Author disclaimer: This is a Twilight/ Southern Vampire crossover, none of the characters belong to me, no copyright intended. One Shot.

When Worlds Collide

Well if anyone besides Edward is reading this journal you probably thinking I'm pretty pathetic. I mean six years between entries, that's just bad. Really I'm not that absent minded, I left this journal somewhere at the Cullens' and lost it, I had others; I knew it was safe, so I didn't worry about it and have filled six or seven journals in the mean time anyway.

In the last entry the Volturi had given me one year to become a vampire or they would kill me. Six years later and I am still completely human. Why you ask, because the true vampires "came out of the coffin" with the development of synthetic blood. Since all humans now know about both types of vamps (oh yeah, the Volturi were pissed at the true vampires about that, no more mass killings in Italy for them) there is no need to change me, or that's Edward's position on our long standing argument.

I hardly recognize the girl who wrote this journal, until now I never realized how much of my self identity and self worth depended on the men in my life. Gotta love those college physiology classes, but honestly, cooking, cleaning and being told what to do by the men around me was my validation for being. Hell, at twenty three it just sounds pathetic and weak.

Anger, I'm sure that is not the reaction Edward was hoping for then he returned this to me. Yes, he had kept it and read it many times in the last six years.

Edward… he and I are having some problems and he thought that reading this would help remind me why we fell in love. I think most of our problems stem from me going away to college without him.

College in sunny California; that was the first time I went against Edward's wishes. Truth be told I did it in the beginning to punish him for not turning me after the vampires came out my senior year of high school. Four years away from Forks changed me a lot. Who knew surfing could cure my balance problems while walking? No really, all kidding aside living on my own and in an environment so different was liberating. I know now that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and making my own decisions, and there lays the basic problem between Edward and Bella. I grew up.

I'm beginning to think that vampires never mentally grow past the age/stage-in-life they were at when they were changed. Edward still behaves just like when we meet in high school, which would be fine if I were still seventeen. At twenty three some of the things he does just seem irritating and childish, not to mention just plain self absorbed and egotistical.

I've been back in Forks for a year and I feel myself growing further and further away from both Edward and the Bella he loves. Every choice I make is a fight between us. My job, which I spent four years and thousands of dollars on, is too dangerous. Law enforcement in Forks, WA is no more dangerous than being a high school teacher around here. I love my job though and I understand Charlie's commitment to our town and Jacob's commitment to the pack in ways I never did when I was younger.

Jacob Black, our other long standing argument. Jacob and the rest of the pack are my second big rebellion. After I started college I began emailing Jake. Slowly, without Edward constantly hovering over me, we were able to rebuild our friendship. Jake, Embry and Quil even came out to visit me. Teaching that pack of dogs to surf was a blast. I admit all the jealous glares from every girl on the beach was part of the fun too.

I can still remember the huge fight Edward and I had about Charlie and Sue's wedding in La Push. Edward could not go to the wedding with me because it was on tribal grounds and he was infuriated that I would "put myself in danger" by being with "those filthy dogs". I have never been so mad in my life. It had taken both Jasper and Emmett to break up the fight.

I can still see it now; we were in the living room by ourselves when it started. Jasper being the empath felt our rage echoing through the house and came running in pushing calm at both of us, not that it did much good. Emmett entered from the garage just as Edward took a threatening step toward me and before I could draw my next breath to tell Edward exactly what I thought about that move Emmett lifted me into his arms and ran all the way to the boundary. Poor guy, I think I ranted at him for a full five minutes without stopping for breath. The look of pure relief on his face when Jacob found us during his patrol was hilarious in hind sight. It still took Jake, Quil and Embry a couple of hours to claim me down once we got back to La Push.

After that our relationship has never been quit the same, a line has been crossed and sides chosen. The Wolves literally became my family when Charlie and Sue married and nothing Edward can say or do will make me betray my family.

Wow, I never voiced that thought before, even to myself but clearly the issues behind my irritation with Edward are more concrete than I thought. Currently we are at two major problems, the first, I grew up and the second, the Wolves are my family. Now if we are going by the three strikes and I'm out theory the last one is a bit more personal and physical.

Sex, or in our case the complete lack thereof, I have been faithful to Edward since we came back from Italy, so the most action I've had in twenty three years was the couple of kisses from Jacob. He's my best friend, how sad is that, my hottest (and not just due to the Wolves temperature) kiss was from my best friend, when I was a junior in high school! Pathetic, the whole being a virgin until married was never my goal. I mean come on who doesn't test drive a car before they buy it? Can you imagine waiting and then finding out there is no chemistry or spark between you? I'm twenty three the batteries aren't going to last forever.

Alright, alright, alright, time to claim down and switch topics. I should write about the meeting scheduled for tomorrow night. There is a vampire from down south that wants to meet with the Pack and the Cullens since this is considered their area. Edward of course thinks it's below him because the new vamp is a "night walker" but Jasper thinks any vampire that has lived over a thousand years is worth listening to.

Can you imagine, one thousand years. I wonder what he looks like. I have never met anyone that old. I mean at 400 I thought Carlisle was old. Maybe some of the Volturi were and they just seemed to look more like unmoving marble than anything else. Not even really human anymore.

You're wondering why I'm invited when a new vampire is asking for a meeting and I'm a frail human in the middle of a pack of wolves and a coven of vampires? Evidently both Sam (who is still alpha) and Carlisle think it would be a good idea to have someone trusted by both sides there plus the vampire is bringing a human with him. Another woman, which should be interesting, I've never really meet another woman from outside La Push that is as involved in all the supernatural stuff as I am.

Of course it doesn't hurt that I will also represent local law enforcement either. Somehow over the past year it was quietly decided by the City Council that due to my history with the Cullens I would head up the Forks Vampire Division, not that that means a lot in our small town but in the major cities they will even have vampires on staff. So, due to pressure from the state level I have a new meaningless title until tomorrow night. Yes, completely meaningless as in no pay increase and for the most part in our department of five no back up other than the vamps themselves.

I did have a light proof room put into my basement for visiting vamps, which not only pissed off the Cullen's but the Pack as well. For once it seems to be a topic they can all agree on, not that it stopped me. Hosting vamp police officers is part of the Vampire Division responsibilities and seeing as the station didn't have anywhere else easily converted it made since to use my basement. (Oh, I should add that I now own Charlie's old house since he moved onto the reservation.) Everyone finally agreed, not that it would have mattered anyway, that a vampire could stay at my house only if I stayed at the Cullens or in La Push while they were here and only if they increased patrols around my house.

What none of these overbearing idiots took into account is that it is MY house and I will sleep wherever I want. Please I have done my homework; real vamps sleep during the day and are only awake at night. Besides if we have a visiting police officer, he would be on duty at night anyway. Add to that the fact that they are police officers sworn to protect humans not eat them as a snack for crying out loud. Men, ok not that Leah, Esme, Rose or Alice were any better, there's just less of them. Charlie was the only one to agree with my decision, which is ironic seeing is he is the only other human in the whole equation.

So, I guess we're back to the big decision I have to make. Do I keep wanting for Edward or do I move on with my life. Part of me still remembers those feelings from when we first met, the rush of emotion every time we were in the same room. If I'm honest I can't remember the last time I felt that rush, now it just seems like all I feel is…well… emptiness, loss, as if the hole Edward used to fill by just being in the same room is still empty even when he is by my side. How do you explain to someone that you've fallen out of love? That your soul no longer cries out for them. That maybe others were right and the crazy emotional rush of high school love doesn't really last forever, and that maybe, just maybe they were right not to give you what you had thought was your greatest wish but slowly killed your love in the process.