I am absolutely in love with itoshiteru (on Tumblr)'s Bartending AU where Bubblegum is working as a bartender, so I wanted to do a thing. This thing doesn't really ship, but the original art does, so check it out! The genre would be "Slice of life", if anything, but there's no such thing.

Probably did an injustice, but hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly appreciated!

I do not own any rights to Adventure Time or the Bartending AU.

"Another shot of whiskey, please!", the usual slurred.

I took the bottle of golden emotional medicine and poured the right amount into a small, hard glass. I placed it right in front of the drunken fellow, who had his face resting on the cool, solid bar table, as if it were his only friend that would support him at the moment.

"Thanks, pretty lady.", he said in the most coherent way possible for someone who had twenty shots of the same strong fire and two mugs of cold, frothy ale to cool his burning throat.

He quickly shot down the drink and slammed the glass down. The shot glass was completely used to this kind of abuse, but his body wasn't. Soon after, he made a face that could only mean one thing.

"Guards, take him to the bathroom.", I said calmly. Two of them, clad in their yellow uniform, escorted the emotionally downtrodden old man with a bucket.

It was a typical Friday night at this place. It wasn't the kind of bar where college kids, underage and of age, would be partying. It was mainly for people who wanted to relax, drink their sorrows away, have a friendly chat, and so on. Those people were typically older men. There were some women but not too many around my age. So, imagine my surprise when one of them suddenly decides to walk in.

The bell over the front door rings and in comes that woman. It looked like she was either fresh out of college or towards the end of it. She saw the guards hauling off the poor drunk, and she made this devilish little smirk. It was like she enjoyed seeing someone in pain. That pale face of hers smiling like that made me slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't think much of it. She was just another customer.

This young lady took a seat at the far end of the bar, which was right next to the old jukebox. When she passed me, I took note of the shiny, wavy hair that blended in with the dark interior design of the bar.

"Can I get an ashtray? Oh, and a bottle of Sam Adams. Irish Red", she called to me.

After reaching into the fridge underneath the bar and grabbing her malty drink, I looked over to a small shelf next to the fridge and took a clean faux-crystal ashtray. I popped the cap open from her dark ale in front of her after I set down her ashtray. Wisps of cold danced around the rim of the bottle when I placed it on the bar. As I reached for an empty beer mug, she held up her hand and said,

"I'll just drink straight from the bottle. Thanks, hun."

She took a cigarette from a black box of Malboro, placed it in her mouth, and started patting herself down for a lighter, as if she were airport security. She even stood up. I laughed a little and took a stainless steel lighter from my back pocket and showed it to her. She stopped her search and smiled, giving me the "OK" to light her cigarette. I cupped my hands around the end of the stick of tobacco and tar and lit it. She took a deep drag from her cigarette and blew the thick smoke into the air. She then gave me a handsome half smile that showed slightly large canine teeth. In response, I put a lock of my hair behind my ear and gave her my "princess smile", as dubbed by my friends, who claim that I must've come from royalty after showing them that smile for the first time.

"Yoohoo! A Sex on the Beach, please! With a lot of ice!", a customer yelled from the other side of the bar.

As I started to make my way across, I noticed the girl taking a sip from her beverage and tapping her cigarette on the ashtray. I filled a Highball glass with ice, vodka, peach schnapps, a dash of lime juice, a splash of pomegranate juice, and a bit of grenadine. I'm starting to get good at this bartending thing. I stirred the drink with a small red straw and gently set the colorful concoction on a coaster in front of the old man.

"Good; good. Hey, how's about you and me make a 'Sex on the Beach', if you know what I mean.", he slurred after he took a swig from the tall glass. He set down the drink and tried to give me a persuasive look. It wasn't going to work, especially if he was growing a giant white beard. I simply smiled and flatly said,

"Thanks for the offer, but no."

He took another hard gulp and put the glass on the bar table with a little more force than last time. Some of the bright colors from the drink showed up on his beard, painting it with flecks of pink from the pomegranate juice and grenadine.

"C'mon! I'm not a bad guy. Unless you're into that kinda stuff. Then I can be as bad as you want me to be, baby!", he hollered.

I put my hand on the bar and bent over to look at the man in his faded green eyes that were slightly shielded by his round glasses. His pupils were extremely dilated, so I figured he was just too drunk to know what he was doing.

"Ooh! I like where this is going.", he announced.

I sighed and yelled, "Guards!"

Two big men in bright yellow shirts immediate showed up on both sides of the drunk man.

"Call a cab for him.", I directed. The two men gave me a silent nod and took the man in the wrinkled blue suit by the arms.

"Call me, princess!", the drunk man yelled as he was being dragged out of the bar.

I love my job.