Hello all! It's been along time since I've posted anything new... blame the evil evil teacher demons that reside at my school.
This is my first Furuba fic, so please be gentle! Mostly comedy-esque stuff, not hilarious or anything... but being me, it has some lovely ole' angst thrown in for good measure.
A/N: There have been complaints on fics in the past noting that Shigure never refers to
Hatori as "Ha'ri" – that only Momiji uses that. To all of those doubters, I say watch episode 8 again. He does.
Disclaimer: I am not Natsuki Takaya-san. The rest should be self-explanatory.
Plot spoilers for events that occurred before ep. 12, or volume 4 of the manga. You have been warned. Also, some implications of shonen ai. You'll be wasting my time and yours if you complain about that. Do something productive instead, like, say, broadening your horizons??
This is for Takaya-san, for inventing FB, basketcases02, for making me want to write it, and Umeko, for making me finish. Arigato.
Smut
Hatori did not look pleased when I opened the door.
Owlishly, I blinked at him for a moment. I hadn't been expecting him, and no one in the household was ill....
Recovering swiftly, I grinned broadly at him.
"Haa--san!" I chirruped, "it's been so long!" I wiggled my eyebrows at him suggestively, my smile growing seductive. "Have you missed me?"
A muscle twitched in his cheek, surpressing a smile or a curse I couldn't tell. His eyes glowered at me, though, and I knew that had I been at his house, he would have slammed the door in my face.
"Ah... gomen gomen!" I apologized quickly, before he could turn away, opening the door wide so that he could enter.
He walked past me without a second glance.
With a sigh, I followed him into the living room, waving him towards a chair.
"You have bad timing," I called, continuing on into the kitchen, "Tohru-kun just went out. I wanted you to try her delicious cooking!"
A sidelong glance. "I'm not hungry."
"Some tea, perhaps?" ((I think I can manage that without burning the house down....))
He sighed, but nodded in agreement, leaning back in his chair and lighting a cigarette. Blue smoke curled from his lips as he exhaled, drifting in lazy spirals towards the ceiling. I watched him, probably for a moment too long, before the thin shriek of the kettle reminded me of my task.
"Kana's wedding is tomorrow," I remarked offhandedly, returning with the tea. I set down a mug in front of him, watching hesitantly for any sort of reaction.
He continued to look up at the ceiling. "I know."
Awkward silence resumed – I didn't dare ask him the most obvious question... I knew full well he wasn't going to attend, whether he had been invited or not. A man's heart can only be pushed so far ere it shatters....
I often wondered whether Hatori wished his memories could be erased as well.
"Shigure."
"Hmm...?" his voice snapped me out of my momentary reverie. I found I had paused with my mug halfway to my lips, staring off into space. Sheepishly, I took a sip, revelling in the warmth that seeped through the porcelain into my cupped hands.
Hatori stared into his own cup, as though the shimmering reflection on the surface of the tea could somehow provide the words he was seeking.
"Are you going..? To Kana-cha... to her wedding?" he asked diffidently.
I smiled sadly.
((I would never do that to you, Hatori-chan))
......................
A sharp scream split the solemn air; a woman's panicked cry. It struck my heart like a knife, a fear deeper than casual concern warranted. When Akito started yelling, I knew.
Far too late did I know.
((Hatori))
"Why would I give him to you?! I don't need you! You can't even break the curse! I don't need you, I don't! I Don't!!"
((Akito, what have you done?))
"If Hatori goes blind it's your fault! It's your fault!! IT"S YOUR FAULT!!"
Blood everywhere. Spattered on the walls and floor. A woman cowering in the corner. Hatori....
"Akito!" I cried, rushing to restrain him, as if I could somehow contain the rage that choked me. "Hold on a second! Calm down!"
Hatori had collapsed onto his knees, one hand pressed over his face. Blood streaming between his fingers, soaking his sleeve and seeping through the tatami mats.
Kana stared at me with dull eyes from her corner, horror-stricken. It had been her first encounter with the bastard, no doubt. Akito didn't associate with members outside the zodiac.
