For some people, it's just a job. Being a cop isn't easy or safe or boring unless you let it be. There are those that are meant to do it - the ones who work extra hours until their eyes turn red. The ones that bristle at the thought of handing over a case. Some people do it for renown or glory, some for power. The best do it to protect. The worst do it to hold a gun and a badge, to feel as though they're somehow above the law even as they work with it. Then there are the ones who do it just as a day job, who treat it like a secondary function of their lives.

But I've never been like that. I can't be. I've always needed to be right in the thick of it. Right in the centre of the storm. When I'm not, I can't see straight, I can't think clearly. When I'm not immersed, I'm lost.

And now, that's how I feel. I sit behind a desk most of the day and rot, aching to get up and run straight out of the building. I hate feeling so inept and useless. But am I only uncomfortable because I'm no longer in danger? Because I'm no longer regularly at risk? Am I that self-destructive?

Brenda sighed and stared at the words on her screen. It had taken her ten minutes to type twenty sentences. Sharon had suggested she begin writing things down when she needed to talk, to calm herself when she was upset or insecure. They'd discussed the discomforts Brenda was having at work before. Sharon would soothe Brenda and stroke her hair while the blonde vented.

"If you write it out the moment you feel it, it helps put it outside of yourself," the Captain had said. "It's like self-therapy. You can distance yourself from it. And then you can come home and talk to me about it."

Brenda massaged a kink out of her neck and decided she didn't want self-therapy at the moment. She wanted her personal therapist in her ear. She picked up the phone and dialed Sharon's cell from memory. It rang once.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sharon said immediately. Brenda's eyes closed. She sighed in relief. The sound of the woman's voice was an immediate salve.

"Yeah, I'm all right. I was writin', like you told me."

"I guess it didn't help much," Sharon teased.

"No it did, but I wanted to hear your voice. Miss you."

"You saw me this morning," Sharon said, an obvious smirk in her tone.

"Well, I can still miss you, can't I?"

"I guess you can. Is there anything in particular that's bothering you, or is it just a general malaise?"

"Andrea came by to drop a big stack of cases on my desk. A big stack of excessively boring cases that I have to review by tomorrow." Brenda said dully. She flipped open the folder on the top of said stack, then closed it again with a sigh.

Sharon scratched at her forehead as she sat in her office.

"She's probably still pissed at me," Sharon muttered.

"This is just work stuff, I don't think it has anythin' to do with you." Brenda said. "Although she did seem kind of bitter about somethin'. I figured it was just a case of the Mondays. Didn't you talk to her?" Brenda stretched her free arm up over her head.

"Not yet."

Brenda dropped her arm abruptly.

"Does she even know about us?"

Sharon bit her lip and stayed quiet in response.

"Is she going to know?" Brenda asked, her voice in a higher, strained register. It wasn't jealousy, per se, but there was certainly a kernel of annoyance at the thought of Sharon keeping their relationship from the woman she'd been previously sleeping with.

"Of course she will. I'm going to meet her for coffee this week. I promise."

"All right. If you don't do it, I will," Brenda mocked.

"Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am." Sharon barked in military style. Brenda imagined her saluting the room on the other end of the line. She smiled in spite of herself.

"Are you busy tonight?"

"Not too busy to see you. I have yoga right after work, but I'll be home around 6. Bring those cases with you though. I have to do some work too. We'll see if we can't get you caught up." Sharon replied.

Brenda groaned dramatically.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. And Brenda?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you too."

Sharon was centering herself in a half-lotus, half-listening to the instructor at the front of the room, when her mind began to drift.

She'd started yoga a few years back, right around the time she'd first crossed swords with Brenda actually. Probably around the time she'd had that little outburst in Pope's office.

The yoga had made her feel better than she'd felt for years. It made her feel stronger, more capable, and more vibrant. Not to mention it had an extremely useful calming effect that helped her keep her cool in her subsequent work alongside Major Crimes. It had helped her avert many a violent outburst at work.

It came in use again when she took over the Chief's old role; she'd found her breathing exercises especially useful whenever she was on the verge of lashing out and breaking one or several of Russell Taylor's detestable limbs.

