybe saw that on your Facebook page?"
"Is that a question?"
"No. I saw it on your page. Also your phone number's just listed there. How did you think I rang you up?"
Merlin shrugged. "I don't know. You'd called my house phone and not my mobile. I just figured you looked me up on the phonebook."
"The phonebook? Do you know what year this is?"
"So what. Lots of people use the phonebook," Merlin said, and Mordred laughed at him. "So why didn't you send me a friend request?"
Mordred shrugged. He paused for a while as if he was really thinking it over. "I thought it was the easy way out. I wanted to do it proper. Face to face and all that, you know?"
Merlin nodded.
"Besides. I had a feeling that if I saw that you were in a relationship or something, then I might have not gone through with it."
"Why?"
Mordred shrugged again. "Would've been discouraged and worried that your boyfriend would beat me up, I suppose."
Merlin laughed. "No boyfriend," he said.
"So you and Arthur...never?"
Merlin shook his head. "No. We never," he said.
"I...uh...are you disappointed?" Mordred's voice quivered a little bit—his grip on the coffee mug was back with a vengeance.
"God, no. Arthur is such a drama queen. I could never go out with him. Besides he was always a bit too loose for me. I was happy when Leon came into our lives. Arthur's really settled with him."
Mordred nodded to everything Merlin was saying, but he didn't respond.
They stayed at the coffee shop for a while as Merlin told Mordred more about his life. After he'd received his Bachelor's in History with a concentration in Art History in particular, Merlin had travelled for a while. He got a job working as a curator first, then looked into teaching.
Mordred looked relatively impressed, and Merlin was glad that they'd moved on from the topic of Mordred just mainly feeling guilty for bullying Merlin when they were young.
"Do you want to get out of here and, I don't know, go for a walk or something?"
"Sure," Merlin said with moderate enthusiasm. He was getting tired of just sitting in the same place, and his legs could use some stretching.
They walked out of the café, and Merlin led the way to a nearby park.
It was turning out to be a nice evening. Merlin was glad he'd brought his jacket, because it was getting to be chilly. Still, it was pleasant enough for a walk. They were quiet for a long, long time, and Merlin thought that perhaps it was time to call it a night.
Mordred had got what he wanted. He wanted to meet up with Merlin, apologise to him, and obtain his forgiveness. All of that was over and done with, and it was obvious that this clearly had not been a date.
Merlin had told himself that over and over again. It wasn't a date. However, arriving at the actual realisation of it was more difficult that he'd wanted it to be.
Bugger.
"So..." Merlin said, hoping to get Mordred's attention and not startle him.
Mordred turned to him, and, before Merlin could say anything else, he grabbed Merlin by the shoulder and kissed him. Merlin's knees almost immediately gave out. He lost his balance, and Mordred's hold on him only tightened as his kiss became deeper.
Merlin snapped to attention and, before Mordred could pull away, kissed him back.
He had no idea if this was a date or not, but he was mighty glad that there had been kissing.
TWO MONTHS LATER
Much to Merlin's surprise, Arthur rang the doorbell and didn't just barge into Merlin's flat.
"Why didn't you use your key?"
Arthur gave Merlin an incredulous look as if Merlin was just so exhausting. "I didn't want to walk in on you and your boyfriend."
Merlin rolled his eyes and opened the door all the way to let Arthur and Leon in. Merlin had been dating Mordred since the night they'd kissed, but it wasn't anything serious. Serious in the sense that they had casual dates, saw each other once or twice a week, and Merlin was starting to really doubt whether they would ever do anything more than just kiss.
Mordred had said that he wanted to take it slow, so that's what they were doing, taking it slow. Merlin had never been like Arthur. He never cared about just going out and seducing some man at a club and seeing how many phone numbers he could get in one night. He was happy to give Mordred the time and space he needed.
Although, he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that it was driving him mad. But, Mordred was an addict. He was trying to stay sober. The last thing Merlin wanted to do was break up with the man because they weren't having sex yet.
To the best of Merlin's knowledge, it wasn't like Mordred was seeing anyone else. He just worked a lot, and he'd also text or call Merlin every other night. Sure, they were on that border of friendship or more, but Merlin knew that life wasn't a race. Everything took its own sweet time. He was willing to be patient with Mordred.
Arthur was aware of this entire situation and was being a wanker.
Leon rolled his eyes first then gave Merlin an almost apologetic look that spoke volumes, mainly along the lines of, yeah, I don't know why we keep him around.
"Mordred isn't here yet," Merlin said. They were all going to hang out at Merlin's place that night and watch a film. It had been Arthur's idea. "He said he had to close up the café tonight so we could start without him."
"Next thing you know he will just go home," Arthur snapped, "because if he stays here too late, he might be forced to have sex with you."
"Not everyone needs to have sex right away, Arthur," Merlin said, annoyed. There was a limit to Merlin's patience for Arthur's remarks, and Merlin seemed to have reached it.
"All I'm saying is that if the sex is good, it's only 10 per cent of a relationship, and if the sex is bad, then it's 80 per cent of the relationship," Arthur said. Merlin was the one that had told him that quote when he'd seen a film that had stated it. Now Arthur liked to act like he had come up with the words on his own.
"Yeah, because you really know a lot about relationships." Merlin looked at Leon and chagrined. "Sorry, mate."
Leon laughed. "Maybe he doesn't want to come over because he doesn't want to meet your friends. Especially since he already knows Arthur, and I'm sure you've told him that Arthur can be a bit..."
"Charming?" Arthur said, and Merlin answered at the same time, "A prat?"
"I need a drink," Leon answered, and made his way to Merlin's kitchen.
For the time Merlin had been dating Mordred, he'd got rid of almost all the alcohol in the house. It'd been sitting there collecting dust anyway, and he figured that if he was dating someone that was trying to stay sober, it would help if he didn't have easy access to liquor around.
He gave almost all of it away to his friends and only kept a beer or two in the fridge.
"In the back," Merlin told Leon, and Leon nodded.
"You're making a lot of changes to your lifestyle for someone you're not even fucking," Arthur mumbled.
