(Authors' note: This is a response to episode 4x14, I Do, in which Will and Emma attempt to get married and end up having a weird sort of party instead. We thought the hotel room situation was far too sad and depressing for a group like Glee, in which there's so much love for one another, so we wrote something that fits our kink-set a little better. All 4x14 canon is followed, we just wrote around the edges. This is a very clear warning for a twelvesome - yes, you read that right - and actual pairings/groupings include:

Jake/Marley
Jake/Marley/Ryder
Jake/Ryder
Mike/Blaine
Puck/Sam
Tina/Mercedes
Tina/Mercedes/Ryder
Quinn/Santana
Kurt/Blaine
Finn/Rachel
Finn/Rachel/Kurt
Artie/Brittany
Finn/Brittany

Specific warnings for orgy, light dom/sub, spanking, shaving, blowjobs, ice kink, making out, frottage and poly negotiations - and rather a lot of humor. Enjoy! -gala and amy)

One: Ryder

Ryder wishes that the hotel was a little lower class. It isn't that he thinks Mr Schuester and Ms Pilsbury should get married in a dive. Frankly, he'd been sort of surprised that she had agreed to have it at a hotel at all, considering that 20/20 exclusive he saw with the black light wand. It's just that at this five star place everything's white. The top half of the walls are painted white, the bottom wainscotting is white, the floor tile is grey with a white runner down the middle. Ryder's been in normal middle class hotels before, at least one Red Roof Inn and Sheraton each summer. When you have three children - two beautiful brilliant girls you want to spoil, and a moderately stupid boy you feel guilty about not protecting - you end up taking them on a lot of vacations. What they all had in common was this fantastic, hideous floral carpet. Burgundy background, teal and hunter green and mustard coloured vines running the length of the hall, the occasional red rose. He'd really like something bright to look at. Maybe if there was something to look at he'd feel like less of a creeper concentrating entirely on what he can't hear through the door.

Because, really, that's exactly what he is doing. Ryder spent the last forty-five minutes watching lovesick Jake woo lovesick Marley with his words, his gifts, his moves, and all he can feel now is a little left behind. It's not that he's not jealous; it's rather that his jealousy is so much less about himself getting the girl and so much more about other complicated things.

His actions are only not-creepy if he's genuinely concerned about Jake's 'love nitrous', and him pushing Marley into sex. And if that's the case, than he should be breaking down the door with his shoulder because no one deserves that. But if Ryder's being honest with himself, that's not what this is about. For all the stupid big-talk, Ryder is positive Jake would stop at the first no.

No, he's really just hovering outside their room because he'd rather be inside their room. And how fucking sad is that? Almost as bad as the pile of small gifts in his locker that he bought for Jake for Valentine's week while he was collecting all the things he gave to Jake to give to Marley, probably. Worse, maybe. At least Ryder was smart enough to not actually give that mix cd to Jake yesterday. What, exactly, does he think is going to happen here? That they're going to open the door and welcome him in? Jake doesn't even know he's bi, for fucksakes.

For the fifth time he starts to walk away. Ryder gets as far as two steps from the door, still close enough to put his hand on the handle, before he stops. He growls at his own stupidity, but can't do anything better. He can't walk away, he can't knock on the door. He's just stuck, like a giant, stupid-

"Do you know where the ice machine is?"

Finn's slightly confused voice breaks him out of his negative spiral. Ryder turns to look at his sorta-teacher as the door thunks closed behind him. Finn holds up the white plastic container.

"Dunno, man. Sorry."

Finn cranes his neck to look around the corner. "I guess I could go to the reception desk and ask, but it seems like it would take a long time."

"Probably shorter than wandering around all the floors? Busy, huh." Ryder gives Finn an obligatory smirk, even though he doesn't really feel like teasing him at the moment. "You and Rachel get a room?"

Finn pauses, looking back at the room, and then turns back to him, considering. Then he shrugs. "Actually, we all got a room."

That doesn't surprise Ryder much. Yeah, he's mostly been focused on Jake and Marley, but Kurt and Blaine weren't exactly subtle, with the whole third base in the parking lot thing, and Santana and the blond - Quinn, he thinks her name was - got progressively more handsy, and why wouldn't Sam and Brittany take advantage of having a night together? This entire hallway is probably full of Glee couples. He drives his grin up a notch. "Tomorrow morning's walk of shame should be amusing. They're going to make a fortune off us."

Finn's expression is odd. "Not really. What're you doing out here?"

"It's kind of... a long story."

"Well, you can walk with me while I hunt for the ice machine." He beckons Ryder to follow, and Ryder casts one last hopeless look at Marley and Jake's door before trotting along behind. Finn's long strides take him down the hall toward the EXIT sign at the end. "Something about Marley?"

"Uh, yeah." He isn't exactly prepared to tell Finn the whole story, but somehow when he opens his mouth, what comes out is, "Something about both of them."

