I got into Sherlock rather recently and absolutely loved it! This is my first attempt on a Sherlock fic (drabble really). I just have too many Johnlock feels after 3x01! Try not to be harsh; my other favourite TV show is Hannibal and our motto is Eat The Rude...
Sherlock looks at the man lying in the hospital bed. His breathing is normal. His heart is strong.
Sherlock knows now. He realises how John must have been feeling when he supposedly saw Sherlock fall off the roof, when he thought that Sherlock was dead. Yes, he knows now. He knows now, because for a moment he thought that he would lose John. For a moment he thought that he would be too late, that he would not arrive in time, that John would be past saving as he got him out of the bonfire.
It is the first time that knowledge hurts. It is the first time that Sherlock wishes he did not know. He understands what John went through because of his faked death, and it hurts. It hurts. It hurts because he actually has a heart. Even Moriarty knew it. Sherlock Holmes is not heartless. Especially when it comes to John.
He looks at the hospitalised doctor and does not even know what to do. Read him the newspaper or a book? Talk to him, whispering sweet nothings? Sing him a lullaby to sooth his sleep? Hold his hand? Walk away? The doctors have reassured him that John will be just fine, but he can't leave. He has just come back from the dead; he is not going to leave John ever again.
He watches John's chest, seeing it rise and fall with every breath he takes and lets out as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, as though he didn't almost just die. Sherlock knows better. He knows that shortly after returning to John, after stepping back into his life uninvited, John is back in danger. He wants to protect the blogger, but he can't let him go. He can't step out of his life once again.
This is where Sherlock belongs.
Back in London.
Back with John.
Mary walks in. Sherlock slowly turns his head and looks at her. He likes her actually. He has not expected that. Mary became John's life while Sherlock was away. And yet, Sherlock likes her. He likes her because she is not one of those completely idiotic women that John usually dated and did not deserve. He likes her because she is clever. He likes her because she has helped.
"Hi," she says softly.
"Hello."
"Sherlock, what you did...the way you saved John's life...it was amazing. Thank you."
"I wouldn't have known without your help," Sherlock says and pauses for a moment, almost shuddering. What if Mary hadn't paid a visit to 221B? What if Sherlock hadn't been there at the time? What would have happened to John? Sherlock can cheat death, but John cannot.
"Also," he goes on, trying to chase those dreadful thoughts away, "thank you for talking John into...helping me."
Mary smiles. She is not beautiful, but she is pretty and sweet and kind. John deserves someone like that.
"Honestly," she says, "I didn't do anything. He really wanted to help you, Sherlock, to have his old life back. He shaved for you."
Sherlock raises an eyebrow.
"It's true," she carries on when she sees the disbelief on the consulting detective's face. "He denied it, but I know that he actually did it for you."
Sherlock turns his all-seeing gaze back to John. He does not want to look at Mary right now. He does not want to see the emotions displayed on her face. He does not want her to see the emotions on his.
It is a small thing, yet it means so much to Sherlock that he fears those emotions he tries to hide might actually overwhelm him and drown him, like powerful waves hitting a rock. John shaved for him. For him. He must still care. He might even forgive Sherlock. And then Sherlock will be truly alive.
He sighs almost inaudibly. He remembers something that he told Irene Adler during their first meeting. Amazing how fire exposes our priorities. That night, as those unsuspecting people were burning Guy Fawkes, Sherlock screamed John's name at the top of his lungs.
Am I the only one who feels that most of the episode was Johnlock falling in love all over again?
Just because I loved it, here are the last lines of John's latest post on his blog: So, yes. It's all good. Better than good. It's bloody brilliant. #sherlocklives means #johnwatsonlives.
Reviews are love! Especially considering that I have never written Johnlock before and I haven't written a drabble in 2-3 years, feedback would be highly appreciated!