Descole sauntered into the classroom, his cape floating behind him.
"Hello, pupils."
Today was the first day of school
"Welcome to your..." he trailed off when he caught his reflection on the TV screen at the front of the room. After a few moments of this he remembered what the heck was going on and turned around dramatically. "First day!"
He was met with nothing but gurgles and nose-picking. He had accidentally wondered into a preschool.
While his mind wondered off, one of the goblins came up and pulled on his pants. "Are you my da-da?" the idiot asked. Descole, disgusted by this action, flipped his cape at supersonic speed. The baby blasted through the wall and straight into the middle school. Talk about moving on up in life.
"No, I believe not," Descole scoffed.
Today was going to be a great day.
The bell rang, and everyone sat in silence.
"Well, where's our-"
With a crash, the window shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Hah! Scared you there, didn't I? BAM!" He showed off some of his karate moves and laughed some more.
"I-I-I'm scared," little flora wept in the corner.
"HAH! BETTER BE!"
Before anybody else could be frightened and sent crying, a buzzer sounded and a voice crackled through the intercom.
"Good morning (for some of you), students! Welcome to your first day at Gressenheller High, a school built on the backs of honesty, integrity, patience, and bowling. For those of you who haven't heard, we aren't, however, built upon the backs of a few lousy, good-for-nothing jackasses like that damned Targent Institution for Triumphant and Talented Youth! But enough of that; I've got to save some for the assembly."
Papers rustled in front of the microphone as the principal cleared his throat. During the lapse of silence, Descole began writing his name on the chalkboard, writing it and rewriting it several times before he thought the product satisfactory.
"Anyway, welcome back, enjoy your day, yadda yadda, and DON'T, I repeat, DON'T be late to assembly. Teachers, remember that assembly is held in the gym - not the stadium. If you go to the stadium, you will be forced to remain there until you repent your sins. Students, if you are late, you will probably burn in the flames of hell for all eternity. Hawks OUT!"
With that thrilling conclusion, the intercom clicked off and left the entirety of the school in stunned silence. The seniors rolled their eyes and thought this speech was a step down from last year, but the freshmen were in various states of soiled-pantsitued.
"Mr. uh..." Luke managed to squeak out.
"Descole!" Descole threw his head back and twirled his cape.
"Mr. Descole, can I go to the bathroom? I.." he gulped before continuing. "I peed my pants."
"No shame, boy, no shame! Be proud of your body! Go on then, wear it with pride!"
"Oh...okay then," the boy sunk down in his seat as the students beside him moved away.
"Now, pupils, we have a solid thirty minutes before assembly! Why don't we introduce ourselves?" Descole pulled the chair from behind his desk and sat it at the front of the classroom. With a flourish of his cape, he turned the chair around and sat in it backwards. He folded his arms on top of the back of the chair. "I'll go first!"
Someone in the back of the class blew their nose. Descole didn't have time for this and sent the kid into the hallway, where he would stay for the next two hours before one of Hawk's security guards picked him up for being late to assembly. He wasn't heard from again for about two weeks, when someone swore they saw working as a cashier in a rundown gas station, with a different haircut and broken arm.
"Okay. Now back to me."
"I enjoy long walks on the beach, Piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not that into yoga, and I have more than half a brain, mind you. I like making love at midnight, and you should probably know that I'm the love that you've looked for." He readjusted his mask before continuing. "Pupils, this is my classroom and you will have to abide by my rules."
He pulled out a list that rolled across the classroom and into the hallway. The roll bumped into the kid out there before continuing through the hall and out the front door.
"First, my name is Descole. Just Descole. No funny business; I have no other name. Do not talk to me. I will talk to you. If I am late and somebody tries to ask where I am, do not answer them. I am always here, is that clear? I am never late."
The kid behind Luke raised his hand. Descole sent him out into the hall too, and legend has it that his fate was worse than the other kid.
"Second, I am your homeroom teacher for the rest of your high school career. We will become very good friends, I assure all of you! I've even had pupils who started wearing masks and capes! Everyone loves me. Now, who's next?"
A collective sigh resounded when he abandoned the rest of the list and left it lying in the floor. Descole turned and pointed at the girl directly in front of him. She nodded and stood up.
All of a sudden, the lights flickered, and the windows blew open. Distant chanting echoed throughout the room. The ground quaked. The floor beneath the girl began to glow. Descole was unmoved.
"I am the power of the Azran-"
"Yeah, yeah, we get it, we get it. MOVING ON." Descole gestured to Luke. "You, boy who peed his pants, speak."
"Oh! Well, I, uh." Luke stood up awkwardly, his pants stiff with the now somewhat dry urine. "My name is Luke Triton. I can, uh, talk to animals, I guess. My hat is glued to my head due to an unfortunate accident when I was twelve. Oh! And I am Professor Layton's number one assistant!"
