Title: Trembling Within
Characters: Bosco/Faith, Cruz, Sully, Davis, etc.
Summary: Bosco goes through a range of emotions after Faith goes missing in a hotel fire.
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
AN1: I got the idea from General Hospital, particularly from the characters Jason & Carly for those who notice the similarities between the situation that Bosco & Faith are in.
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"I was there for you—I'll always be there for you"
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost...
Lord, I come before you now...I ask...no, I beg...don't take her from me...
Not now...not after everything...I need you to hear me, Lord...
Hear my prayer...let her live...
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Detective Maurice Boscorelli sat alone in a quiet corner at Mercy Hospital. The same quiet corner he had sat with Cruz the day Lettie died. He wanted to laugh at the irony of it now as he caught sight of her distant form down the hall, making her way to him. Their positions were reversed though; this time he was the one battered and bruised emotionally and physically. And this time. This time he was not the one with the sympathy. He studied the sadness in Cruz's face as she neared him. Hating that she was the one now offering comfort.
He looked down at his hands, filthy from his earlier ordeal. His clothes, his hair, every bit of exposed skin was covered in ash and debris, but he barely noticed. The pain from his fractured wrist and the numerous cuts and scrapes all over his body hardly registered. He was numb. He had tried. He wanted to find her. He tried to get to her, but they had pulled him out. The memory of it all brought another wave of emotions, grabbing at his heart, tears once again filling his eyes. He had failed. He could not be there for her when she needed him most.
"Here—drink this," Sergeant Maritza Cruz offered, holding out a fresh cup of coffee to Bosco when she finally reached him. He blinked back a few lingering tears as he looked up at her with wounded eyes. With a trembling hand he reached out and gratefully took the coffee from her.
"Thanks," he uttered softly, taking a few sips before resting it in his lap. His attention returned to Cruz, "what are you doing here?"
"How you holding up?" She asked, ignoring his question as she noticed the deep gash near to his hairline, "you should really get that cut looked at..."
Bosco shrugged, "it stopped bleeding already."
"Swersky, wanted me to keep an eye on you. He's afraid you'll try and go back there."
"And he thinks you can stop me from going?"
Cruz shook her head slowly, her eyes downcast, looking at her own coffee held firmly in her hand as she spoke, "I won't stop you, Bosco...but there's nothing you can do for her now. It won't do any good if you go down there and get in their way. Everyone's doin' all they can."
"It's not good enough till they find her."
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The fire was spreading, the flames burning bright on nearly every floor. There were two fire escapes, one was already overwhelmed with the fire. They had one way out and the thick smoke was making it harder to breathe. The smoke began to fill their lungs and burn their eyes.
"Bosco! It's too late! We have to go!" Faith pleaded, coughing into her shirt sleeve as she grabbed onto the back of his jacket, "let's go!"
He pulled away angrily, "no! There are still people trapped in the building, Faith. We can't leave them!"
"Bosco, we're 12 floors up, if we don't leave now, we're not gonna make it out alive!"
She grabbed him again, this time not letting him pull away as she dragged him down the smoke covered hall. It was no use trying to get through the thick fire at the end of the hall, the people on the other side were beyond help. Faith prayed for their souls but there was absolutely nothing she or Bosco could do for them. Bosco refused to stand by helpless and let them die, and that's why Faith had no choice but to be physical with him.
"Let me go, Faith! Get the hell off of me!" Bosco shouted, but her grip on the back of his shirt was strong. After being pulled back a few feet, he finally got fed up and turned around, twisting Faith's arm in the process. Faith let out a painful gasp as she was accidently shoved back into the wall behind her. She slumped to the ground against it, cradling her sore arm as Bosco dropped to his knees in front of her, his face a mixture of fear and remorse.
"Faith! Oh my God, I'm sorry—I didn't mean to—," he rambled on, touching her face lightly with his fingers as she stared back at him, "are you okay? I'm so sorry..."
"I'm fine, Boz..." she assured him as he helped her to her feet, "please—let's just get out of here."