"Yeah?" Finn glances back, pausing to let Ryder catch up. He's smiling, not in a mean way or even a surprised way, but accepting this, interested to hear more. Ryder feels himself relaxing. He hadn't realized how much he needed to talk about it until that moment, and now he isn't sure he wants to censor himself. "How's that working out for you guys?"

"Working out? What do you think? Who's in the hallway?" He doesn't mean to be rude to Finn, especially considering how awesome he's being now, but the unfairness washes over him in a corpulent wave, and he's left with a bitter taste in his mouth. He crosses his arms as Finn scopes out the stairwell and returns, sans ice.

"Well, I suppose you could be giving them a little time to themselves before joining them. That'd be cool. But I guess that's not what's happening?"

Ryder wonders if Finn's pockets are stuffed with weed, because he's got to be smoking something. "Yeah, I'm sure that'd go over well. Marley's barely comfortable enough to date one guy, much less two, and Jake..."

Finn is watching him with clear anticipation. "Yeah? Go on. What about Jake?"

Ryder scowls. "Seems like the poster boy for straight but not narrow."

Finn's grin widens. "Kind of like me, huh?"

"Yeah. ... What?"

"Or Puck. Really, though, Puck's been having threesomes since he was crazy-young, and he never failed to tell me about them. First time one of them included two guys, that's when I made my move."

Ryder feels his jaw hanging loose, and he struggles to maintain a polite veneer of calm. "Your move. And, um, that would be..."

"Right now, looking for the ice. Because Tina has this thing about cold sensation, and I'm the guy who delivers. Well, and I'm usually the first one finished." He doesn't appear to be too embarrassed about this, though it's not the sort of thing Ryder would expect someone hold as a badge of honor; Finn is just calm and matter-of-fact. Pretty much the way he's been about this whole insane conversation, really. "But back then, my move was... including people."

"Oh." Ryder can't quite see what Finn is saying clearly. Or at least what he thinks might be going on seems so farfetched it might as well be coming from another freaking galaxy. He leans against the wall, and adds, very carefully, "I'm confused."

Finn rattles the handle on an exit door that seems to be locked, and continues on down the hall. "Maybe they expect you to go down to another floor to get ice? Weird. Well, you might not have heard all the stupid stuff that went down with Glee club when we were sophomores, but there was this whole baby scandal... anyway, Quinn and Puck and me, we figured out a compromise. And once Rachel got over her issues, it was the four of us... and then after Blaine and Kurt walked in on us one time, we -"

"Wait, just... wait." Ryder holds up a shaking hand to prevent Finn from going any further.

Finn gives him a sad smile. "Too much?"

"No... you just passed the ice machine."

His smile shifts to surprised, then pleased. "Hey, thanks."

Pausing while Finn fill his white bucket gives Ryder a moment to formulate his thoughts. "This is... I don't exactly know what it is, but it's kind of breaking my brain. Do you think we could, I don't know, go talk somewhere? Like, maybe you could convince Rachel to go back to the dance, and I can have my freakout in your room instead of the hallway?"

Finn laughs. "Don't think kicking Rachel out would help much. I wasn't kidding. Everyone's in my room right now."

Everyone. Ryder's mind races. "So when you said you guys have a room," he says slowly, "you meant..."

"One," Finn agrees. "A suite, actually, but twelve in one bed is kinda impossible. And, um..." He pauses again, looking a little embarrassed. "I haven't run this by all of them, but as far as I'm concerned you're totally welcome to join us. Just to talk, if nothing else, but... it's already pretty crowded in there. If you don't mind that, I'd be happy to listen to whatever freakout you need to have."

Ryder isn't exactly sure what to make of Finn's invitation. It feels a little like a proposition, and a little like a big-brother's-watching episode, and he's bordering on uncomfortable and fascinated and right on the edge of tears. He seriously wonders what would happen if he had his freakout in Finn's arms - and that's what convinces him to agree to follow him back to the room, more than anything, because he's not going to be caught sobbing in a hotel hallway with some guy's tongue down his throat. Not even Finn Hudson's.

It's not as intense-back-room-of-Brian-Kinney's-Babylon as he expects it to be. The door opens onto the living room, and there are two rooms to the right, both with doors propped open. A smorgasbord of last year's Glee club are there in the living room, although Ryder can spy Mercedes and Tina through one of the bedroom doorways. Joe's missing; frankly, Ryder would have fallen over with shock if he'd been there. Kurt and Blaine and Artie are missing too. An hour ago Ryder would have assumed Kurt and Blaine had their own room and Artie was with that other girl in the wheelchair, but now his mind is blown wide open. For all he knows they have a kink for bathroom sex and are still on the main floor at the reception.

But the thing is, for all that there are many bodies, almost all of them are still in some state of dress. Rachel's the only entirely naked one, which Ryder guesses makes sense when he adds in Finn's coming first comment. Some appear to be hovering on the edge of having sex, like Santana biting her way up Quinn's leg, Quinn's dress hiked up, but there's nothing more overt than that.

