I do not own any of these characters
Author's Note: I have a game on my tumblr that the wonderful master-crowley-moriarty won! Her prize was a fanfic, which is this. I hope you like it! If it isn't what you wanted, I'd be happy to write something else. :) Enjoy. x
Everything started after Tony had another one of his alcohol induced hissy fits. An argument with Jarvis, careless behavior with dangerous machinery, and a near-atomic explosion later, Nick Fury was yelling at him over the phone.
"You could have collapsed the whole building, Stark!" his loud voice was positively ringing in Tony's ears. Ugh, as if a hangover wasn't bad enough. He nearly hung up.
"Nick, if you could lower your voice, that would be fantastic," he groaned, but the other man either didn't hear him or ignored him (the latter being more likely).
"Do you know how many lives you endangered, just because you were bored and careless!" It wasn't really a question. "That's the final fucking straw, Stark, I'm sending Bruce over there. Maybe he can keep you controlled!"
"Doubtful."
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Tony cringed again, blinking a few times to try and stop the room from spinning. It didn't.
"Ok, fine, send him over then. My head hurts too much to do anything stupid anyways," he muttered.
Nick let out a loud sigh and hung up abruptly, apparently unable to deal with him anymore, thank god. Tony groaned again, flinging an arm over his eyes. He didn't exactly want to see anyone at the moment, but at least they hadn't sent Coulson over, or else he'd have to hear about how perfect and brave Steve was all night. As if he needed any more of that.
Maybe Tony wouldn't have to hear about Steve all night, but the golden-haired poster boy for American pride showed up right alongside Bruce. Tony scowled at them both, deciding he didn't need babysitters, and screw what Nick Fury thought. It didn't stop them from barging in, though, and after awhile they convinced him to try out some more science experiments (under the close watch of Bruce).
It went all right for the first few minutes. However, it wasn't long before the Tony and Bruce began arguing over how much potassium it was safe to add to their solution, which escalated further into questioning each other's intelligence, and it was only once Steve literally held them apart that he was able to put a stop to it. Bruce was shaking though, so (better safe than sorry) Steve called Thor to ask him to come over as well. The last thing they needed was a blown out fight between the Hulk and Iron Man, and Steve didn't think he could stop them by himself. Thor sounded quite happy to come over and help, mentioning something about the "Joyful gatherings of midgardians!" and promised to be there shortly.
Thor seemed to arrive just in time (as yet another argument threatened to break out) and distracted both Tony and Bruce long enough to halt the insults. However, shortly behind Thor, Clint and Natasha also showed up.
"Why are you two here? Not that I don't want company but… No, I really don't want company." Tony's voice veered close to a growl. Three of them were quite enough, he didn't want any more people here.
"Thor invited us. Said something about a 'midgardian feast'?" Natasha quirked an eyebrow, not pausing to be invited in as she sauntered over the door step.
"We shall feast in one of your traditional get-togethers!" Thor bellowed from the living room. Tony felt the pounding in his head steadily returning as he grudgingly let spider mite and bird brain pass. As he closed the door, he realized this surely meant Thor had invited others too, and groaned to himself as the doorbell rang once again.
Of course it was Coulson. "Thor said there was a party," he smiled, glancing around Tony no doubt in hopes of catching a glimpse of Steve. Tony resisted the urge to slam the door on his face. His head could not take one more person, let alone one that would be fawning all night. Couldn't anyone tell he had a hangover?
Tony figured Coulson was as bad as it would get, but upon opening the door again, he was remarkably mistaken.
"What in hell's name did you invite him here for!?" Tony shouted as the thin, pale figure of Loki swished past him without so much as a second glance. Perhaps he would have tried to stop him – Loki had nearly killed them all before, why wouldn't he try again? – but Tony's head hurt too much, and his suit was not on hand, so there wasn't much he could have done anyways.
A chorus of other shouts from the living room told him no-one else had been expecting the dark spectre either, and a full on brawl possibly would have ensued if Thor did not demand they all give his brother a chance. It was a lengthy speech, and Tony was content to lean against his door and pretend he was anywhere but stuck in a house with all of these people until it was over.
Unfortunately Steve came out to grab him and take him back to the living room because they were supposed to be cheering Tony up, after all. They were doing a shit job of it.
For the first ten minutes there was an awkward silence in the living room as everyone sized up the others – mostly Loki – and shifted uneasily in their seats. It was possibly the nicest few minutes Tony had experienced all day, if only because it was so quiet. However, the tangible tension in the air was slowly driving him mad.
"You know what, you should all just leave. In fact, I think I'm going to leave," Tony finally announced, massaging one of his temples as he got up off the couch to stalk towards the exit of the living room. He paused in confusion, however, when the telltale clicks of his emergency doors spurred into action and caused thick metal sheets to slide efficiently over the entrances.