Akito....
At that moment, I truly hated him.
"Kana-chan, hurry! Help Hatori!" I snapped at the frail woman, clinging to the wildly flailing figure of my family's master. ((For God's sake, you're a doctor! Help him!!))
Hatori looked up at me blearily, his uninjured eye misted with pain. All the anguish of the world was in that solemn look. Kana was crying as she pulled him to his feet. I felt my heart crack.
(("...being with another person can make you feel so much more alive...she makes me feel like that, Shigure...as though a lifetime of happiness has been condensed into two short months...It's like living in a dream..."))
His dreams had come to an end.
He leaned on her heavily as they stumbled from the room, a crimson trail of minute droplets following them. Immediately, Akito went limp in my arms. I let him go, distancing myself before I snapped his scrawny neck. Hatred thrummed through my veins as I knelt respectfully at his back.
((I don't care if you bear the weight of our curse...))
Straightening his robe, he threw me a disdainful look over his shoulder.
((Because I promise you this, Akito-san...))
"He dared ask me for permission to marry that cheap whore," his dark eyes glinted madly, "as if she could save us. As if anyone can..." he turned to me, smirking. "Hatori's...unique... skills will certainly be useful now, won't they...?"
((If you ever hurt him again...))
He stalked towards me, grabbing my chin in pale, skeletal fingers, forcing my chin up to face him.
"I hope you haven't forgotten, Shigure," he purred softly, breath warm against my face, his cheek brushing mine, "You are mine. You and Hatori – all of you – belong to me."
((I'll kill you.))
"Of course, Akito-san." I bowed my head obedient as ever to his wishes.
He smiled, pleased, and turned away.
He didn't see that my fists were clenched tightly enough to draw blood.
......................
Kana only became worse. She couldn't stop crying; a silent stream of tears from blank, haunted eyes. Hatori did all that he could for her... but it wasn't enough. It was breaking his heart, tearing him apart bit by bit, day by day.
We were waiting for the order to come.
I knew immediately when it happened. When Hatori left Akito's room, there were no tears in his eyes, his posture ramrod straight, expression perfectly neutral... everything about him was a silent scream of anguish.
Love hurts us most of all.
He would not speak to me; I let him pass me by, as he had done all our lives. Locking me out, leaving me behind. It hurt, God but it hurt...yet what was my pain compared to his? A raindrop encountering an ocean.
Hatori bitterly regretted not being able to protect the one he loved....
I felt exactly the same way.
.......................
"Thank you very much for putting up with me, Hatori-san. What I've learned from you will be my pride as a doctor... of course, I'm not quite there yet!"
Her voice, so cheerful as she made her farewells. There was no trace, no inkling, of what had been between them. Hatori did his job well.
She nodded to me as we passed on the sidewalk, a gesture of respect that I could hardly bring myself to return. We could never blame Akito for the sufferings he caused – it was part of the curse. I could hate him; I could wish him dead... but I could never hold him accountable. But this girl, the one who had broken my Hatori's heart...yes, I could hate her. She was weak in my eyes, so cowardly in her sad, shabby love that she ran when Hatori needed her most....
((...she makes me feel like that, Shigure... like I'm living in a dream..."))
Poor girl.
He was slumped on the floor of his office, hand pressed against his face to hide his shameful tears.
No words passed between us. I sat down beside him, and pulled him into my arms.
I let him cry.
And when his sobs had eased, the hands that had clutched so desperately at my shoulders relaxing, I tilted his chin up and kissed him.
Ayame would condemn me for taking advantage of Hatori at his weakest moment – and perhaps he is right. Perhaps it was just the need to be close to another human being that made him kiss me back; the need to be loved, to be cherished.
I didn't care, so long as I could be near him.
But I couldn't take away his pain. I couldn't keep him from crying.
...........................
It was a silly question, really; asking me if I would go the her wedding. After two years, he still didn't seem to know where my heart truly lay.
