It has been 2 weeks 3 days 15 hours and about 10 minuets since I had my first kiss.
You know that beautiful moment when you look into each others eyes and know its true love. The flowers bloom and the angels sing.
Except it wasn't like that.
At all.
It had been almost a year since Ron and I had been dating. I shall admit that it was pleasant at first. But, you know, at one point in a relationship, you should actually take a big step. Except for Ron and I, the biggest step we have ever taken is hugging. And you know, Ron's a boy and boys like sex but not once did he ever try to put his hand on me, I mean just because I'm a feminist bookworm, that doesn't mean I want to die a virgin. Since we saved the world, the boy had become a bloody saint! Honestly,I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to give up magic and become a priest. All his mumbo jumbo about how he would 'wait until I was ready'. Darling, I've been ready since I hit puberty. But, of course I couldn't tell him that, So I just smiled weakly and said "Thank you."
Thank you for being such a blind moron.
Well, at least I had a bit of time left on the clock before we had to get back to 7nt year at Hogwarts, so I spent it with Ginny. You see Ginny and I have been best friend since as long as I can remember. It is a 'No-such-thing-as-a-secret' relationship that honestly scare the crap out of me. She and Harry have been going out for about a year now. But with her Molly-Weasly-inherited anger and his hero complex, I doubt it will last. But, if Ginny is happy, I'm happy. But she is pretty enough to get any guy in her year(which is the same year as me since we kinda skipped one year. Carrows, Anyone?),you know, just saying.
Anyway, So the last night during my sleep over with Ginny at the burrow,Ron came over to my room and cupped my chin. Finally. I thought. He looked at me wondering if I would slap him if he kissed me, I nodded to tell him to continue. cue angel singing.
I expected a beautiful peck or even a little mouth. but what I wasn't expecting was a bloody saliva donation.
The angel didn't sing, they cried.
With laughter.
does he brush his teeth with garlic. ew.
I quickly pushed him away and gave him a sympathetic smile. And told him I was tired. I literally kicked him out of the room and slammed the door on an utterly confused Ron. I left the burrow early the next morning to escape his baby face and wolfish hands.
So much for getting laid.
So lets get back to the present. I'm standing here at kings cross station with an ugly ass suitcase waiting for the Hogwarts express to arrive. Passers by look at my with mixed feelings of pity and mockery. The brains of the golden trio who saved the world is sitting alone with her suitcase. Pity. Or bucktoothed beaver, sitting her ugly arse on the fucking ground. That's karma for you, bitch. Though the latter would be used only by the slytherin's. Especially a certain Draco Malfoy. Damn, even the thought of his name takes my estrogen levels to a new high.
oh, yes. I've forgotten to explain to you my current predicament. I Hermione Granger have an unexplainable heavy infatuation over Draco Malfoy. Why is that, you ask? Well listen my children and you shall hear:Draco is the kind of man that will make even a troll want to jack off. He is sex-y. And he is smart and sly. Every thing that Ron isn't. Maybe I should explain why I was with Ron in the first place. Well lets take an example: Ron is like a dog, he is loyal, cute to play with and wouldn't know hot if it bit him in the bum. Well, after the war every body assumed we would end up together and we passed with an exceeds expectations. In fact we convinced people so well that people have asked us 'when the wedding is' multiple times. It wasn't even funny the first time. With my Malfoy obsession and his no-sex-until-marriage oath, This was anyway never going to work out. I mean why would you think about Umbridge while your having sex with brad Pitt. Why would you resort to saliva transfer with Ron when you have an entire year to stare at Draco's butt like a fat kid looking at an ice-cream truck.
"Hermione?" A voice woke my from my contemplative thoughts .
It was Draco. She looked into his beautiful grey eyes.
"Madame, I have been watching you for a while and I would like to tell you how lovely you look this morning. Here let me carry this luggage for you. A beautiful lady like you mustn't be holding something so heavy."
she looked into his eyes " Why thank you kind, sir." She replied
"how about I carry you there, you look tired" He said. His voice like that of a nightingale.
"You are far too kind "
he carried her and whisked her away int his bedroom where he lay her down and began to remove her corset-
"Get your ass off the floor" I woke up from my beautiful day dream only to face The-Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Die.
" Oh. Hi, Harry." I said trying to sound as enthusiastic as I could.
