::Again::

Chapter One: Naruto

"Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion." -Dylan Thomas

"I'm so sorry, Naruto." she spoke.

Naruto stood numbly before the grave stone, staring at the immortal name that was etched upon it.

He felt as if a piece of him, the piece had been missing his whole life... that he just found was gone forever... as if a future, his future had been ripped away from him.

"She loved me." he told Sakura as the kunochi came beside him, kneeling before the grave and covering it with fresh and beautiful sunflowers, laying them over the mound individually and delicately.

"I know she did." Sakura replied. "I'm glad she got the chance to tell you."

"I didn't know, or realize..." Naruto blinked away tears staring skyward. "She loved me the way you loved Sasuke/ I've always wanted to be loved like that, and now she's gone... Sakura, she's gone... I..."

Sakura stared numbly at the grave stone, listening to Naruto's sobs. She clutched the material of her black kimono, painfully. There was not much left in her, she didn't know if she could give her friend the solace he needed. Turning her dark emerald gaze toward the gray sky above, she silently asked the Hyuuga heiress for strength as she rose to her feeet shakily.

Taking her blonde teammate into her arms, she held him close to her.

Naruto clung to her without question, sobbing into her shoulder like a child, lost and scared.

"Hinata was a beautiful person." Sakura told him. "I wish I had known her better, I think we would have been great friends, I know she is watching over you now."

Naruto squeezed her tighter, muffling a painful cry in the sleeve of her shoulder, he collapsed to his knees and pulled her down with her. He felt how thin and bony she had become, he knew she was spiraling further into the abyss of her grief for Sasuke, but he couldn't help it. She was all he had left and he needed her warmth and comfort, he needed her to take care of him.

"I failed her, Sakura."

"You have to honor her Naruto, follow your dream, don't give up." the rosette told him. "She would want that."

"It means nothing now." he told her. "All of it was for nothing, I couldn't save her... I couldn't save Sasuke, I broke my promise! I broke my promise!"

"Shh..." Sakura told him, feeling her heart ache terribly in her chest, but kept moving her hand through his hair. "Don't say that, you did everything you could."

"They're gone." he told her. "They're gone because I wasn't strong enough."

Sakura could feel her salt tears sting over her cheeks. Inside she was coming undone, falling, choking, dying... but he needed her so she would be strong. She would be strong for him and hold him as he wept for the girl who loved him.

The girl who was meant to be by his side.

"Don't give up, Naruto." she pleaded softly. If you give up, there is no hope left in this world.

The kunochi turned to look skyward, the tears flowing as she stared into the endless gray void, looking for her own lost love.

Why? Why did you leave me? she asked, holding Naruto in her arms. I need you and you left me again... you always leave me.

"They're gone." Naruto repeated over and over again, and it was like a dagger being thrust into her chest over and over again.

"I'm here." Sakura choked out. "I'm here, Naruto."

The young Hokage trudged his way home that dark and cold night, both physically and mentally exhausted. He felt more than relief at the sight of his home; the modest house he had built over the site where his parents had once lived.

He found himself smiling tiredly at the sight of the orange lanterns still lit in the entry way, where all others on the street had long been put out, probably many hours ago.

The house was perfect to him in every way.

It was not too big, not too small, simple in every aspect, but cheerful and cozy. It had become one with the nature around it, with two young trees thriving on each side and vines climbing up walls and along the stone patio.

He crossed the pathway and admired the well-kept garden that wrapped around the front of the house and traveled into the backyard, before his sandals hit the wood of the porch with a resounding clank.

He slid the door open quietly, knowing that it would creak if forced too hard, and transitioned into his home. He sighed before inhaling deeply, taking in all the comforting smells. From the kitchen was the lingering fragrance of chicken fried rice and of the herbs that hung over the hearth: thyme, mint, lavender… and so many others.

He loved it. It was the pleasant smells of his home.