This time he agreed, his hand finding hers, holding it tightly. Together they made their way hurriedly down hall. The fire escape was just in view, letting them breathe a sigh of relief. As they neared it though over head, Bosco heard the ceiling crack and he looked up just in time to watch it come crashing down right on them. On reflex and without even thinking, he threw himself against Faith, wrapping his arms around her, hulling both their bodies out of the way of the collapsing ceiling.
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"He's stupid—you hear me? He's a jagoff."
She doesn't deserve this and you know it...
You do these things, Lord...you make her face these trials...
Tests of strength and faith and You allow her no rest...
When will it be enough? When can she finally find the happiness she deserves...
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Cruz hesitated only slightly before taking a seat next to Bosco on the bench. He ran his fingers through his hair before taking another sip from his coffee, "ya know, I don't feel right being here when she's still out there...trapped..." he swallowed hard, biting back his tears, "...and alone."
"It was a brave thing—what the two of you did. Helping those people. Going in there, evacuating everyone...this isn't your fault, Bosco. You didn't start that fire," Cruz tried her best to soothe his growing agitation, but it was no use. Offering him comfort was all in vain, he would never let her comfort him. Never again. There were too many bad things that happened between them, too much water under the bridge for him to ever look at her again, the way he did when they first met.
It was something she would always regret, but it did not stop her from caring deeply for him. Caring about the broken man at her side, so close, in arms length. What she would give to hold him in her arms, hold him together while his whole world threatened to fall apart. But she knew now, more than ever, she just is not that person for him. Maybe she never was.
"—she can't be dead," Bosco spoke softly, his bottom lip quivering as he met Cruz's sullen eyes, "...you hear me? She can't die, Ritza. She just can't..."
Cruz nodded, "I know you believe in God—Bosco—and I think that—I know...all anyone can do now, is pray..."
Bosco snickered. Getting religious advice from Cruz was enough to bring a stunned expression to his handsome face as he looked at her, "pray, huh?"
"You don't have to say it out loud—sometimes it's better if it's not—as long as it comes from the heart..."
"When it comes to her...everything's from the heart..."
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"We should be safe in here," Bosco breathed, shutting the door to the hotel room behind him, "...for now." He turned around and surveyed the small one bedroom. There was one bed in the middle of the opposite wall, a tall lamp in the corner and a bathroom off to the side. Not much else but a few magazines scattered across a small coffee table in the center of the room. And the windows were barred.
Bosco pulled his radio from his from his back pocket, "this is 55-David to Central. Central come in..."
"It's no use, Boz, they can't help us now."
"55-David to Central," Bosco tried again but again he got static, "jagoff radio!" He threw it angrily at the nearest wall, shattering it. He sighed in frustration, one hand on his hip and the other rubbing wearily at his face.
"55-David, huh?" Faith spoke from her place a few paces away from him. He met her tired eyes as he rubbed the back of his aching neck.
"What was that?"
"We're Detectives now, Bosco...we haven't been 55-David in a long time."
A sly smirk crossed Bosco's face as he spoke, "we'll always be 55-David...don't worry, Faith, I'll get us outta here."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Boz," she replied sadly, "it's over..."
"No—it's not. We're not dying in here, Faith."
"There's a fire coming this way from down the hall—and our last means of escape just got blocked, Bosco—we're trapped," Faith argued, tears shining in her eyes as she sat down helplessly on the edge of the bed. She wiped at her eyes, "face it, we're not gonna make it. You're not gonna see your Ma again and I'm—I'm not gonna see Emily or Charlie...I never thought it'd end like this."
"Cause it's not," he walked to the bed, sitting down next to her, "hey...Faith, come on—look at me..." he urged as he lifted her chin with his fingers. He forced her to look him in the eyes as his hand once again reached to lace his fingers through hers, "I'll get us out—the fire has to die down in front of that staircase some time...soon...and when it does, we're getting outta here...we just have to wait it out..."
Faith shook her head, "we don't have time, Bosco. It won't die down fast enough..."
"The fire's mainly on the other side—we have a chance...you just have to have faith," he smiled at his mention of her name and watched as a single tear slipped from her eyes. He tenderly wiped it away, "trust me, Faith—I won't let anything happen to you."
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"It's me, Faith—It's me, I'm not anybody"
How is it fair? Tell me! Why do these things happen to her?
Please, Lord, save her...I need her...