((I would never do that to you, Hatori-chan))
"Ah, well," I pronounced loftily, "A great author such as myself always finds their time in such high demand, one doesn't really have time for all the functions one is requested to attend."
He snorted in disbelief, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Regrettably, Aaya-san won't be attending either," I continued in a mock sorrowful tone, "we artists are ever consumed by the pressures of maintaining our integrity against the shifting tides of consumer needs, our—"
"Shigure."
"Hai?"
He leaned back in the chair, resting his chin on one hand. "Actually, it's your.... 'art' that I wanted to talk to you about. I'm glad we could come directly to the point, rather than you spouting off on some irrelevant tangent." He flicked his lighter, lighting another cigarette, eyes calm.
I pouted. "Ha'ri-san, you're mocking me."
"Perhaps," he conceded. "In point of fact, it's your new book that I wished to discuss."
My heart leapt – and so did I. Jumping up from the kotatsu, nearly knocking over my tea in the process, I struck a gleeful pose.
"Shigure!"
"Gomen, gomen..." I sat down again, attempting to compose myself, though I could still feel the mad grin that stretched from ear to ear. Finally, some recognition from the one I admired the most.... "You've read my new book, Hatori-san?"
He glared at me in frosty disgust. "No."
My smile froze.
"Momiji did."
...And shattered.
"He was browsing in the bookstore for some manga or another, when he came across it, apparently. He was so excited to find a book that his relative had written that he started reading it right away." Hatori pushed his long bangs back with a sigh of pure irritation, dropping a paperback on the table as if it were contagious.
"Ha'ri, surely it can't be that ba--"
"Would you like to explain page 89 to Momiji?"
I flipped through the pages sullenly, scanning the paragraph he indicated. And felt myself turning bright red.
((Did I really write this...? IT'S GREAT!! I really am a genius!))
"Shigure!"
I shrugged eloquently, "Oh come on, Ha'ri-san, Momiji's 15! All teenage boys--"
"He's Momiji."
"Point taken..." I mused, scrolling idly through the chapter, noting the more...enlightening... parts that Hatori would be sure to disapprove of. "Well, at least he didn't get to page 113!" I remarked brightly.
Hatori frowned, snatching the book from my hands before I could protest. His eyes grew wide as he read, his cheeks flushing bright red. I leaned forward, resting my chin on one hand to watch him with a half smirk as he snapped the book shut abruptly, rubbing at his temples as though warding off a severe headache.
I smiled. Hatori was such a proper gentleman, the sort who had never got a cheap thrill from panty shots, who had never bought a "peep show" type magazine...no wonder he looked so flustered; the book was a Best Seller, after all!
Wait a minute... something was decidedly odd about that cover art....
"Haa-san?" I spun the book around to see it properly, "Why is the cover singed?" All the "good bits" had been censored with a match, the plastic shrivelled and brown in spots where it hadn't been burned through.
He raised one eyebrow over the lip of his teacup. "I tried to burn it."
"You WHAT?!?!?"
He frowned, irritated. "Had I been at home at the time, I would have tossed it in the stove, so we could have at least derived some use from it. As it was..." he nodded pointedly at the lighter on the table, "I had to make do with temporary measures."
"Oh." I replied. It seemed the only appropriate thing to say. "So you really didn't come by to chat with an old friend, then."
"Of course not." Hatori's green eyes, screened by his long, dark bangs, were completely dispassionate. "Shigure, if I ever find this pathetic smut in my house again, I'll break your arms." There wasn't even the slightest hint that he was joking.
"What about the Hippocratic oath?" I murmured rebelliously, the cheap taunts of the already defeated.
He glowered at me. "I'll recant it."
Had I been in dog form, my ears and tail would have drooped at the point, and I would have slunk from the room in disgrace. Being human, I could only force a laugh – "Ha'ri, you're such a tease!" --, nod to him politely, and make some excuse to leave the room – "You know, Mi-chan will have another nervous breakdown if I don't get it done!"
Hatori shook his head in amused exasperation at my childish taunting of my hysterical editor.
I left him like that, sipping quietly at his tea, staring out the open doors. It had started to snow.
