I have a song that I'm in love with and I wanted to dedicate something to it. That song is called 'Snuff' by Slipknot and the dedicated 'something' is the following fic. It may not be much and it probably makes no sense in terms of being relevant to the lyrics, but I wrote what I felt at the time of listening to it...FYI, I listened to it 45 times...in a ROW. O_O - Yes, Quite.
Anyhoooo...NOTE:
Italics introduce characters thoughts
Bold introduces quote
O...O introduces change in character/POV...kind of...meh, you'll see,
AAAND I think that's about it...
OH! I almost forgot, DISCAIMER!
I don't own Naruto
*sob*
or the song
*hysterical weeping*
Enjoy!
.
...
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
...
.
He knew something was wrong when he didn't see or feel any signs of a battle going on ahead.
Naruto and Sasuke had left signs of their fight by way of fallen trees and craters.
They all lead in one general direction. What Kakashi couldn't fathom was why, in the far distance, he could sense no ensuing battle.
Surely they would be reaching the climax of the fight by now, which meant that Naruto would have to be using Kyuubis chakra and Sasuke activating his curse seal.
But Kakashi couldn't feel anything of the sort.
He had sent the remaining Anbu back to 'reform', as he put it.
Really, he had a bad feeling about what he would find in the distance.
He didn't want unnecessary witnesses. If it were bad, that is.
Because he couldn't feel any violent chakra, he wondered if he might be too late. If he might just be running into the aftermath of a fatal battle.
It was only a matter of time, after all. Sasuke had been engaged three times this year by Naruto.
Each time they were alone.
Each time the same results;
Naruto sitting in a crater staring at the blood drying on his hands.
Naruto face down on the dirty ground, blood flowing from his head.
Naruto stumbling in the direction Sasuke fled – bloody, of course. Always blood.
And it was always Naruto left behind. Kakashi wasn't sure if he could take it when Naruto left all of them behind in the most permanent sense.
Kakashi quickened his pace, desperately hoping he was wrong just one more time…
.
...
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
...
.
"You bastard, I loved you."
"I know you did, dobe. That was your biggest mistake."
The raven haired boy reached out a tentative hand, brushing his fingers against warm, smooth skin for the last time.
"Idiot," the blonde said for the hundredth time, leaning into the touch.
"I gotta go, before they catch up."
"And what should I tell them, ne teme?"
"tsk, that we fought and you lost, same as always."
"But what if I'm tired of losing?"
Naruto shifted to his feet, holding a hand out for his dark-haired friend to grab.
"You don't really have any choice in the matter," Sasuke said, then as an afterthought; "besides, this one will be the last one, remember? Next time we 'fight', it'll be real. And it'll be to the death."
Naruto sighed, his blue eyes darkening in sadness.
.
...
So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
...
.
Sasuke, don't you understand?
The death you offer so carelessly - it's all I've ever known.
What difference would it make to kill me now or even later when you've already done it so many times?
Every time you leave me behind.
Every time you act like that – aloof, uncaring, moronic really…
They're all fatal stabs in themselves.
So leave then, and we'll see how much closer to death you can bring me today…
.
...
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
...
.
"I wish it were different, don't you Sasuke?"
Sasuke paused, focussing his gaze on a distant tree.
"Nothing would've changed," he said, his voice suddenly cold and estranged, "I always would've left."
Naruto was quiet for a while and when he looked at Sasuke there was a deep sorrow etched on his normally bright features.
"Even if we had – "
"Even then." Sasuke said, cutting into Naruto's sentence quickly.
.
...
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
...
.
Naruto…
I didn't mean that.
What I just said, just then, about things being different. About things not changing.
I didn't mean it.
But how am I supposed to tell you that?
Naruto…
If I had told you the truth – that I would have stayed, would you blame yourself for not trying hard enough?
Would you blame me for not trying hard enough?
Would you try and make me stay this time?
But…
I can't stay. I just have to be selfish this one last time.
Just give me one last look at what I yearn most – more than power, more than revenge, more than life – and then I'll leave.
Because you are worthy of something so much better than me.
That's why I said what I did - just then.