He took off his red, black-flamed jacket and hung it over a chair lazily, as well as his head band, and rubbed a hand through his thick golden hair to untangle his disheveled tresses. He then made his way tentatively through the house, not wanting to wake the other occupants of his home. Entering the living room, however, he paused and a smile crept across his scared face.

Sakura was laid out along the couch, her long and pink hair spilling over the throw pillow.

Her pale face illuminated the moonlight from the window, enhancing her ethereal beauty and the peace of her slumber. Cradled in her arms, resting in the nook of her neck was an infant, hardly a month old, who slept just as peacefully as his mother, dressed in woolly pajamas. The Sixth Hokage watched them for a while, from the door frame of the room, in silent admiration.

He slowly walked toward them, without a sound, and gently lifted the sleeping baby from Sakura's arms, and cradled him in his own with great care and tenderness. He never grew weary of admiring the small babe, so soft, so perfect in every way. With his pink skin and tiny face. He looked just like him, with his long gold hair, the same nose and the same ears…

"You have a clone," He remembered Sakura say, as she placed the infant in his arms for the first time.

His son.

His flesh and blood.

His greatest love.

The very idea left him in awe, as he carried his child up into the master bedroom and laid him down in the small bassinet next to the bed, watching his chest fall up and down silently.

He smiled before returning down the stairs into the living room.

In her sleep Sakura stirred slightly as he approached her. When he bent down to pick her up, she moved her arms around in search of the baby that had laid with her only moments before.

She woke in a panic.

"Minato!" she cried breathlessly.

"Shhh…" Naruto comforted her, sinking his hands under her warm body and elevating her from the couch into his arms. "He's asleep upstairs."

Sakura recovered from her shock when she saw the face of her husband, and breathed a sigh of relief as he held her bridal style.

"You're back." She said sleepily, wrapping her arms around his neck to steady herself.

"I told you not to wait up for me." he said, taking her up the stairs.

"When you said late, I didn't think it would be in the early morning hours, what is it? One o'clock?" Sakura yawned, trying to keep her eyes open.

"Two thirty." Naruto corrected, maneuvering them through the door of the bed room. He laid her down on the soft bed and admired her for a brief moment, pushing a stray hair out of her face, and tucking it behind her ear with a heavy sigh. "The council meeting went on longer than expected."

Though half alert as she was, she could see the deep weariness in his face.

"What happened?" she asked, reaching up to brush the side of his face. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, it was just a long night, I'll save the details for tomorrow." he said, not willing to make her worry as he stood and began to undress into his night attire.

Sakura accepted the answer and laid back over the pillow, feeling the heavy pull of sleep pulling her under once more.

Naruto was soon back by her side, giving her quick kiss goodnight, before climbing under the covers and turning over to get some long needed sleep.

Although not knowing the reason for his shift in demeanor, Sakura reached out and gently ran a hand over his shoulder comfortingly. "What is it?"

He didn't reply.

Sakura moved closer to him, sensing his need for comfort, and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling his back against her. "Whatever it is, it's okay."

He sighed, turning into her embrace, letting his head rest against her shoulder.

"You can tell me, you know?" she murmured worriedly, moving her arms up his back, in a strong, sheltering embrace.

"Tomorrow." he whispered, staring over her shoulder out the window into the black, starless sky above.

It wasn't long until sleep claimed his wife once more, leaving him alone with unwelcome memories.

How can I become Hokage, if I can't even save one friend?

He awoke to find the familiar face, or mask of Kakashi looming over him.

"It's over isn't it?" he asked incredulously.

All the memories were filling in his mind as he remembered Madara and his blade.

Kakashi nodded.

"Sasuke… he's…"

Kakashi nodded again.

The confirmation hit him like a bag of bricks. He clenched his teeth, fighting back tears.

"No… God dammit no!" he cried. "I don't believe it!"

He made his way to stand at the same level as his mentor. He stumbled, but Kakashi steadied him.