"For fuck's sake, Arthur!" Merlin exclaimed. "I don't even drink that much and when I am over at you guys' place, I don't refrain. I really like him, okay? You need to back the fuck off."
Arthur nodded. "I know. I just worry..."
"I know you do," Merlin said. "But, can you just trust me on this?"
Arthur didn't say anything and took a seat on the sofa as he waited for Leon to come back from the kitchen. "If he hurts you..." he said after a long moment.
"I will tell you his home address, his work address, the kind of car he drives so you can destroy him," Merlin said, and looked at Leon. "The both of you." It was really kind and caring of Arthur, but Merlin truly felt as though he knew what he was doing.
After spending a lot of time with Mordred, Merlin had started to believe that the man had changed. He wasn't the same angry, out of control teenager that they knew. He no longer took his anger out on someone that was weaker than him. He was so much the opposite. Merlin had gone to Mordred's place, and he was renting a room from an old lady who had more or less taken pity on him. Mordred helped around the house, took out the garbage, and even carried her groceries up the stairs for her. He was more than a tenant to the woman, he was practically her caretaker.
He never complained about helping her; he'd even called it a privilege.
Merlin knew that if they didn't work out, it could be for a million reasons, but the fact that Mordred was a mean person, or an insensitive arsehole would not be one of them.
*0-0-0*
Leon had just put the DVD on and was about to press play when the doorbell rang again. He looked at Arthur and said, "Did you order pizza without telling us?"
Arthur shook his head with confusion. "That was one time, and you'd cooked… I mean—"
"Oh, for goodness' sake," Merlin said, and got up to answer the door. He was pleasantly surprised to see Mordred there.
"Hi," Mordred said.
"Hi," Merlin said, and stood there stunned.
"Are you going to let me in?"
"You're early," Merlin said, realising that he still hadn't moved away. "Oh, sorry." He got out of the way eventually, and Mordred entered his flat. "We were just about to start the film."
"Great, then I'm not too late," Mordred replied, and leaned in to kiss Merlin on the cheek. "Are your friends here?" he whispered in Merlin's ear. His hot breath gave Merlin a shiver.
"Yeah, yeah...they're in the other room," Merlin said, leading the way, and he stopped again when he saw Leon and Arthur snogging on the sofa. "Seriously?" he exclaimed, annoyed. "This is why I got my own place to begin with..."
Leon backed off from Arthur, and Arthur gave a small whine. "Sorry, mate," Leon said.
Merlin turned to look at Mordred and gave a shy smile. "I used to live with them, and I walked home to this all the time. Evidently, no sex on the sofa was a rule that Arthur just never understood."
Mordred laughed and looked at Merlin's friends and nodded. "It's a stupid rule," he said, winking.
"Brilliant. He's on your side, Arthur." Merlin feigned annoyance.
"It is a stupid rule," Arthur said, standing up, and then walked towards them to shake Mordred's hand. "Good to see you again, man."
"You too, mate," Mordred said.
"Hi, I'm Leon," Leon said, walking up to him next. "Wow, you smell like coffee."
Mordred gave a short laugh. "I was elbow deep in it all day," he said, before he showed a small brown bag he'd brought. "And I brought some goodies, too."
Arthur grabbed the bag out of Mordred's hand and started to dig through it. "Sorry, was I supposed to ask," he said when he saw Merlin glowering at him.
"It's okay, I brought them for everyone. I swapped a shift last week with Jennie so she did me the favour tonight and let me go early. And we were going to throw those out, anyway, so you know..."
Merlin nodded. He knew that Mordred didn't like wasting food, and thought it was quite sweet of him to try to contribute in his own way. He'd also known that Mordred was always worried about how he wasn't as well settled, meaning well off, as Merlin or his friends.
Merlin always hated how Mordred compared himself to them; he had had a totally different, and a rather difficult life. Merlin wasn't sure if he or any of his friends would have survived the way Mordred did and came out soaring.
"Do you want something to drink?" Merlin asked, turning to Mordred. "I have that lemon fizzy thing you like."
"What lemon fizzy thing?" Arthur said, as if his ears had just perked up. He turned to Leon, "Will I like it?"
Merlin shook his head in disbelief, and Mordred only laughed at the situation. Meanwhile Leon was rubbing Arthur's head as if he were a little kid.
"I'll get one for all of us," Merlin said, and made his way to the kitchen.
Mordred followed him, and before Merlin opened the fridge door, Mordred grabbed Merlin's wrist and turned him around. "Hey..." he whispered, low and sexy.
"Hey, yourself," Merlin said with a grin.
Mordred pushed Merlin against the fridge, pressing his hips against Merlin's, and kissed him. They hadn't seen each other in four days so Merlin was just glad to have the attention. Lately, their snogging had been getting more and more intense, and Merlin knew, or rather he'd hoped, that this was leading to something more than just kissing. Soon.
Merlin's mouth moved from Mordred's lips down to his jaw, and then to Mordred's neck. "God, you smell amazing."
Mordred chuckled. "I smell like coffee."
"You smell...sexy."
Mordred's grip on Merlin loosened slightly, and Merlin thought that maybe he'd crossed a line. "We should get back before they start to really have sex on my sofa," he said, and turned to open the fridge.
Mordred held onto Merlin's waist as Merlin grabbed four bottles, and only released his hold on Merlin to grab two of them. He walked back into the living room first, and Merlin took a minute before he returned. He had no idea if he'd done something wrong, but he hoped not. The last thing he wanted was for Mordred to pull away.
Merlin's moderately sized-sofa seemed cramped with four people on it. Mordred and Arthur were in the far corners with Merlin and Leon stuck in the middle. Every time Merlin would move, his knee would bump into Leon's and he'd apologise for it.
He was trying to keep enough space between him and Mordred so he wouldn't crowd him, while Arthur and Leon were cuddling happily.
"Do I smell so bad?" Mordred said, his tone slightly teasing.
"What?" Merlin said, unsure if he'd heard Mordred correctly, since a car had just exploded in the film they were all watching.
"Why are you so far away?" Mordred whispered in Merlin's ear.
