I had lost track of the tic marks I had used to count the days a while ago, not that it mattered, honestly, not much did these days.
"How did this happen? What happened to him? Why did he do it? I can't believe something like this could happen to him of all people! He gets what he gets! He deserves it!"
I have heard their whispers; the shouts, and I can understand why they would ask, feel, these things; I had such potential, I had such power, how could I have done this dreadful deed? Of course they wouldn't understand what I did. Why would they? When they could never-would never feel the depths of what I have felt or seen as I watched you. The way you smiled, the way you laughed, your every smirk, glare, worried glance. Every casual touch, and most especially the sensual ones; are branded into my mind, into my very skin. No how could they, the poor stupid fools, ever understand?
Will I be forgiven, somehow I cannot doubt it. For all I took your life, I don't think you have it in you to hate me. Not for very long, not me. As for the rest of the village, I stopped caring for them the first moment they harmed my beloved. The moment I saw it, the only thing that stopped me from destroying them ALL then and there; was your powerful sense of Will. Oh you truly were the very Will of Fire. That is why I had to do it you see, I had to protect you. I needed to protect you. You were so busy protecting everyone else that you couldn't see that they were slowly-ever so very slowly-draining you of everything that made me love you. It took even me a while to see what was happening, but I saw it, and I knew what I had to do. That-THAT is why I killed you, to keep you safe, to protect you, I know you will understand, and maybe for a while you'll be angry, but I know that you will forgive me.
They say that today is the day I die. HA! Do they honestly believe that? I have been dead for some time now. In fact I can tell you the exact moment my heart stopped beating, it was the same moment I shoved the blade through yours. There was so much emotion in your eyes; pain, shock, betrayal. But even as you took your last breath, and stared into mine, there was still such love in your eyes...Yes you will forgive me, and that is all that will ever matter.
Ever.
Maybe I am insane; I can't say it's shocking. Because when I see you appear in front of me; like you do now; I swear all it would take to touch your scarred face again would be to reach out. And I know that I cannot; because the expression on your face tells me it isn't really you. Because even your deepest depression, you never looked at me like that...not like that. Never had you directed this look of utter loathing at me, sure I had seen it directed to others; enemies, students, and even yourself, but never at me. For a moment I am scared, that maybe I was too late to save you, my beloved, that maybe I was too late to preserve all that I had loved within you.
The door to my cell opens and the intruding light robs me of the sight of your beautiful yet horrifying face, I am not sure if I should be angry or grateful. I settle for emotionless, let them believe that they are punishing me for I have done, I no longer care. They tried to steal you from me, I will not give them the satisfaction of believing they elicited this emotion.
The faceless shadow speaks; I could give him a name if I truly cared. "Hatake Kakashi, the time has come." He binds my hands, as if that could stop if I wanted to escape. He seems to know this, because as they pull me from the darkness, I see a team of Anbu surround us. If I wanted I could be free and kill and them all in a matter of seconds...if I wanted...if I cared…
They lead me before a crowd, and I catch myself searching among the sea of faces for yours. I should laugh at myself for my useless antics, after all I killed you; near the back of the crowd I see a flash of blonde. Ah, I see Naruto has come to watch. Yes he was very close to you, I suppose he would want to see me die, after what I have done.
For a moment we two lock eyes, and I find myself shocked, for I see none of the emotions I expected. No hate, no anger, no loathing that comes with the staring at the murderer of your friend. All I see in his eyes are understanding, and acceptance. For an eternal moment we lock eyes, and I can see that we are not enemies, whatever we may be; friends might be a bit of stretch; whatever we are, we have accepted it. Maybe he had seen it too, the draining of your essence. Maybe he alone understood what I have done. At that moment I realize there is some sadness in me, for it seems our graves will have a visitor, much like Obito had one in me. Except this time the graves will be full. I will stay with you, my love, how could I not?
The time has come, and under the stares and glares, I can feel you surrounding me. The presence you just seem to exude is all about me; and I smile beneath my mask. It seems my emotions show on my face, in what people call my eye-smile; because Naruto half-smirks where he stands; perhaps you have said your goodbyes to him; and the rest of the crowd grows uneasy. Soon I will see you, touch, hold you against me, my beloved. Soon.
I love you Iruka, never doubt that I do, and now I will see you again. And Kami help any who stand in my way.