I know I'm selfish for wanting her to live...for my own personal reasons...
But Lord, I know there's still happiness she can find here...in my heart I know...
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Cruz tried her best to keep Bosco from walking out into the ER, but upon hearing the sudden commotion around the corner, he needed to see what was happening. Just as he suspected when he turned the corner, paramedics were wheeling in a few more injured victims from the fire in on stretchers. Three came in, the first two were not Faith, but the last was covered completely in a white sheet. Behind the last stretcher walked Officers Ty Davis and John Sullivan, and Bosco's breathing ceased at the sight of their faces, both with looks of deep sorrow.
He quickly headed their way, his eyes locked on the sheet covered body, his heart beating painfully in his chest, "is that her?" he nearly spoke as Davis was the first to raise his eyes to Bosco. He quickly stepped in front of the stretcher, blocking Bosco's path.
"Bosco, come on, man—don't do this," Davis warned, grabbing a hold of the smaller man's jacket and holding him back as Bosco struggled against him.
Davis glanced back at his partner, watching as Sully stepped forward, "Come on, Bosco, don't do this to yourself."
Tears blurred his vision as he looked at the older man, "Sully—please...just tell me if it's her! Is it her?! I need to know! Is it her?! Please—."
"Bosco don't—" Cruz gasped, her eyes also glazed over with tears as she watched him fight against the unrelenting younger Officer. Her hand covered her mouth as she fought back her own tears.
"It's not her, Bosco," Sully whispered, "she's still missing..."
"Oh—God—," Bosco breathed as his knees went weak and he fell forward into Sully's arms, grabbing onto the bigger man and no longer able to hold back his tears, "oh, God, Sul..." Bosco sobbed, his tears soaking the front of Sully's uniform shirt. Sully's heart broke for the man in his arms and he held on to him, making sure he did not fall.
"It's gonna be okay, Bosco...they'll find her..." Sully tried to assure him though he had his doubts because nearly the entire motel building was in flames when they left the scene. There was still no sign of Faith and her chances of making it out of that building now were slim to none.
Cruz tore her eyes from the scene in front of her, she could not stand to see him in so much pain. Her downcast eyes only raised when Davis approached her.
"Hey," he greeted softly, "look—we gotta get back down there...I know you and Bosco—ya know, alotta bad stuff there...but he can't be by himself, Cruz. I know it's a lot to ask, but—just don't let him be alone right now..."
She nodded, agreeing before he even finished, "I'll be here—don't worry about it."
Davis nodded, "thanks."
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"I'm sorry, Boz—," Faith whispered.
"For what?" He asked, turning his head to look at her next to him on the bed. Faith laid on her back as Bosco laid on his stomach, his head resting on his folded arms.
"Anything—everything—whatever you feel I need to apologize for, any time I screwed up over the years...I'm sorry..." she uttered, also turning her head to look at him, "I just wanted you to know that."
Bosco let out a tired laugh, "that sounds like something I should be telling you."
"Yeah, well—I think apologies go both ways when it comes to us."
"You're right...but Faith, it doesn't matter—it doesn't matter how many times we've both screwed up over the years, we got thru it all...we hit rock bottom and we climbed back up...we survived, we're still here...stronger than ever..."
"And we're still together—," she added, smiling when Bosco nodded, "the first day I met you—our Academy days...I never thought we'd make it this far..."
"We've been to hell and back, but truthfully, I wouldn't have changed a second of it...who we are today, what we have now, you and me, we're stronger with all that shit that happened between us..." he told her, lifting his body so that he was propped up on his elbows, still looking down at her.
Faith smiled, "yes we are—," she stopped as they gazed at one another, neither one wanting to look away first. They studied each other's eyes, reading the emotion behind them, knowing for so long that they could communicate without words. Each burning the image of the other into their memory, praying to never forget how much they really did mean to one another. Faith swallowed as she continued, "—I wouldn't have made it this far without you, Bosco, you've been so much more to me than a friend...so much more—more than you'll ever know..."
"I know, Faith—," he uttered, leaning forward slowly, "I know..." he finished as his lips brushed softly against hers. His eyes drifted shut as her fingers found the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. When they broke apart, Faith wrapped her arms around him, keeping him near and he in turn rested his face in the warmth of her neck, his fingers brushing lightly against her soft hair.