"Just don't want to crowd you," Merlin answered.
Mordred opened his mouth to say something when Arthur interrupted. "Can you keep it down over there." He was being an arse and he knew it, too. Merlin rolled his eyes and mouthed sorry" to Mordred. Mordred leaned in for a quick kiss and pulled Merlin close to him.
They watched the film quietly for the next hour when Leon paused it to take a break. They all took their turns going to the toilet, and Merlin grabbed more of the fizzy drinks with some crisps for everyone. Eventually, Mordred settled on the floor in front of the sofa near Merlin's legs and rested his head as they finished watching the rest of the film.
Merlin's fingers inevitably started to rake through Mordred's hair, and he leaned into the touch. It felt quite settled, and he was glad that Mordred had seemed to relax again. Maybe whatever weird thing had happened in the kitchen was finally over.
*0-0-0*
Arthur and Leon said their goodbyes, and Merlin walked them to their car while Mordred waited on the sofa. He had looked tired, and Merlin had a feeling that if Mordred had got up with them, then he would have left, too. Merlin wasn't ready for that yet.
"Is everything okay?" Merlin asked Mordred when he returned, and Mordred looked pensive.
"Yeah. Why do you think otherwise?"
Merlin shrugged and sat on the sofa next to him. "I don't know if I said something weird in the kitchen and you..."
"Oh," Mordred said, but he didn't sound disappointed, or angry. Merlin couldn't place what his tone had actually meant. "It's nothing bad," he added quickly after having probably recognised the confusion on Merlin's face.
"Well, it didn't look good, either," Merlin said.
Mordred chuckled and pulled Merlin close. "I've just been thinking a lot about...us."
"Yeah?" Merlin asked, hopeful.
"Yeah. Of how we've been dating for a few months now and you're just so great with me—"
Merlin nearly panicked when Mordred paused. Were they going to break up? That couldn't be.
"I hesitated because... well once we start it's hard for me to stop. The more time I spend with you, the harder it's becoming for me to go home. I already know that I ask a lot from you and you're just so great in accommodating me and—"
"I'm not accommodating you, Mordred," Merlin said. "I like you, and I like spending time with you. Getting a few of your favourite drinks that's not accom—"
"That's not what I meant," Mordred said. "I just... I don't even know what I'm trying to say."
"Just say what you feel."
"I think I've fallen in love with you," Mordred said, without reluctance. "And that's the opposite of going slow," he added.
Merlin didn't say anything. He was yet again stunned silent—for the third time that night. He just didn't have any words for his reaction. Not yet anyway.
Mordred pulled himself closer. He placed a hand on Merlin's cheek and brushed it lightly. Merlin tilted his head to lean into the touch.
"I think about you all the time. I try to keep it casual, because dating isn't encouraged when you're on your own and away from the rehab facility. Not yet, anyway. That's why I thought, you know, a few days a week going out to dinner or watching a film is good. But I just..."
"You what?" Merlin said, shifting his face so he could kiss Mordred's hand.
Mordred released a deep sigh. "Every time I'm with you, I just want more. More of you, more of this..." He brushed his thumb over Merlin's lower lip. "It's hard not to want you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Merlin said softly, unsure of what Mordred was trying to say. He was going to be there when Mordred was ready to give more.
"Yeah. But, your friends are great and hot and before I came along, you said that they were always trying to set you up. How long until you don't just give up and—"
"Is this about sex?"
Mordred didn't say anything.
"Do you really think that I'm going to go off and have sex with someone because you and I...what? Because we're waiting."
"You're a man. I know you have needs."
Merlin couldn't believe it. Was this really happening?. After all this time, this is what Mordred had thought of him? That he was just some bloke that was going to move on because they weren't fucking?
His irritation must have been visible, because Mordred rubbed the back of his hand against Merlin's cheek again, as if he was trying to soothe Merlin. As if he knew that Merlin liked it when Mordred did that.
"This all came out wrong," Mordred said.
"I'll say," Merlin snapped.
"Mer..."
Merlin raised his hand to stop Mordred from whatever he was going to say. He had no idea what it was going to be, but he just didn't want to hear anything else anymore. He needed a minute to think this through.
"God, you're so sexy when you get flustered," Mordred said, and pinned Merlin against the armrest of the sofa. He was licking and biting Merlin's lower lip, and Merlin was so surprised by the act that he didn't even try to push Mordred away. He melted into the kiss and hoped to God that this wasn't going to all blow up in his face.
Mordred was on top of him, their hips grinding together, and Merlin snaked his arms around Mordred's waist and lifted his shirt, struggling to find some skin.
"Fuck, Merlin..." Mordred panted, "you drive me wild."
"I—I do?" Merlin asked. His hands were grabbing onto Mordred's body, caressing his back, as Merlin slightly jerked his hips and rubbed his groin against Mordred's.
Mordred let out a throaty laugh before he kissed Merlin's jaw, then left a trail of kisses down his neck. "Haven't you been listening? I can't stop thinking about you..."
"I thought that was an inconvenient circumstance in your life..." Merlin said. He thrust up, and the friction of just rubbing up against Mordred, with their jeans still on, was beginning to be too much.
Mordred laughed again. At least he thinks I'm funny. He pulled back and grabbed the hem of Merlin's shirt. With one swift movement, he pulled Merlin's shirt off him and looked down at his body. Merlin was still very conscious of his body. Even if he had lost a lot of weight, being shirtless in front of a lover, with all the lights on, was still a very scary concept.
"Yes, very inconvenient," Mordred mumbled before he removed his own shirt and then got on top of Merlin again. "I can only hope for one thing," he said.
"What's that?" Merlin asked, his hands travelling down to unbutton Mordred's jeans.
"The no sex on the sofa rule doesn't apply to us, right?" he asked, and started to pull down on Merlin's jeans.
"Fuck no," Merlin answered, and before he could add anything else, Mordred's mouth was on his erection and he was licking the head of his cock. Merlin gasped as his head fell back, and he arched up.
Mordred pushed Merlin against the sofa and took his erection in his hand. He looked down at Merlin, and Merlin felt as though Mordred's mouth had been watering. He knew the feeling. He knew how much he'd wanted Mordred, and to see that need in his eyes was unbelievable.