Without warning, Descole stood from his chair and rushed to the boy. He grabbed ahold of his collar and lifted him 2.5 feet off the ground.
"Don't. You. Ever. Speak that name in here." He set Luke down and brushed off his hands. "Layton has no business in my classroom, and I can assure you that I have no place in his."
Someone raised their hand to remind Descole that he had, in fact, actually said Layton's name, but quickly hid their action. Rumor had it that the kids in the hallway never made it back into the classroom.
"Now that that's out of the way, you, child. Speak." He pointed to Flora this time around. She shook her head and glanced around the room. Luckily for her, the intercom buzzed and everybody's favorite principal began screeching into the mic.
"Assembly time! Assembly time! Everybody get your asses out of your seats, out of the halls, away from the stadium, and into the gym! You kids are about to put the ass in assembly! You too, teachers! Everybody! Assembly time!" Hawks slammed the mic down and chuckled to himself before turning to his secretary. "Dimitri, get my towel. Those kids sure are in for it."
LATER AT THE ASSEMBLY
After waiting around thirty minutes for everyone to find their way to the gym and not the stadium, the lights finally began to dim. The room was overcrowded and smelled of sweaty butt, but at least everyone had a seat. Well, everyone except Bad Luck Bobby, who had to sit in the floor and was subsequently chased out by the fire marshall, but that's a different story. When the lights had finally finished dimming (aka had gone out due to the school's lack of funding that fiscal year), Bill Hawks made his way up the makeshift stage and in front of the podium. Dimitri ran after him, clutching a clipboard and dingy Care Bears towel.
Bill Hawks coughed into his fist once he was behind the podium. After a few moments, he coughed again. And then again. Realizing his mistake, Dimitri began apologizing profusely and crouched down on his hands and knees. Satisfied, Hawks smiled and stood on his secretary's back. He could finally see above the podium.
"Students," he began as the microphone let out a defeaning whistle. Everyone in the gym clasped their ears, and a few of the overzealous dramatics (Descole) took to fake fainting. Descole, however, hit his head a little too hard on the hardwood floor and was actually knocked unconscious. It took around forty-five minutes for anybody to notice. "Students and faculty! Welcome to Gressenheller High for the second time today! For those of you who don't know, we start every year off with a speech from yours truly!"
A few of the seniors wolf-whistled and clapped, earning them a nod of approval from Hawks.
"Thank you, thank you. See that, freshies? That'll be you in a few years' time. All pepped and full of Gressenheller pride! It brings a tear to my eye, it really does." He wiped his eyes for effect. "Now, I hope you all know your school rules and safety regulations, because, frankly, I don't have time for that bullshit. Someone else can tell you, because this meeting is about high school, not safety! Back to the matter at hand. Congratulations on being accepted into our prestigious school! My lawyer told me that I can't say that, that this is a public school, that showing favoritism oppresses the masses and that you kids really aren't that special, but you know what? Screw my lawyer! Or should I say ex-lawyer, am I right? Hah hah, that's what I said to my ex-wife, too."
Some of the faculty forced a chuckle, but save for someone sneezing, the room was silent. Bill didn't notice the weighty silence and continued laughing to himself. He stopped when Dimitri coughed and pointed his head toward the audience. He glanced around the gymnasium, coughed into his shirt sleeve, then continued.
"Gressenheller is a great place! And we have an even greater bowling team, if I do say so myself, but more on that later. We have honesty, integrity, patience, and of course bowling, but, like I said, hang on for that one. We are lights in the night sky, guiding lost and wounded souls toward paradise! I'd like to thank the graduating class of '61 for that last line. Good times. We are the future heroes of tomorrow's society! We will solve every one of life's many puzzles!" Bill pounded on the podium, sweat dripping from his forehead. "We are the best! Gressenheller, Gressenheller!"
A group of students on the front row picked up the chant and began pumping their fists. The spotlight that was focused on Bill Hawks panned down to the students and highlighted each of their pimply and sweaty faces. The chant died down after about five minutes, allowing good old Bill to continue onward.
"Thanks for that, kids. You truly are the best of the best. Well, now that we're on the subject, I guess, I'll go ahead and introduce you all to the pride of our school: the bowling team!" Six people clapped (all of which were on the bowling team). He waved them up, and all six students walked on stage. The stage began to sag from the added weight, and splintering sounds were heard. Nobody paid any mind, however. "Gressenheller High is world-renowned for its bowling team, and we've won every regional championship for the past sixty years! That is, except for last year."
One of the concert band students pulled out their violin and began playing.
"Last year, in the fight of our lives, we lost the title of Regional Bowling Champs to Targent Institution for Triumphant and Talented Youth. We gave it our all, but we should have given it more than that. We lost to that damn Bronev and his sniveling brats! My sniveling brats are a thousand times more talented than those jackasses! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! If I could, I would walk right over there and sock that bastard right in the jaw! Then kick him where it hurts! Show him the pain I felt! Show him-"
He trailed off when he noticed the nurses running toward the stage, each with a syringe in hand. He stopped, ran his fingers through his hair, fixed his jacket, and then started again.