But today, all she could think about as she switched position, standing and winding herself into the eagle pose, was Brenda.

They'd been spending a lot of time together since their first night in bed, as much as they meant to take it slow. It had only been a couple of weeks, but they'd been a couple of the best weeks Sharon had enjoyed in a long time.

Sharon breathed out evenly as she tried to focus. She kept her stomach muscles tight as she struggled to keep her balance. She let her eyes close for a second. Helplessly, she pictured Brenda wearing nothing but a smile.

Her eyes shot open and she nearly fell over. The instructor furrowed his brows in confusion. Sharon's application of the motions were usually so precise. She was off her game.

The Captain thought she'd outgrown this horny, honeymoon stage of a relationship a long time ago. It hadn't been like this with anyone for a long time - not with Andrea, nor her husband. Not since the first woman she'd ever had a relationship with.

But Brenda – that blonde, sultry, Southern-charming belle – had awakened something akin to a teenager's libido, and it was throwing Sharon off.

It wasn't just during yoga either. It was work too. That mid-day phone call had distracted Sharon so much, she'd crashed right into Buzz, nearly causing his camera to smash on the ground. If he hadn't caught it at the last second, he'd have been picking up little pieces of camcorder from the murder room floor.

Then after that, she'd missed a few key points when her team briefed her before quitting time. At one point, Mike had had to coax her out of a dreamy haze when Sharon had begun to drift into a fantasy of Brenda's tongue curling in and out of a ding dong.

It was absurd. The fact that they were seeing each other should have made it easier to ignore her fantasies and keep her... urges at bay (Sharon shuddered at how base that sounded). But now that she could have Brenda, she never wanted to be without and she was constantly imagining the next time and the next time after that.

Even now, she was suffering from a bit of inappropriate dampness between her legs just thinking about the blonde awaiting her arrival at home.

Great. Now the class will think I'm incompetent and incontinent.

She decided she couldn't wait for the class to end. She made an "I-have-to-go" gesture at the instructor, who nodded back, still looking confused, and she practically flew from the gym.

Brenda knocked at Sharon's door, putting her ear close to it when it didn't open. She'd packed up sooner than usual, eager to get home and shirk the weight of the day. She was not so eager to get started on her homework, but at least Sharon made the work better to bear.

She knocked again, a little harder.

"Sharon? Rusty? I know I'm early," she called through the door and pounded her fist against it.

She heard some movement in the apartment. For a moment, she panicked. It wasn't moving very fast and she thought it sounded like whoever it was, was determined not to be heard. She reached into her purse and rested her hand on her gun, flicking the safety off.

She listened again, keeping completely still. She heard more shuffling. She heard voices too, murmuring conspiratorially.

She re-positioned her shoulder, stepping back and readying herself to charge, when it finally opened, revealing Rusty, who quickly braced himself for the impact of Brenda's body. She stopped herself just short of incapacitating him.

"Jesus, Brenda!" Rusty said, exasperated. He dropped his arms to his sides. "It's nice to see you too!"

Brenda's heart was beating wildly as she stepped inside the condo and tried to restore herself to a reasonable level of calm.

"I'm sorry, Rusty. I thought..." What had she thought? That there was some kind of perp hiding out in Sharon's apartment? That she'd break down the door to find some kind of horrific crime being committed? "I thought I heard somethin'. Never mind."

As Rusty went to take her coat, he noticed she was still gripping her gun. He laughed uncomfortably.

"Listen, Brenda, I realize you and Sharon have had your differences, but I thought the two of you were getting along!" He chimed, trying to keep the tone light.

Brenda followed his gaze down to her service weapon. She dropped it back in her purse, making sure the safety was on. She'd barely even had time to process what the hell she was doing before the front door had opened. When she didn't reply, he continued.

"You probably just heard the cat. We're watching it for Jamie," Rusty explained, and pointed to a small grey feline ambling around the living room.

"Jamie?" Brenda asked, her attention distant.

"Sharon's son?"

