Hiya everyone, I know I am in the middle of writing my first fan fiction "What does not kill us makes us stronger" which you should definitely check out, but I just had an idea for a one-shot that I had to write down...I hope you enjoy...
Warning - sadness and feelz...
Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters in this story and all events envisioned in this fan fiction are entirely fictional.
Loosely inspired by the song "Only if for a night" by Florence and the Machine (my absolute favorite band...)
Dan POV:
I cannot do this. I cannot live without you. You were the fire that burned bright in my heart and now it is burnt out; leaving me cold; empty; hollow. I try futilely to cling on to the ashes but they are blown away with every breath I take. Why did it have to be like this? You have no idea how much I want to join you so that we can be together forever; like we should have been, before fate cruelly stole you from me. I need you with me again; only if for a night…
My body ached and my heart ripped open when I saw the flat line. You had fought so hard and I was so proud of you, but cancer fought harder and took you from me. I remember seeing the life being drained from your beautiful face, much like mine. I screamed inside but no one could hear me; my eyes drained of tears, clutching your hand until the very end. I kiss your forehead gently, just like I had when I first fell for you and through broken words I whisper "I love you" I need you with me again; only if for a night…
The funeral was small and unassuming; only the closest to you coming to say their final goodbyes. I didn't want to say goodbye…The cliches of "remember the happy memories" and "they wouldn't want you to be sad" fly through the air. Bullshit! I don't want to think of the good memories; I want to live them with you. I want us to grow old together; the life only withdrawn from your deep blue eyes at the right time; at the end with me - when we take the stairs to heaven together; hand in hand like when we first met. I need you with me again; only if for a night…
I lie awake every night; the haunting silence howling my solitude – all I can think of is you. I would have given you everything. A heart's worth of stumbling phrases and loving gestures, just to see those blue eyes glimmering with life and feel your heartbeat against mine. This bedroom, once a passionate fortress that we forged together; now crumbling ruins, torn down by grief. I close my eyes, praying that I can join you in the eternal darkness – eternity forever, just like it should have been. I need you with me again; only if for a night…
For the first time since you were snatched from me I am able to sleep; my tear stained eyelids heavy from crying, pulling me from consciousness. I don't want to sleep; I don't want to be pulled in by my stupid, selfish dreams of you, only to be wrenched back into reality as quickly as the line on your life support ran cold. I try to fight it, but the auburn haired, blue eyed entity pulls me in and my foolish heart cannot resist. I need you with me again; only if for a night…
However, I feel an edge of difference to this nightmare. We are standing together in our favorite place; the crowded bus shelter where I first laid eyes on you, causing my heart to flip and pulse to race. You smile childishly at me from behind a crowd of people; beads of rainwater falling from your hair as you run your pale hand through it. I try to approach you, but the crowd thickens before my eyes and I cannot reach you. A waterfall of tears falls from my eyes as I reach my hand out to you. I wanted to hug you; to kiss you; to reignite the flame in my heart, but I cannot. I try to scream; to shout, but you cannot hear me. I feel my legs freeze beneath me; my body paralyzed as your slender form approaches me, although I am unable to touch you.
"Phil!...Phil! Please can you hear me?" I choke out, through a wave of tears. He gives me a small smile, his eyes sparkling; his face bright.
"Of course I can hear you, I will always be able to hear you," he smiles, placing his ghost-like hand on my shoulder.
"W-why can't I r-reach you…I-I need you…please don't leave me a-again," I cry, a chorus of sobs escaping my lips.
"You can always reach me…I will always be here for you, even if you cannot see me," he replies, the crowd of people replacing by shining white light, illuminating his features.
"I-I can't do this, I c-can't live without you…I don't want to live without y-you," I wail, my arms frozen in place. "I just-just want to hold you one last t-time, please" my sobs grow louder as I drown in the oceans of his gaze.
"Can't you see…you will never be without me. You can do this Dan, my beautiful Dan, you have been oh so brave and I am so proud of you," he comforts.
"B-but I will never see you again, I don't want to be alone anymore," I cry, as I feel a pair of warm arms around me.
"All you have to do is close your eyes and I will be there…whenever you go to sleep at night, I will be able to hold you in my arms like we always should have…live the life I never had; regale me with my stories that are yet to written and never forget how much you mean to me," he soothes, and with that I feel him fade from me, his beautiful face dissipating as I try to call out to him…
I awake from my slumber to a blanket of darkness; a slither of moonlight peering through the curtains. I haul myself from my bed and focus on Phil's trademark lion teddy gathering dust on the windowsill. I hold the fragile animal in my hands, hugging it tightly to my chest before returning to the comfort of my covers – a small smile creeping over my face of bereavement. I hear Phil's soothing voice as I allow myself to drift off to him, only if for a night…
*sniffs* d'awwwww... (not too cheesy I hope :p)
Please feel free to review if you enjoyed...