Tony stared at them silently for a minute, mouth hanging open slightly. Jarvis never mixed up an order, and he had clearly just said he was leaving, so why on Earth were the panic doors-
"Jarvis," Tony asked, in a voice much calmer than he felt, "Who hacked your system?"
The only reason he wasn't yelling was because his headache would only get worse. All he really wanted was to get back to his peaceful (OK, they weren't peaceful, but they weren't torturous like sitting in a room with these idiots) experiments. And then this happened.
"SHIELD corporations, sir. Nick Fury has ordered everyone to stay in one room because an issue has come up."
"What issue?" Tony grit out through his teeth. Yelling was becoming a harder urge to squash.
"He did not specify, sir."
Tony turned very slowly to glare at the rest of the room. Everyone was staring at him with either wide eyes (those who didn't know what was going on) or condescending ones (those that did realize what was going on, and were surely relishing in the fact that famous Tony Stark had gotten hacked).
"Hey, Thor, I bet I can punch a larger hole in my wall than you can," Tony eventually smiled, leaping to truly desperate measures. Thor would have taken the challenge – "With those puny hands! Hah!" – and probably would knocked down his whole wall (setting everyone free), but Steve put a quick stop to it, and demanded they all calm down.
Possibly the only actual calm ones in the room were Clint and Natasha, who were sitting on the loveseat and giving each other knowing looks, as if they had expected all of this to happen. Bruce had gotten up to check out one of the metal doors blocking their exit from the room, desperately searching for a way he could escape, because being locked in a room with not only Tony but Loki as well was extremely unappealing. Loki was leaning casually against one of the walls, watching the rest of the avengers silently as his brother boomed on about midgardian stoves, apparently un-fazed by their current imprisonment. He wasn't exactly sure why Thor had insisted he come, but so far it had been better than where he'd been before – there were more opportunities here. Though the doors now posed an issue…
Steve was currently trying to calm Tony down. The other man was speaking loudly (not shouting) at Jarvis to try and hack back into his systems without the use of a computer. It wasn't working. If he had his phone it would have been a simple enough task, but Tony had left it… Somewhere he couldn't remember. Maybe it would show up in the fridge again. Or the flower pot out back. It always appeared somewhere after he'd lost it while he was drinking.
"Tony, just take some deep breaths, it will be fine-"
"Fine, Steve? We are locked in a room with two assassins, the hulk, a god, his evil also-god brother, and a- well, Coulson, he's not very intimidating, is he?"
Coulson looked up from his chair at his name and scowled slightly at the comment, but looked back down to the book he had brought along. Damn him, he'd probably known what Nick was planning before. Natasha and Clint, too. He might end up killing one of them before this little session was over.
"I would say this situation is decidedly not fine. Also, I have a hangover, and Thor's voice is so painfully loud to listen to that I'm going to shove my coffee table down his throat if he doesn't shut up."
Another twenty minutes of madness and shouting later, Steve finally convinced everyone to play a game. Thor was the only one actually excited to play, and everyone else was mostly just doing it for some order. Tony agreed only because he thought it might shut them all up.
Surprisingly enough, the further in the game the group got, the more Tony found he was enjoying himself. He took the lead almost immediately and kept it until he had all the major players on the board. Unfortunately, none of the others were very impressed, and were soon squabbling all over again.
"It's not my fault you all have no idea how to handle real estate," Tony quipped, snatching up some more money from Clint when he landed on his spot. Clint was almost fuming – this was the third time he'd landed on that damned space – and Tony laughing at him wasn't helping.
Soon Clint and Natasha had teamed up to try and take Tony down. Coulson soon joined their alliance, accompanied eventually by Thor. Steve found himself bankrupt and ended up watching the people instead, still keeping an eye on them all so no-one would kill someone else. Bruce had also dropped out to sit on the sidelines, though Tony suspected he'd done it on purpose.
The game continued, and Tony started to realize he was going to be taken down soon if he didn't change tactics. Basically, he needed his own alliance, and only Loki was left.
The trickster had held his own the whole game – keeping quiet and slowly building up enough safe houses to save up money. Tony was reluctant at first, but really, who better to win the game with? He waited until the god met his eyes, then quirked an eyebrow in question.
Loki blinked once in surprise, then flashed a truly devilish smile and nodded once.
And that was how Tony and Loki won monopoly.
"You didn't even say you were in an alliance with him!" Clint shouted, taking the loss sourly. Thor was staring at Loki as if he'd been betrayed.
"Brother of mine! How could you!"
"He's tried to take over the world and you still made an alliance with him!?" Clint continued.
Tony simply snickered, leaning over to wrap an arm around Loki. The skinny man tensed in surprise, clearly not used to friendly contact, but Tony didn't especially care. Yeah, Loki had almost killed everyone, but everyone made mistakes right?
Either way, he'd helped him win, so Tony was OK with it.
"Ok, everyone calm down," Steve sighed half-heartedly. He'd been trying for the past ten minutes to get everyone to chill out, but as usual, no one was listening to him.
