Dear Diary,
It's been one day since I lost my husband. I've been in the same spot on the sofa since I got home, and I haven't slept for hours. It's still sinking in ever so slowly. Every time I think about it, I start crying, and I'm unable to stop. I can't even lie down in our bed, because all I see is the spot where he used to sleep. I'm probably going to just sleep on the sofa from now on. I can't bear to sleep in that bed without him. Hell, I don't think I'll be able to sleep without him at all. All I'll do is think about him, and the moments we had. I'll think about his sweet smile, his gorgeous green eyes, the way he kissed me good night, everything about him, really… I'll remember the way he would hold me in his arms whenever I'd have a nightmare about the army, or the way he'd work me with his hands whenever I'd had a long day of standing up. He was the only person that could dry my tears when I was upset. He was the only one I would want to see after a horrible day. He was the only one whose arms I would want around me when I went to sleep at night. But he's gone, and I'll never see him again. My tears will never dry, my days would never get better, and I would have the hardest time falling asleep now.
There are so many things I wanted to do with Henry… things I won't get to do anymore. I wanted an actual wedding with him, to have a honeymoon, to have kids with him, to grow old with him… I won't get that. My heart breaks even more than it already has whenever I think about it, and then, crying ensues yet again. I can't stop crying, and I'm pretty sure I've run out of tears. I want my husband back. I want to be happy again. After all these years of being alone and empty, I find Henry, and I'm made whole again. I guess I shouldn't ever get comfortable. I learned my lesson, big time. It's so unfair. Henry was my everything… my one and only. I had everything I could want, for the most part. Now, my husband's dead, I lost my best friend since he decided not to tell me about Henry, and I'm alone, again… I'm not sure if I can make it through this pain…