After their "break up" with Dina and the whole Hoffman thing, Ryan had thought he'd seen the last of Brad. Ryan was sure the other man wouldn't want to see his face anymore but it turned out he was wrong because here Brad was at his doorstep, biting his lip, and nervously shuffling from foot to foot.
Ryan didn't know what to say and neither did Brad. Ryan leaned in the doorway with a hand still on the knob, looking Brad up and down as the evening air nipped at his nose. Brad's hair had grown a little since the last time he'd seen him and he even had a little stubble, but other than that he was still the same and he was still as quiet as ever.
They had known eachother before Dina came into their lives and ruined them, but they weren't exactly friends. More like a friend of a friend. So they knew eachother well enough to know what type of person they were, they just didn't know they were both being fucked over by the same girl. It left Ryan to wonder if she had a third man on the side?
But it was cold outside because Ryan could feel the goosebumps prickling along his exposed arms and it made him wish he would've dressed himself before answering the door. Even Brad was freezing despite him wearing pants and a jacket which he hurriedly stuffed his hands into to keep them warm.
Now either Ryan could shut the door in Brad's face for no reason whatsoever or he could step aside and figure out why Brad had come here in the first place. Ryan wouldn't let an old grudge cloud his judgment so he opened the door to let Brad, as well as a gush of cold air, into his house. Although the latter was entirely unwelcomed, Ryan didn't mind having Brad as company for a little while.
Brad stepped inside and rid himself of his jacket as he shivered at the sudden change in temperature. The door was closed behind him and Brad took a good look around as he balled up his jacket and clutched it to his chest. Ryan had a pretty nice place considering his sketchy past, but then again Brad was the same way.
Ryan stepped around Brad to stand in front of him, taking his jacket from him to hand it on a rack for him. Brad let him do it without protest because the gesture was friendly enough to assume that Ryan wasn't uncomfortable about him being here and thus letting himself surrender his shield.
"Thirsty?" Ryan asked, not wanting to say anything more than a few words long.
Brad only nodded.
The blonde man nodded once and walked off in the direction of where Brad supposed was the kitchen. Brad watched Ryan disappear then let his eyes wander around with his feet leading the way. He didn't know what he was looking for precisely but the living room would be a good start. His feet were aching and he really needed to sit down because finding Ryan's house was a bitch.
The house wasn't too awfully big but it wasn't a shithole either and soon Brad had wandered into the living room with a decent sized television and two sofas to boot. Pretty standard for someone like Ryan or himself. The wooden floors that creaked in some places weren't new but they weren't damaged or stained either so it was safe to say that Ryan didn't live like a pig.
Pretty tiddy than Brad would've previously thought. Brad always pictured Ryan as reckless and unashamed of how he lived his life but it seemed as though he had been wrong. He wondered if Ryan changed because of the Dina situation. But then again Brad hadn't really changed except for the huge weight that was lifted off his shoulders and a scar that ran vertically down his chest.
Nothing had changed on the inside. Even the revenge had tasted bitter.
Hoffman was dead by now and Brad had no regret after helping Dr. Gordon and Ryan abduct him for one final game that couldn't be won. Hoffman had what was coming to him and he was sure Ryan felt the same way or at least hoped he did. It didn't seem like it.
Brad sat down in the plush cushions of the bigger sofa and reclined back, shutting his eyes to concentrate on resting his aching body and breathing. There were times when his chest would feel like it was being crushed it made it difficult for Brad to breath. His scar would also act up if it was too cold which is why Brad was thankful for it being warm in Ryan's house.
He must've nodded off by accident because the next thing Brad knew he was being lightly prodded by Ryan. He opened up his eyes and gladly accepted the warm and inviting mug of coffee Ryan had offered him. Brad clutched it in his hand and sat up as Ryan took a seat beside him with a hot mug of his own.
Brad took a drink and recoiled the cup with a scowl when he burned his tongue and throat. Ryan made an amused little smile at Brad and Brad wanted to be mad, but he should've known better. He shrugged it off and sat his cup down to cool off momentarily. Ryan did the same.