"Can I?" Mordred whispered, and met Merlin's eyes. Merlin could only nod since he felt like his throat had closed up.
Before he could say anything else, Mordred's mouth was on him. He licked and sucked Merlin in a desperate way. If this was Mordred's way of telling Merlin that he was wanted, he was doing a brilliant job. Mordred's mouth was so hot and wet, and Merlin couldn't help but buck his hips in order to get more. He wanted more of Mordred's mouth, his tongue, but above all, he wanted more of this need that was wielding from him.
Sure, Merlin had had sex before. Merlin had had great sex before. But he'd never felt this way about anyone before. Merlin liked Mordred. Liked him so much so that he was willing to give up everything just to please the man. He knew it was stupid for him, but it wasn't something Mordred had wanted him to do. Merlin had wanted to do it on his own, and if Mordred knew of how Merlin felt, of his desire to give up everything for Mordred, he would have been against it.
Mordred's mouth released Merlin's cock, and Merlin made a whiny noise. "What?" he panted, wondering what he'd done that Mordred stopped.
"I want you," Mordred said.
"Yeah, I want you too, Mordred."
"I don't want to make you come like this," Mordred added.
"Okay," Merlin said, panting again. He tried to rise up, to be face to face with Mordred and figure out what he wanted. "How do you want me—"
"I want you inside me," Mordred said, cutting Merlin off. "I want to ride you while you come."
Merlin collapsed back on the sofa and groaned as he jerked his hips slightly. Just the idea of being inside Mordred was going to push him over the edge. In the ways he'd imagined the two of them being together—and he'd imagined it a lot—he didn't think he'd actually get to feel this. He hadn't realised it could be a possibility. Mordred had just been so distant from him, sexually anyway, and to see him want Merlin the way he'd ached for Mordred was unbelievable.
"Are you sure?" Merlin managed to bite out.
"Do you not—"
"No, I do. Please," Merlin said. "I just...I want. Okay?" He pointed towards the coffee table before speaking again. "There's a drawer under the table. Lube..." Mordred hadn't stopped stroking Merlin, and it was making it difficult for him to form a coherent thought. The fact that he'd managed to get that much out was impressive. "Mordred, I'm going to come before I even...Please!"
Mordred laughed at Merlin's pleading and Merlin hoped that he really didn't seem as pathetic as he sounded to himself. It was Mordred's idea to take things to the next level, and now Merlin couldn't think of anything else but to be with him. Be inside him.
Despite his teasing, Mordred didn't waste time in grabbing the supplies. He removed his clothes hastily and was back at stroking Merlin, harsh and even.
"Lube..." Merlin said. "Use the lube. I want to watch you prepare yourself."
Mordred's eyes widened slightly, but it didn't look as if he was upset, only more turned on. Or at least Merlin hoped. He was about to ask if "that was okay" when Mordred pushed a hand on Merlin's chest and parted his legs. The sofa felt small and cramped, and this could have been a lot easier on his bed, but Merlin was afraid to move. He had got to this point with Mordred, and he didn't want to change anything just to be more comfortable. He would fuck Mordred on the floor of his sitting room if it came to that.
He watched as Mordred slicked the fingers of his right hand with lube and reached in between his legs. His hand moved past his balls, and Mordred's mouth parted as he pushed one finger in.
"For the love of..." Merlin mumbled, and thought if it wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever seen.
Mordred leaned forward slightly, and Merlin watched as he pushed another finger in, deeper, and now instead of parting his lips, Mordred was biting his lower lip.
Merlin could hardly wait. He grabbed Mordred's hips and slightly dug his nails into his skin. "Are you almost ready?" he asked as softly as he could. He didn't want to rush Mordred, but he was just aching with desire. "You just look so hot doing that."
Mordred smiled before he nodded at Merlin and placed both hands on Merlin's chest. He crawled forward slightly and balanced himself on top of Merlin on his knees. "Just making sure I'm wide enough for your thick cock," Mordred said, and Merlin couldn't help the desperate sound that released him.
"Want you so much, Mordred," Merlin said as he started to feel Mordred press down on him. "Give me all you can..."
Mordred pressed down completely and rested on Merlin's cock. "You're so big," he said.
"Can you move?" Merlin asked, trying not to sound impatient. When Mordred nodded, he released another sigh. "So good..."
Mordred set the pace. He moved slowly at first, and as Merlin's nail dug in deeper into his skin, he bucked his hips faster. Every time Mordred lifted up, Merlin thrust up to make sure they stayed connected. He didn't want to miss one thing. He couldn't stay away from Mordred for even one second.
Mordred's cock bobbed up and down, looking ignored as Mordred was using his hands to keep himself balanced and Merlin was holding onto Mordred's hips for dear life. He knew that he wasn't going to last very long, and as soon as he'd come, he was going to take care of Mordred.
When Mordred's head shot back, and he exposed his long neck to Merlin, Merlin thrust a few more times and came hard. He was spilling himself into the condom while he stayed inside Mordred, moaning, and speaking words that probably didn't make any sense.
As he finished, Mordred started to pull himself off Merlin. He grabbed a tissue off the coffee table and started to clean Merlin off before his hand reached towards his cock. Merlin immediately grabbed his wrist.
"No. Come here," Merlin said, and his right hand grabbed the back of Mordred's thigh. "Walk up to me. I want you to..."
"What?" Mordred asked, sounding bemused.
"Fuck my face," Merlin said. He'd never been comfortable with saying it out loud, but he was just so turned on with Mordred. He got to feel Mordred, now he wanted to taste him. "Please," he added, just for good measure.
"God, Merlin," Mordred groaned, taking the liberty to rub the head of his cock against Merlin's lips. "I could just get drunk off you..."
"Yeah?" Merlin asked, flirty, and opened his mouth to lick the head of Mordred's cock. "I could say the same about you."
Mordred reached down to hold Merlin's head while he pushed in. Merlin figured that it was probably to support Merlin and set the rhythm. Mordred was gentle with Merlin at first. Just like he had been slow when he was riding Merlin, Mordred started out slow with pushing his cock in and out of Merlin's mouth while Merlin sucked.