"It's… not fair…" Naruto said, his voice low and unsteady. "I… I swore to bring him back…"

"Don't do that to yourself." his teacher's voice was abnormally stern. "This is not the time for your profound speeches of how you'll make everything alright despite the odds."

The young shinobi looked up at him with a pained expression as he tried to hold back tears.

Kakashi gritted his teeth, having difficulty keeping his own emotions under control. "He died saving you, don't disgrace his sacrifice with your regret, it's all he had left Naruto."

"I didn't ask him to die for me!" Naruto cried, the tears were falling freely now. "All of it, everything... it was to bring him home…"

"He is home, Naruto." Kakashi told him steadily, grabbing hold of him firmly by the shoulders.

Naruto sobbed, collapsing into his mentors hold.

He shook and cried as he had never done before, his hands clenching into fists..

"Damn it! Damn it!" he cried.

Kakashi held the boy firmly by the shoulders and let him cry. He, himself blinked back tears… hardly hours ago, his other student died in his arms... giving up his last hours to redeem himself.

Naruto could hear cheers of victory from the whole of the Leaf Shinobi, and all he could feel was ache in his heart. Suddenly his eyes caught the sight of a frail form curled under a tree a good distant away… weeping uncontrollably.

"Sakura…" he whispered urgently, braking away to run toward her.

Kakashi stopped him. "No, let her be."

"But, she needs to know…"

"She knows," Kakashi explained. "S…She was here."

Naruto looked at him in surprise.

"She tried to heal both of you, she couldn't, she didn't have enough chakra." Kakashi told him grimly.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock.

He needed to get to her, he moved again.

"Naruto, leave her alone."

Naruto felt himself grow cold.

He was so shaken he didn't know what to feel. "God, let me see her, please…"

"You want to pain her more?" Kakashi asked, his voice getting harsher.

"No, I need her…" he said, finally moving past him and darting toward his surviving teammate.

His heart broke the closer he got to the small girl. She was curled over, her knees drawn into herself, her head buried into her arms, as she shook so much she was slightly convulsing. He had seen the girl cry probably a hundred times before, but never like this. She choked and sobbed and shook in a frightening way that made him ill.

He felt what was left of his heart shatter to see her like this.

"Sakura…" his raspy voice broke through, he needed her to stop.

She gasped and looked up at him before quickly covering her face.

"Oh God!" she cried. "Naruto, he's gone... I'm sorry! I am so sorry!"

"Sakura…"

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

"Sakura!" he said more firmly, his voice cracking. He dropped to kneel beside her.

She continued sobbing and shaking. "He's gone... He's gone..." she repeated over and over again in disbelief.

"Stop!" he said, grabbing her shoulders firmly and giving them a shake so she would look at him.

She did, with red, watery eyes, wincing as she met his gaze, tears falling freely. Her clothes were torn and her face was caked with blood and dirt.

"You did all you could… it wasn't fair… it was my fault…"

"Naruto, he's gone." she sobbed, clinging to him, burying her face into his chest. "I couldn't save him, I let him die."

He held her.

"Sakura… Sasuke… he made his choice…" it felt as though he would crush her if he squeezed too tight.

"Please..." he murmured into her ear. "I can't lose you either."

It was four thirty in the morning when a baby's cry shattered the peaceful silence of the night.

Sakura stirred, groaning with complaint, but Naruto rose beside her and gently pushed her back down against the mattress.

"I got it." he reassured her.

He sluggishly made his way over to Minato, banging against numerous things in the dark and making enough racket that one could wonder how he was the Seventh Hokage.

"Hey, little man, what's up?" he asked pulling the baby out of his bassinet, and holding him close in his arms.

He rocked the baby gently in his arms as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and made his way toward the wooden rocker next to the bassinet. "Hungry? Wet? Cold?" Naruto asked him quietly, taking a seat. Minato's fussing slowly ceased within a minute and he opened his eyes to stare at his father.