"I'm scared, Bosco—I'm so scared...we've come so far and to have it all end like this..."
"Shh..." he whispered, turning his head slightly to kiss her softly on her cheek, "everything's going to be okay..."
"You don't know that."
"I do. As long as we have each other, everything's gonna be okay."
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"Thank you—for being there."
After Mikey died...I thought that was it...I couldn't last long without my brother...
And I knew that I had to stay strong...for Ma...I had made Ma a promise...
But when those gunmen came...forgive me...my reasons...they were not selfless...
I just couldn't lose her...I saved her because I can't live without her...
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Bosco stood motionless, contemplating whether or not to go through the double doors that stood before him. He had walked here after Davis and Sully left to go back down to help with the fire. There were many more victims, dead or alive, to be found. He knew he should be down there with them, helping to find her, but Swersky warned against it. Forbidding Bosco to go near to the site, especially after what had happened between him and a few of the firefighters.
"You going in?" Her voice was barely above a whisper as Bosco turned to see Cruz leaning against the near wall. Her fragile beauty so clear in the dim lights overhead. He could not pull his eyes from hers for a moment as a sad smile touched his lips.
"You're the one that said praying would help."
She nodded, "it will."
"I know what you did—what you went through so Faith wouldn't have to—," Bosco uttered quietly as he looked at Cruz, appreciation so evident in his eyes, "—you finally became that person that I always knew—or at least I had always hoped you'd be."
"My reasons why I suffered that hell for her—they are beyond the three of us—I didn't do it for her."
Bosco nodded, "I know—but the fact still stands, you did something selfless, Ritza, when you didn't have to."
"Maybe it's proof that there really is a God," she mildly teased. Bosco just smiled. "I think maybe it's time for you to have that lil talk with Him."
"Yeah," Bosco sighed, his eyes turned back to the double doors in front of him. Above the doors was a small sign reading, Chapel. With one last look at Cruz, he pushed through the doors and made his way slowly into the small room. He walked pass the few rows of pews and to the front where a mass of candles laid across an altar in front of a large white cross. The room was dark except for the light from the numerous lit candles. He let out a painful breath as he lit a candle and took a seat behind the first row of pews.
He slowly dropped to his knees and rested his elbows on the pew in front of him. He breathed in deeply before starting, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost...Lord, I come before you now...I ask, no...I beg...don't take her from me..."
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To both of their relief, the flames in front of the staircase did indeed die down before the fire from down the hall reached them. Though, the smoke was a lot thicker when they got back into the hall, both trying their best to cover their noses and mouths as they made their way through the debris leading to the escape. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"Just stay with me, Faith," Bosco told her as he pushed open the emergency exit door and started making his way down the stairs, Faith close behind him. They made their way down a good seven stories before they heard two familiar voices from a few flights below.
"Boscorelli! Yokas! Are you there?!" Lieutenant Billy Walsh's strong voice was music to the two Detective's ears as they glanced with relief at one another. Bosco moved closer to the edge of the railing, looking down to see Walsh and DK making their way up to them.
"We're up here!" Bosco called back, he turned back to see Faith making her way down to the level he was on. Then from the corner of his eye he saw the 5th floor door start to tremble, he saw the smoke rise violently from underneath it and he knew that could not be a good sign. His eyes locked with Faith's, both terrified as an explosion ripped through the wall in front of them both. Bosco was thrown down a flight of stairs, landing in a painful heap at the bottom where Walsh and DK arrived, helping him to his feet. Bosco's entire body ached, but he barely noticed as his eyes frantically searched for any sign of his partner.
"Faith!" Bosco called out, "Faith! Where are you?!"
He tried to go back up the stairs, but it was completely blocked off with debris from the blast. And when he tried to get through the fire, he was met with two pairs of strong arms, grabbing a hold of him and pulling him back down.
"There's nothing you can do for her now," Walsh said, hating that he had to witness this man's suffering. And sorry at the loss of someone he barely knew, but knew nonetheless.