He also made these unbelievably sexy groaning noises that Merlin thoroughly appreciated.
Merlin relaxed his throat and took Mordred in deeper. The angle wasn't the best for them, but Merlin was doing his best under the circumstances.
*0-0-0*
It didn't take long before Mordred started to spend more and more time at Merlin's place. He often arrived after his shift and spent the night. Merlin still managed to do film nights with his friends, and they were also starting to get used to the idea of Mordred among them.
On Friday evening, Merlin was going to go to the Thinking Cup and meet up with Mordred. After that, they were planning on going out to dinner. As soon as Merlin got out of his car and walked towards the café, he noticed that he had a text message on his mobile.
It was from Mordred. We need to talk. I will come by your place after my shift is over.
Since Merlin was already at the café, he didn't see any harm in going in. He didn't think anything of Mordred's cryptic message. He should have realised then that it was not a good sign.
Merlin opened the door to the café, and his eyes caught Mordred's. Mordred looked unhappy to see him. Soon, he just looked away and pretended not to have recognised Merlin. Then Merlin noticed the two men that were by the till. Helios and Cenred. It made sense why Mordred didn't want him to come to the café now, but he could have been more open with the information.
"Fat Merlin?" Helios said, sounding surprised. "If it isn't..."
"Fat Merlin," Cenred said. "I don't believe it."
Merlin walked up to the till where the two men were standing and nodded. "It's actually just Merlin," he said.
"And at the café where Mordred is working. You always did have it hard for my mate here," Cenred added. Merlin cringed at his words. Especially since the two of them were being so loud. This wasn't just some run off the mill coffee shop. The Thinking Cup was quite prestigious with a higher-end clientele; the men weren't only embarrassing themselves, but also the staff that worked there.
Still Merlin couldn't move. He couldn't turn to look at Mordred. It was clear that Mordred didn't want to tell them, and now he had involuntarily got sucked into something that was just like his teenage years.
Why weren't Merlin's feet moving? His mind was running a millions miles per second, and he was refraining from running his mouth with it, but he just could not move. Helios obviously took this as a challenge and opened his mouth to say something else when—
"Professor Emrys?"
Merlin turned to look at his left and found a young woman, with long blond hair and a very tight black dress, smiling at him. Her grin was wide, but her soft blue eyes were definitely pitying him.
"I—uh—Sophie!" Merlin said, with more confusion than he probably should have. "Right?"
"Yes. From your evening class last term," Sophie said. Merlin remembered her. He'd thought that she always dressed too posh for an evening course on Art History.
"How can I help you?" Merlin asked, unsure of what she was actually doing there, and how much of it all that she'd heard or seen.
"My mates and I come here every Friday evening for a study session before we head out to a pub, and it's good that you're here, because we actually need an expert to speak with..." She turned towards Helios and Cenred. "You don't mind, do you?"
Both men looked like they'd been struck silent. Perhaps it was the fact that Sophie was beautiful, or that they really couldn't talk to a person if they weren't insulting him or her.
Then Sophie turned to Mordred and gave him a quick glare before she took out her credit card. "What will you have?" she asked Merlin. Merlin mumbled his response, unsure himself of what he'd said. Then she all but threw her credit card at Mordred and asked him to charge for two of them.
"Bring it to our table," she demanded, and Merlin had barely time to register what was going on before she dragged him off to her table with her friends.
A bloke that Merlin vaguely recognised pulled up a chair next to him so Merlin could sit there.
"Sorry about that," Sophie said in hushed tone. "We saw what they were doing and well—they are a bunch of fucking arseholes, aren't they?" Merlin only nodded. "You should have seen how they were before you got here. Scums—"
"What Sophie is trying to say," the bloke next to Merlin interrupted and spoke, "is that we know you, and we didn't wish to witness something like that happening to someone we like. I'm Charlie by the way, Charlie Rogers."
"Nice to meet you," Merlin said. "I reckon you know I'm Merlin Emrys."
"Of course, I was in class with Sophie last term, too. Except she's about half a decade younger than me." He turned to wink at Sophie before giving Merlin his attention again. "This is Priscilla," Charlie said, pointing to the girl on his left. "She wasn't in the class with us."
"Oh, here he comes," Sophie whispered again and laughed fakely as if Merlin had just told a joke. "Isn't he just the best, Charlie?" she said.
"Mer..." Mordred whispered as he placed the two drinks on the table. "I sent you..."
"I know, I got it, but I just didn't—"
"I'm so sorry," Mordred whispered again. "I have no idea how they found out I work here. They've been harassing me to hang out with them for days."
"Days?" Merlin said, surprised. He still managed to keep his voice low. "You've been in touch with them for days?"
"I know. I didn't want to upset you, and I was trying to dodge them...I will make up to you. I'm sorry. I promise."
"With dinner," Priscilla said, reminding Merlin that there were other people at the table.
"And jewellery," Sophie said. "Don't think we don't know about the two of you. We come here all the time."
"I..." Mordred said, flustered. "I have to get back."
"Yeah, you better run," Sophie said as Mordred walked away, and the rest of the table sniggered.
"You lot didn't have to stand up for me like that," Merlin said, even though he was grateful that there was someone there in his corner that evening. If Arthur were there, he probably would have already got into a brawl with Helios and Cenred. It would have been like their school days all over again. Again.
"That's okay. Charlie also used to be an FFK, and he was the one who told me to do something..."
"FFK?" Merlin asked, bemused.
"Former fat kid," Charlie said.
"Oh. Is it that obvious?" Merlin asked, self-conscious.
"No. You look great," Charlie said, and placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "We just heard what they..."
Merlin turned to look in the direction of his former schoolmates and found Mordred staring at him and his newly made friends. Most likely because Charlie's hand was still on Merlin's shoulder, and Merlin hadn't made any movements towards removing it. Instead, he turned around and took a sip of his drink.
"Do you actually need my help with anything or were you just staging my rescue?" Merlin asked eventually, when it had been too quiet at the table.