Naruto smiled at him, Minato's eyes were big and emerald like Sakura's, and just as beautiful. "No? None of the above?" he asked, staring back at his son, who grippe his small hand around Naruto's finger and made a small "Aaa." sound. "So, what's cause for all the ruckus? Huh?"

Sakura smiled as she watched them, letting her head fall back into her pillow.

"Just didn't want to be alone." Naruto confirmed from the one-sided conversation with the three-week -old infant. "Yeah, I know the feeling, don't worry little man, I'm here."

He cast up a reassuring smile at Sakura as little Minato slowly fell asleep, and she gave him a watery one in return, feeling tears well in the corner of her eyes.

Peace was a strange, but much welcomed characteristic to the Hidden Leaf Village. Restored completely to its former glory, the village and its citizens seemed to flow in perfect tranquility.

Naruto laced his fingers with Sakura as they walked the streets, the spring wind blew around them, stirring up her hair, his jacket and numerous cherry blossom petals.

Sakura snuggled Minato close as they made their way through the market.

People stopped to congratulate them, to greet them, to thank Naruto for his service, to ask Sakura about the hospital status and to coo over Minato.

raise was all they received.

Sakura smirked and looked over at Naruto.

His dream. She thought lightly.

"Morning, Hokage-sama!"

"Bless you, Hokage-sama!"

"Oh, little Minato! Look at him! He will be strong, like his father!"

They continued walking on through the village, before Naruto halted in front of the ramen stand. "Sakura!"

"No, you just ate that for breakfast not a half hour ago." she said sternly, walking on, her nose in the air.

"Please…" he pouted. "Two minutes."

Sakura sighed. "Two minutes, and just one."

He beamed and pranced over to the stand.

Something's never would change.

After their detour, they carried on. The sun was warm that day, the birds were singing, there was not a cloud in the sky.

The Hokage and his wife arrived at the small playground near the academy. Sakura sat on the swing with Minato as Naruto pushed them gently. Soon the baby was sound asleep and the couple settled under a tree. Sakura laid out the fuzzy blue blanket that she had received at her baby shower from Ten-Ten and laid little Minato on the blanket in his tiny little bundle, so he would not roll away.

Naruto sat against the trunk of the great oak, watching them with a smile. He moved his bended knees apart as Sakura stood and walked over to him. She sat down and let his arms wrap around her, as she laid her head against his chest, watching her sleeping son with a sigh.

"Tired?" he asked gently.

"Oh, just a little." she replied, closing her eyes. "You?"

Naruto nodded in agreement and let his head rest against the tree. "It's beautiful today."

"Mmmhmm…" Sakura replied, not really listening to him.

"Perfect really."

She nodded against his chest.

For a moment it was silent as the wind blew around them.

Naruto felt her heart steady into a slow beat and almost thought that she had fallen asleep until she inclined her head up to look him in the eye.

"What happened last night at the council meeting ?" she asked gently. "You seemed so... distant last night."

He tensed lightly, but she kept her eyes on him intently.

"That bad?" she asked.

"No, its just…" he sighed gently brushing his lips to her temples. "Just brought back some unpleasant memories."

"Tell me." she insisted.

"…Well, some villagers are having issues with a memorial in the village."

"Is that all? That doesn't seem to be a big deal…" she trailed off in confusion. "What memorial?"

He took a heavy breath. "The memorial for the Uchiha clan."

It was Sakura's turn to stiffen.

Naruto winced.

"Oh." she said finally.

It was silent for a whole minute and the atmosphere suddenly grew cold. Naruto squeezed her even tighter to him, for her support and his own possessiveness.

Despite the long years that had passed, Sakura had never fully buried the dead.

"I can see why…" she managed to say, shifting in his arms... he was holding her a little to tightly. "What did they decide?"

"It hasn't been decided yet."

"What did you vote?"

"I voted for it to remain…" he breathed, unsure if she would agree with his decision or not.