"No—no! Faith! Faith! Answer me! Faith!" Bosco cried out all the way down the emergency exit as both Walsh and DK struggled to drag the Detective to safety. They got out of the building and was met up by Carlos and Grace, waiting with a stretcher nearby. Bosco broke free from DK's grasp and tried to run back in, but it was Walsh that pulled him back again.
"Get the hell off me!"
"Bosco—you can't help her! You need to get to the hospital!"
"No! I'm not leaving her! Get the hell off me, Walsh!" Bosco snapped, spinning around with a tight fist and hitting the Fire Lieutenant square across the jaw. Walsh stumbled back a few paces as DK moved to catch his friend before he went down.
"Boscorelli! That's enough!" Lieutenant Swersky's voice was angry and dark as he approached them. "You get your ass in that bus and you stay at Mercy...I don't want you back here if you can't control your temper."
"But, Boss—."
"No buts, Boscorelli—go! Now!"
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"Don't do that again—no, don't get sick again."
Please, Lord...don't let it all be in vain...
Don't let my selfishness be her end...
I know I'm not perfect...no one is...But Lord, if there is one person...
Faith...she's the closest thing to perfection I know...don't take that away...
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Bosco left the chapel feeling somewhat better, but still his heart ached with the knowledge that he may never see Faith again. The thought made him sick to his stomach. Losing her. It had always been unthinkable. But now, being so close, being so uncertain, the worse possibilities tortured him. He long last would not survive the suffering of having to live without his one constant.
He made his way back to the ER where he noticed Cruz standing at the opposite wall with Davis. They seemed to be talking in hushed tones. Sully stood, his head resting in his hands, against the Nurse's Station. Carlos and Grace sat side by side on the two chairs to Bosco's left. Every familiar face in the room was not a happy one. Every single one was a look of heart wrenching grief. They all had been through quite an ordeal.
"Bosco," Carlos spoke up first noticing the broken man. Bosco watched as Carlos, Grace, Sully, Davis, and Cruz all turned to look at him.
Davis was the one to approach him.
"Any word, Ty?"
"They found her, Boz. She's down the hall—."
Bosco was gone before Davis could finish his sentence. They found her. Faith. She was alive. They found her. He made his way as quickly as he could down the hall, his eyes searching every room until he finally came to the last one. The last open door. He stood in the doorway, his breath caught in his chest as his eyes found the still form of someone lying underneath a white sheet. Is this what Davis meant by, they found her? Bosco stepped into the room, his eyes never leaving the figure. Tears found their way down his cheek as he neared the bed. His entire body trembled, his fingers shaking as he reached out slowly to pull back the sheet...he nearly collapsed onto the ground when her face was revealed.
The woman with dark hair and brown eyes stared lifeless back at him as Bosco covered her face once more. He walked a few paces toward the other side of the room before he dropped to his knees on the ground. It was not her. Thank God. It was not her.
"Boz—." the voice was soft, gentle, so full of genuine concern, he would never mistake it. His grief stricken eyes found hers as she stood weakly in the doorway, her arm in a cast and a bandage across the side of her neck.
"Faith—," he forced himself to speak as she made her way to him. He could hardly breathe as she knelt down in front of him and wrapped her good arm around his neck, pulling him close as he cried into her shoulder, "oh my God—Faith—Faith..."
"Shh...I'm here..."
"Faith..." Bosco could say nothing but her name as he pulled back, taking her face in his hands. Touching her assured him that she was real, that she was alive, and that she was here. Faith smiled softly, tears threatening to overwhelm her as they gazed at one another, "you're here..."
"I'm here...everything's okay now..."
His lips found her forehead, placing a gentle kiss there before he pulled her again into his arms, "no one leaves, Faith...not when it comes to you and me..."
"—no one leaves..." she repeated softly, kissing him lightly on the lips before resting her head on his shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time, neither one wanting to let go of the other.
Bosco sighed one last time; his body finally able to relax. He had his Faith back and that was all he ever needed to stop the trembling of his soul. The trembling within.
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"Because you're the only one—Faith, I don't have anyone else."
I have asked you for many things in my lifetime...
But this, Lord...this time...it's all or nothing...one last time...
I beg for this...I'll be her happiness...please, just don't take her from me...
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost...
Amen