(I guess it must really be Silas, so we'll just say he's been quite good in the role so far.)
"Brother."
"Okay, I get that you're trying to do the moving on thing, so you know that I wouldn't call if it wasn't an emergency."
"Did you try 9-1-1?"
"And he bought himself a sense of humor to go with his new life. Listen, Stef, you have to get her out of here."
"Who, Katherine?"
"She's driving us crazy. I'm this close to killing the bitch once and for all."
"What's stopping you?"
"Oh, I don't know, an inconvenient conscience. I would just wait it out and maybe Elena would strangle her... but unfortunately I think human Katherine has become too pathetic to kill in cold blood."
"So you two can't even handle a human Katherine Pierce? Oh, how the mighty have fallen, Damon."
"Look, she's been here two days and already she's drunk her way through half of my best whiskey, spilled wine on the Persian runner upstairs, ground potato chips into both the sofas, eaten all the Rocky Road. There are takeout boxes in every freaking room, she flooded Jeremy's bathroom after flushing an empty cigarette carton down the toilet... Oh, and she blew out your Bose speakers."
"What? What was she doing in my room? I locked the door when I left."
"Come on, Stefan, I've been picking that lock for years. I doubt Katherine had a problem with it."
"Damon, what has she been doing in there?"
"Sleeping in your bed, mostly. And blowing out your speakers."
"I'll be there tomorrow morning."
"Where have you been, anyway?"
"Scoping out foreclosures."
"That answers the 'what,' not the 'where.'"
"Never you mind the where. See you tomorrow."