"No. We were just about done with our homework and were going to go out to a pub. Do you want to come with?" Priscilla asked, and Sophie nodded vigorously.
"I—uh—I don't know. I haven't been drinking much these days..."
"What are you going to do? Just sit at home and pine for him? What if his friends make him go out with them? Then you'll just be waiting all night," Sophie said with disdain.
"Fine," Merlin said, resigned. He knew that he wouldn't have been able to get out of it easily, and if he went home and called Arthur, then Arthur and Leon would cut their date night short and come over, instead. This was a much better option. He decided to call Arthur the next day.
*0-0-0*
They went to a pub that wasn't terribly far from Merlin's flat, and he was glad for it. He decided to park his car at his place and walk to the pub instead. As soon as he got there, Charlie bought him his first drink.
Sophie was next and Priscilla after that. They wouldn't allow Merlin to take out any money, and he knew he was done for after three. He didn't want to get completely drunk, and what if Mordred had showed up later that night? Then they wouldn't be been able to have a talk.
A few hours later, when Merlin was just about finishing off his drink, his mobile rang. He thought it would have been Mordred, but it was Arthur. Merlin told him where he was, and Arthur and Leon were at the pub in no time.
"So he just stood there while those wankers spoke to you?" Leon asked, sounding a lot more pissed off than Merlin had ever seen him.
Merlin shrugged it off. Unfortunately for him, Sophie, Priscilla, and Charlie were still there and they told Arthur and Leon everything in detail.
"I told you he doesn't deserve you," Arthur said, and out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Charlie and Sophie nodding.
"It was no big deal. I was just caught off-guard," Merlin said. "I'm not ashamed of who I used to be or who I am now..."
"I know, but he should have done something," Leon said.
Merlin nodded along with his friends because he didn't want to start an argument. It had happened, and he just wanted to move on. He wanted to go home and call Mordred. He wanted to hold Mordred and just sleep in his arms. He was just so tired of getting advice from everyone and not being able to talk to the one person he wanted to talk to.
"I think that bloke Charlie likes you," Arthur said when Merlin's new found friends had walked up to the bar.
"So?" Merlin asked, annoyed.
"Just saying. There are better options out there," Arthur said, and when Merlin rolled his eyes, he thankfully backed off the topic.
By the time Merlin stumbled home from the pub, it was after two o'clock. He'd ended up doing a shot with everyone before leaving and supposed that it wasn't the best of ideas.
He approached his flat and found Mordred waiting for him by the front door.
Merlin didn't say anything. He just stood there shell-shocked. He didn't know if he was hallucinating or if Mordred was actually there.
"Are you trying to punish me?" Mordred asked, his tone full of scorn.
"Punish you?" Merlin asked. "I haven't heard from you all night."
"I've sent you four messages, Merlin."
Merlin furrowed his brows and pulled out his phone. "Oh, shit. I don't know how I missed them."
"You were out with your friends," Mordred said; he sounded surprisingly calm.
"Yeah. New friends. Sophie, Priscilla, and Charlie."
"Charlie," Mordred said, and Merlin didn't react. "That's the man that had his hands all over you at the café?"
"He'd just touched my shoulder," Merlin said, dismissing the comment. He walked up to the door and unlocked it. "Are you staying over?"
"Do you want me to?" Mordred asked.
Merlin thought it over. He looked at Mordred, and they stared at each other for a while. "Yeah," he said, finally. "Yeah. I want you to stay."
*0-0-0*
When Merlin woke up the next day, Mordred had made breakfast. He figured that it was Mordred's way of apologising.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that they had contacted me," Mordred said.
Merlin just ate quietly for a few minutes. "I'm just worried about you."
Mordred looked like he understood what Merlin was trying to say. "You don't have to worry about that," he said. "I still go to my meetings, and I won't be hanging out with them at their flat or a pub or anything."
"As long as you think you know what you're doing," Merlin said.
"I do," Mordred said. "I just want you to trust me."
"I do," Merlin answered.
"And I'm going to tell them."
"About what?"
"About us."
"Mord—"
"Merlin. I don't have a desire to be friends with Helios or Cenred. They are just some people from my past. I like you, okay? I want to be your boyfriend. That matters more to me than anything else."
"I thought you were already my boyfriend," Merlin said.
"Yeah, well... We never really talked about anything official, and you were out last night with other people, and I don't know—"
"Nothing happened with anyone. Not with Charlie or anyone. I am with you."
Mordred smiled at Merlin's statement, and Merlin couldn't understand how someone like Mordred was so insecure. If anyone should have been insecure, it would have been Merlin.
"Come here," Mordred said, and pulled Merlin towards him. Eventually, Merlin got up from his seat and walked up to Mordred and sat in his lap.
Mordred kissed him deeply. He wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist and held him tight. "I care about you so much," he whispered in Merlin's ear.
Mordred's hot breath, along with the raw emotion of how he spoke to Merlin, sent a jolt up Merlin's spine. He leaned into the embrace and felt his quickly hardening cock press against Mordred's stomach.
Mordred encouraged Merlin to rock back and forth on his lap as he grabbed Merlin's hips and pressed his body down. Merlin felt Mordred's erection against his arse through their thin cotton pyjama bottoms.
Just rubbing up against each other like that wasn't enough, and Mordred's hand started to pull Merlin's trousers down. Merlin lifted up slightly to give him the room, and then eventually took them off completely.
"What about you?" Merlin mumbled against Mordred's lips when Mordred had wrapped his hand around Merlin's hard cock and was gently stroking it.
"I want you to ride me," Mordred said. "Please?"
"Yes," Merlin said. "I need to grab a cond—"
"Merlin..." Mordred said his name so silently that Merlin wasn't entirely sure if he'd actually said it. "I've been thinking..."
"Yeah?"
"When was the last time you were tested?"
"Not too long before you and I..." Merlin said. "You?"
"Right before I returned to Camelot."
"And?"
"I haven't been with anyone since except for you."
"Me neither," Merlin said.