"Oh! Right." Brenda chided herself for her slip-up. "I- I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Don't know what's goin' on with me today..." Brenda trailed off as she let Rusty take her coat all the way off and hang it up. She dropped her purse on a chair at the kitchen table and plopped herself down in the seat next to it. She stared into space.

Rusty walked over and tapped her lightly on the head.

"Brenda? Hellooo, earth to Brenda. Are you okay?" He asked.

She turned her head up and smiled sadly at him.

"I think so. I'm just in a bit of a weird state right now. Sorry, hun."

"Tell me about it." Rusty agreed as he made his way to the fridge. "If I'd been a few seconds longer you would have bust the door down." He threw the remark out casually to mask his very real concern. From the fridge, he pulled the first bottle of wine he found. Lately he was trying to get the woman – both of the women, in fact – to cut down on the drinking here and there. It was probably a leftover instinct from seeing his birth mother: his reluctance to let the adults in his life turn to any form of drug for comfort.

But as he observed Brenda, he figured this was probably an okay time to indulge.

For her part, Brenda was stock-still and deep in thought. She looked down at her hands which were still lightly shaking. Was this what happened when she was out of the field for less than half a year?

The truth was, this wasn't the first time she'd overreacted lately.

It had started slowly at first, an outburst here and there at a store clerk or on the phone with her brother. Embarrassing and a touch shameful, but not altogether so bad.

Then there'd been a few more obvious situations, like this one, where she'd made assumptions based on next-to nothing and prepared for the worst, only to find she was completely misled.

A few weeks back she'd been grocery shopping and heard a woman cry out in pain and a man yelling, followed by the sound of something dropping to the ground. She'd abandoned her basket, rounded a display, reaching for her service weapon again, only to find a couple of teenagers fooling around and making a mess in the snack aisle. Thankfully, no one had seen her then. She'd run from her embarrassing mistake.

It kept happening, these little tricks of her mind, convincing herself that something was amiss when it really wasn't.

Her daze was broken when Rusty placed a small glass of wine on the table in front of her.

"Thanks," she said softly, reaching for the stem, spinning the glass between her fingers.

"No problem," he said as he took a seat. "So what's up?"

"Not much, just scaring the bejesus out of myself and others," she smirked darkly as she took a sip of wine. It was a light chardonnay, not her usual, but then she was cutting back anyway.

"Nah, you're not so bad. I guess I just figured since you and Sharon are..." He paused for effect. "Do you call it dating when you're as old as you are?"

Brenda gasped in mock outrage and threw a playful punch into his arm.

"Rusty Archibald Beck!" She cried.

"That's not my middle name."

"I know I just made it up. You take that BACK!"

Rusty was laughing as he curled up in his chair to shield himself from another one of Brenda's attacks.

"Okay, okay fine. You're not that old. Sharon on the other hand..."

Brenda hit him again, with more bite behind it.

"Ow! Okay, jeez. You're both young and eternally youthful and definitely not old." He said, voicing his white flag.

"That's better. Now, you were saying?" Brenda chuckled. She was already feeling better. Rusty had an incredible sense for comfort and empathy that simply baffled her sometimes.

"Well I was wondering why you were trying to like, break the door down. With a gun in your hand."

"Fair question," Brenda said. "The truth is, I don't really know. Maybe I just have to blow off some steam or somethin'."

Rusty quirked an eyebrow at her. He considered his options for the problem at hand. He reviewed the ways in which he chose to distract himself when he was feeling out of sorts. He eyed Brenda. It might not work for her the same way, but it was worth a shot.

"Brenda, have you ever played video games?" Rusty asked.

It was her turn to raise her brows.

"Uhh, I've played a couple. Once with my brother's kids and once with Charlie, my niece."

Rusty nodded and contemplated.

"How about a little Left 4 Dead?"

When Sharon keyed the lock to the front door, she had not expected to find two people in her living room. She'd left class early and still had not managed to beat Brenda to her home. She'd really wanted to change before her girlfriend arrived.

Girlfriend. It felt odd even thinking the word, but there it was.

