Zach stares at the wreckage around him. Off in another wing of the building chaos is raging, but it sounds far-off and distant to his ears. He can't believe his eyes.
"Why?" Her clear voice breaks the silence. He looks up to meet her eyes. Even without her elaborating, he knows what she's asking. Why is one of her former teachers lying on the floor? Why is his mother behind this all? Why hasn't he told her any of it? Why has he stayed away from her for so long?
Because I love you. Zach is too afraid to say it. He's a coward. As cowardly as the rest of them, from the Circle. He still can't believe that they shot Joe Solomon. Just like that, they pulled the trigger. They probably didn't even feel guilty doing it. Now, fighting has broken out in corridors all over the campus. Several good people have probably lost their lives right now, and for what? Nothing. It sickens him to see the Circle wasting outstanding spies' lives. Despite all of this, he stays rooted to the spot, Cammie across from him. The only thing that separates them is shattered glass. Thanks to her question, the silence has also been shattered.
Because I didn't want you to get hurt. That's another of Zach's reasons. If he'd gone to see her, the first meeting could have been a secret. But then he would've wanted another one. He wouldn't be able to stop – he'd just keep coming. His absences would be noticed, and they would find her. He couldn't let that happen. So he'd stayed away, even though it hurt both of them.
Because, if I had come to you, it'd be you on the floor right now. Like he'd said, they'd have found her eventually, because if he could, then they could. And then she'd be the one lying broken on the floor, bloodied and still. He still can't believe that, of all people, Joe Solomon is the one lying dead. Zach had tried to stop it. He really had. But at the end of the day, it hadn't mattered, because ten trained killers beat one broken, seventeen-year-old boy.
Instead of saying any of those things, Zach says, "Because we're spies." It's the ugly truth.
Because spies don't get happy endings.