They sat there in silence waiting for the other to say something but their voices failed to form any words. Ryan had a good reason why not to speak because Brad had been the one to find him and come to his house to talk, not the other way around. Brad was very aware of this but still couldn't find the right words to say. He hadn't really thought of why he came here in the first place.
"You have a nice... place," was what Brad came up with.
Ryan took a look around and nodded in agreement. "Thanks. Are you still living in..?"
"No," Brad shook his head. "I moved out of that place. Too many fucked up memories, ya know?"
"Yeah," Ryan hesitantly, blushing at what he meant by said fucked up memories. "Sorry..."
Brad raised his head and turned toward Ryan, one eyebrow quirked up in silent questioning and he wondered what he was sorry for. He felt Ryan had a lot to be sorry for, but Brad wasn't exactly an angel either.
"What for?" Brad asked.
"For everything, I guess," Ryan said sincerely.
"It's not your fault. We were both fucked up because of that bitch."
"Yeah, but-" Ryan stopped himself, at a loss for words.
Brad stared hard at Ryan, anticipating what he might say but after Ryan trailed off nothing more was said. He watched as Ryan leaned forward to grab his still hot cup and gulped down a mouthful of coffee. Brad winced but by the looks of it, it had cooled off significantly. Brad got his mug and sipped it and when he swallowed it burned a path down his throat, making his chest ache slightly.
He bent forward and set his cup down with a thud, clutching at his chest as Ryan looked over at him to see what was wrong. Brad's fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt, making the white material stretch to it's limits. Ryan put a hand on the brunette's back and patted it as if he were trying to prevent him from choking, but that wasn't the case.
Putting a hand up he batted Ryan's hand away and shook his head as if to say that wasn't the problem. Ryan retracted his hand and watched Brad's face crease with displeasure. He waited until Brad was done wincing and clutching at his chest. Brad sat up straight again and slowed his breathing to catch his breath.
"Are you alright?" Ryan gushed, concerned.
"My chest."
"What's wrong?"
"The scar on my chest aches."
Ryan blushed. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Do you have any oil I can put on my scar? Anything that'll soothe it?" Brad asked with a weak look on his face.
"Yeah, sure," Ryan said as he shot up from the sofa to run into his bathroom to get something for Brad.
Ryan returned with a small tube of cream and handed to Brad who had started to take his shirt off, but stopped. He looked at Ryan and Ryan felt as if he was intruding on Brad's privacy but despite Ryan's insistence to leave the room, Brad grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Ryan stared down at him and Brad gave a small smile.
"It's fine," Brad whispered.
Brad let his hand fall from Ryan's wrist and he finished taking off his shirt to apply the cream that Ryan was so eager to give him. The cap popped open and Brad put the contents on the tips of two of his fingers, bringing them to his chest to smear it along the vertical scar. Brad made a sound and Ryan watched him.
Ryan never got the chance to actually see Brad's scar until now and it made his stomach turn a little at the thought of it. It was his fault that Brad had the scar and for what? They ended up letting Dina die anyway, so why did Ryan let her lead him astray one last time? Because he was angry and he thought he was in love. He thought Dina loved him back, but that was a lie. She didn't love anyone.
He should've never hurt Brad.
The scar went from his collarbones to just above the bottom of his ribcage. From what Ryan could tell the blade didn't go deep because while the scar was prominent it didn't raise too much, which meant that Brad probably didn't need stitches. Brad's fingers trailed up and down the length of it, coating it with the cream and Ryan couldn't tear his eyes away.
Brad might've said it was alright to stay but that didn't give Ryan the right to gawk at the scar he was responsible for. Ryan didn't want to make Brad even more self-conscious. Brad capped the bottle and set it on the coffee table so he could rub the cream in deeper.
He hated it whenever his scar acted up, he hated it in general, but he couldn't bring himself to hate Ryan even though he had every reason to. He had been just as blind as Ryan was. Brad looked up from his scar and saw Ryan staring, making the blonde man look away quickly. Brad frowned a little.