What she'd expected even less was to find those two people in her apartment killing zombies with such unrepentant enthusiasm. She couldn't help but smirk at the blonde's awkward handling of the controller.

"Xbox? In the living room?" Sharon asked in a telling monotone. Usually Rusty kept his games to his own room.

"Don't worry, I'll move it back as soon as we're done. Hi, by the way," Rusty called out as his character picked up a shotgun. A large, bloated zombie promptly exploded all over the screen. Sharon wrinkled her nose.

"Hi," she reciprocated. "And how long until you're done?" She was determined to still catch the news.

"We just have... two more sections." Rusty replied without tearing his eyes from the TV.

"Okay, but if you're still playing when I'm out of the shower..."

"Well I can't make any guarantees. Brenda's playing like she doesn't have thumbs."

"Hey! I'm not doing that badly!" Brenda finally chimed in, sounding a bit like an indignant four-year-old. Sharon chuckled as she turned to head down the hall.

"Wait!" Brenda shrieked. She paused the game and launched herself off the couch.

Sharon froze and turned back towards the alarming sound. Brenda lunged for Sharon, pulling her tightly to her body.

"Welcome home," she murmured into Sharon's hair.

She pulled back slightly and kissed Sharon soundly. When they separated, Sharon was starry-eyed, and she stood unmoving as Brenda leapt back onto the couch. Brenda unpaused the game.

"Quickly! I've bought us more time!" Brenda squealed to Rusty as she fumbled with her joystick.

Sharon shook her head and laughed, abandoning the kids for the embrace of a hot shower.

The Xbox was retired in due time and returned to its home in Rusty's room. Shooting virtual zombies didn't offer quite the same exhilaration as chasing down criminals, but it was a worthy temporary replacement and Brenda was itching to try again sometime.

When she wandered from the living room in search of Sharon, she found the brunette in the bedroom, stretched out on a mat. She was in a strange position, some yoga-move that Brenda had never seen her do. Brenda stood in the doorway, admiring the view.

Sharon had one leg straightened out behind her as she lunged low to the ground, her other leg bent at the knee and tucked tightly to her chest as she steadied herself with her hands. The posture gave Brenda an awfully good view of Sharon's ass.

"See anything you like?" Sharon said, registering the attention. She didn't flinch.

Brenda grinned and knelt beside the woman, dragging her hand up Sharon's straightened leg.

"An awful lot, actually." Brenda replied. "I might need to join you for yoga some week. Y'know, as a casual observer."

Sharon chuckled. Brenda's hand continued to track lines over Sharon's muscles.

"You're welcome to do some yoga, but you'll have to stay out of my class. You distract me enough already as it is."

"Oh?" Brenda said.

"I had to leave early because I was too… distracted just thinking about you." Sharon admitted.

"Oh…" Brenda flushed. She moved, kicking the bedroom door closed with her foot, and put her body behind Sharon's. She let her hands wander her taut frame, feeling the intake of breath when she reached Sharon's breasts. She gave them a squeeze.

"You certainly can't do that in class," Sharon husked. She moved gently out of the pose, resting on her knees and leaning back into Brenda's arms. Brenda brought the woman closer, between her legs, as they rested on the ground.

"We're not in class." Brenda said softly, next to Sharon's ear. She slipped a hand between Sharon's thighs, dragging her fingers all the way up to rest against Sharon's centre. Sharon exhaled a little, then leaned her head back so she could kiss the blonde's lips at an odd angle. Sharon automatically moved her hips against the hand buried between her legs.

Brenda's other hand kneaded Sharon's breasts. Her fingers worked faster against Sharon's heat.

Sharon held the back of Brenda's head, weaving her fingers into her soft blonde curls. Brenda shamelessly grinded her crotch into Sharon's ass.

"You're lucky my knees haven't seized up." Sharon laughed as she continued to writhe under Brenda's hands. "You have yoga to thank for that."

"We-we can move," Brenda said breathily.

"No, no, it's okay." Sharon didn't want to break any of the contact. There was no way she wanted to stop now. A particularly deft swipe of Brenda's hand made Sharon hum in appreciation.

