A/N: Please leave a review, and btw I DO answer all signed-in reviews (kinda hard to answer otherwise since this is - surprise, surprise - a one-shot).
Btw no, I'm not explaining why Sasuke and Naruto behave like they do in this fic, for all pr0n purposes it's not necessary and if you're curious, it's all explained and developed in The End.
"You know what, teme, sometimes I wonder if you're just completely inconsiderate of my feelings or if you're deaf as well," Naruto mused.
Sasuke let go of the tasty bit of skin he had been worrying with his teeth. "Excuse-me, did you say something?" he asked in an amused tone, before returning to the task at, well, teeth.
"See, that's what I'm talking about!" Naruto huffed. "It's like whatever I say just goes into one of your ears and out the other, like nothing I say matter!" he groaned, and tried blowing a lock of hair away from his face, just to have it move over his nose instead.
Sasuke sat up and looked at him uncomprehendingly. "What the hell is this all about? I actually do listen to you in everything that matters, usuratonkachi!" he retorted. "I even let you choose where we should build the temple for crying out loud, what the hell are you complaining about now?"
Naruto gave him a quizzical look. "You let me choose the building site because I spent three months building houses and as such I know more about building than you, not because you actually cared about my opinion," he commented. "And that's not what I'm talking about, anyway. I'm talking about our personal matters," he huffed again, trying to dislodge the damn itchy hair off his face.
Sasuke leaned forward and pushed the annoying blonde lock behind Naruto's ear. "Who says I don't respect your opinions on personal matters? I let you have instant ramen at the New Year's feast tonight, even though half the island thought I was forcing it down your throat as punishment for something!" he said, putting his hand to his chest in mock hurt, before going back to ravishing the blond's torso.
"Don't… aahh… don't you try evading the issue here! I'm talking about," Naruto demanded, before an artful bite right under his armpit reduced him to angry mewling.
Sasuke smirked, before licking the bruised skin.
"As I was saying before I was so," Naruto began again, only to be interrupted by Sasuke's strong pinching on his waist, which made him give the Uchiha a strange glare and moan combination that nearly had the man in stitches, "rudely interrupted, oooohhhh holy shiiiihihihiit," he groaned as his nipples were expertly pulled, one by playful teeth, the other by curious fingers, "I told you what my New Year's resolution was and you blatantly sabotaged it!" he yelled.
"Now you are being completely unreasonable and you know that," Sasuke said, pouting, before sliding down on the blond's body, licking his torso and hovering under his leaking erection with his head tilting to the side and a playful smirk on his face.
Naruto's face went redder, and he sputtered wildly. "I'M being unreasonable? I'm tied up to the underside of a tree branch!"
"Well, of course you are," Sasuke said, deadpanning. "Wasn't my New Year's resolution to do more chakra training so I don't get rusty now that I'm focusing on spiritual work? This is chakra training, dead last."
"You asshole, you didn't have to tie me up to train your chakra control!" Naruto raged, futilely struggling against the chakra wires tightly wound around his body.
"What do you mean I didn't have to tie you up? Of course I had to tie you up, I don't want to waste my time catching you every time you lose your concentration and drop to certain death, usuratonkachi," the brunet said, raising an eyebrow before resolutely nodding.
Naruto opened his mouth to retort, only to close it again after realizing that even after all he had improved over their time apart Sasuke was probably right, especially since the bastard was easily keeping his concentration while swallowing Naruto's dick to the hilt.
"Nngh," the blond panted after a few minutes of oral torture, "You didn't have to tie me up like this though, you could have your, aaaahhhh," he moaned, "resolution done and I could have mine too, mmnnngh"
The Uchiha gave him a last lingering, forceful suck and let his cock go with a loud popping sound. "Hn. Yeah, but that wouldn't be any fun at all, would it?" he asked, chuckling darkly. "After all, your New Year's resolution has to adhere to our little agreement," he said, scooting forwards on his knees over Naruto's legs, which had been bound tightly together, and bending backwards so the blond could see exactly what he was doing as he prepared himself, "and our agreement says what, Naruto?"
Naruto's eyes followed the two slick fingers as they circled, rubbed and pressed against the twitching hole, all resistance dripping from his brain and out his ears when they entered said hole and started stretching it open right in front of his face.
"Uhhh…" he mumbled stupidly. It was a good thing Sasuke was reserved about their private life, because if anyone ever knew the things he put Naruto through, the blond would never survive the mockery… "I can't bottom unless it's my birthday, you want me to, or I convince you to top me," he said, licking his lips, mesmerized and not very sure why the hell he had made such a stupid New Year's resolution as "I will get to bottom first thing this year, dattebayo!" one hour ago.
"Hn," Sasuke reached his other hand down and slipped two more fingers in, sensuously using both hands to stretch himself further, and smirking at the feeling of the precum pooling on his lower back as he writhed against the blond's erection, "Is it your birthday, Naruto?" he asked in a sultry voice.
"No," Naruto whimpered, his brain cells having had quite a lot of trouble forming this eloquent response, his eyelids fluttering when Sasuke's fingers moved away and left to press on his hips, and a little trickle of ointment ran down to the Uchiha's balls, before forming a little drop and falling down over ninety feet to hit the forest floor.
Sasuke sat up and pressed his hands on the blond's chest, smearing the ointment on his nipples. "Do I look like I want to top, Naruto?" he asked in the same deep, sexy tone, moving to kiss his lips.
Naruto moaned at the ridiculously erotic feeling of having his drool drunk from his heaving mouth. "Haaaaa… guess not," he whispered around the invading tongue, before eagerly sucking on it, and he hissed in pain from trying to raise his forehead against the chakra wire keeping his head firmly secured when Sasuke moved away to position himself over his cock.
"You evil…" Naruto shuddered in anticipation. "Eh, what the hell" he sighed in defeat.
"Better luck next year," Sasuke leered, grinning in triumph before pushing up with all his might, making the blond yell out in pleasure.
A/N: Yes, it ends here. Sometimes the humorous punchline ends up being better (for me, at least) as an ending than stretching the lemon...