He looked so austere, eyes cold and resistant to any probing into his thoughts, black suit and tie sharp against his crisp white shirt, face turned towards the muted glow of cloud-muffled sunlight.
What was it Akito had said? "You're as cold as the snow, Hatori..." Perhaps he had been right....
I turned away, towards my office.
"When snow melts, what does it become...?"
"What?" I paused in the doorway, seeing the way his fingers tightened around the teacup. But his gaze was still riveted on the gently swirling flakes, completely oblivious of my lingering presence. He didn't reply.
................................
Staring at a blank computer screen does nothing for honing one's concentration. I tilted my head back, balancing a pen on my upper lip and tucking my hands deep into my sleeves.
No inspiration was forthcoming.
((Pathetic smut))
'Tatsuya flushed as Umeko's pale hands, trembling slightly, lifted the hem of her school uniform skirt. The dark navy blue contrasted starkly against the fair skin she revealed, making it almost glow in the dimness. He swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the...'
The...? The what??
"Speak to me, Tatsuya," I murmured in a singsong voice. "What would you feel, faced with this nubile young high school girl??"
((Pathetic smut))
I had been criticized often enough over the years, my books being denounced as "Cheap trash", "Utter crap", and "low-quality porn", but the sales rankings revealed that it was only the critics who felt that way. (( However, the latter of the three remarks had been a comment on Summer Coloured Sigh, which was admittedly, a lot more risqué than was my wont... but it had been so much more fun! All those lovely high school girls....))
"Maybe I should make Tohru a character instead...?" I mused. Hands poised above the keys, I pictured Yuki's reaction if he found out.... My hands went back in their sleeves swiftly, and I went back to balancing my pen.
((Pathetic smut))
It was just my luck that, of all things, Momiji would have picked up the sequel to that naughty romance. Some things simply were not just.
Removing the calligraphy pen from its precarious position, I twirled it absent-mindedly between my fingers, seeking the well of creativity that had kept me awake half the night; writing.
It had been effectively dried up by two words.
I tossed down my pen in disgust, fumbling among the papers on my desk for a pack of cigarettes. In the next room, I could hear Hatori rising to leave. His deliberate footsteps provided a counter measure to the metallic clicks of my stubborn lighter, refusing to do anything more than spark. I shook it crossly, holding it up to the light to see how much fluid was left, before striking it again.
It worked.
I closed my eyes, leaning back in my chair and taking a long drag, feeling myself begin to relax.
The cigarette was plucked from my lips expertly. I opened one eye to see Hatori smirking down at me, the pilfered smoke latent in his fingers.
"As your doctor, I am obligated to remind you that these things will kill you." He said sternly, inhaling deeply.
I gave him a small half smile, turning my chair to face him. "At least then you won't have to worry about my corrupting the younger generation of Sohmas with my... 'pathetic smut'"
He had the grace to look chagrined, reached past me to stub out the glowing cigarette.
I smiled, rising from my seat. "I'll see you out--"
He kissed me.
No warning, no overtures of any sort; just his arms wrapping hard around my waist, his lips against mine.
Hatori had never kissed me. It had only ever been the other way around, and only once. There had never been anything between us beyond that. A stolen kiss years ago; a single kiss that had come two months too late. He would have been ashamed to solicit my affections, and I too aware that I could never replace her in his heart. But now...?
I closed my eyes, drew him closer, hands sliding over his shoulders and under his suit jacket, his hands on my waist, toying with the sash of my robe. He tasted like smoke and the tea we had shared; subtle and lingering....
I had never wanted him more.
((Hatori...))
"Hello? Shigure-sa— OH!!"
I opened my eyes at Tohru's startled squeak, pulling away from Hatori swiftly, drawing my robe together and retying the sash. He didn't look at her, straightening his rumpled shirt, and covering his face with one hand to hide his furious embarrassment.
"Ah... good afternoon, Tohru-kun," I greeted her happily, "back so early from shopping?"