"Do you think..." Mordred seemed to hesitate. "I mean do you think we're ready? Do you trust—"
"Yeah." Merlin leaned in to kiss Mordred. He pressed his lips against Mordred's before he bit Mordred's lower lip and sucked hard. "I trust you," he said.
Mordred brushed Merlin's lower lip with his thumb, and when Merlin slighted parted his mouth, he slid a finger in, then two. Merlin sucked and licked Mordred's fingers until they were slicked enough that he pulled them out and reached behind Merlin.
Merlin groaned, feeling Mordred push a finger in. He played with one for a while until Mordred pushed two fingers in and curled them inside Merlin. "Like that?" Mordred teased when Merlin moaned against his mouth.
"Yes..." Merlin breathed, and he grew impatient. He pressed his feet against the kitchen floor and lifted himself slightly off and then down on Mordred's fingers until Mordred was fucking him with three fingers, stretching him wide.
"Want to feel you..." Merlin said with one hand resting on Mordred's shoulder, and used the other to stroke himself.
"Nothing between us," Mordred said, and Merlin groaned again. Mordred bent over to lick at Merlin's neck, then bit his nipples.
"Mordred, please. I need you," Merlin said, and finally Mordred removed his fingers, and as Merlin's arse slightly hovered in air, Mordred grabbed the elastic of his trousers and took them off.
Merlin used his spit and the precome on Mordred's cock to slick him before he lined Mordred's cock against his entrance and started to push down. "You feel so good," Merlin whined. "I love being like this with you, being here with you..."
Mordred made a deep whining sound in his throat. "Me too," he said before he thrust up hard and buried himself deep inside Merlin. "So warm. You feel so fucking good. You have to try it. You have to fuck me like this."
"I want to feel you come inside me first," Merlin said as he rocked his hips and matched Mordred's rhythm, squeezing Mordred's hips with his thighs. Merlin was loving every second of it. The faint smack of their skin, the smell of sex around them. He started to stroke himself harsher. When he saw Mordred roll his head back and bite his lower lip, Merlin knew that Mordred was close, and he wanted to come with him.
Mordred arched his back, and his nails dug into Merlin's skin as he moaned and came inside Merlin. He chanted Merlin's name over and over as he filled Merlin, and it wasn't long before Merlin was climaxing warm and wet all over them.
When they had both caught their breath, Merlin couldn't help but laugh at their messy state. "We should have breakfast like this all the time."
"Yeah, but maybe not when you invite your friends over for breakfast, though."
"Hmm, maybe I will stop having breakfast with my friends, then," Merlin said, and he slowly pulled himself off Mordred's cock. This was the first time he'd ever had sex with someone without a condom, and he was surprised at how calm he was about this.
Merlin knew that he'd fallen for Mordred. He'd fallen for Mordred maybe from the first time they had kissed. He only hoped that his heart would be strong enough to take whatever rough patch they'd be going through. Sure, they'd made up from the events of the night before, but Helios and Cenred were still in the picture, and they still didn't know about them.
Mordred stood up to face Merlin and ran his fingers through Merlin's hair before he pulled him for another kiss. "Do you want to shower together?" he asked.
"Boy, you're full of excellent ideas today," Merlin said, and allowed Mordred to lead the way.
"I told you. I need you to feel it. You and me. Nothing between us."
"Nothing between us," Merlin repeated.
*0-0-0*
It was Arthur and Leon's anniversary party. Usually, Leon wasn't one to celebrate such things, but Arthur had insisted since it marked the fifth year of their marriage. Merlin and Mordred had both been invited, and Merlin was going to go over two hours before the party started to help set up. He'd made plans with Mordred in advance. Mordred was going to finish his shift and go home to change before he would arrive at the party. It was also a great chance for the rest of Merlin's friends to meet Mordred.
Two hours in, Mordred was nowhere to be found.
Merlin called him several times on his mobile, and eventually Mordred responded with a text message saying that he was stuck and would contact Merlin shortly. At two o'clock in the morning, when Merlin arrived home, he called Mordred for the last time that evening.
"If you didn't want to attend the party, you could have just told me so. I wouldn't have cared. My friends wouldn't have cared. I don't know where you are, but I just hope that you're safe."
The next morning Merlin woke up to Mordred knocking on the front door of his flat.
"I'm so sorry," Mordred said as he walked in.
"Where have you been?" Merlin couldn't help the anger in his voice as it soared out. "I waited hours for you."
"I know, I'm sorry..." Mordred looked as though he had more to say but he was hesitating.
"What is it?"
"I was with..." Mordred paused again.
"Let me guess," Merlin said, he didn't need to guess. "Helios and Cenred..."
"They just showed up last night at the café, and I couldn't tell them where I was going. I mean they would have just made fun of you, and I can't stand—"
"You still haven't told them about our relationship." It wasn't a question. Merlin didn't know why he was so surprised.
"I tried. It's just that..."
Merlin waited. He didn't flinch, he didn't respond... He wanted to hear what Mordred had to say.
"It's different when I'm with them," Mordred added. "I know that I told you my troubles of the past with them, but it wasn't all bad. They were two of my best friends, and sometimes it's just easy to hang out with them and forget all my problems."
"And forget about me."
"I don't mean that, Mer—"
"How long is this going to go on for?" Merlin asked.
"I—"
"They are your friends now, and I don't even care if they still make fun of me or live in the past where they were the bullies that shoved my face down the toilet... I've told you. I don't care. I've moved past it, and I'm at a point in my life where it doesn't matter. But, you need to decide what you're going to do. You can't be with them and be with me."
"What are you saying, Merlin?"
"They were your friends. Were your friends. They are still exactly the same people from ten years ago. I don't want to, nor will I ever associate with them. I can't justify dating someone who associates with such..." Merlin paused. He didn't want to say it.
"Such what?"
Merlin took in a deep breath and release the words. "Scum."
"You think I'm scum."
"Of course, I don't think that, Mordred. But you'd said, nothing between us. This is between us now."
"I need to go," Mordred said, and turned to leave.
Merlin called out after him, but Mordred didn't stop. He wondered if he should have really chased after Mordred, but he was just so furious with him. He was furious with himself. He couldn't believe he didn't see it. He couldn't believe that after all this time, he would have just let someone like that back into his life and allow Mordred to walk all over him.