"how long have you been sitting on the floor? And why do you look so flustered?"He asked suspiciously, like I had just robbed gringotts.
"Um, I just got here." I lied, trying to sound as less as a druggie as I possibly can.
"Ok, well lets get into the train before we have to resort to reaching Hogwarts on broom."He said. I was about to comply before he ruined it by saying" But I hear you've already rode Ron's broom."
Wait one nono-Fucking-second .
"Harry James Potter, What do you mean by that?" I said, emphasizing on every word.
"Well, you know, a little birdie told me that you and Ron finally decided to get on the sex train." He said with a satisfies smirk on his mouth.
"The sex-train? And who is this little birdie of yours?you go tell your little birdie to shove its tail feathers up it's-" I said. clearly offended by the fact that anyone would thing I would give my virginity to that git who smelled like the offspring of an rotted onion and garlic. I mean before our first (horrifying) kiss, I would have been more than happy to comply, but now...
"Geez, Hermione. Cool down. It was Ron who told me that . And don't worry, I only told Ginny, and Luna .and I think Luna told lavender and parvathi."he interrupted.
Oh No. This is a disaster. Why the fuck will Ron tell any one that we had sex when we clearly didn't. I bet lavender and parvathi would have told half of Hogwarts by now. Stupid Luna.
I bet one of her wozzel slankers couldn't tell her when to keep her bloody mouth shut.
So I drag Harry, not even bothering to defend my honor, into the train. I open the first empty compartment I see and push 'The-Boy-Who -Believes-anybody' into the seat and get ready to begin the lecture in my defense when-
"Getting feisty now are we Granger?"I hear a voice drawl behind me.
Shit.
I turn around to see the one and only Draco Malfoy standing behind me. His blond hair is falling into his eyes. A sexy little smirk is playing on his lips.
I wonder how his lips would feel on my body.
Say something Hermione, you look like a fool. And while your at it wipe the drool off your chin.
"Screw you, Malfoy"I said or you can screw me.
"Why, is Weasly's cock too small for you? Poor bastard can't even pay for an enlargement."
But I hope yours is big enough.
Shut up voice.
"A little birdy tells me you both have been getting it on."
Damn all the birdies.
"The beaver and the weasel. Soon you'll have a zoo."He continues.
"Don't exclude yourself ferret." Harry says, Finally gaining the ability to talk.
"Oh, Please potter . I would never share a zoo with Granger here."
I have a little nest you can keep all to your self.
Oh God. I cant even utter a sentence in front of him. I should say something. At least, like, three words.
"Go away, Malfoy." Yup, three words.
"Oh, Look here. Granger gained the power of speech. Finally tore your eyes off body, I see." He said Mockingly.
Shit.
"Don't talk to her like that Malfoy."A voice came from behind him.
I look over him only to find Ronald Weasly.
"How wonderful. Weasels here to join the party."
Double shit.
"How dare you talk to my precious like that?"Said Ron, at a failed attempt to be remotely romantic.
'my precious'? Who does he think he is, Gollum?
No,wait. I like Gollum...
'smegoul doesn't like this...' hehehehe I'm so hilarious.
Earth to Hermione, phyco ex and Mr. Sex are right in front of you.
"uh, Ron. I think I can Handel myself. Thankyouverymuch."i say. Trying to save at least a little bit of my dignity in front of 'Mr. I-make-myself-come'.
"Hermione, Are you breaking up with me?" he says, eyes already filled with water.
Oh, god. Here come the water works.
"i thought you love me Hermione. We were meant to be. You were made for me. My heart beets to the sound of your voice."he said dramatically.
Huh?Are you fucking serious?
I take this opportunity t look at the sex god.
He seems to be the only person who is enjoying this conversation.
Well, here goes nothing...
"Ron, at first I did want to start a life with you. But our first kiss has certainly created a shift in the paradigm of our relationship. It has made it clear to me that the both of us can be nothing more that friends. Your childishness and imbecile expectations in our relationship has distracted me from my studies, as you know the cultivation of knowledge in my mind is ranked very high in my goals in life and this being out 7nt year, I shall not be sidetracked. I can assume from the twist that your facial features are making that I am talking too fast for you tiny cranium to comprehend. I do not wish to prolong this conversation as, in the words of Shakespeare, I would challenge you to a duel of wits, but I see that you are un armed."I say haughtily.
Heh. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.