To Its Logical Conclusion
summary: Hermione gets Harry and all the other boys of Hogwarts pregnant. MPREG, obviously, taken to its, uh, 'logical' conclusion. Also, minors doing the whambam. Parody, don't take too seriously. AU.
"Eek! Forgive me!" Hermione threw up a shield spell and flew herself up the Hogwarts Stairs, dodging spells. She passed by a very angry and humiliated, very round looking Draco Malfoy, who soon joined in on the chasing. "I'm sorry!"
When Hermione had received a letter just before her sixth year from a mysterious source explaining that she had come into her magical inheritance and that she wasn't really a muggleborn, but that her family line traced way back to a couple of outcast squibs and veela, she was mildly disappointed. A part of her had taken great pride in not being related to the purebloods in any shape, way, or form, but now some pureblood somewhere could always claim her success came purely down to her bloodline. A part of her hoped the letter might just be a prank.
Then, as she started to sprout wings, her mild disappointment turned into, well... outright embarrassment. There was no way she was going to be able to permanently hide this! But the idea of being able to fly without a broomstick was fairly neat, and made up for the fact she was likely going to be dealing with a great amount of mockery. She brushed up on every concealment charm she could find, if only so she could go out in muggle public without the excuse of being in costume for a party.
Then came the horniness. It was like the onset of puberty all over again, except, somehow, even worse. She found herself eying every unrelated male her own age. And... some who weren't.
'Your inheritance may also include a massive increase in virility', the letter warned, so, Hermione made sure to stock up on morning after pills. Masturbation helped, but ultimately, Hermione came to an inner struggle. If she slept around a lot, she'd be decried as a slut, but, was that right? Was it good to look down on women who simply liked to enjoy themselves with pretty boys? No! Heck if she would let anyone tell her what to do!
So the first thing she did was march down to the Dursleys, rescue Harry from them, and patiently explain to him that she wanted some fun and it wasn't anything romantic, and that she'd like it if he didn't look down on her for this. Harry was actually pretty cool with it, but then again, it was also his dick on the line, which was probably quite the encouragement to at least pretend to be nice to her face.
Fast forward some months and cue several more 'dates', and, well...
Some of the boys were complaining about feeling weirdly sick and strange weight gain.
Hermione was feeling actually pretty pleased with herself at the time. She seemed to be getting this whole libido thing under control, so she only needed a fling every once in awhile, and thought she might try going steady with Ron. He was cute, even if he wasn't all that bright, and seeing her with other guys had given him time to unwind his jealousy issues.
But now?
"I'mSorryITookYourSon'sVirginityAndKnockedHimUp!" Hermione squeaked, running through the halls as a horde of angry fathers and mothers chased after her. "I didn't know veelas could cause male impregnation! How was I to know?"
"Ignorant mudblood!" howled Narcissa Malfoy. "How dare you do this to my poor, innocent boy?"
"Innocent?" Hermione spluttered, and Draco had a similarly unhappy expression, although maybe that was just his face's permanent look now.
"For once," said Molly Weasley, "we are in agreement on something, Narcissa, though I don't like the look of some of those hexes you threw. How could you be so irresponsible, girl? And to cheat on my poor Ronald?"
"I didn't cheat!" she exclaimed. "It was never serious!"
"Now now," Dumbledore entered. "No cursing my students. This is just a case of youthful indiscretions and shenanigans."
"Hardly very easy for you to say, Dumbledore - she got one of your own teachers pregnant! Perhaps if anyone is the irresponsible one here, it's you! Why haven't you been keeping better watch on the students?"
"Erm," Dumbledore looked a little off put. "Well, boys will be boys, as we all know. No one can keep them from getting into all mischief. And that teacher has been sacked, I assure you." That seemed a bit cruel, depriving a newly pregnant person of steady income, but, she supposed she could pay child support. Oh, Merlin... all those babies... child support was going to be a nightmare!
"Are you blaming my boy?" Molly Weasley looked very angry.
"Well, to be fair, it takes two to tango," Hermione Granger pointed out, then withered under their glares. "And, well, if they didn't want pregnancy to result, maybe you should have taught them to use protection, instead of making the other party do all the work?"
"..."
"GET HER!"
Hermione screamed and ran. Dumbledore was no help.
NEXT TIME:
Will Snape keep the baby, or will Voldemort force him to give it up? Will Draco finally learn to use protection? Will Hermione be forced to marry someone to protect his honor, and if so, who will she choose, or will she end up married to all of them? Will Harry finally feel content now that he has family of his own to care for and give horrible names inspired by dead people, and will Ginny still love him if he's carrying another woman's child?
Will Hermione learn to use her seduction and MPREG powers for good instead of evil, or will she give in to temptation and bang every chauvinistic bastard she can seduce so they will know a woman's pain?
...just kidding, there will probably be no next time! Hope you enjoyed!