"Oh, er, yes! Um, I mean no, not really, I mean, I can go out again, I'm so sorry to interrupt you and I can go back out now, in fact, yes! I forgot to get the, umm... the--" she spoke swiftly, her face bowed to the floor, beet-red.
"You needn't go," Hatori interrupted shortly, "I was just leaving."
"Oh! Hatori-san, you don't have to go! I don't mind cooking dinner for one more person if Shigure doesn't mind having you --- ah! No! That's not what I --! It's just that I'm sure he wouldn't mind you staying here for the evening – that is..."
I hid a laugh behind my hand, seeing the two of them grow steadily more embarrassed as Tohru stumbled through her apologies, digging herself into an ever-deeper hole. It was hard to tell which one of them felt more awkward in the situation.
...There always has been a little devil inside of me....
"Bye for now, Ha'ri-chan," I said sweetly, handing him his suit jacket and giving him a swift peck on the cheek, "Come over some time when the kids are out, and we'll, ah...check out those pages, ok?"
His jaw clenched tightly, his flush deepening to a rather attractive crimson. He would kill me the next time we met, his eyes promised me that much. For now, he merely snatched his coat from me, nodded curtly to Tohru, and left swiftly, almost knocking Yuki over in the process.
The silver haired boy arched one eyebrow at me, leaning casually against the doorframe. "Shigure, what did you do to Hatori this time?"
I shook my head, watching after the dragon as he left my house, completely flustered.
I sighed. So kawaii.
"You'll understand when you're a little older, Yuki-kun." I said sweetly.
He eyed me in distrust. "I think I'd rather not...."
Tohru bit her lip, rocking slightly on her heels as Yuki left the room, As soon as he was gone, she grabbed at my sleeve.
"Shigure-san, you don't think I upset Hatori-san, do you? Did I make him angry with you? I'm so sorry, I should go apologise right now!" Her eyes were wide and contrite. "Just thoughtlessly walking in like that, I should have announced my presence better, or I shouldn't have come home until later...."
I laughed, putting one hand on her shoulder carefully, wary of her arms flailing in mad gestures in front of her face.
"Don't worry about Ha'ri-san, Tohru-kun." I assured her. "He's just a little...embarrassed. Hatori isn't exactly one for public displays of affection...."
((Or any displays of affection, for that matter...))
She quieted, growing thoughtful. "I wonder why he had to be embarrassed? If you truly love somebody, you shouldn't be afraid of anything... you should want to go shout it from the rooftops, let the whole world know! At least, that's what my mom always told me...." She scuffed her toes against the floor. "Besides, you two looked really happy together, he shouldn't have to be ashamed of being happy...everyone deserves happiness, don't you think so?"
I smiled gently at her. "Yes. Yes I do."
She straightened abruptly, obviously afraid that she had over-stepped her bounds. "Not to say anything against Hatori-san; he's such a wonderful, kind person..."
"...and maybe someday he'll remove the stick up his ass, neh, Tohru-kun?" I chuckled at the thought. Hatori was always so proper...it would be interesting to see what it took to make him completely languid...
...It would be a lot of fun too.
"No! That's not what I ---!!! Just that you two are so close and, er ---"
I shook my head at her fondly, dispelling the words with a wave of one hand. We weren't in love, not really, not thus far. Hatori didn't care for me that deeply yet, but it was a start. We had still to find the sort of love that banishes every other thought, until the whole world fades away for the light of a single face. Love like that... well.
It would be worth the wait.
......................
"Aha!" I crossed my arms behind my head, grinning smugly at the word-filled computer screen. The newest chapter, my best one yet.
It was better than page 113....
Hatori would get so pissed off if he read it ....
I couldn't wait to try it out.
END
............................
OWARIIIIIII!!!
Ok, so ends my very fist attempt at a Fruits Basket fic! I hope you guys liked it, if you did, please leave me a review, I always love to see that little message in my hotmail inbox, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!!!!!
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Xtine the PIRATE.... The pirate who appreciates warm and fuzzy-ness. Arrrrrrrr, matey.