Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy 7, or the characters… this is fan fiction. I do not profit off of this.
Warnings: None really… except sadness, reflection and a touch of angst.
FORGIVEN
The breath of life is so precious. The ebb and flow of the lifestream is strong, her currents wait with baited gasp's to clutch our souls and take us away. We are helpless to fight against her… "Gaia, why did you take him?"
Our love caught us by surprise, though pleasant it was. No, it was wondrous, too good. Why did I have to be touched by the feeling of our souls joined as one, just to watch half of my soul be ripped away after too short of a time on this planet?
Your jolly soul, filled others with such happiness and comedic laughter. But inside you were being torn apart. Even I wasn't enough to keep you here. "You told me you loved me….. why?"
-'Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by'-
I will hold my breath, and imagine that, to breathe, I must have you beside me. I'll watch over the rise of Gaia, as it turns on a weeping axis, watching for you… catching my breath at every shadow hoping it will be you. I'll quiver at every touch of the wind to my cheek and lean into it, believing that it only could be you.
I love you so much, it hurts, it hurst so bad, "Oh Gaia…" I will weep and wail your name, over and over again to the empty and vast place that I lay.
The barren place I lay, is where your bloodied and lifeless body once lay. It is the closest I can be to you now. The dirt is your arms cradling me. And the wind is your touch, the wailings and keenings are not my own, but are yours… "I am right here!…" where are you?
-'Ooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Ooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence'-
I will open my eyes again against the dust. I wanted to hold you close and make it all go away. The lifeless whisper of your last words I hear and see in my mind's eye. Why couldn't I save you? Your words and their meaning will keep me alive… for now… I forgive you…. For now…-'You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven'-
Your dancing eyes, and the linger of the sweetness on your lips. It will always be mine… I can taste you if I close my eyes . "Give me strength. I don't know if I can face this fight."
I need you so… Your voice can be carried by the wind. Can't it? The words of hope and trust from the lifestream's clutch I hear them. Don't I? You were always the stronger one… I thought.
You would bounce into the room and catch me up in your clutch. Kiss me till I couldn't breathe… My wail is being tossed through the heavens above… causing me to choke on the sobs… it's your lips ripping the breath from my soul…. Not my own sadness. You would trail your hands down my body… the chill courses through me… I feel you here, despite the sadness.
You will give me the strength to face this battle… I can do it. I forgive you… I will be strong… for now…
-'I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away'-
Even with the fight won, I don't know what to do from day to day. It's a struggle just to keep breathing. I will look at your photograph and imagine the smiling face is right in front of me, instead of growing older on a fading photograph.
Sometimes I stand out on that bluff, watching as the sky's slowly clear above the city, it's becoming clean again, you'd be happy to see that, wouldn't you? You fought for your own battle, not agreeing to any bullshit that they fed you. You stood up for your own … except for two things… one, giving you the demons that changed you, the other … when you gave up… and left me…
-'Ooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Ooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
And here I am left in silenceI'-
I will open my eyes again against the dust. I wanted to hold you close and make it all go away. The lifeless whisper of your last words I hear and see in my mind's eye. Why couldn't I save you? Your words and their meaning will keep me alive… for now… I forgive you…. For now…-'You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven'-
You abandoned me to the sin of this world. The bitter and aching loneliness… I loved you… you said you loved me too. I still love you. I hold out my hand, palm up, as the sun is setting. "Please, PLEASE!" I cry into the wind… Take my hand… It can't be true, you couldn't leave me behind. We wanted to fight that destiny!
"I don't care! Gaia… PLEASE!... Oh, take me with you…" I wail, "Please, why didn''t you take me with you?…" My heart has broken and shattered… skittering the pieces across the ages that it's been. No, it feels like just yesterday, I held you. And then… it fades… as your smiling face took its last breath…. "No!..."-'I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence'-
Why couldn't you have stayed back… or hid with me. You could have stayed with me. "Gaia! Take me!... not him…" I slam my fists into the dry ground. I want to hold you close. I wrap my arms around myself and cry till there are no tears left-"You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven"-
Little by little I've died every day that you are not here. My heart wisped away to nothing in no time, and the half of my soul that had been left when you gave up… has slowly dwindled. My reserves of breath are dying too.
I clutch your photograph to my chest so tight… If I try to…hard enough… maybe we can be one again. If I hold your remnant close enough as I breath my last breath… Gaia will know where I belong. Her currents are calling me. I've given up on the pretense of living, just so the others don't worry… no more…
I am always yours… You are always mine.
"I love you Zack… Everything… is forgiven… I am coming…"
END
A/N: This is dedicated to Princess Turk. Her beautiful stories about Zack and Cloud… and Cloud ending it…. This is for her. The song was so hauntingly beautiful.. it touched me so much, and fit cloud's feelings in my opinion…perfectly. I wish I could be better at getting the feelings right. What I have written here is nothing compared to her Absolutely Stunningly Sad and compelling stories regarding this subject.
Thank you Princess urk for becoming a wonderful friend… and writing such nice stories… you inspired me to move, and get past my writers block.