*0-0-0*
Merlin didn't hear from Mordred for days. He had no idea if Mordred was ever going to stop by and see him. He'd told Arthur and Leon about his fight, and they could see how hurt Merlin had been, so they didn't say anything besides "give it time," and "he'll come around, begging on his knees."
All Merlin did for weeks was go to work and home. He barely saw his friends, he rarely went out. The only thing he did do was make an appointment at the local clinic so he could get tested. He and Mordred had started to have unprotected sex and even though he'd trusted Mordred at the time, Merlin thought that it wouldn't hurt to be sure.
Since now he had nothing but time. And hurt.
The technician at the clinic told him that they were backed up in getting results so Merlin could either wait or come back the next day to get his results. He opted on just returning. He didn't want to sit in the lobby and ponder about his life when he could have just gone home and got drunk.
Just as he was approached the front door, he found Mordred waiting for him. So much for getting drunk, he thought.
"What are you doing here?" His voice was a mere whisper. For all he knew, this was a dream.
"It was either here or go to a pub," Mordred said.
Merlin took in a deep breath. "I'm not a replacement for your drink, Mordred."
"I know. Just— I'm so sorry, Merlin." He ran a hand over his face, and Merlin thought he looked like he hadn't slept for days.
"What happened?" He cursed himself for asking. For caring. Fuck Mordred and his friends. He'd left Merlin, instead of staying and fighting with him. Fighting for him.
He cursed himself for still wanting Mordred, even after everything. For wanting to be with him. To take care of him.
"I know I don't deserve you," Mordred said.
Yeah, you've got that right. Arthur's voice echoed in Merlin's head.
"I started with telling them that I'm gay," Mordred said. Merlin took a seat next to him on the stoop. He made sure to sit a few inches apart so their knees wouldn't touch. "Cenred actually. Helios hadn't been there yet."
"Where were you?"
"At Cenred's flat."
A spark of jealousy shot up Merlin's spine, and he didn't understand why. It was then followed by concern. Had Mordred been drinking at Cenred's place?
"How did he take it?" he asked.
"Well." Mordred chuckled slightly as if he had been relieved when Cenred hadn't reacted badly. "He told me he was bisexual himself. That he'd done things with other men, and..."
"And?" Merlin asked when Mordred looked hesitant.
"He kissed me," Mordred said, burying his face in his hands.
Right. Merlin had always had a good sense of these things. He knew his instinct of getting jealous would have some validity to it. "Oh?"
"At first, I pushed him away. But he came after me again, and I thought that if I just kissed him back then he'd back off. Cenred's never been that good at rejection. After that, Helios walked in on us and..." Mordred shook his head and sniffled slightly.
"It's okay," Merlin said, struggling to remain calm. "Take your time." Obviously something bad had happened that nearly led Mordred to go to the pub. Merlin needed to hear him out.
"Turns out, even though Helios claims to be straight, he and Cenred have done things. They'd started ages ago when Cenred was experimenting, and he'd suck Helios off a few times—"
"I don't need the gory details, thanks," Merlin said with a shudder. The last thing he needed was to visualise two of his bullies from school going at it. That kind of stuff was only hot in porn films, not in real life.
"Right. So they wanted me to—you know—engage with them, and when I said no, they asked why."
"What did you tell them?"
"That I was with you. I mean that we used to be together and that we're on a break or something. They laughed at me. They thought I was joking."
"Were you?" Merlin asked.
"What do you mean?" Mordred looked confused, his brows furrowing.
"Are we on a break? I thought you'd broken up with me, given that—"
"Merlin. I made a huge mistake walking away from you. I'm sorry, but I don't want us to be broken up. I want to fix things."
"Now that they've rejected you?"
"I—"
"I don't need to hear the rest of the story," Merlin said, cutting Mordred off with a snap. He didn't mean to get so angry so fast, but this really had been building up for a while, and he was worried that if he didn't just come out and say it, he'd explode. "Do you know where I'm just coming from?"
Mordred shook his head.
"I went to the clinic to get tested," Merlin said. When Mordred's eyes widened slightly and he gave a confused look, Merlin continued. "I don't trust you. We had unprotected sex after you'd told me to trust you, and I can't right now—I can't do anything."
Mordred nodded. "I understand. All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness. Again. All I can do is beg for you to give me another chance. But Merlin, I was truthful when I said that I was clean, and loyal."
"We can be friends," Merlin said, as much as it killed him to do so. He started to get up and head towards the front door. "That's all."
"No," Mordred said, looking intently on the ground beneath him.
"What?"
"I don't want to be your friend, Merlin," Mordred said, and stood up too. He was face to face with Merlin, mere centimetres apart, and Merlin could smell Mordred's cologne and that hint of coffee he'd missed so much. "I can't be your friend, Merlin. I want you. That's why I left them. Being with them was easy. I don't want easy. I want you. Complicated and passionate. I can't just let my life go by and watch you be with someone else and...be your friend."
"I don't want to be with anyone else," Merlin said. "I just don't know—"
"Let me in again," Mordred said, taking a step closer to Merlin. He placed his hand on Merlin's heart. "Please. Let me in again."
Merlin choked back a sob he'd been holding. His eyes burned because he was struggling to not cry and keep his resolve in front of Mordred, and then Mordred's hand moved up to caress Merlin's face. Merlin leaned into the touch, and before he knew it, they were kissing.
"I love you," Mordred whispered against Merlin's lips as they'd slightly pulled apart for air.
"Yeah?" Merlin asked, unable to help his slightly flirty tone.
"Yeah," Mordred said with a smile, and quickly kissed Merlin once more.
"Good. Because I don't put up with all of this for someone who doesn't at least love me." He rolled his eyes at himself and opened the door, taking Mordred inside with him.
*0-0-0*
Merlin returned to the clinic the next day and his test had been negative. Mordred was true to his word. He'd been clean and loyal. Now, Merlin could try again. Try to make sure there was nothing else that gets between them.
THE END
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