"How about another game?" Bruce suggested loudly.
Clint, still scowling, nodded his head vigorously. "Yes let's play again, I'll show you who's good at-"
"Er, a non-competitive game," Bruce cut in.
"How about truth or dare?"
Everyone turned to look at Coulson in surprise. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he cleared his throat, mumbling something about how he used to play it as a kid.
"Oh yes, I like that idea," Natasha smirked, glancing between Tony and a few of the others in a way that made him slightly uneasy. As if he would step down from a challenge, though. He was pretty comfortable with any sort of dare anyways.
"All right. Truth or dare. Why don't you start Coulson?" Tony suggested, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smirk as the man turned a brighter shade of pink. "It was your idea after all."
"Er, right. Sure. Uhm… Bruce, truth or dare?"
The game went on pretty slowly for the first few questions, but once it got to Tony he made sure he gave whoever he was asking a particularly uncomfortable truth or dare. He dared Coulson to arm wrestle Thor, made Natasha reveal she would kiss Clint if she had to pick someone in the room, dared Clint to then kiss Natasha (they obviously liked each other, Tony had no idea why they were acting so bashful), Bruce to recite an entire monologue of Shakespeare, and then Loki to kiss anyone he wanted in the room (but the prankster turned a violent shade of red at this and absolutely refused to do it, so he left the game to go sulk in the corner).
Everyone tried to get Tony back for awhile, but after he willingly admitted his sexuality (he wasn't particular on gender), danced a jig while singing Toxic by Britney Spears (quite fabulously if he said so himself), stripped down to his underpants ("No I changed my mind, put your clothes back on!"), and kissed Steve full on the lips (the other man had spluttered against this, and turned a brilliant shade of tomato red when Tony pecked him) they realized it was better just to avoid giving him a turn.
Ten minutes not being a part of the game, Tony was ready to join Loki in his sulking, but much to everyone's surprise the emergency doors started clicking again and slowly slid open.
"Thank god," Bruce was the first out the door, barely pausing to shout a quick "Bye!" as he left.
Clint and Natasha followed (together, Tony thought smugly), and Coulson after them. Thor left as well, shouting jovially about enjoying the midgardian games, and requesting they take part in another round once again, but this time with an actual feast.
Steve had stayed behind, his cheeks still pink from when Tony kissed him. Tony felt a tinsy bad, and maybe a little smug that he caused that, but decided not to mention anything.
"Hey, uh, Tony, I just… I just wanted to tell you something," Steve started, rubbing the back of his neck. He shuffled his feet slightly, biting his lip lightly as if he wasn't sure how to say it.
Tony crossed his arms over his chest, watching Captain America at an apparent loss for words. It was sort of amusing, really.
"Ok, I'm just going to say it," Steve swallowed, meeting Tony's eyes with a sudden determination. Tony raised an eyebrow as Steve opened his mouth, about to say something, and-
A huge bang rang out through the house. The force of whatever it was knocked both Tony and Steve to the floor, and they ended up in a tangled mess, both at a loss for whose limbs were whose. They were attempting to untangle themselves when Loki suddenly appeared, mouth curled in a malicious grin.
"I may have blown up your kitchen," he admitted, cackling at Tony and Steve's expressions, before adding a gleeful, "YOU'VE BEEN LOKI'D!" as he ran from the house.
Smoke wafted slowly from the adjoining entrance to the kitchen and Tony let out a sigh. "I knew Thor forgot something," he muttered, trying again to get up off the floor. Eventually him and Steve got untangled and sat up together, staring at the remains of the kitchen in silence.
Eventually Steve mumbled, "I was going to tell you I loved you."
Tony snickered. "Everyone does."
Steve slapped him on the shoulder, though a small smile tugged at his lips. "I mean it, you idiot."
Tony turned to look at him, pleasantly surprised. He'd always liked the Captain – all the petty fights they had were quite flirty, really – and then realized that was why Steve had turned so red when he'd been dared to kiss him.
Tony smirked for a second, then leaned in to give him a proper kiss. Steve faltered at first, but soon responded, running his hands through Tony's hair.
"Can you two stop sucking face and go help the others?" Nick Fury's voice made the two jump apart (well, Steve jumped away, red again, but Tony just turned to glare at the man who'd ruined basically his whole day). "We have Loki on the run again. Apparently Thor let him out and forgot to put him back."
"You hacked my systems," Tony replied coldly, clearly not amused.
"We'll go," Steve cut across with a sigh. Nick nodded once, paying little attention to Tony's pout, then turned to leave. He added over his shoulder, "We'll fix your kitchen while you're out, Stark."
"And once we catch Loki, I'll come back over," Steve added quietly from behind Tony.
"Well then. What are we waiting for, let's go catch a Loki," Tony grinned, feeling a little bit happier than before as he went to go put on his suit. Steve followed, grateful just this once that Tony had nearly blown up New York.