.
...
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
...
.
As Naruto watched Sasuke walk away he tried not to let the tears that brimmed his eyes fall.
At least not until he was out of sight.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
If only it were ever that simple.
Naruto knew that, for the next few days, he would be an emotional wreck. It was always the same when this happened – when he left – except this time, Naruto thought that perhaps this time, he just
might not recover.
He didn't feel like it.
He didn't feel like getting up on Tuesday morning and smiling. Talking and laughing as if it were the most natural thing in the world to him.
The only thing that was natural to Naruto now was the overwhelming sense of loss that pitted itself deep in his chest.
That was natural, and it was there to stay.
.
...
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savour every kiss
...
.
Kakashi slowed his pace as he sensed Naruto's chakra just ahead.
He was alone – again.
This was always the hardest part, discovering Naruto. But at least, Kakashi thought, at least he would discover a breathing Naruto, not a dead Naruto.
As he approached the clearing he saw Naruto's trademark hair shimmering in the moonlight. His back was to Kakashi and slightly bowed, shoulders hunched and hands covering his face.
Well this was certainly not what Kakashi had expected to find.
Was he really…crying…?
He moved forward, taking tentative steps, careful that they should be heard, however, because sneaking up on a fragile Naruto was never wise.
And this Naruto was beyond fragile.
This Naruto was broken.
Broken and sobbing into his hands.
It was the kind of heart-wrenching sob that can only be experienced by those who knew a fatal loss and it made Kakashi halt in his tracks, unsure about what to do next.
He couldn't believe he was witnessing this. Sure, he'd seen Naruto cry before – who hadn't?
But this made his last displays seem like childish sulking.
This was the cry of a man left behind.
In between gasps Kakashi could hear broken syllables of a name that sounded dangerously close to Sasuke.
.
...
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So save your breath, I will not care
...
.
Sasuke couldn't hear the crying. He told himself that over and over. He can't hear it.
Hear what?
Exactly.
There is nothing to hear.
Instead he kept running, jumping for tree to tree at a desperate pace. Perhaps it was reckless to be running so blindly, but perhaps, just perhaps Sasuke didn't care in the slightest.
The only thing he cared about was far behind him, bawling like a broken man alone on a staged battle-field.
But Sasuke wouldn't know that because he couldn't hear it.
He couldn't hear it.
Was he a coward?
Probably.
But being if being a coward was the price to pay for Naruto's well-being then so be it.
Naruto didn't know what he was putting his hand up for when he chose to love Sasuke, of all people.
It was a plate full of nutty tendencies mixed with brooding arrogance and a touch of serious anger issues, all seasoned with a red tinge that demanded the blood of a restless soul that roamed and constantly tortured Sasuke just by living.
No, he won't let Naruto mistake him for love.
So Sasuke kept running until the cries were lost by distance and the throbbing of his blood in his ears.
Naruto will forgive him one day. And even if he didn't, at least he knew that Sasuke was just as lost without Naruto as Naruto was without him.
But at least Naruto would heal…
.
...
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
...
.
Naruto knew Kakashi was standing right behind. What kind of ninja would he be if he didn't. But perhaps if he ignored him long enough, he might just disintegrate into thin air…or at least have the decency to go away.
But Naruto knew better than to pair the word decent with Kakashi.
So instead he contented himself with simply accepting that Kakashi was there and he was crying Sasuke's name for the world to hear. But mostly just Kakashi.
Why should Naruto care who knew about him and Sasuke? It's not like the knowing was going to bring him back. It's not like having everyone know was going to mend the hurt that had been festering for years now.
Festering and growing into something so destructive.
Maybe destruction would merit some sort of release. Because the bliss numb that surely comes after death must be easier to bear than this burning.
This burning that he caused in the first place only to shrink away into the god-dammed shadows like the deserter he is. Why wouldn't he face up to this? Was it so bad – love?
Obviously it was because otherwise Naruto wouldn't be feeling so bloody wretched and lost.
But it could've been something good too, right?
If only he had stayed to find out.
Teme.
End first installation...ONWARD WE MARCH!