"Look at me, Ryan. It's really just a scratch," Brad said to the side of Ryan's head. "Please, look at me." Ryan turned around to face Brad and the brunette motioned him over to sit next to him on the couch. "This will heal and go away... eventually."
Ryan shook his head. Even Brad knew it was a lie, but he needed to reassure Ryan that he was fine and that it wasn't a big deal. That he could forgive Ryan. He grabbed Ryan's wrist again and brought it to his chest for Ryan to feel it, but as soon as the blonde's finger tips touched it they retreated just as fast.
"Why'd you come here, Brad?" Ryan asked, trying to change the subject without sounding rude but failing tragically. Brad frowned and let Ryan's hand go.
"To forgive you. To let you know that I'm okay."
"What makes you think I fucking care?" Ryan spat.
It hit Brad hard like his chest had been sliced open once again and Ryan had looked so serious as he said it. It honestly hurt Brad and he didn't know why. He was hurt and angry all over again just like that day, wanting to scream and kick and yell but unable to muster the energy to do so.
He didn't want to say it but the mixed emotions Ryan was feeling right now scared him and he reacted by instinct. Old habits died hard whenever he was afraid, angry, and/or confused leaving him to a primal survival of the fitness personality he had no pleasure in showing.
"I'm sorry, Brad. I didn't mean it," Ryan apologized full heartedly, regretting each word he had said just moments ago. "I care about you a lot."
"Really?" Brad sniffled lightly, on the verge of tears.
"I've always cared about you. And I wish... I wish I could take this back. I never wanted to hurt you, Brad," Ryan admitted quietly. "I only ever wanted to know you."
"What do you mean?" Brad questioned confused.
"I didn't want Dina."
"Then why the hell did you hurt me?!"
"I don't know!" Ryan exclaimed as he blushed a deep red.
"You're so stupid," Brad laughed between tears, unable to keep his emotions from surfacing. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't have gone for it," Ryan complained.
"The whole time you were with Dina you were just..." Brad trailed off.
"I was just trying to get closer to you," Ryan said truthfully.
Brad's breath caught in his throat at the Ryan's admission and his face began to heat up in a blush. He looked away from Ryan's intense gaze and chewed in his thumbnail, a nervous tick he's always had. This went awkward to utter speechlessness in a matter minutes and Brad wished that he didn't feel so exposed at the moment.
He was grabbing his shirt to cover himself up when Ryan reached over to stop him, making Brad look directly at the blonde. For a moment Brad thought that this was the time where they kiss but instead he just got lost in Ryan's grey eyes. Brad pulled against Ryan's gentle grip to be greeted by strength that had disguised itself from Brad's eyes. Ryan wasn't letting go.
"Let go," Brad demanded lightly.
"Why?" Ryan questioned with a smile.
"Because I said so."
"You don't have to be ashamed," Ryan chuckled.
"Ashamed? I'm not ashamed! Why would I be ashamed?!" Brad gushed out in nervousness, not knowing why he was nervous in the first place.
"You're ashamed of a tiny scar," said Ryan, poking fun all of a sudden. "Well, not tiny... And I'm still sorry about that. But there's something you should know."
"What?!" Brad asked getting irritated.
"I'm into battle scars," Ryan grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Shut up," Brad mumbled.
"Hey!" Ryan said loud enough to get Brad's undivided attention. "I mean it though. I am sorry and I really do like you. No matter how big your scar is. You don't have to be insecure anymore."
"And what makes you think that I like guys?" Brad asked.
"I never said you liked guys," Ryan said cheekily. "But you like me. Or else you wouldn't be here. Besides... after that whole Dina thing, I'd be calling it quits with girls for awhile if I were you. You know? Maybe broaden your horizons a little."
Brad considered these words and despite not having any previous feelings for Ryan, he couldn't help but feel something between them now as they sat here on the couch with Ryan grinning like the cheshire cat. After everything that was said and done, Brad couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.
"Broaden my horizons?"
Ryan nodded.
"I think I can go for that."