She only nodded slowly in understanding.

"We shouldn't just forget them…" he tried… regretting his words as soon as they came out.

But again, Sakura only nodded.

It was quiet again, this time for a while.

Naruto glanced over at his sleeping son, then bowed his head against hers.

"I love you…" he whispered quietly. "I love you so much."

She glanced back at him, those words pulling her from her daze, startled to see that there was fear swimming in the depths of his oceanic eyes.

"...I love you too." she replied softly.

He swallowed thickly and nodded.

While he knew she meant it, he also knew she had loved someone else first... someone who still haunted her.

Naruto stood, planted firmly in his place before the Uchiha crypt.

Rain poured down, plastering his golden hair to the sides of his face.

He didn't tear up, he didn't make a noise or a movement, he just stood, hands in his pockets, staring.

He had never had trouble with speaking to the departed before. He often spoke to his parents… long before he knew their identities... for comfort and guidance.

He would tell them about his day, what was bothering him, how he was feeling… But, nothing came to mind as he stood before the memorial stone to acknowledge his fallen rival and friend...

He had no words, no cohesive thoughts, nothing but a heaviness in his heart and a terrible void that lay waste to everything he stood for and believed in.

He had both hated and loved Sasuke throughout all their lives. He hated him. He hated that he always won, he hated he was the one Sakura wanted, he hated that he left, he hated that he wouldn't listen, he hated that he killed his own brother, he hated that he took the blade for him, he hated that he died.

He hated that he couldn't save him.

It was not supposed to end like this…

But, Sasuke was his brother, and he loved him. He was his comrade, his rival, his motivation... his best friend.

Best friend…

He had spent more time apart than with the Uchiha, yet their bond had always been strong, despite the fact that they hated and rivaled each other in so many ways. They were brothers, through and through, and truly nothing proved too great to break that bond... no separation, no war, no action.

The bond of family, whether blood or not, was indeed a strange and stubborn thing.

Even when all one could feel was hate and jealousy… the friendship, the fondness, the loyalty, when it was true and strong, would never fade.

Not fully.

In the end, he knew Sasuke would be redeemed, that he would return to the light… and he did… more so than he could imagine.

Sasuke killed Madara, saved Naruto himself, and gave up his life doing so. He was the true hero in the Last Battle… but, no one would accept a traitorous missing-nin as their hero... no... They would have to settle for Naruto instead.

That's all he really was, he guessed, Sasuke's fill in.

What people settled with when Sasuke didn't come through.

Second best.

Son of Minato Namikaze, The Forth Legendary Hokage.

Hero of the Leaf Village.

Most power shinobi alive.

… Still, only second best…

"You still win." Naruto muttered, finding the words at last.

He heard Kakashi come up behind him, until the copy-nin was standing by his side. He didn't say anything for a while, and Naruto was thankful for that. He was too overwhelmed to voice what was on his mind.

This all had happened so fast… everything was happening so fast.

I still can't believe he is gone, Sensei. He wanted to say. I don't know if I ever will.

It was quiet as the rain continued to pour, the black sky reflecting the darkness in the teacher's and students souls.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked him, breaking the silence.

Naruto didn't respond right away. "…I will be."

Kakashi brought a hand up to his shoulder, being a father for him that wasn't there. "But, right now?"

Naruto sighed. "Right now, I feel nothing toward him at all… I don't think I can."

"Just let yourself feel peace Naruto, you of all people deserve peace." Kakashi told him. "There are many stages to grief, the last being acceptance… acceptance will let you move on from this."

I will move on. Naruto thought. I promised I would. I refuse to let him beat me.

A/N:

Hello, my lovely readers.

In the midst of writing Lonely Existence, my current baby and focus right now on this site. I also have been freshening up and deleting old stories in my archives and I came face to face with this (pain in the ass) jem, and found myself going back and forth (again) in my head if should delete it or not.