Nobody looks even a little upset to see Ryder, and the expressions on some of their faces border on predatory, but Finn slings an arm around his shoulder and says, "He needed someone to talk to. Give him a chance to unwind before asking anything of him, okay?"

"Ryder's like Cogsworth?" Brittany asks brightly.

"Rachel, if you burst into any Beauty and the Beast song right now, there will be exactly zero orgasms for you," Mercedes shouts from the bedroom.

"Whatever, 'Cedes," Rachel calls back with a superior little smile, "there are ten other people here who would love to arrange one for me." She doesn't actually burst into song, though, so it appears that that crisis is averted.

Finn steers Ryder to the back of the room, where there's a free chair beside the desk, and encourages him to have a seat. He crouches down beside him, smiling reassuringly, while Mike leans over to put a hand on Finn's thigh.

"Don't worry," Mike says to Ryder, speaking softly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It took me months to get past watching."

Finn gives him a lopsided smile. "Who says you have to get past that?"

The door opens and Ryder tenses. For some reason the insane image of Mr Schuester walking in and berating them pops into his head. It's a relief when it's just Kurt, dressed impeccably as always.

"You two drama free?" Puck calls out. "Because this is officially a Drama Free zone. If you look out the window to the left, you'll see scenic Rocky Mountains, and if you look to the right, you'll see Sam and Santana not freaking out at each other."

"Obviously not," says Quinn, "considering that Blaine's not with him."

But Blaine appears less than a minute later, after Finn's finished delivering the ice to Tina and Mercedes. He heads directly for Mike and crashes down beside him, not caring that his dress slacks are probably getting more wrinkled with each second. He's not the only one still wearing them, but Ryder thought he'd be more careful, like he is in Glee. Blaine leans his head against Mike's shoulder, gazing up at him through his lashes. "It's been too long, man."

Mike kisses Blaine's temple. "Damn right it has."

"Okay," Puck says. "I love all you guys, but a four hour wedding reception is enough foreplay for a lifetime. So who wants to make out with me?"

"Subtle," Santana says, head between Quinn's legs. "And - busy." Quinn's still wearing underwear, but Ryder's not sure how long that'll last. Ryder startles as there's a long drawn-out noise from the bedroom. Sam grins.

"Ice," he says knowingly. "Does it to her every time."

"C'mon, White Chocolate," Puck urges, and pats his legs. "Don't I get a lap dance?"

Sam grimaces as he gazes up at Puck, seated on the edge of the bed. "No offense, dude but you are just not hot to me with all that fur."

But Puck doesn't look in the least bit offended. "A, I'm hot at all times in all places with all combinations. B, I grew the fur so you could shave it off, dumbass. Along with anything else you choose."

Blaine groans as Sam dashes for the bathroom, presumably for a razor. "Don't tell him that. He's been a dick about body hair all this year."

Santana laughs. "You know the deal, Anderson. Mention a body part and you gotta pull it out."

"What do you want Blaine-dick for?" Quinn rifles her hand through Santana's hair. "I thought we were busy with our not-dicks."

"I'm just saying. Half these people are still dressed. It's our duty as members of this collective to con everyone into mentioning body parts."

"Fine. Hey Mike, what rhymes with harm?"

"Arm?" Mike shucks off his suit jacket and unbuttons his wrist buttons. It's kind of insane how Rachel's still naked and Mercedes and Tina are making out loudly in one of the bedrooms, and yet Mike slowly rolling up his sleeves is what pings Ryder as seductive. He eyes Mike's hand as it returns to his thigh, and licks his lips.

"You're doing okay," Finn says, kind of asking and kind of not.

Ryder nods. He's feeling a little dazed, but the images in his head of Marley and Jake are overlapping with the scene surrounding him. They're almost more compelling.

"Yeah," he says, clearing his throat. "Yeah. Okay."

Watching Puck take off his shirt while Sam preps the razor, Ryder can't help but notice Mike's keen focus isn't on the action. On the contrary, he seems completely attentive to everyone else. This is even more confusing.

"I thought you liked to... watch?"

Mike glances up at Ryder, smiling shyly. It's incredibly appealing. "I like to watch other people watching. Their reactions, the way it turns them on." He leans in, sliding an arm around Ryder's waist, directing his attention to Brittany's flushed cheeks and parted lips. "See? She's a hundred times more beautiful when she's into what's going on. Not that she's not amazing all the time."

All the skin along Ryder's arm feels extra-sensitive as Mike presses his rib cage against it. This is it, something inside him urges; your first real chance to kiss another guy. He's 95% sure Mike would be into it, even if he and Ryder haven't exchanged more than a couple sentences before. But, as he sits there with the idea, he's equally certain he doesn't want his first kiss to come from Mike, or Finn, or any of the other guys in the room. Judging from the expression on Finn's face, he understands what's going on.

"How did you guys keep this a secret?" Ryder asks.

Finn shakes his head, looking amused. "Seriously? Who would have believed it?"