There was a knock at the bedroom door.

"Uhhh, Sharon?" Rusty asked uncomfortably.

The two women fumbled over each other as they scrambled to their feet.

"Yeah, Rusty?" Sharon called out. She spastically rearranged herself, tidying her appearance. Brenda did the same and then grabbed a book off the nightstand and jumped into the bed, pretending to read. "You can come in," Sharon added.

Rusty entered slowly, cautiously, as if entering the cave of a rabid wildebeest. He looked at Brenda, sitting in bed, skin flushed pink and struggling to control her breathing. He rolled his eyes and suppressed a smirk.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but Andrea's on the phone for you," he said to Sharon.

She hadn't even heard the phone ring. She locked eyes with Brenda for a moment before she left the room to answer the call.

Rusty looked back at Brenda.

"You don't have to pretend, Brenda. You two are way obvious." He teased.

Brenda dropped the book in her lap and stuck out her tongue. Rusty returned the favour and waltzed out of the room.

Brenda didn't want to eavesdrop. She trusted Sharon to say the right things, to do the right things. She didn't need to supervise. Still, she found herself tiptoeing down the hall towards the kitchen, where Sharon was talking on the phone quietly, picking distractedly at an oven mitt.

"I've been very unfair, I know. And we have a few things we both need to say. Are you free for coffee this week?" Sharon paused for an answer. She sighed when she got one.

"I can't go for dinner, Andrea." Another pause. "Because I can't."

Brenda watched as Sharon rubbed her forehead, soothing the creases there.

"Are you going to meet me for coffee or keep interrogating me?" Sharon said finally.

"Friday at 11. That works just fine. Call me if anything comes up. See you." Sharon ended the call and rested the phone on the counter. She sat in stone silence for a few moments.

Brenda crept up behind her and wound her arms around the woman's waist, eliciting a small jump from Sharon.

"Jesus!" Sharon gasped, then relaxed into the embrace. "You're getting better at that sneaking up thing. How long were you there?"

"Long enough," Brenda admitted. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. When I've had a chance to smooth things over." Sharon turned in Brenda's arms. "How about you? Feeling any better than earlier today?"

Brenda nodded.

"Thanks to you and Rusty, I'm feelin' much better." Brenda paused and her eyes darkened. "But I need to talk to you. About somethin' I didn't mention before."

Brenda brought Sharon to the couch and explained to her the incident at the door and the previous instances in which she'd been somewhat dangerously on edge. Sharon nodded and held her hand, the look of worry in her eyes increasing as the blonde continued.

"Brenda Leigh," Sharon said softly when the other woman had finished. Brenda let out a shaky laugh.

"Don't look at me like that. I feel crazy enough as it is." Brenda joked half-heartedly.

"You're not crazy, Brenda. You're restless. You're feeling sidelined and inactive at work, and it's coming through in other ways. We just have to find you an outlet."

Brenda quirked an eyebrow suggestively. Sharon laughed.

"That is not what I meant. Of course, that's okay too. But you need a release of a different kind. Something that will allow you to use your talents." Sharon said.

"And what do you suggest?" Brenda asked hopefully.

Sharon paused, contemplating.

"I'm not sure yet. But I'll figure out something." Sharon's mind was already working at full speed, teasing out possible ways of helping the Chief unwind. Her process was stopped by Brenda's lips as the woman slipped her tongue into Sharon's mouth eagerly.

"Oh, come on!" Rusty said as he wandered into the kitchen, catching sight of the pair.

Sharon chuckled as Brenda leaned back.

"No, no, by all means. I'll just head out. Brenda, your apartment's empty, right? I can go down there!" He taunted. His smile was wide.

"All right, all right! We get it," Brenda tossed back, getting up from the couch to retrieve her purse. "I have to finish my work anyway."

Sharon smiled at the pair of them. It was nice to have a kid in the house and it was even better to feel like she had some semblance of a family around her. She'd forgotten how good it felt. Her home finally felt like a home again.