"Ahem. Well, I'm the bowling coach. I hope some of you babies will join me in my crusade against Bronev and his titties." He chuckled. The seniors rolled their eyes and the freshmen shifted uncomfortably - they didn't get the joke. "It sure would mean a lot to me if you kids came out for bowling try-outs tomorrow at the community center. There'll be a bus in case mommy can't drive you or your legs give out tomorrow morning. But I'd prefer to see you crawl. Builds character. Now, on to my least favorite part of the assembly, faculty introductions!"
The teachers that didn't wind up at the stadium filed onto the stage, crowding the bowling team off. A few popped bubblegum, the gym teachers showed off their muscles, the band director played Taps on his trumpet, and Descole's limp body was drug onto stage by the nurses.
Bill started off the introduction with corny jokes that nobody cared about. Luke poked Flora in the arm until she sighed and turned to face him.
"Do you think they realize that Descole actually fainted about thirty minutes ago? Because they sure aren't..." He stopped midsentence when he realized Flora wasn't paying attention to him. He furrowed his eyebrows before turning to the girl on his other side. "Hey, nice light show earlier! The whole demonic chanting might have been a little over the top, but I still think it was a nice touch!"
"Thank you, Luke Triton. But I didn't do any demonic chanting." She smiled before turning back to the stage. Luke's eyes widened as he did his best to scoot away from Aurora. He was practically on top of Flora by the time he realized that the show was still going.
"Thank you for that thrilling performance, Mrs. Band Director. Great choice in music, as always. Now, onto the social studies/humanities department! First up, we have the great Dr. Layton!" Hawks's smile was forced, and he made no move to further acknowledge the man in the top hat.
"Ah, thank you, Mr. Hawks, but it is Professor, you know! Welcome students! I'm certainly sure that you all will enjoy your time here, and I hope to someday have all of you in class!" The professor dipped his hat before moving back into line. Luke stood up and ripped his shirt open, revealing a shirt that read "Professor's #1 Apprentice." He shrieked for added affect. Hawks's security guards nearly took him down, but decided he wasn't actually worth their time.
"Yes, yes, sure, thank you, Professor Layton. Whatever. Next up: our drama/psychology teacher, Mr. Descole!" The nurses waved Descole's limp hand around, and then threw the man back into a pile on the ground. Their work done, they dusted their hands and left the gymnasium, probably to check on the survivors at the stadium. "Always a comedian, Descole. Third, we have...Miss..."
"Altava, sir, at your service! Welcome kids! I'm the...business teacher! And economics teacher! I also teach criminal justice second semester. Also, I'm just a student teacher, but nobody wanted to teach me, so I'm stuck teaching you! How's irony for ya? Hah!" She slapped her knee before jumping off the stage. She ran up and down the bleachers, high-fiving everyone as she went. With a holler, she burst through the doors and into the hallway, taking care not to step on Descole's List of Rules. She didn't stop running until she was two towns over.
"Always a Comedian, Miss Altava. Well, that about wraps it up for this assembly. I'm sure some of you freshies are hungry, but too bad! You have the last lunch, so suck it up and grow a pair. I would like to thank all of you for making it to the gym, and I hope all of you go out for our bowling team! Go Gressenheller!" He jumped off Dimitri, who finally collapsed onto the floor beside the stone cold Descole. Bill wrapped the towel around his neck and patted himself on the back, literally. "Now, come on Dimitri. Time to head down to the stadium and kick some delinquent ass!"
Bill ran out of the gym, trailed by his squadron of security guards and Dimitri. The group made sure to step over Descole's List of Rules during their stampede.
The students were then herded out of the gym and into their respective classes, most of their teachers following suit. Descole was one of the few who didn't make it back to class on time(due to the fact that he was still lying unconscious on the stage), but when someone from the office knocked on the door and asked where he was, the class told them that they had no idea what they were talking about. Descole was always there, and he was never late.
aand that is chapter one! Brandi here and thanking you for having read that. Everyone knows high school AUs are the bomb diggidity, so why not add to the pile? Get ready for a thrilling saga about bowling, T.I.T.T.Y., and friendship! Have a favorite Layton character? Unsure about whether or not they'll show up in the story (and they probably will)? Ask about 'em! And they just might in there, somehow, some way.
Next time on Welcome to Gressenheller High!, our heroes Luke and Flora are forced to sit through their second day of school. The two dare each other to join the bowling team, Emmy finally finds her way back into town, and Descole is finally found in the gymnasium. But where's Layton? And what about that nasty Targent Institute for Triumphant and Talented Youth (T.I.T.T.Y.)? Find out next time!