This story has a bit of a history on this site, and brings back some memories of where I was at mid-Shippuden in this fandom. I, since the beginning, have always supported and shipped SasuSaku, but I definitely went through a (kind of embarrassing) NaruSaku faze, because (of course) I really wanted Sakura to be happy… I believed firmly that Sasuke was the key to her happiness (and vice versa), but there were a few doubts here and there as Sasuke continued to fall deeper down the rabbit hole. I believed they belonged together, of course, but only if Sasuke could let go of his darkness and wasn't killed off in the end, and I really wasn't sure (at that point) what Kishi was planning.

Also, please note that NaruSaku is a great ship, and honestly, I really enjoy it. It's my brotp, first and foremost, but I can totally see why people ship it (I mean, I briefly did too!). So, I am not jabbing at the ship in any way! I'm jabbing how conflicted I was during mid-Shippuden about everything.

Anyway, wanting to start a new story, I started pondering the idea of a NaruSaku story with a dark!Sasuke (he was originally planned as a villain). So then I conjured up this really messy, but also sort of awesome story, and I started to get a lot of reviews and it was all going well… then I lost interest for a long while, lost all the initial passion I had for it.. With the manga starting to get into it's final arc, I was much more focused on canon things.

Then, we had the much anticipated NaruHina and SasuSaku ending, and I was (of course) inspired to take up writing in this fandom again. This story was still floating around, but I was too caught up in other projects I started, to really work on it. Also, I had no idea what to do with it anyway. I was pretty sure I was going to delete it. But, then I had several readers reach out and ask me to continue. I told them that I really wasn't interested and that this story had hit a deadend. I had ideas to change it up into something different, something more accommodating to both NaruSaku and SasuSaku (and a bit of NaruHina as well) with the trio dealing with unfair and tragic circumstances. But, most of the readers were NaruSaku fans, and with the huge backlash from that part of the fandom, I didn't think they would be interested in that at all.

I figured I would just scrap it.

Then a reader told me I should just go for it, play for both sides and do what I wanted. So, I did a (first :P) revision and it went okay-ish. Lot's of plot holes, and gaps, but not terrible. I was meh about it, and the original readers seemed meh about it the further I went with the changes. The most annoying part was that I KNEW there was this amazing story that both fanbases would like and identify with, and I knew I was close to getting it.

THEN, I wrote the ending scene (after putting up a poll of which ship they wanted to see as endgame) and it was one of my favorite things I had written in a long time, and I knew that (even if it killed me) I really needed to get to the ending of this story.

But, alas, it was too much of a jumbled mess of old vs. new… and I had too many other stories that readers were more interested in… it went on the backburner again.

But, still.

I found that I couldn't throw it in the trash once and for all. This story was like a puzzle box that I just couldn't piece together, but I'm going to give it another shot!

I've done some re-editing and combined short choppy chapters into longer, more cohesive chapters. I've given it a lot of thought and much more well-planned direction. I really am excited to relaunch it (third times the charm, maybe?) even though it's been a pain in my ass, it really reflects my love for both the ships and all the characters.

Hopefully you will all like it to.

A recommendation: I had NUMEROUS problems with the infamous shipping wars with this story (as I was writing about two major ships), and I got backlash from both ends. I'd rather that wouldn't happen this time around. I've had plenty of the negative side of this fandom on Tumblr (so much so that I decided to delete my account). So, I'll say this now. If you dislike SasuSaku, NaruHina or NaruSaku, they are all addressed in a positive (and sometimes not so positive) light in this story. I am fond of all three, and I make sure to give them the respect they deserve, but I also address their conflicts as well. If you like one and dislike the others, I would recommend reading a story that is more focused on just that pairing. Also, this story fully acknowledges the canon fact that Sasuke is Sakura's true love and that Hinata's is Naruto. If you disagree with/dislike that, then I would recommend finding another NaruSaku story by one of the many talented writers in that fanbase.