Prologue: List Making Shenanigans

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as she and Ron made their way over to Harry who was sitting in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. "You're doing your homework without me prompting you to!"

"Not exactly," Harry mumbled, his attention focused exclusively on the parchment in front of him.

His two best friends glanced at each other, clearly confused. "Then... What are you doing?" asked Ron.

"Making a List."

"A list? What kind of list?" Hermione was starting to get worried.

"No, no, no. Not a list. A List," Harry corrected. He finally looked up. "I'm tired of getting kidnapped by Death Eaters. So I'm making a List of things to do if I do so happen to get kidnapped. Again."

Hermione snatched the piece of parchment. Her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline the further she read. "Really, Harry? They won't know what a phone is. Or a TV... Or a doctor, for that matter..."

"What's a TV?"

"See?"

"That's what makes it funnier!" Harry insisted.

"Some of these will get you killed."

"I've realized that."

"What's a TV?"

"Most of these, actually."

"Yes, I know."

"Hermione," Ron whined. "What's a TV?"

"Hush, you." Hermione handed Harry back his List. "Do you really think you'll be kidnapped eleven times?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm just giving myself some options. Plus, writing this List is kind of... therapeutic."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Harry. Just so you know, I do not approve of this." She walked away after sending him one last reproving look.

Ron flopped down onto the chair next to Harry. "Harry, what's a TV?"

"Uh... It's like the portraits," Harry said slowly. "But it's a box instead of a painting?"

Ron contemplated his answer. "Oh. Okay. Want some help thinking of more things to do?"

Harry grinned back. "Of course! Here's my list so far."

Harry Potter's List of Things to Do When Kidnapped

1. Scream and cry hysterically. Cry in pain. Even when they haven't touched you yet.

2. Whine that you are missing your favorite TV show.

3. Demand a phone call.

4. Demand to speak with their supervisor. If Voldemort comes in, still demand for the supervisor.

5. Demand to see credentials.

6. Start singing. Badly.

7. Complain about their unfair treatment. In a whiney, childish voice.

8. Pretend it is just a dream.

9. Repeat everything they say.

10. Insist that your doctor stated (with threats of bodily harm) that you are not allowed to do any strenuous activity.

11. Learn another language. Speak in only that language and insist you have no idea what they are saying.

This was going to be fun.

OOOOO

A/N: This story is purely for the LOLs. Got any ideas? Drop me a line and I'll add it to the List!